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Ass Game

Being a soldier is no guarantee of alphaness. Take a look at this photo sent in by reader keirin:

This is very beta body language. The ass is clearly turned off by this man’s approach. The leaning in is the obvious tell; he’s all up on that ass while the annoyed ass is about to tip from avoiding his overeager one-arm hug. Nothing will kill a pickup faster than forcing a phony chumminess on an ass. Except ass rape.

Also note his feet and how his toes are pointed inward. The pigeon-toed stance is a leading indicator of awkward betaness. The ass’s hooves, on the other hand, are assertively pointed outward. Powerfully alpha. It’s as if the gender roles are completely reversed, and the ass is the alpha male here. The soldier’s helmet propped at a jaunty tilt is a little bit douchey. This might work on Jersey shore asses, but not Afghani ones. What he’s doing right: his left hand is holding an imaginary drink at the proper, waist-high level. His sunglasses and flak vest are acceptable peacock gear, but his smile is try-hard. I hope he at least approached from the right angle. A surprise approach from behind could result in a swift kick to the nads.

The ass is not smiling and looks pissed at having to pose for a photo with this beta. The ass scans the valley for a Taliban cockblock savior, or perhaps a stray mule. Judging by the colorful blankets and entitlement complex, this ass is an attention whore, and thus not worth anything more than a barnyard pump and dump.

Conclusion: No ass for you! Next!


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