Anyone who has heard the complaints of married men about their wives’ letting it all go to pot after the first bite of the wedding cake would not be surprised by this study. As if there wasn’t already enough to argue against the raw deal for men that is modern marriage, we now have slovenly fatness to toss into the mix.
•Women in their teens and early 20s who continued to date but didn’t cohabitate gained an average of 15 pounds over five years; their male counterparts added about 24 pounds.
•Newly married women in that age group packed on 24 pounds in five years; newly married men gained 30 pounds.
That degree of gain wasn’t seen in couples who were living together but not married. Women gained 3 pounds more than their single peers — 18 pounds — and men gained 24 pounds.
Single people stay the thinnest, followed closely by cohabiting couples, and bringing up the (very large) rear are married couples. Since weight gain on men is not as deleterious to their romantic prospects nor as deal-breaking for the women who love them, the real extent of how structurally anti-pleasure marriage is reveals itself in the pounds packed on by the wives. A wife who stuffs her cakehole and bloats up by 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage is basically saying she doesn’t give a flying fuck about her husband’s desires. So she isn’t just a lardass she’s inconsiderate. Inner ugly marches lockstep with outer ugly.
“When people are dating, there may be more incentive to be thin,” Gordon-Larsen says.
The sexual market uber alles. What married couples don’t seem to grasp is that the rules have changed. Marriage is no longer a sanctuary from the unforgiving judgement of human mate preference. No fault divorce and a complete collapse of the old social prohibitions have ensured that.
Single young adults tend to be the most active, watch the least amount of TV and are the least likely to be obese, says Natalie The, a researcher at the University of North Carolina.
What does marriage have going for it anymore?
She says many factors probably contribute to couples’ weight, including having children, post-pregnancy pounds, having less time to exercise and eating out more or cooking bigger meals.
Or losing the incentive to keep yourself attractive to the opposite sex. No doubt many of these women married losers who aren’t flight risks, so why bother?
The 50% divorce rate is easy to understand once you know the cycle of life:
Man marries woman ——> woman’s goal is achieved (snag monogamous provider) while man’s goal (spread the seed) is thwarted ——> woman no longer feels need to be attractive to man ——> she gets fat ——> man loses interest in fucking her ——> woman becomes insecure over this and eats even more ——> she gets fatter ——> man drops all pretense of pleasing his fat wife and sits around belching, farting, drinking beer, watching sports, and forgetting anniversaries ——> woman resents man for this ——> woman shovels massive quantities of food down her gullet for comfort and pleasure ——> woman is now unrecognizable manatee ——> man escapes to nightly poker games with his buddies and quick jerks to porn ——> woman files for divorce ——> man loses half his money ——> woman uses this unearned windfall to hire personal trainer ——> woman loses weight remembering what it takes to please a man.
I have a question for all those fatass wives out there. Tell me, when the mirror mocks you and your husband finds the sight of you repulsive and your marriage crumbles around you in a deluge of bitter bitter tears, ask yourself… was the food worth it?
Many years ago, a girl I had been dating once offered to marry me, and I once offered to marry a girl I had been dating… within the same relationship. This is possible because the two events happened a year apart. She was quite a looker; tall, slender, exotically sculpted face… and an accent that directly aroused me via soundwave. After a few months of dating, she probed to see if I was ready to marry her (probing is the female equivalent of asking). But I was a rake and still intrigued by the pursuit of the fresh notch, so I hemmed and hawed and strung her along and generally treated her as an accessory.
Naturally, my complete indifference to her needs made her fall deeper in love with me. The more she clinged, the more I went to bars without her to try and supplement my relationship with sexual variety. The harder I pushed, the stronger she pulled. It did not help that when we went out together other women paid more attention to me. My girlfriend had become the perfect pickup prop.
Unless you are so deeply in love with your girlfriend that all other attractive women become abstract entities to you, you will find that having her accompany you on nights out is tantamount to psychological torture. You will get so much more flirting from women than you would have as a single man, and yet you will be able to do nothing about it. It’s like a thirsty man in the desert with one glass of lukewarm puddlewater to quench himself stumbling across an electrified cooler full of ice cold sodas and beer.
So the struggle in her was apparent. Her logical brain was telling her to leave me, while her emotions were running red hot to stay. It went on like this for another year, until the overtightening of reality finally started to strip the threading holding us together. She attempted escape a couple of times, but the aloofness was strong in me, foiling her intentions.
