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Tough Times Are A Bounty For Betas

Sep 9th, 2010 by

Think we might be heading into a double dip recession? Or, worse, a decades-long economic retraction with hyperinflation and a general growing business and government incompetence thanks to a dumbing down of the population? Rejoice, betas! This is your moment in the sun. Chicks who were reminded of their mortality were more attracted to soft, less masculine herb faces, and this preference was most pronounced for women at the peak of their fertility cycle. (Regrettably, their desire to have kids also went up, so make sure you strap on that condom if you’re going to bang a chick recently diagnosed with cancer.) PS: Mortality salience refers to reminders of one’s death.

Previous research has shown that individuals who are reminded of their death exhibited a greater desire for offspring than those who were not reminded of their death. The present research investigated whether being reminded of mortality affects mate selection behaviors, such as facial preference judgments. Prior research has shown that women prefer more masculine faces when they are at the high versus low fertility phase of their menstrual cycles. We report an experiment in which women were tested either at their high or fertility phase. They were randomly assigned to either a mortality salience (MS) or control condition and then asked to judge faces ranging from extreme masculine to extreme feminine. The results showed that women’s choice of the attractive male face was determined by an interaction between fertility phase and condition. In control conditions, high fertility phase women preferred a significantly more masculine face than women who were in a lower fertility phase of their menstrual cycles. In MS conditions, high fertility phase women preferred a significantly less masculine (i.e., more average) face than women who were in a low fertility phase. The results indicate that biological processes, such as fertility phase, involved in mate selection are sensitive to current environmental factors, such as death reminders. This sensitivity may serve as an adaptive compromise when choosing a mate in potentially adverse environmental conditions.

In short, women who thought about their own death suddenly found feminized beta providers a lot more attractive than masculine alpha cads. This preference was largest for ovulating women, who normally show the exact opposite preference when times are good and death is a faraway abstraction.

If you are a beta male, then you will hope and pray for another Great Depression, war, or alien invasion. It seems counterintuitive, (after all, wouldn’t a highly masculine man be a better choice for protection during tough times?), but it makes some sense if you remember that alpha cads also bring with them the threat of abandonment, which would be disastrous for women trying to survive in a bad environment. Since the free-for-all, stoically unjealous polyamorists can’t grasp why male abandonment is a bad thing, the Chateau will helpfully remind them –

In tough times, betas will be especially loathe to assume the child-raising duties of another man’s bastard spawn.

Some more study results:

The present results provide new evidence about how environmental factors, such as the presence of death reminders, can influence human reproductive behaviors, such as mate selection. […]

First, it has been shown that people in a MS condition will adhere more strongly to socially acceptable norms and will react negatively towards those persons who do not uphold these norms (Greenberg et al., 1990; Greenberg et al., 1994; Rosenblatt et al., 1989).

Troubled times breed collectivism. Are the notoriously monogamous, norm-following and shame-avoiding Northeast Asians the product of millennia of living off marginal land constantly raided by tribes to the north?

In the present research, the face selected by ovulating women in the [Mortality Salience] condition could be considered a more average face than faces chosen by high fertile phase women in the control condition and low fertile phase women in the MS condition.

Average = herb. Exceptional = lantern jaw and heavy brow ridge. Interestingly, non-ovulating women showed a slightly lower preference for herb faces when they were confronted with their mortality. So alpha cads are not out of the running completely when the shit hits the fan. But you gotta notice just how upside-down bizarro world the mating market looks when the good times come to an end. This might explain the rise of the beta male during the first half of the 20th century, when world wars wracked societies.

High fertile phase women in the MS condition may have viewed the masculine face negatively because of the association of masculine faces with socially negative characteristics and would view feminized faces more positively because feminized faces are shown to be associated with more pro-social attributes such as being helpful, cooperative, trustworthy, and a good father (Boothroyd, et al., 2007; Jones et al., 2008; Johnston, et al., 2001).

Sure, the herb may be a bad lay, but when the cupboard is bare he’ll be out there scrounging up food for his lady. Personally, Chateau hosts prefer being known for their lay expertise. It’s more fun.

Second, it has been shown that following [Mortality Salience], women and men may find the physical aspects of sex and sexual attraction unappealing, as the physicality of sex may be a reminder of one’s eventual mortality (Goldenberg et al. 1999; Landau et al. 2006). In the present research, it may have been the case that high fertile phase women experienced the highly masculine male faces as associated with physical sexuality and, therefore, death.

Sex is the little death (if you’re doing it right).

Following MS, women who are at a high risk of pregnancy may view mates with highly masculine faces as involving more risk than mates with more feminized faces.

Reminders of death and hardship usher an alternative universe where highly fertile ovulating women prefer pasty-faced betaboys. In good times, just the opposite preference is observed. Ergo, late empire prosperity and decadence may go a long way toward explaining the rise in rates of single mom-hood — in good times, these womb-lubed women choose unreliable alpha cads as fathers, subconsciously figuring that if the alphas bolt it won’t much matter since resources (in the form of ample food supplies and government largesse) are plentiful. Chateau Heartiste wrote about this dysgenic trend nearly three years ago.

In future research, it is necessary to investigate the extent to which highly masculine faces increase death-related thoughts in high fertile phase and low fertile phase women.

Our results suggest that mortality salience may result in an over-ride of the high fertility phase-induced preference for masculine faces and a strengthening of the predisposition for less masculine and likely higher investing mates.

