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Alpha Or Beta?

Aug 8th, 2008 by

The older guy on the right with the wicked guitar:

alpha or beta shredder?

alpha or beta shredder?

He’s a lifelong studio musician who also tours with this band. They normally play in smaller venues holding crowds of 100 to 200 indie music fans, like the one I went to shown in this photo. Their music — bluegrass rock — is tight, polished and professional. He plays a custom-made tri-necked guitar consisting of electric guitar, electric violin and mandolin. I’d guess he’s in his 50s, long stringy gray hair, slight paunch, and a hep cat vibe — definitely a guy you know could inject a conversation over cheap beer with wild stories from his past.

Income? Probably not much. Solidly middle class at best.
Style? No fashion maven, no stuffed suit, no conformist. And doesn’t give a shit anymore. Paisley bowling shirts, man.
Game? Unknown. But it’s a good bet he has more natural game than the average accountant.
Status? For two hours on stage, and particularly during his REM-esque mandolin solos, he’s got some.

I don’t know if he’s married or has a girlfriend. Let’s assume for the sake of discussion he’s playing the field (“dating around” as I tell every girl who wonders if I’m banging other girls on the off-days).

Is he an alpha or a beta?

***

I’ve seen the wives of very high status ALPHA men — CEOs, CFOs, EVPs — and I’m not impressed. Those guys could do MUCH better given their status if they put in a little effort toward courting young hotties, but instead they are shackled to aging frumpy flabby hausfraus. I can tell you if I were a CEO of a very large company, coupled with my hard-earned game skills, I’d have a different 19 year old sucking my cock every day of the week and twice on Sunday. There’s no way you’d catch me hitched to a has-been human wreckage.

If you put Older Musician Guy in the boardroom, he’d have no status stacked against the high-powered wealthy executives. Actually, anywhere off the stage, his status plummets. But I’d still classify him as more alpha than them. Why? Because he’s got groupies. Young groupies. Cute groupies. Most of them won’t sleep with him because of the age difference, but some will. He experiences what’s best in life: Love with a beautiful woman, not plotting a shrewd hostile takeover.

In the end, when he reminisces, his won’t be a litany of regret and missed opportunity. Can you say the same for the CEO?

Conclusion: Lesser alpha.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Alpha, Beta, Music | Comments Off

When It Goes South

Aug 7th, 2008 by

You can’t expect to sleep with every girl you decide to approach. Even though I’m batting .998, I understand that we don’t live in a perfect world. There will be times when a girl won’t win me over and I’ll have to chalk it up as an anomaly. When a conversation goes south your first instinct will often be the wrong one. After a crash and burn, many guys will awkwardly stand idly around the uncomfortable girl, looking dazed and confused. Other guys will lash out. Some will display beta body language as they meekly excuse themselves. Still others will freeze up, hoping for rescue by a wingman or tornado warning.

When a girl has failed your screening, your reaction should depend on the circumstances in which you first opened or approached her.

  • You walked up to her from across the room

The worst thing you can do is hover around her, like an orbiting chunk of beta space debris, as she unceremoniously turns her back on you. I can’t think of a situation that would make your value plummet any faster, except maybe sharting yourself in public and then crying as someone hands you a wet nap.

Solution: Walk away if no one else you can talk to is nearby. But do it slowly and deliberately. Scooting off like a golfer running for shelter in a storm exposes your shame and urge to find relief. If you had a tail, it would be between your legs. Walking away slowly, head up back straight, shows you are unaffected by the tension. If there’s another girl nearby you’d like to talk to, do that instead. Nothing is more alpha in the face of a crash and burn than turning around to start an animated conversation with another girl. There’s no more effective way to say “I JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT”.

Problems to look out for: If your failed pickup attempt was seen by other girls there is a risk the perception of betaness will infect them like a social virus. Girls are highly attuned to the body language of other girls, so if your target turns cold and crosses her arms any other girls who witnessed it will automatically lower your value, making further pickups in the same place more difficult. Realistically, though, most girls will be absorbed in their own conversations and won’t notice. If you’re worried about it, approach your next girl on the other side of the room. Eventually, your approaches should follow a pattern resembling a game of Pickle.