Lesson One: If you want to keep a girl around, act like you don’t mind if she’s not around. It helps to really feel this way.
Then the fates turned. It is only when a woman makes herself scarce that I want more of her. As she gradually, painfully extricated herself from the relationship I became drawn to her in a way I hadn’t felt since the first week of new lovers sex. The gears had shifted and were now grinding in the opposite direction. I stopped hitting on other women. I proactively suggested progressively more sophisticated and romantic dates and I began paying her way every time. Phone calls increased. Declarations of love poured forth. I didn’t realize at the time how my actions were poisoning the well. I just thought “Hey, she once wanted to marry me, so she’ll welcome my professions of love now.”
Lesson Two: If you want a girl to fall out of love with you, shower her with love.
Unsurprisingly, she grew cold and distant. The first warning sign was the extra time it took her to return my phone calls. The last warning sign was her saying “No, I don’t love you.” When my runaway emotions had crescendoed and I finally told her I wanted to marry her, she tsked and rolled her eyes.
The afternoon before the breakup we had the best sex ever. She orgasmed freely. There is something about breakup sex that brings out the animal in women. Perhaps it is the only time they can completely sever their emotions from sex and just let their vaginas take over with a man they trust. Or maybe it’s a last hurrah. I felt used for my body.
So that is how you have two marriage proposals in one relationship that don’t actually lead to marriage.
The breakup was painful but in retrospect it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I went on to many exciting adventures with women that I would have regretted missing out on if I had closed off the option by marrying my honey-voiced siren.
Lesson Three: When you really love a woman it will be A to B. Not A to D to B to C.
UPDATE: I’ve adjusted the scoring and categories a bit because the test was skewed somewhat toward lower scores. For those who have arguments with my scoring system, understand that it is based on averages. I’m sure everyone knows a 34 year old woman who is just as hot as the average 22 year old girl, but the exceptions don’t make the rules.
And a note on BMI: I used the 1959 Met Life height-weight insurance charts as guides as they are the most accurate (before American “grade inflation” made obese the new normal). A 5’10” 140lb woman would have a BMI of 20.1, which puts her well within the most desirable BMI category.
*****
If you are a woman, this test will measure your dating market value. The higher the number, the better quality man you can catch. The lower the number, the more likely you will find yourself surrounded by cats. Unlike the male version of this test, here I have added a sliding scale to some of the questions because this better reflects the outsized importance that certain factors have on a woman’s total sexual value.
Guys, you may take this quiz for your girlfriends or wives to see if you have settled for tepid sex once a week or if you always get hard looking at her and never forget her birthday.
1. How old are you?
15 to 16 years old: +5 points 17 to 20 years old: +10 points 21 to 25 years old: +8 points 26 to 29 years old: +3 point 30 to 33 years old: 0 points 33 to 36 years old: -1 point 37 to 40 years old: -5 points 41 to 45 years old: -8 points 46 to 49 years old: -10 points over 49: you’ve hit the wall. waysa?
2. How important is makeup to your appearance?
It slightly enhances my looks: 0 points I look like a different woman with makeup: -1 point I’m a natural beauty. My morning face looks the same as my evening face: +1 point
3. What is your IQ? (This relates tangentially to your ability to connect emotionally with a man.)
Under 85: -1 point 85 to 100: 0 points 101 to 120: +1 point 121 to 145: 0 points Over 145: -1 point
*****
The following ten questions deal with the physical attractiveness of your body.
4. Your breast size is:
Bee stings up to A cup: -1 point B cup: 0 points C cup: +1 point D cup, naturally firm: +2 points DD cup, firm: +1 point E cup and up: 0 points
5. Your breasts look firm and pert when you wear:
A bra: 0 points An underwire push-up bra: -1 point Nothing: +1 point
6. How long are your legs in relation to your height?
Long: +1 point Average: 0 points Short: -1 point
7. What is the shape of your ass?
Flat: -1 point Round and fleshy: +1 point Round, fleshy, and firm: +2 points Flat and saggy: -2 points Just average: 0 points
8. How flat is your stomach?
Cutting board flat: +1 point Slight pouch: 0 points Muffin top: -1 point Flabby beer gut and fupa: -10 points