The study results show that it makes sense for a betaface to remind girls of their impending demise. Call it Death Game. You casually mention a lady friend who died prematurely from some rare disease or freak accident, and then lament how little time we all have on this earth to pursue our goals and realize our dreams. Say “Life is so precious, and death is always around the corner, so grab what’s in front of you and live like it could all end tomorrow!” while touching the spine of her back with the chill fingertips of your best Grim Reaper impersonation. Throw in a bit of NLP for good measure: “My afterlife is probably… beLOW me. Sex is a great way to fight death… with me, I love each day I’m alive.”

Our sample was composed primarily of White, middle-class college women who have been shown to express a preference for mates who will invest heavily in her and her children.

D’oh! Talk about saying a lot in so little. How do black and asian women respond to mortality reminders? Are their natural tendencies strengthened, or do they enter a bizarro world just like white women?

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Posted in Beta, Biomechanics is God, Girls, Self-aggrandizement, The Good Life | Comments Off

The Two Exceptions To Game

Sep 8th, 2010 by

If I had to distill the essence of all the hate and doubt that is a regular feature of the comments on this blog, it would read like this:

“Game doesn’t work, and if it did you’re a loser for having to learn it to pick up girls because alpha males (who, by the way don’t exist except in your imagination) don’t make any effort to attract women, and anyhow the only girls that would fall for it are low self esteem bar skanks who wouldn’t give you the time of day because you’re a phony they will see right through. Try being yourself if you want a real woman to like you, except that will never happen because you are a celibate beta loser.”

It is, of course, self-contradictory nonsense. The average hater cannot string three sentences together without refuting what she (and they are usually shes) said in the first sentence. Their logic is so muddled that toying with them until I drive them insane with spittle-flecked rage has become something of a fun hobby for me.

But because I am a decent and kind person of magnanimous temperament, I will throw the haters a bone in this post. There are, indeed, two specific situations where you, as a regular, fat part of the bell curve man, do not need game to make a girl swoon. I will tell you what they are, but first, a little context is necessary.

Why do the haters offer up so many trite and transparently false objections to game to begin with? Are they trying to confuse us, or themselves? Have they been burned in the past by men doing to them exactly what I write about here, and thus project their angry bitterness on the symbolic manifestation of their real life pain, namely me?

Or do they really believe the idiocy they preach? Are they… TRUE BELIEVERS in the conventional wisdom school of JBY (just be yourself)? Is it possible, in other words, that in their own lives they met and fell in love with men who won them over running NO GAME AT ALL, natural or otherwise?

So… what motivates the haters? Answer: all of the above.

I suspect a few haters really do live in a lala land relatively free of the sort of easily observable human mating machinations that confound 99.9% of the rest of humanity, and thus can’t comprehend the reality of male-female psychological differences or the influence that game exerts over female attraction and courtship. They live in a platitude bubble; but like all bubbles, it will eventually burst.

Which brings us to the two exceptions to game.

  • The girl you are dating is head over heels in love with you.

When a girl loves you so deeply that she wants to see you every day, and gets nervous when your text replies are delayed five seconds too long, you are in the DO-NO-WRONG ZONE, my friend. The DNW zone is a magic land where you can fart and belch and scratch yourself in the genital region and show up late (or early) for everything and buy shit for her all the time and cuddle for hours after sex and let her plan every date and dress in gym shorts and pit-stained t-shirts all the time and “yes, dear” her to death and constantly praise her beauty and whine like a beta bitch when you get a mosquito bite AND SHE WON’T LOSE AN IOTA OF ATTRACTION FOR YOU. She will happily take your deflated castrati ballsack slaps to the face and beg for more. You are a TEFLON LOVE GOD; no bad behavior sticks to you. You can be quite literally a NO GAME HAVING CHUMP and she will still think about fucking you every minute of the day.

Sounds like paradise, right? There’s a catch — this magic window only lasts about three months, after which if you do not shed your pathetic beta habits and step up your game, you WILL find her slowly and inexorably withdrawing her love and sex from you until one day you are wondering when such a good thing went so wrong.

So, you will need game before and after the 3-month DNW zone, but not during, if she is truly madly in love with you. Love… fuck yeah!

  • The girl you are dating is two or more points below you in sexual market value.

This is cut and dried. Want to “be yourself” with a girl? Date a warpig! She will put up with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and never bitch once. You will need to put in ZERO effort to keep such a woman satisfied. No game, no nothing. I know men who slum it for this very reason, and while I personally find that lifestyle incomprehensible and utterly distasteful — I mean, you may as well become a monk since you’ll be living a life completely devoid of any beauty or hedonistic pleasure — it does lend itself to a certain simplicity in managing affairs and obtaining the necessary freedom to pursue alternative pleasures. MMO playing sperg tards take note.

The downside with this scenario is that you have to date at least two points lower than your market value equivalent if you want a game-free dating experience that makes few demands on your time or energy. So for instance, if you are an 8, you need to date down to at least a 6 to enjoy the fruits of a drama-free relationship. If you really don’t like women acting out like women, and you want to be able to wallow in your clingy betaness without learning a lick of game, you will probably need to date lower than two points down.

The exact mechanism of the chick market value-game requirement nexus deserves further explication in a handy chart.