  • She sat down next to you

She’s on your turf, so all the power rests with you.

Solution: Relax, do nothing. If she fails to impress you, the burden is entirely on her to alleviate her discomfort by either moving away or dealing with it. There is no loss of value if you hold your ground.

Problems to look out for: If you’re sitting alone, and she’s with a large group of people having a good time, your manly presence will shrink in comparison. Sometimes it’s intriguing to be that solitary mysterious cool lone wolf; sometimes it’s not.

  • You’re with a group and she happened to be standing nearby

Walking away is unnecessary in this situation, since your friends are right there to return to after a bad opening.

Solution: Swing right around and go back to talking with your friends. Make a game of it! Loudly proclaim, being sure she can overhear, how badly she failed to make a love connection with you and ask your friends for a group hug. Announce with exaggerated drama that you don’t know how you will be able to move on.

Problems to look out for: Your drunk friend decides to re-open the girl you just bombed with and drags her uncomfortably back into the fray.

  • You approached her in a store or on the street

Any failed pickups in public are easily resolved. Just go back to whatever you were supposedly doing. It will be entirely plausible.

Solution: If you hit on her in the museum and the conversation fizzled, walk away to admire another painting. If you hit on her in Beadazzled pretending to look for beads to make a bracelet for your little niece (not that I’ve ever done anything like that) resume a look of concentration and go back to shopping for beads.

Problems to look out for: None. Failed public approaches have almost zero consequences.

  • She’s the bartender at your favorite bar

Dangerous. Either fuck her or don’t return until you can parade another chick in front of her.

Solution: If you really flame out, you may have to avoid the bar for a while. Otherwise, be cheeky about it and ask her, since you’re a solid customer with a track record of generous tipping, if she can be your wingwoman for that cute girl sitting on the other side of the bar.

Problems to look out for: Making the male bartenders jealous.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Game, Rules of Manhood | Comments Off

In Defense Of Cougars

Aug 6th, 2008 by

In yesterday’s post, commenter Joel included a link to a letter by Benjamin Franklin to a young man extolling the virtues of no strings attached sex with older women. I reproduced it here because it is so damn funny… and true!* Ben was such a card. I especially like his Reason #5.

***

Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

***

*Still, I’m not sure even all Ben’s sensible reasons together would be enough to compensate the loss of sensual pleasure accompanying the sight, scent and feel of the older woman’s body and odours.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, Hitting The Wall, The Pleasure Principle | Comments Off

I’m Moving To Prague

Aug 6th, 2008 by

All U.S. adults could be overweight in 40 years.

When the last remaining slender American woman walks the earth, even masterful grade A game won’t help. You’ll be competing with ten million other men for her sex.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Hungry Hungry Hippos | Comments Off

Sara Vote Update

Aug 5th, 2008 by

OK, first of all, this wasn’t a vote to ban her. It was to limit her to 5 comments per post. My hope was that such a disciplinary action would motivate her to rein in her tsunami of consciousness blather and not use the comments section as a therapist’s couch.

The 5 comment limit also applies to SAM, who really should get together with Sara and make beautiful genital music with her. The demon spawn of such a conjugation would usher forth a new age child of such transcendent purity that he will be a light unto all the peoples of all the nations to beat their swords over their own heads.

But as it stands, the commenters have really come through for you Sara. Their love has spared you… for now.  Let’s try to tighten it up going forward, k?

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Ridiculousness | Comments Off

The Five Stages Of Cougar Grief

Aug 5th, 2008 by

Denial

“I’ve still got it, baby!”
“I’ve never looked or felt better.”
“These are the best years of my life.”
“30 is the new 20!” [editor’s note: actually, in woman years, 30 is the new 40]
“My sex drive is higher.”
“I will age gracefully.”
“I’ve really grown into my skin.”

Anger

“No self-respecting man dates some 20 year old floozy.”
“Men who date younger women can’t date women their own age.” [editor’s note: replace can’t with won’t]
“It’s the patriarchal misogynistic culture that devalues older women.”
“Who needs them!”
“Pigs!”

