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It’s not a good idea to have extended makeouts with girls in dark, grimy, loud bars and clubs the first night you meet them unless you calculate that you have a good chance to take them home that night. Too much making out, followed by an anti-climactic number close, then a long walk home without you by her side will actually increase the odds that the girl will flake when you call her two days later. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t kiss a fresh prospect at all. Kissing a girl on the same night you approach her creates a strong bond that words alone can’t achieve. You just have to do it sparingly, and always be the one to break off the kissing. Try to minimize tongue action, even if she initiates tongue probing. Keep your kisses gentle and short; don’t engulf her mouth like a horny leech. Stop after a few seconds to pull back, smile at her, then look down at your shoes and back up at her face. Glance around the room distractedly.

A very simple way to know if a girl is ready for you to kiss her is to lean into her ear as if you were going to tell her a secret, and if she doesn’t move her head backward and she lets your cheek rest flush against her cheek, you can pull back and safely go for it.

I was kissing a very tall cute girl at the bar of a trendy club in Adams Morgan, about 30 minutes after I had opened her. At one point, she said “Wow, we’re totally exposed here. Everyone can see us kissing.” But I knew, based on the fact that her eyes didn’t scan the room for people who might be watching us and instead stayed focused on me, that she didn’t really care if people saw us kissing. I didn’t assuage her fake concern: “I wish more people were watching us, I’ve always dreamed of being an exhibitionist.”

To build the tension, I made an excuse that I was going to see my friends and left her behind for a while. When I returned, her three girlfriends (it was a girls’ night out) were dancing and laughing with her. I walked up next to her, joined the fray, then pulled her in close and kissed her in front of her friends, before telling her I was leaving.

This was a risky gambit, because if she had flinched when I went for the kiss, it would’ve made me look very bad. But I knew I had built up sufficient comfort with her from over an hour of rapport. She returned my gentle kiss with equal passion. I figured that our kissing while her friends watched in plain view would greatly reduce the odds of a future flake. She would rationalize to herself: “If I let him kiss me in front of all my friends then I must really like this guy.” I’ve now made her friends my allies.

As I turned around to leave, she asked, “Hey you’re going to call me, right? Promise?”

It had worked.


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