She is…                                          % game required to keep her interested

>=1 point higher than you             100%

At your level                                    90%

1 point lower                                   60%

2 points lower                                 10%

>=3 points lower                          -% (reverse game)

Interesting phenomena appear when you dumpster dive so low that you enter reverse game territory. For example, if you are a 7 male and you date a 4, not only will you need NO game to keep her attracted for a long while, but running any sort of game can actually push her away from you. The 4 will feel she doesn’t deserve you and will be on pins and needles with you all the time, regardless of how you treat her. Running game will then send her into a vicious downward spiral of self-doubt and neediness so crippling that she will preemptively dump you to prevent a night alone overdosing on pills and cutting your name into her forearm. To keep the 4 in line, paradoxically, requires almost as much effort as keeping a hot girl into you — except instead of game you have to run the opposite of game on the 4. You have to beta yourself to the max; cards, gifts, compliments, slow and attentive lovemaking, hours of cunnilingus, super snuggles, etc. So there are diminishing returns to the strategy of dating down to avoid putting any effort into relationships. Not to mention diminishing boner hardness.

The ultimate score for the no-game, no-life having beta chump who hates the idea of working to change himself to get better quality women is the very low value woman who falls in love with him. Imagine a nasty, fat cape buffalo — one of Obsidian’s exes, for instance — who cries a little when she thinks of you. Or a single mom on the cusp of sexual irrelevance who forgets to pick up her kid from his ghetto school because she’s doing her nails and febrezing her pussy in anticipation of you coming over that night for dinner. When you’ve got shitty goods falling in love with you, dating becomes one giant lounge chair in which to lazily recline and be fed moldy grapes all day long. Yeah, you can barely get it up with women like that, but at least you can rip a wet fart in their faces, pull WoW all-nighters, and forget their birthdays and never pay a price for it — and tell everyone within earshot that getting “hot chicks” was really easy for you, so those other guys learning game to find good women must be losers.

With obesity and single motherhood rampant, more American men than ever are availing themselves — intentionally or not — of the dating down option. So while game may be more necessary than ever to land that genuinely hot babe, for increasing numbers of men game and the knowledge contained therein are simply not on their radar. Which may explain why we are currently witnessing such a growing effete chorus of manginas, pedestalizing evangelicals, and limp-wristed SWPLs parroting the feminist and Iron John shibboleths. They aren’t trying to convince us so much as they are trying to convince themselves of the awesomeness of their fatass and bastard spawn-towing lovers.

Some of the few true believer haters living in lala land that I wrote of above likely fall into the category of people dating easy-to-please losers that they have tricked themselves into rationalizing as good mate choices. (Some of the haters are truly in the midst of love and can’t think straight without a gauzy filter Disney-fying their saccharine musings.) Perhaps for them, their beta soulmates appeared — warts and all — and they settled, wondering disingenuously and retroactively why people make such a big deal of finding someone. So when you hear their lame jeremiads against game, translate that as an admission that they are either a) naturals who aren’t smart enough to reflect on what they are doing right, or b) bitter bitches and betaboys trained in the art of justifying their crappy love lives.

Men without fame or vast wealth who want to date and fuck hot women need to know game. It’s as simple as that. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Men who don’t care about porking the flabby wet hole of some she-beast will never understand the need for — or the truth of — game, for to understand it is to understand the miserable depths of their own lives, and that is a dark road most are not willing to travel. The low value women who love these men will likewise never understand game, and will lash out at those who do. Ironically, their garbage lives insulate them from the redemption that exists just beyond their pitiable horizons.

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Posted in Girls, Love, Rules of Manhood, Ugly Truths | Comments Off

The International Symbol Of Feminism

Sep 7th, 2010 by

For the reason why this symbol was chosen by an elite selection committee, see here.

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Posted in Ridiculousness, Tool Time | Comments Off

Reader Mailbag: Cheap Labor Edition

Sep 7th, 2010 by

Email #1:

My girlfriend is “good friends” with two guys she’s banged in the past, one in the last six months. They were “friends first,” and then she banged them, probably during a dry spell.

She’s totally into me, no doubt. I am relationship gaming this chick. I want to avoid beta bullshit with her two “friends.”

What to do?

A.

Huge, unfurled red flags snapping in a strong northerly wind. Why do women remain “good friends” with men they’ve previously banged? We know the men couldn’t have been hopeless betas, because she did spread for them. Therefore, we can presume this isn’t a situation involving cloying, celibate beta orbiters with no game. So we are left with these main reasons:

  1. She likes that they have this “shared past”. This makes the friendship more taboo, and hence, exciting for her, even if she does not feel especially attracted to them.
  2. These two guys are low investing alphas that she screwed for pleasure but decided against seeing in a relationship because they were the love em and leave em type. She continues the friendship because she likes the horny feelings she gets while enjoying the pleasure of their quasi-platonic company.
  3. The two guys really are losers and she pity banged them, or sport fucked them during, as the emailer said, a dry spell.

None of these three reasons bode well for your LTR with her. If (1), she is a taboo junkie, and will likely cheat. If (2), she is a cock carouseler, and will likely cheat during her next ovulatory phase (preferably after she has ensnared you in marriage). If (3), she is an undiscriminating slut who will cheat on the flimsiest pretext.

“Good” friendships with past lovers is a no-go. No man should accept that in his LTR. Since there is a small chance she really does love you and isn’t cheating on you with these two guys, or thinking about cheating on you, avoid any unnecessary LTR-killing confrontations by first snooping through her stuff for any evidence she may be “taking it up a notch” with her two man friends. Expect to find such evidence. Quietly pack your stuff in the middle of the night, and tape the evidence to her fridge door for her to find in the morning. Delete her phone number and block her calls.