Bargaining

“Once I apply this new tangerine-emu oil antioxidant exfoliating facial cream predigested and squeezed through the anus of a bird of paradise, I’ll look ten years younger.”
“I’ve got a great personality.” [editor’s note: no, you don’t]

Depression

“Wow, I guess it’s all over. I’ll never find a man now.”
“It’s just me and you, Fluffy. Come here, mommy needs a kitty cuddle.”

Acceptance

“Maybe settling isn’t so bad. That homeless guy outside Whole Foods has nice hair.”

***

I suppose I should feel guilty for robbing so many single older women of exciting and fulfilling dating lives and leaving them stranded in favor of dating younger women, but then I squeeze that supple flesh and smell that enticing natural aroma and I remember why I don’t.

You will too.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Hitting The Wall | Comments Off

Kiss Close In Front Of Her Friends

Aug 4th, 2008 by

It’s not a good idea to have extended makeouts with girls in dark, grimy, loud bars and clubs the first night you meet them unless you calculate that you have a good chance to take them home that night. Too much making out, followed by an anti-climactic number close, then a long walk home without you by her side will actually increase the odds that the girl will flake when you call her two days later. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t kiss a fresh prospect at all. Kissing a girl on the same night you approach her creates a strong bond that words alone can’t achieve. You just have to do it sparingly, and always be the one to break off the kissing. Try to minimize tongue action, even if she initiates tongue probing. Keep your kisses gentle and short; don’t engulf her mouth like a horny leech. Stop after a few seconds to pull back, smile at her, then look down at your shoes and back up at her face. Glance around the room distractedly.

A very simple way to know if a girl is ready for you to kiss her is to lean into her ear as if you were going to tell her a secret, and if she doesn’t move her head backward and she lets your cheek rest flush against her cheek, you can pull back and safely go for it.

I was kissing a very tall cute girl at the bar of a trendy club in Adams Morgan, about 30 minutes after I had opened her. At one point, she said “Wow, we’re totally exposed here. Everyone can see us kissing.” But I knew, based on the fact that her eyes didn’t scan the room for people who might be watching us and instead stayed focused on me, that she didn’t really care if people saw us kissing. I didn’t assuage her fake concern: “I wish more people were watching us, I’ve always dreamed of being an exhibitionist.”

To build the tension, I made an excuse that I was going to see my friends and left her behind for a while. When I returned, her three girlfriends (it was a girls’ night out) were dancing and laughing with her. I walked up next to her, joined the fray, then pulled her in close and kissed her in front of her friends, before telling her I was leaving.

This was a risky gambit, because if she had flinched when I went for the kiss, it would’ve made me look very bad. But I knew I had built up sufficient comfort with her from over an hour of rapport. She returned my gentle kiss with equal passion. I figured that our kissing while her friends watched in plain view would greatly reduce the odds of a future flake. She would rationalize to herself: “If I let him kiss me in front of all my friends then I must really like this guy.” I’ve now made her friends my allies.

As I turned around to leave, she asked, “Hey you’re going to call me, right? Promise?”

It had worked.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Game | Comments Off

July 2008 Comment Winner

Aug 3rd, 2008 by

We have a winner, and thanks to the finish line effort by commenter Glengarry Glenpoon (great nick btw) Gannon has been denied the coveted Commenter Trifecta. In response to my post “Would You Date Her“, Glenpoon wrote this:

[quote from original post]: I’d leave a very subtle hint, like a fake arm on her pillow before she goes to bed.

Make it a prosthetic gun, or maybe a terminator arm. She could be the coolest gf ever. The coolest.

Quentin Tarantino agrees.

Runner-up July 2008 Comment Winner award goes to Virgle Kent, for his excellent judging of the first entry in the Summer 2008 Ass Challenge:

In my expert opinion let me say GOD DAMN!!! As we like to say in the hood, “ol’ girl is working with a donkey”. She has the kind of phatty you could set your drink on while she’s standing up and tell her you’ll be right back.