9. How toned are your upper arms?
Very toned, I can see my triceps: +1 point Average, not flabby: 0 points If I hold my arm out, I can wobble the fat underneath my upper arm: -1 point
10. How big are your hands?
Delicate piano fingers, proportionally small: +1 point Average size: 0 points Manhands: -1 point
11. Where is there hair on your body?
My head and pubic area only: +1 point I have to shave my legs daily and wax my bushy eyebrows: 0 points I have dark forearm hair and a mustache: -1 point Nipples, asscrack, and that giant mole on my back: -2 points
12. Get a tape ruler and measure around your waist and your hips. Divide your waist number by your hip number. This ratio is:
0.65 to 0.75: +1 point 0.55 to 0.64: 0 points under 0.55: -1 point 0.76 to 0.85: 0 points 0.85 to 0.95: -1 point over 0.95: -2 points
13. What is your BMI?
(Go here to calculate your BMI. The scoring of female BMI varies somewhat from that of male BMI because aesthetics, not just general health, have to be taken into consideration.)
under 14.1: -10 points 14.1 to 15.0: -5 points 15.1 to 16.5: 0 points 16.6 to 17.4: +3 points 17.5 to 21.0: +10 points 21.1 to 23.0: +3 points 23.1 to 24.5: 0 points 24.6 to 28.0: -5 points 28.1 to 33.0: -10 points over 33.0: stop taking this quiz. you get nothing! you lose! good day madam!
*****
The next ten questions are the section of the test that measures your facial beauty. Since so much of a woman’s dating market value resides in the appeal of her face, I have chosen to examine some traits in finer detail. To illustrate how very subtle changes in facial characteristics can mean the difference between beautiful and ugly, look at these two photos:
I do not even have to label these photos because almost all my readers viewing them, men and women, will instinctively know which is the hot girl and which is not. Remember this the next time someone tells you beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
14. On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty are you?
Note: Do not bother soliciting the opinions of the following people, because they will not give you a truthful answer.
Your family. Your heterosexual female friends. Your homosexual male friends. Your heterosexual male friends who would sleep with you given the chance.
Instead, put your pic up on hotornot and check back in a week. Otherwise, go with what you’ve overheard through the grapevine by people who weren’t your close friends, or suck it up and try to be as honest with yourself as possible. Lesbians will also give you an accurate appraisal as long as it is through a third party and not directly to your face. Use the photos above as guidelines. Adjust your rating based on how close your facial morphology matches one or the other.
0: don’t bothering finishing this test. 1 to 2: -10 points 3 to 4: -5 points 5: -1 point 6: +2 points 7: +5 points 8 to 9: +8 points 10: +12 points
15. How clear is your skin?
No acne, blemishes, or poorly located moles: 0 points Some combination of the above: -1 point People are always telling you how silky smooth your skin looks: +1 point
Pencil thin: -1 point Average: 0 points Juicily plump: +1 point Weirdly oversized: 0 points
18. How high is your forehead?
Low: -1 point Average: 0 points High: +1 point
19. How long is your jawline from ear to chin?
Long: -1 point Average: 0 points Short: +1 point
20. How big is your chin?
Small: +1 point Average: 0 points Large: -1 point
21. How big is your nose?
Small: +1 point Average: 0 points Large: -1 point
22. In proportion to the size of your face, are your eyes:
Large and saucer-like: +1 point Normal-sized: 0 points Small and beady: -1 point
23. Is the distance between your eyes:
Wide: +1 point Average: 0 points Narrow: -1 point
The bottom line on female facial beauty is that as the lower half of her face becomes smaller and more delicate, making her eyes and cheekbones appear more prominent, the better looking she will be.
*****
The final eleven questions measure your femininity, sexiness, and pleasing personality traits. This is the closest to “game” that women have at their disposal. It isn’t much, which is why the scoring is lowest in this section.