If you don’t care about potentially soiling the LTR with a powerful ultimatum, confront her with your demand that she cease seeing the two past lovers. Tell her this is non-negotiable if she wants to continue being with you. Watch her reaction closely.

******

Email #2:

Hello Chateau proprietors I’m looking for some help. I learned of your blog less than a week ago and as the despondent lonely beta worthlessness I am I had a lot of free time to read it. I find it interesting, and intend to certainly start working on my game (Currently 0 for 3 in my entire life, all of them  friendzoned) but I need a little help. I am an intelligent, nerdy guy, not bad looking (no glasses or bad looking hair), a little overweight,  The market value assessment yields ~-4 points. I’m looking to overcome this beta-ness and become at least a mediocre alpha male (My goal is simply to get a non-negligible amount of vag) The problem is I notice almost all of your game advice is for the club/bar setting and not for day game. I am only 18 years old at the moment so I can’t exactly go to clubs/bars to play the game. I need help on day game for the college environment (also I know dog parks are a good place, I take my dogs there which could be a good spot).

Any advice you can yield would be great. Or even suggestions to other information more applicable to day/college game than club game which you seem to focus on.

A Chateau host recently had to dog-sit for a friend. The dog was pudgy and adorable, with big wet brown eyes. This host commented that he could not believe how many women strode up and opened him cold. If he had wanted, he could have secured the digits of multiple hot babes, all within an hour of outdoor “day gaming”.

If you don’t have access to a non-ghetto dog, don’t worry. With day game, just getting a conversation started is a DHV. Most men are afraid to open women when the sun is out. We here at the Chateau actually don’t focus on club game at all. Most of the advice is generalized and can apply in all sorts of situations. In many ways, day game is simpler than bar game, because women will be surprised you are talking to them. They won’t have bitch shields to lower.

On campus, a great place to open cute nerd girls is the library. Think of a quirky funny line and use it liberally on any girl standing next to book shelves. “Excuse me… I must be in the wrong section. Do you know where I can find the section on dating tips for badboys?” Similarly, I once opened a chick in a B&N by holding up a copy of Bridal Magazine, complaining about the double standard, and asking her where I could find the Groom Magazine.

******

Email #3:

This girl I hadn’t slept with yet texted ‘I like you’.

What would’ve been the gina tingle maximizing response? ‘Me too’ sounds awfully beta so I threw it right out the window. ‘I know’ seemed better, but made the inner chump scream when I considered it, which, in hindsight probably made it the best choice, in a somewhat Opposite George way of thinking.

What I actually did was just ignore it. Didn’t get the bang.

Anonymous

“Me too” would have been the second worst response you could have sent. “OMG me too!” would have been the worst. “I know” is good, if overplayed. Ignoring it is the safe bet, as long as you follow up later with a date suggestion. But you said that didn’t work for you.

Better responses:

HER: I like you.

YOU: Damn straight.

YOU: That’s mighty white of you.

YOU: I love you!!!!!11111!!!!!!111!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 xoxoxoxoxoxo

YOU: Hell yeah, mothafuckaaaaaaaa!

YOU: gay

YOU: aw… i’m touched. Right… there.

YOU: Flattery will get you everywhere.

YOU: Ok, but next round is still on you.

YOU: fap fap fap

YOU: [insert jerk reply u know u luv]

YOU: Already?

YOU: That’s great kid. What else you got?

YOU: Tell me something I don’t know.

YOU: Don’t tell my girlfriends.

YOU: Do you think you can sweet talk me into bed?

YOU: Bring the movies.

******

Email #4:

Bonjour Propriétaire Chateau –

Specific game venue commentary required from His Deviousness on my current workplace situation:

My office complex is now owned by a local University, who decided to move their Graduate programs into two of the four buildings.  The main consequence of this is that there is now a shared cafeteria.  Yes, you read that correctly – myself and 1,000 of my fellow corporate slaves eat alongside a couple hundred 20 – 24-year-old supple grad students.  I’ll leave the specific University nameless, but the graduate programs housed here are nursing, speech therapy and the like, meaning about 90-95% of the students are female.

I’m a decent looking guy, and most days I dress to impress.  However, most of these girls are eating and talking with each other in large groups (5-10 each), which is making it hard for me to approach.

What should I do in this situation?  What are some good openers, and when should they be deployed?  In line paying for my grub seems like a good place, where I can flash some bling and comment on their choice of meal. This is a HUGE untapped resource that I MUST exploit!

Much thanks.

Wow, this is like throwing chum at hungry sharks. The sexual harassment reeducation camp will be filled to brimming. There are many ways to open groups of girls in a corporate cafeteria. I’ll offer a couple suggestions.

YOU: [walking slowly by their table, a serious expression on face] Hey, you guys are new here.

GIRL(S): Yeah.

YOU: Hm. Too bad.

GIRL(S): What does that mean?

YOU: I’d tell ya if there weren’t cameras watching.

—

YOU: [standing in line to pay] Standing in line to pay for food. It’s like the movies. You’ve got 20 seconds to flirt with me. Annnnd… go!