Honorable Mention goes to Gannon, whose comment to my post “When The Body And Face Don’t Match” shows he has an understanding of the important things in life:

Gannon doesn’t care if a vagina is shaved or not, as long as it belongs to a (legal) teen girl.
Issues that Gannon cares about:
Is the vagina still virgin?
How does the vagina smell?
Is the vagina still tight after childbirth?

As usual, Gannon gets right to the clinical heart of the matter in his trademark deadpan style.

Congratulations, gentlemen. A plaster cast of one of my ex-girlfriend’s labia is on the way. Comes with pre-drilled hole.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs | Comments Off

The Easiest Way To Bang A Hot Chick

Aug 1st, 2008 by

If you are a beta who lacks the game, attributes, or status to bed 8s and above there is hope for you. By choosing your targets wisely, you can experience the exquisite and unparalleled pleasure of having sex with a hot girl — the kind of girl normally reserved for the apex alphas at the top of the human food chain. The trick is in knowing how to identify the most responsive targets.

I’ve devised a search and seduce target designation system for finding the hottest girls most likely to give it up to a sub-alpha such as yourself. Each of the factors listed below corresponds to better odds that the hot girl who has that problem will date and bang you. As the “negative” traits accumulate, the odds of hot girl sex increase exponentially rather than linearly.

  • Over 25
    Odds increase by: 10% for each additional year, -20% age 30, +30% ages 31 and up

Obviously, the window to take advantage of the Age-Leg Opening association is small, perhaps only 5 years, because past a certain age her legs will no longer open to the vagina of an 8, but a 6 or less. And if you’re going to settle for 6 vaginas, you may as well limit your efforts to young 6s. In the rare cases where a woman manages to stay hot into her 30s, expect the Age-Leg Opening association to temporarily reverse around the age of 30. This is because all single women experience a delusional reevaluation of their marketability when they hit the milestone of 30. They play hard to get one last time in hopes they can recapture the glory of 1`their youth. Of course, this phase ends quickly as she rediscovers reality and spinsterhood looms. After this brief but frantic period when she has gone through the five stages of cougar grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance* — she’ll adjust her Leg Opening Quotient incrementally until she stops being invisible to men.

* Future post.

  • Single Mom
    Odds increase by: 50% for the first kid (85% if a Downs Syndrome kid), 20% for each additional kid

A hot chick’s kid will give you the second biggest bang for your buck (see below for the biggest hot pussy discount). Since it is ingrained in men to avoid investing their precious resources into the raising of another man’s spawn, especially if that other man was some badboy who stretched out her vagina and left a stargate for you to have frictionless sex, a woman who is raising a kid on her own due to poor judgment, getting dumped, or divorce (75% chance it was initiated by her) will be the most congenial date you will ever experience. There will be zero shit testing and she will have nothing but smiles for you. Her hand will be on your thigh within five minutes of meeting, and she will pay for your drink out of courtesy for the time taken from your busy schedule to meet her. A single mom who has the night free because her kids are at grandma’s is good to go before the first drinks arrive. They often have condoms in their purses, glove compartments, medicine cabinets, nightstands, and in a secret compartment behind that portrait of great-aunt Gertrude. You should definitely wear your own bulletproof condom with a single mom because you know you are dealing with a fertile woman and one who will be tempted to entrap you old school style. Flush the used condom immediately after you are done. They are that desperate.

Note: Avoid tripping over toys and landing on your erection.

  • Physical Deformity
    Odds increase by: 20 – 150%, depending on severity of disfigurement

This is by far the most advantageous flaw a hot chick can possess. A perfect 10 with a physical deformity, even something trivial like a missing pinky toe, will devalue her own beauty. The worse the deformity, the lower her self-esteem will drop and the higher her character will rise. A 10 with a missing boob will think and act like a 7. Missing an entire leg? She’ll be a de facto 4. Hermaphrodite? Her secret shame will put her on the level of a morbidly obese smelly hausfrau. Naturally, you’ll want to focus on those disfigured women whose abnormalities don’t detract from their pretty faces or sexy bodies. The girl with the missing arm from this post qualifies. A girl with a moustache or steatopygia would not.