24. You frequently wear sexy lingerie, even when not prepping for a hot date.
Yes: +1 point Special occasions only: 0 points Never. Ripped and stained comfy granny panties only: -1 point
25. When someone gets hurt you are the first to ask if they are OK and to deliver aid if needed.
Almost always: +1 point Occasionally: 0 points Almost never: -1 point
26. You are highly competitive and often play co-ed team sports.
Yes, and I will throw an elbow if necessary. My shelf is filled with trophies: -1 point I like to exercise on nice days with one on one sports like tennis: +1 point I’m competitive with other girls, but not guys: 0 points
27. When a guy approaches you in a bar, regardless of your attraction for him, you:
Smile and look at him: +1 point Pretend like you don’t notice him coming: 0 points Frown and tell him you’re talking to your friends before he even gets a chance to say Hi: -1 point
28. On a first date the check arrives for dinner and drinks. You:
Offer to split the check or even pay in full: +1 point Smile and thank the guy when he pays for the check: 0 points Forget to thank him after he pays for your ungrateful ass: -1 point
29. You are about to have sex with a guy for the first time. He undresses and his penis is small. Do you:
Tell him how great his cock looks and feels?: +1 point Say nothing: 0 points Look surprised and stifle a laugh: -1 point
30. You think blowjobs are:
Great! You give them spontaneously and there’s never any doubt how much you enjoy it: +1 point An obligation: 0 points Gross. You gave one after your BF proposed and spit it on his shoes: -1 point
31. Do you do anal?
Yes, and it makes me come to know how much it pleases my man: +1 point Only when I get really drunk: 0 points Never. It’s an exit only: -1 point
32. The number of sex positions you have tried is:
3 to 10: 0 points Missionary and doggy style only: -1 point I’m a contortionist: +1 point
33. How often do you curse?
I think I said damn once: +1 point I blurt out fuck and shit a few times a week: 0 points My mouth is a gutter: -1 point
34. You’d best describe your sense of fashion as:
I’m a label whore: -1 point I hide my body under baggy tees and ill-fitting jeans: -1 point I wear casual clothing that flatters my figure: 0 points I wear stylish clothing on weeknights and I can handle heels over 3 inches: +1 point My flip flops have my foot imprint in them: -2 points
*****
SCORING
There is a minimum of -83 points and a maximum of 64 points to earn based on the questions asked. The reason the minimum score goes lower than the maximum score goes high is because there are a few things, such as gross obesity, old age, or a major facial deformity, that seriously negatively impact a woman’s overall rating to the point of market extinction.
The scoring breaks down as follows:
-83: You are proof that god does not exist, but that satan does. -82 to -56: You’re an omega. If it makes you feel better you will have your choice of male omegas to bang. -55 to -40: The majority of men are disgusted by the sight of you. Your kind will suffer most when our sexbot overlords arrive. Losers hit on you constantly figuring they have a chance. -39 to -20: You were born to cockblock. But you’ll manage to marry a table scrap. -19 to -5: Lesser beta. The men you want make fun of you out of earshot. You spend many years learning how to settle for mediocre betas. -4 to 14: Classic beta. Your hot friends always gets hit on first, but if you really tramp it up you can snag a slightly better than average guy to take you home for a single night of commitment. 15 to 29: Greater beta. More than a few attractive guys will approach you. But if your personality is flawed you risk becoming a pump and dump victim. 30 to 43: You are officially a nascent alpha female. A lot of quality guys will hit on you and you will be able to pick and choose at your leisure. But don’t push it. You’re not quite hot enough to string guys along forever. 44 to 55: You’re a bona fide hottie. Nearly every guy who meets you agrees you are a hottie. So does every girl. This puts you in the top 1% of worldwide womanhood. With great power comes great responsibility, so try to limit the number of men you torture with blueballs and LJFB rejections to fewer than 100 in your social circle. As long as you are not a complete bitch, marriage with a top quality man will come easily to you. 56 to 63: Guys want you, girls want to be you. You are just short of perfection, which paradoxically means you will get hit on more than the super alpha females. You are a player’s greatest challenge, and his greatest reward, because unlike the perfect woman there is still something human about you. Sex, love, security, commitment, easy living… you have it all. Only your demons can defeat you. 64: Super Alpha. The world is yours. Life is an endless parade of joy and excitement. Your power is illimitable… for now.
I hope everyone noticed what was missing from this test:
Your job. The amount of money you make. Your accomplishments. Your social status and number of friends. Your deep and profound worldview.
Unlike the men who took my Male Dating Market Value test, I do not expect *any* women to be completely honest with themselves taking the Female Dating Market Value test. The female ego is simply way too fragile to absorb the shock of such a brutal self-assessment. Therefore, I will be mentally subtracting 10 points from every woman who posts her score here in the comments.