******

Email #5:

Dear Chateau proprietor,

What do you think about writing angry letters to girls that LJBFed you in the past? Please stop me from participating in a blue balls toxic shock initiated beta-ish correspondence expecting to hear what I did wrong from their lips (as you might have suspected my cock has no knowledge of those lips whatsoever).

If they LJBFed you in the past, then you’ve got nothing to lose except your dignity and any future girls that may be friends with them, right? And girls will never give you the real reason why they found you unacceptable to bang, right? Rationalization hamster, right? Ok, so knowing that, here’s what you write (make sure to press down hard on capital letters so that the ink runs a little with your righteous fury):

I had entered into a first date
In the summer of a celibate year
And my boner throbbed for this moment
Only now do I remember it clear
Alright, alright, alright

No more a nerd and no more a beta
I was dating and it whetted my thirst
Until your brain started spilling out friend offers
Only then did I reckon my curse
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

First came your cheek turn when I went for the kiss
Then came your crossed arms and your smile was gone
Your little tingles died on delivery
Woefully taking your desire along
Alright, alright, alright

What can one do when one is a loser
Shamefully saddled with daily fap fests?
All that I wanted was the pleasure of a sex life
So my burden I began to divest
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

Your stupid cat I buried after feeding it foxglove
Your pug was easy, it was drowned in the bath
Your asshole boyfriend fought but was easily bested
Burned his body for incurring my wrath
Alright, alright, alright

And that’s how I came your psycho stalker
To be living so horny and free
Expect that you think that I should be haunted
But at least you didn’t LJBF me
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

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Brits Voted Ugliest Women In The World

Sep 4th, 2010 by

Well, no surprise here. Have you seen Brit chicks lately? Fuggin fat, pasty, unfeminine, alcoholic tubs. An empire is no better than the aggregate beauty of its women, and an empire wheezing its last breath is characterised by this:

“Oh but she has such a pretty face”… for me to render into soap!

It isn’t just the fatness and ugliness (but I repeat myself) that is repugnant, but the exultation of the depredations visited upon the female form to a moral and aesthetic imperative. Such weak-minded thinking is best observed in this comment left by a reader to the article:

How thoroughly predictable to see a story about drunken and anti-social Chav behaviour twisted as usual into being all about appearance – and in particular weight and size. There are plenty of quiet, well-behaved bigger women who never touch a drop let alone would consider behaving in a loud and obnoxious manner, just as a good proportion (probably the majority, in fact) of those falling out of nightclubs vomiting and fighting the police are thin, but don’t let that get in the way of yet another opportunity to demonise and stereotype fat people.

Fatness is a leading indicator of character deficiency. Fat apologists are heralds of ugliness, lies, loneliness and death. The Chav and The Chunky and their watery-eyed advocates are nothing less than the degenerate bilge of an enfeebled, dying society predictably coughing up one rationalization and excuse after another for its self-inflicted failures and loss of nativist pride.

Meanwhile, America’s models are getting manlier-looking by the day while her SWPL men get womanlier and her lower classes get fatter. In that international survey linked above, America was voted to have the second ugliest women, followed closely by German frauleins.

Which brings us to….

Maxim #102: The hottest babes will not be found in prosperous countries, but in countries on the verge of prosperity. The world’s ugliest women will continue to be found in backward primitive societies.

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Posted in Girls, Globalization, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Ugly Truths | Comments Off

Ass Game

Sep 3rd, 2010 by

Being a soldier is no guarantee of alphaness. Take a look at this photo sent in by reader keirin:

This is very beta body language. The ass is clearly turned off by this man’s approach. The leaning in is the obvious tell; he’s all up on that ass while the annoyed ass is about to tip from avoiding his overeager one-arm hug. Nothing will kill a pickup faster than forcing a phony chumminess on an ass. Except ass rape.

Also note his feet and how his toes are pointed inward. The pigeon-toed stance is a leading indicator of awkward betaness. The ass’s hooves, on the other hand, are assertively pointed outward. Powerfully alpha. It’s as if the gender roles are completely reversed, and the ass is the alpha male here. The soldier’s helmet propped at a jaunty tilt is a little bit douchey. This might work on Jersey shore asses, but not Afghani ones. What he’s doing right: his left hand is holding an imaginary drink at the proper, waist-high level. His sunglasses and flak vest are acceptable peacock gear, but his smile is try-hard. I hope he at least approached from the right angle. A surprise approach from behind could result in a swift kick to the nads.

The ass is not smiling and looks pissed at having to pose for a photo with this beta. The ass scans the valley for a Taliban cockblock savior, or perhaps a stray mule. Judging by the colorful blankets and entitlement complex, this ass is an attention whore, and thus not worth anything more than a barnyard pump and dump.

Conclusion: No ass for you! Next!

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The Pickup Artist’s Car Of Choice

Sep 3rd, 2010 by

The Chateau receives lots of requests from readers for recommendations on accoutrements that would best complement a master seducer’s lifestyle. Jewelry, home furnishings, bachelor pad props, clothes, shoes, Wii games (chicks love the Smash Bros.), etc…

In this post we will discuss the best car to drive if you want to fully round out your identity as a New World Womanizer.

Chicks dig power. Cars are power, so having a sweet ride will turn on chicks, particularly if your engine rumbles with horsepower. Cars are also fun in and of themselves. The ideal player car is one that embodies power, style and coolness. The good news is that you can get these three attributes in a car without spending a lot of money. You just have to be willing to buy an older car and assume the accompanying hassle of upkeep and repair.