Note: Personality deformities have NO EFFECT on a hot chick’s self-appraisal. In fact, a seriously flawed personality may actually boost her ego, as she will continue to get attention from men no matter how poorly she behaves, and will assume it means, using chick logic, that her shitty attitude is what keeps them coming back for more.

  • Former Fatty
    Odds increase by: 10 – 70%, depending on length and heft of fat phase

Yet another goldmine for the beta who wants to taste the forbidden fruit of exceptional pussy. A former fatty, by dint of her painful past dealing with the cold stares of indifference and sneers of cruelty, will be grounded and grateful for male attention. A former fatty’s mindset is still that of the fat girl she left behind – the mind changes slower than the body. The time to strike is when her memories are strong and her reconstructed body is tight. The fatter a former fatty was, the more appreciative she will be of your romantic interest. A 300 pound whale who slims down to a svelte 120 pounds will attack you sexually with the zeal of a released inmate let loose in a brothel after 20 years in the hole.

Caution: The longer a former fatty is skinny, the more her soul will twist into the corrupted spectre of a self-absorbed egomaniac princess. You’ll want to catch her before her horrible memories fade (think “Silence of the Heifers”), she swaps loyal down to earth friends for superficial hottie friends, and hundreds of betas throw themselves at her feet.

  • Recent Divorcee
    Odds increase by: 20% if she filed for divorce, 40% if her ex filed for divorce

A recent divorcee wants to feel attractive again. She probably hasn’t had sex with her husband in years and relishes the prospect of intimacy with fresh cock. A divorcee is different than a rebound. Most hot girls on the rebound will keep their standards. A hot divorcee will lower them; she has been insulated and out of the dating scene so long that your fawning beta attention will be attractive to her. Double plus leg-spreading points if her husband left her in the middle of the night for a stripper half her age. She will crave your sexual desire. Expect to feel like the woman on any date with her.

  • Foreigner
    Odds increase by: 60% if she is from a patriarchal culture (Russia), 30% if she is from a feminized culture (Sweden), 80% if she is from a dirt poor patriarchal culture and she’s trying to get a green card

The theory of hybrid vigor and the “expert from afar” psychological phenomenon makes hot foreign pussy very attainable for the average American beta male. Even interstate travel can increase the odds of a beta scoring pussy normally out of his reach, thanks to the automatic deference that girls give to strange men from faraway lands. (Hotel bar + traveling salesman = fling.) You will do very well with an East European green card whore who has little sexual experience with foreign men. The fact that East European women are significantly more beautiful than American women is just icing on the cake. With the right motivation and travel itinerary you could conceivably pull your first 10.

Note: Due to the hypergamous trajectory of feminized Western cultures where the hot women are accustomed to sharing the top 20% of men and the leftover betas are sniveling papoose-wearing spineless turds, your exotic foreign aura won’t be as effective at landing that bombshell Swede without supplemental alpha traits.

Conclusion

Beta, desperate, and settling is no way to go through life, son. You don’t need to fantasize what sex with a really hot girl feels like, anymore. By zeroing in on girls with any combination of the above characteristics, you can greatly improve your odds of banging quality pussy.

There aren’t many guarantees in life, but if you find a hot 29 year old, single Russian mom with four Downs Syndrome kids, a superfluous clitoris and a missing engagement ring finger, who used to weight 450 pounds, and whose husband divorced her yesterday before her citizenship was approved, sit back and relax, betaboy. Your job is done.

Happy hunting!

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Beta, Biomechanics is God, Closing the Deal, Hitting The Wall, Hungry Hungry Hippos, The Pleasure Principle | Comments Off

July 2008 Comment Winner Alert

Jul 30th, 2008 by

As it stands right now, Gannon is leading the vote tally for July 2008 Comment Winner. This will be the third straight win for him. If you don’t want to see him walk away with the trifecta I’d suggest you people step it up. You’ve got two days left.

Hint: Brevity is the soul of wit. (I’m looking at you sara/sam).

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs | Comments Off

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