Here is a system for determining your dating market value if you are a man. Dating market value is a measurement of how you stack up against other men in the competition for attracting female interest. Be honest with yourself taking this survey. It will give you a fairly accurate assessment of the quality and number of women you are capable of attracting for a sexual relationship. Girls, you may take this quiz for your boyfriends to see if you are slumming it or about to be cheated on.
1. How old are you?
under 25 years old: 0 points 26-34 years old: +1 point 35-45 years old: 0 points 45+ years old: -1 point
2. How tall are you?
under 5’9″: -1 point 5’9″ to 5’11″: 0 points 6′ to 6’4″: +1 point over 6’4″: 0 points
3. What is your BMI?
(Go here to calculate your BMI. I know BMI doesn’t account for very muscular physiques, but since most men are not Lee Haney, it is adequate for this survey’s purposes.)
under 20.0: -1 point 20.0 to 24.0: +1 point 24.1 to 27.0: 0 points over 27.0: -1 point
4. How much do you bench press?
60% or less of your body weight: -1 point 61% to 80% of your body weight: 0 points 81% to 170% of your body weight: +1 point over 170% of your body weight: 0 points
5. What does your hairline look like?
Full head of hair if you are over 35: +1 point Full head of hair if you are under 35: 0 points Receding hairline if you are over 35: 0 points Receding hairline if you are under 35: -1 point Bald (age irrelevant): -1 point Bald but you are dark-skinned: 0 points
6. How much money do you make?
under $40K and you are out of college: -1 point $40K to $70K out of college and under 40 years old: 0 points over $70K out of college and under 40 years old: +1 point under $40K and you are college age or younger: 0 points $40K to $55K and over 40 years old: -1 point $55K to $90K and over 40 years old: 0 points over $90K and 40 to 55 years old: +1 point over $200K (age irrelevant): +1 point
7. Do you have a car?
No (under 21yo): 0 points No (over 21yo): -1 point Yes (under 21yo): +1 point Yes (over 21yo): 0 points No, but you have a motorcycle (age irrelevant): +1 point
8. Are you good-looking?
(Self-assessment is somewhat unreliable, so if you are uncertain of your looks post your pic on hotornot and wait a week for your score. Or get opinions from unbiased and blunt friends. Hashing out the biometric details of what makes a male face attractive would require another lengthy post, so for now these two methods are acceptable substitutes.)
On a 1 – 10 scale:
0 – 4: -1 point 5 – 7: 0 points 8 – 10: +1 point
9. Have you ever played a leading role in a team sport?
No: 0 points Yes: +1 point
10. What is your occupation?
(Since I won’t list every single high status job in the Department of Labor’s Occupational Handbook, you’ll have to make a judgment call on your own job. It’s a safe assumption that most people know a high status job when they see it.)
High status (doctor, lawyer, stockbroker, executive, professor, business owner, successful artist or musician or writer, professional athlete, etc.): +1 point Neutral status (engineer, programmer, accountant, salesman, mid level manager, scientist, military officer, well-paid tradesman, etc.): 0 points Low status (low paid blue collar, admin, construction, janitor, struggling web designer, help desk, etc.): -1 point
11. How many friends do you have?
0 to 3: -1 point 4 to 20: 0 points over 20: +1 point
12. How many friends have you met through the internet that you have never seen in person?
0 to 2: 0 points over 2: -1 point
13. When was the last time you went to a house party?
Within the past month: +1 point Between one month and one year ago: 0 points Over one year ago: -1 point
14. Have people besides your family called you funny?
None: -1 point A few have: 0 points Nearly everyone who knows me: +1 point
15. What is your IQ?
Under 85: -1 point 85 to 110: 0 points 110 to 130: +1 point 130 to 145: 0 points over 145: -1 point
16. At a party, which happens first – you approach someone or someone approaches you?
I approach someone first almost every time: +1 point I occasionally approach first: 0 points Someone normally approaches me first: -1 point
17. Have you ever been in a serious fight where real punches were thrown and you felt like you wanted to kill your opponent(s)?
No: 0 points Yes: +1 point Yes, with a girl: -1 point
18. Have you ever been arrested?
No: 0 points Yes: +1 point Yes, for child pornography or public exposure: -1 point
****
It’s best to answer the following four questions based on your past experience with similar scenarios. Who we really are is not what we wish we were but what we have always been.