The first two cars in this list are the low-cost options to attain cool power.

1991 Porsche 964 Cabriolet:

This Porsche will run you around $10K, give or take the condition of the car. Look at the sweep of those headlight chambers along the hood. Those are two penises aimed right at the soft, chewy center of a tart’s hole. Convertible a must. I don’t think Porsches have ever looked better than the 911 Carrera series from the late 80s to mid 90s.

1971 Ford Galaxie:

These old Ford Galaxies are a hot commodity right now, so expect to pay around $7K or $8K for one in decent condition. The 1966 model has been known to go for as much as $50K. A good thing about the Galaxie is that it has the badboy appeal of the Cadillac Eldorado minus the ghetto pimp factor. The aggressive, geometric heft of this car evokes the black monolith from “2001: A Space Odyssey”. Monkey proles will be throwing bones at you in tribute. Again, convertible is a must.

******

The next two cars are for players who have some cash to throw around on new vehicles. If you are mechanically inept and don’t want to deal with maintaining an older vehicle, then you will prefer these choices to maximize the mass and density of your ballsack and the number of babes that will stick to the hood.

Ford F-150:

Sure, it’s a little bit rednecky, but if you’re a SWPL what better way to stand out from the crowd of emo milquetoasts who surround you like flitting butterflies in their Priuses? If a hipster chick objects to your ride, just adopt a pose of ironic haughtiness. Rest assured her tingling vaj is betraying her sanctimony. This is because American pickup trucks are universally manly. End of discussion.

BMW 7-series:

If you want to drive in comfort and class and announce to the ladies you’ve arrived, this luxury model BMW is your choice. Equip with optional wet bar.

******

Finally, if you can swing the big bucks ($50K plus), then this is the alpha male car for you:

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Posted in Rules of Manhood, Self-aggrandizement, Vanity | Comments Off

Chicks Dig Jerks: Chimney Sweep Edition

Sep 2nd, 2010 by

Love is so powerful it can cause a smart person to act stupidly. So stupidly, she unintentionally kills herself.

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A doctor involved in an “on-again, off-again” relationship apparently tried to force her way into her boyfriend’s home by sliding down the chimney, police said Tuesday. Her decomposing body was found there three days later.

Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac, 49, first tried to get into the house with a shovel, then climbed a ladder to the roof last Wednesday night, removed the chimney cap and slid feet first down the flue, Bakersfield police Sgt. Mary DeGeare said.

While she was trying to break in, the man she was pursuing escaped unnoticed from another exit “to avoid a confrontation,” authorities said.

DeGeare said the two were in an “on-again, off-again” relationship.

Skittles man, Bring the Movies man… meet On-again, Off-again man.

The good doctor was infatuated (and infatuation is a form of love — unidirectional love) with an older bad boy. How do we know he was a bad boy? Ye shall know the jerks by their treatment of women. “On-again, off-again” is a euphemistically pleasing way to say “he was using her for sex but she wasn’t hot or young enough for his full-blown monogamous commitment”. There are many flavors of jerk; not all of them are the stereotypical underemployed tattooed thug wannabes. The ostensible boyfriend who resided at the House of Absurd Ways to Die, 58 year old William Moodie, fled through the back door of his own home so he wouldn’t have to deal with the crazy bitch. There’s no doubt this guy was a “bring the movies” kind of caring and attentive lover. And that that’s why she chased after him so desperately.

There’s a picture of Kotarac in the embedded video to the article at 0:15 seconds in, and she is pretty decent looking for a 49 year old. For one, she hasn’t let herself go like so many aging American women who haven’t met a buffet table they didn’t raid. So her desperation was not a result of being a low value tubby omega female punching way above her (heh) weight class. Physically, she was probably a close match to him. Intellectually, as a doctor, she was likely as smart or smarter than him (Moodie runs an engineering consulting firm. Interestingly, engineering is a perceived classic beta male field, which goes to show betaness is an infection of the soul rather than an occupational condition). So on paper, it would seem there would be no reason for such a skewed relationship power dynamic to exist, “relationship exactness and complementarity” to the contrary notwithstanding. And yet it did, as she wildly chased and he ran away when she got to be too much of a pain in the ass. One is then compelled to ask, how does a man achieve this sort of power over a woman? I submit that the reasons are simple: Moodie was a master of aloof and indifferent game, and Kotarac, despite her relatively good looks for a woman her age, was depressingly aware on a subconscious level that the wall was nigh. She had found an alpha male, and she wanted him badly before the door closed forever on her sexual and romantic love options.

This episode imparts some valuable lessons. Money, social status, and material possessions are useful, but if you want complete control over your woman, BY FAR the best method for maintaining that control is to exercise push-pull game (aka careless asshole game) on a woman of fragile self-conception. Her instinctual programming will do the rest, as you quickly find yourself being pursued with an amorous gusto normally experienced only by very hot babes in the prime of their procreative lives. Older men with game and very famous and/or vastly wealthy men might be the closest men get to knowing what it feels like to live as a 22 year old beautiful woman.

Here’s a question: was this guy Moodie in his house the whole time she was rotting in his chimney, or did he stay somewhere else thinking it would require a few days for the Stalking Cougar to cool off and give up harassing him at his home? If the former, you have to wonder how he was able to miss the stench coming from the chimney flue. Perhaps his nose was buried in another woman’s pussy?