19. You are on a second date with a girl. You go to kiss her. She turns her cheek to you and says “Slow down, I’m not that kind of girl.” You reply:
(A) “Sorry.” (B) “Yeah, well, no prob.” (C) “This could be trouble ’cause I’m that kind of guy.” *smirk*
If you answered (A), subtract a point. If (B), no points. If (C), add a point.
20. You’re chatting up a pretty girl you just met in a bar. After a few minutes she asks you to buy her a drink. You reply:
(A) “Sure.” (B) “I’m not an ATM.” (C) “No, but you can buy me one.”
If you answered (A), subtract a point. If (B), no points. If (C), add a point.
21. You’ve just met a cute girl in a club and have been talking with her for five minutes when she abruptly changes the topic to a raunchy conversation about her multiorgasmic ability. You respond with:
(A) a huge grin and an eager “Damn! That is HOT!” (B) a look of mild disdain. (C) a raised eyebrow while saying “Hey, thanks for the medical report.”
If you answered (A), subtract a point. If (B), no points. If (C), add a point.
22. The pickup has been going well. Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately. You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter. Do you:
(A) immediately grope her boob in return. (B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes. (C) kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second.
If you answered (A), subtract a point. If (B), no points. If (C), add a point.
And finally, the critical thinking portion of the quiz. The following questions are based on the progression of a single pickup attempt.
23. You go to a bar. Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves. The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you. In reponse, you:
(A) eye flirt back and forth a few times before approaching 20 minutes later. (B) immediately approach in a direct fashion maintaining strong eye contact with your target. (C) immediately approach but from an indirect angle, looking around the room distractedly on the way over to your target as if you might see an even prettier girl somewhere else, and finally delivering your opener from over your shoulder.
(A): -1 point (B): 0 points (C): +1 point
24. Who do you address first?
(A) the pretty girl. (B) the fat girl. (C) everyone.
(A): -1 point (B): 0 points (C): +1 point
25. After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?” You:
(A) say “No, I’m not gay!” (B) ignore her. (C) say “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”
(A): -1 point (B): 0 points (C): +1 point
26. In the middle of the conversation you have to pee. You say:
(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” (B) “Excuse me.” (C) nothing. Just go.
(A): -1 point (B): 0 points (C): +1 point
27. You’ve managed to get her outside your front door. There is obvious sexual tension. You want to close this deal. You say:
(A) “So, um, ah, see you around.” (B) “Why don’t you come inside?” (C) “I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water. But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”
(A): -1 point (B): 0 points (C): +1 point
****
SCORES
There are 26 points to earn or lose based on the questions asked. The scoring breaks down as follows:
-26: Why are you still alive? -25 to -20: You’re an omega. Celibacy has its charms. -19 to -15: You actively repulse girls. Your kind will usher forth the sexbot revolution. -14 to -10: You’re always getted foisted onto the warpigs. -9 to 0: Lesser beta. You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you. With much painful effort you can redeem yourself. 1 to 9: Classic beta. You catch some girls’ eyes, usually the ones you don’t want. Try not to make fatty fucking a lifestyle. 10 to 14: A few attractive girls in the bar will be intrigued by your presence. But you need game to close the deal. 15 to 19: Congrats, you have crossed the alpha Rubicon. A lot of cute girls will be pleased when you hit on them. But you can still fuck up by being yourself. 20 to 25: You’re a natural. Many hot girls check you out and forgive your occasional pickup blunders. You always have a look of sexual satisfaction on your face. 26: Super Alpha. Booty sticks to you like bird shit on car roofs.
Next: The Dating Market Value test for the ladies!
With eight wives and 67 children, Shahadeh Abu Arrar has given new meaning to the term “family man.”
Abu is 58 years old. Suffice to say, if his wives are still pumping out children this prodigiously, they are considerably younger than him. 67 children is what happens to a player who decides to forego condoms.
“There are many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things.”
Natural. He was probably learning indirect game when his fellow five-year-olds were building cardboard forts to keep out the girls.
Four veiled women, including two who said they were his wives, sat on the porch peeling vegetables.
It’s only the betas who don’t understand the concept of sexual division of labor and the proper roles for man and woman that will bring them happiness. Men who do well with women have a keen grasp of basic human nature. I read a study which showed that the most sensitive, new-agey pro-feminist men had the least sex partners while the neanderthal, sexist anti-feminist men had the most. And the most radical feminist chicks had way more sexual partners than their traditional anti-feminist sisters. Man-hating Take Back The Night chicks banging it out with the male chauvinist pigs. Sweet sweet irony.
Weepy pro-feminism Anita Hill-supporting emo men take note: Your spineless mr. mom posturing will not get you laid.
It’s interesting how in those Mormom polygamous families the husband is the sole breadwinner and all the wives are milling about their wing of the house doing domestic chores and watching the kids. None of these women seem to feel bad that the’ve missed out on the career track. Or that they’re sharing an alpha male.
It’s unclear how Abu Arrar supports his massive family. Camels, goats and a cow were grazing on his property. Yediot said he also receives about $1,700 in government handouts each month.
Total player. Lives on welfare and sponges off the work of his multiple younger wives who don’t demand that he wear a condom. The system can be beat. If all men knew this society would collapse.
“My first wife is my age, and today I hardly spend any time with her. Her children are big, and I leave her alone. I have younger wives to spend time with. Every night I decide which wife to be with,” Abu Arrar told the newspaper.
Lol. There’s nothing like trading up and letting the older models rust on the front lawn.
Activists said Abu Arrar’s story showed the urgency of raising literacy and education among Bedouin women. Many are pressured into marriage or feel they have no other options beside raising children
Moral of the story: Don’t educate women.
Polygamy — a great life. Those seven guys who didn’t get a wife don’t know what they’re talking about.
I have two or three favorite bars/lounges I like to take dates. I’d prefer to be more creative but logistics are just as important as venue atmosphere, so I always wind up asking girls to meet me at the same few bars. I live in an area densely packed with nightlife locations so it’s easy to arrange dates within walking distance of my place. It makes no sense for me to meet a girl at some swank new bar halfway across town because its heavy red drapes and array of candles look like it would facilitate the seduction process, when the best way to smoothly seduce her is to have her meet me at a place 20 yards from my front door.
Making return trips to the same bar with a different girl each time earns me knowing looks and smirks from the staff. I got a high five once and an “alriiiight romeo!” prompting my date to ask what that was all about. The bartender looked a little sheepish recognizing the bind he had put me in and quickly made up an acceptable story on the spot. I tipped him big.
Tipping generously means either future free drinks or hush money. It’s not necessary, of course, if you’re on friendly terms with the bar staff, but occasionally a new hire who doesn’t know you will need to have his or her palm greased to ensure their bar remains a safe haven for your player activities. Female bartenders are more difficult to bring on board because not only do they feel a remote obligation to protect the delicacies of their fellow sisters, but they will often become intrigued by you and your parade of girls. And female intrigue leads to jealousy leads to sabotage. You never want to have a woman conspiring against you because their skills of sabotage are far superior to men’s. You might leave for the bathroom for a minute and when you get back your date is interrogating you about your relationship history.
The worst thing you can do is tip poorly. If you have alligator arms when it comes time to reach for your wallet you will never hear back from dates you bring to that bar. Like it or not, tipping is a status marker and payola. Tip well, and you’ll find bartenders talking up your accomplishments and coolness and your date running her finger along the lip of her glass. Nothing beats third party endorsement.
Common American Man, this is how your life will unfold. You will start with dreams, big dreams. You will believe you are ordained for exceptionalism. You will reluctantly abandon your dreams as the years pass and reality inexorably descends upon you like a choking shroud of grit. That reality looks like this –
You will get older, uglier, and fatter with each year. Soon you will notice young women no longer take your flirtations seriously. Your sloth and social detachment will worsen until people don’t even bother to be polite around you. You will gradually lower your standards in what you want in a girl until desperation pushes you to marry a dumpy oinker well past her prime. You will rut with her once a week, then once a month, then holidays only. You will relieve yourself drearily masturbating in the middle of the night by the cold flickering light of your computer monitor while that bloated seacow who doesn’t give a shit for your desires snores in the bed you can no longer get a good night’s sleep in. Your one shred of solace will come from knowing your depreciating asset (AKA wife) will have as few options as you do virtually guaranteeing lifelong fidelity. Eventually you will have a couple of ungrateful snotty kids and your free time and discretionary cash will be completely obliterated. You will squander whatever morsels of opportunity come your way as you settle into an achingly dull job paying the median wage dutifully punching the clock as a faceless cog in the corporate machine greasing the soul-soaked gears of the global marketplace with your bitter bloody tears. You will silently mourn your impotent, shriveled manhood as the established order extracts the last penny of tribute from your broken spirit. You will numb the pain with alcohol, untold hours vegging in front of the TV, and leveling your character in World of Warcraft. Hours, days, months, years will slip away. Then, one lonely quiet cloudy day sitting in your well-worn easy chair, you’ll contemplate the arc of your life. And you’ll feel the gnawing grip of emptiness as the crushing weight of what a barren nothingness your existence proved to be presses down on you. Barely comprehending, you’ll shudder. And then, finally, the Grim Reaper will steal your last breath and you will disappear from the world as if you had never been here and when they bury you no one will really notice and no one will really care because in your whole life you never never never, not even once, stepped off the hamster wheel and did anything courageous or interesting or different.