“She made an unbelievable error in judgment and nobody understands why, and unfortunately she’s passed away,” Moodie told The Associated Press. “She had her issues – she had her demons – but I never lost my respect for her.”

Does this guy Moodie sound like he’s broken-hearted? Nope. Sounds instead like he could do without the hassle, especially if girlfriends #2 and #3 have visiting hours while reporters are posted outside his door.

Kotarac apparently died in the chimney, but her body was not discovered until a house-sitter noticed a stench and fluids coming from the fireplace Saturday, according to a police statement. The house-sitter and her son investigated with a flashlight and found Kotarac dead, wedged about two feet above the top of the interior fireplace opening.

Santa Claus wept fluids.

Firefighters spent five hours late Saturday dismantling the chimney and flue from outside the home to extract Kotarac’s body, DeGeare said.

You’ve gotta tip your hipster newsie to the brave men who do these shitty jobs.

Executive summary:

  1. Older women, including MILFs, are desperate.
  2. Aloof asshole game is chick crack at any age.
  3. Intelligence is no immunity from stupid decisions made under the influence of love.
  4. A woman’s high status career is no leverage against the sexual status lowering effect of her getting older.
  5. A woman’s high status career is worthless to men who aren’t gigolos.
  6. Bitches be crazy!

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Posted in Current Events, Girls, Hitting The Wall, Ugly Truths | Comments Off

Visualizing Omega Or Man With Game?

Sep 1st, 2010 by

A great way to build a love connection with a girl is through the subtle mockery of the absurdity of others. Chicks dig social dynamics and speculating ad nauseam about the backstory of couples or groups of people that they see walking around, particularly people who stand out from the crowd. Thus, it is a valuable component of your game to speculate along with her, demonstrating your mastery of quickly ascertaining social group relationships through incisive observation. It is, in short, another example of seducing women by co-opting their mode of thinking.

To that end, you should not shy from analyzing couples that you see while on a date with a girl. It’s great fun to spot an unusual couple, or an offbeat group of mixed men and women, and mischievously nudge your date to redirect her attention to the spectacle as you openly ponder “what’s going on there?”. Bonding in this fashion should not be underestimated.

So imagine you are walking through a park or an outdoor festival and you and your date come across this sight (leaving aside for the moment any third party observational bias caused by the presence of a photographer):

(Pic courtesy of Peter)

How would you analyze this snapshot in time such that you demonstrate your superior knowledge of human relationships?

Three possible scenarios jump out.

Scenario One: it’s a prank! The girl in the ratty blue and white striped shirt, at the instigation of her cackling chubby American friends, sidled up to the ugly fat man to pretend she was his girlfriend, or at least to pretend to flirt with him, to the great amusement of everyone but the mark. You can surmise by her left hand deep in her jorts pocket and her knowing glance of collusion toward the laughing girls that she is not his date. Also, her right leg is bent at the knee, suggesting she is ready to dash back to the safety of the pig pen should the prank be discovered. Meanwhile, fat boy’s smile is likely the goofy grin of a guy who is happy to mug for the camera with a cute girl by his side, who doesn’t realize he’s being tooled. His raised red cup of piss water is an auto-toast to his doltishness and omega ranking on the mate value scale.

Scenario Two: it’s a player! What you see is an actual couple on a date. They may even be in love. He hoists his plastic tankard in celebration of his good fortune. His grin is the shit-eating variety of the man of confidence boffing a much hotter babe than people expect of him. His slovenly appearance is not the dress code of the fat quasimodo nerd, but the devil-may-care fashion statement of the bad boy who does not need the crutch of stylish clothes to pick up hot chicks. What about her? Well, she’s leaning into him slightly, which implies she is happy to be with him. Her clothes and hair drape with the disheveled insouciance of a girl who has recently received a powerful rogering from a very fat man with tits bigger than hers. She has turned to sheepishly acknowledge the three single piglets chortling at the ludicrousness of her boyfriend. Her smile is the leftover glow of a shared laugh she had seconds earlier with her humorous, portly Casanova, but which has morphed into a teeth-clenched grin of discomfort reflecting her unease with the laughter directed at her and her lover by the tri-lambchop sorority sisters.

Scenario Three: it’s pedestrian! All five of them are friends and are laughing about something happening in the distance behind the photographer. Or they’re just posing and laughing because they’re drunk. Sixteen Miller Lights can make a fart seem like endless high comedy.

Your turn. How would you describe this scene for your date? Reaction time counts toward your final score.

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Posted in Beta, Funny/Lolblogs, Tool Time | Comments Off

Values Compatibility And Sexual Attraction

Aug 31st, 2010 by

A reader wrote a while back about her thoughts on the importance of shared values to pickup and dating. Here she comments that men of a conservative political persuasion would not find love with liberal women, and would have to focus their dating efforts on meeting similarly conservative women (which she caricatured as belonging to three distinct groups):

So that leaves him with other conservatives. Call it values, attraction, whatever, but I only know of three types: God/family hunters; rich-diamond-buying-guy hunters; and caveman hunters.

I’ve dated a number of conservative women and they were just as cool as their liberal sisters. They weren’t golddiggers (and I speak as a man who brings game to the table that ensures the golddigger programming isn’t triggered), they weren’t abstaining “God hunters” (whatever religious impulses they had did not affect their voracious sexual appetites), and they weren’t the type to routinely date dunderheaded cavemen. They enjoyed the same things that most young women enjoy — indie music, art shows, movies, astrology, gossip, fashion, travel, water balloon fights. These universal female interests cross ideological boundaries.

Granted, none of the conservative women I dated were self-professed evangelicals, so I can’t say for sure that the coolness factor (or my sex life) wouldn’t take a nose dive if I limited my dating choices to that segment of the American population.

Re: hiding your politics and values from girls: People can avoid topics and keep views under wraps for a few weeks, maybe months. Major lifestyle differences, like “I don’t want kids,” or “I go to church every Sunday,” or even “I eat at McDonald’s (or refuse to)” are another story.

You’re doing it wrong if you think dating ideologically dissimilar people is about keeping topics “under wraps”. It’s nothing of the sort. Real sexual attraction and love circumvent that type of defensively dull mechanistic dating jive. It’s irrelevant to men with tight game, because “major lifestyle differences” would hardly ever be summoned, purposely or inadvertently, to move a seduction forward. That is because what builds attraction is not a discussion over national health insurance or the blessings of having kids. Sustained sexual attraction is an ancient instinct that reacts to certain mate value cues, and political conformity is not one of them. If anything, a girl can be *more* attracted to a man who is ideologically different from her, as long as he is passionate about his beliefs without being charmless in explaining them. Girls are often shocked into arousal by the presence of a man willing to speak his mind and refrain from obsequiously parroting her opinions.

Nevertheless, my experience with women shows that politics rarely comes up as a discussion topic during the pickup and the ensuing weeks of heady sexual thrill. If it does come up early on, I know that my game has failed and I have veered away from the bread and butter of what makes a seduction successful. This is true whether I bring it up (I rarely do) or she brings it up (less rare, but still not very common, even when dating urban yentas). If you are gaming a girl properly, the last thing on her mind will be your political affinity. She may briefly broach the subject (in which case I usually offhandedly dismiss it with a casual disclosure of my “independent, libertarian leanings”, a practically inarguable and unopposable political stance which freezes most girls into a nonreactive state. Libertarianism: autistic ideology, fantastic courtship lube), but if she’s smiling and getting horny, she won’t likely linger on any political topic of discussion. Remember, if she likes you and respects your alphaness, she’ll be unmotivated to challenge your political beliefs. A good rule of thumb: if a girl you are dating is giving you grief for your politics, walk away. She will prove to be a high maintenance witch on the warpath to de-ball you at every opportunity.

Now at some point down the road those arid and tingle-killing ideological, religious or political issues will rise to the fore. It is inevitable when you spend so much time with a girl that it becomes impossible to sequester zones of discussion in an unshared limbo. But ultimately it won’t matter if the girl loves the man. She’ll instead be more drawn to his standing firmly for his principles. Which leads us to…

Maxim #61: Among love’s many benefits is its capacity for diminishing to insignificance those differences that would have prevented its flourishing in the first place.

Corollary to Maxim #61: Avoid emphasizing any values differences until love, or a mind-blowing orgasm, has taken root.

Only a major crisis like a disagreement over having kids will present an eventual stumbling block that could be too high to hurdle. Usually those kinds of issues don’t make a nuisance of themselves until months — even years — into the relationship. The types of women who shrilly harp on the importance of “values compatibility” to dating are the same types of women who bring 463 bullet point mental checklists in all dealings they have with potential suitors. This attitude and lack of dating spontaneity makes them very unattractive and unfeminine and most men find it a turnoff. Women older than 28, overeducated women, women who have to fill their schedules with “events” and “classes”, and urban Jewish women tend to exhibit the worst of this behavior.

Having said the above, I will tell you a story about a girl I dumped over a political disagreement. She and I had been together for a good amount of time, but there was an undercurrent of mutual dissatisfaction neither one of us could quite put our fingers on. The sex was good and we did all the “right” things that couples are assumed by polite society to do together. But it felt forced, like we were self-consciously cognizant of our dance moves, and the rhythm and flow that should be the hallmark of a naturally progressing relationship had subordinated itself to carefully mimicking a placemat of numbered foot steps on the ground. On paper, we were good together, but paper is a flimsy palimpsest upon which to etch a living poem.

So it was that, wholly unexpected and random, we rapidly death-spiraled like mating eagles into a heated political discussion once and I chose not the path of diplomacy and conciliation, but the jagged cliffside rocks of immoveable obstinacy. I hurled facts and figures at her, the holy water to the emotionally vampiric female soul. She reacted as a startled vampiress would; shrieks and bared fangs, her pallor drained from her face in shock at my bombshell impudence. “Why is he not kowtowing to me?”, I could practically hear her hamster morse coding to the nether reaches of her brain.

She vainly attempted to parry me, but, as with most women, she was no match. In a fit of pique and sullenness, she snarled “I’m appalled that you think this way”. I said, “Get over yourself” and walked away. One week later, she called to leave me a message. I listened to the message, and never saw or spoke to her again.

The moral of this story should be obvious. The one time a political discussion was ostensibly the objective reason for a breakup was in fact proof that a political disagreement had nothing at all to do with the breakup. Among other things said, the message she left confirmed something both of us had been suspecting for a while:

“I just didn’t feel the magic was there.”

Our political incompatibility was merely a front for our underlying love incompatibility. An excuse to open the lid on a boiling pot of spiteful ennui.

Any escape hatch in a storm…

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Posted in Dating, Inner Beauty, Relationships | Comments Off

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