And it will be too late when you realize that the chains clasped to your ankles and wrists were unlocked all along and you were always free to go.
I broke my previous record for number of consecutive days bumping into a different ex each time. I’m now at four straight days, although in the interest of accuracy one of those girls was a brief fling, making her ex status questionable.
Unfortunately, this city is not big enough to shelter me anonymously from failed relationships. Because of the threat of ex sightings, I can now no longer leave the house without looking my absolute best. I may soon have to hire a permanent escort with a minimum D cup to accompany me on any strolls around town so that I always have the upper hand should an ex happen by. The lowest possible hand is to be walking alone, unshowered, and sporting three days growth stubble when you bump into the ex sharing massive PDA with her new boyfriend. And she’s eight months pregnant. You will cringe at the look of pity in her eyes.
Having hand is important for any ex you meet, but it’s essential when the ex was the dumper rather than the dumpee. You never want to give an ex like that the satisfaction of thinking she made the right decision by leaving you. There is no better way to have her doubting the wisdom of dumping you than to parade an even hotter chick in front of her. It is an especially sweet victory when you are with your new girl and the ex is alone. You will barely be able to contain your smirk as your ex grits her teeth, nods her head robotically, and flashes a very insincere smile. Be sure to rub it in by dragging out the conversation as long as possible:
“yeah, great to see you, too. hey, how’s the atkins diet working out for you so far?”
Her painful, awkward squirming will be worth every delicious second. Take advantage of these opportunities because the fates align only a few times in your life to execute a flawless upper hand maneuver. One good ex-girlfriend humiliation is equivalent to a lifetime Prozac prescription.
The emotional anguish of seeing an ex depends a lot on how it ended.
You Dumped Her And Did Not Feel Bad About It
Zero ex issues. You are completely indifferent to her and will not care how you are perceived by her in the event of a chance meeting. A totally chill and relaxed conversation ensues. This, of course, will arouse her enough to rush home and masturbate to fond memories of you.
You Dumped Her And Felt Bad About It
Both of you will feel awkward, thus ensuring the world’s shortest conversation. If you are with a girl and your ex is alone, you will feel really bad and act to hide your new girlfriend’s presence by physically stepping in between her and your ex. You will also do the right thing and stop tonguing down your girlfriend long enough to spare your ex’s feelings.
The Breakup Was Mutual
1% of breakups are truly mutual. The other 99% are painful because no matter what anyone says, one person in the equation didn’t want it to end. Amicably mutual breakups are great because they are the only instances when the formerly sexual relationship can evolve into a fulfilling asexual friendship. Under no other circumstances can, or should, you ever be “friends” with an ex. Acquaintances, sure. Friends, no.
She Dumped You And You Handled It Like A Man
While seeing your ex will cause a knot to grow in your chest, at least you will shine with the pride of knowing you walked away from the breakup with your balls fully descended. Consequently, you will be able to manage a non-weird exchange with her. Use this opportunity to flirt with abandon as a reminder of the long-ago sexy man she opened her heart and her vagina for. She will win if you act like a desexualized buddy with her, so be the cocky oversexed player that you were before the relationship domesticated you and deny her that win.
She Dumped You And You Handled It Like A Mewling Beta
The worst case scenario. You still want her, you are ashamed of your pathetic beggar’s response to the breakup, and your wounded pride demands revenge. With the deck so egregiously stacked against you, there is little chance you will rein in your runaway emotions, constricting airway, and cotton mouth in her presence. Only those with the most impressive state control can look the basilisk in the eye and walk away unpetrified. Your best bet is to have fortune favor you so that your ex bumps into you while you are out with a new girl on your arm. Note of caution: if your new girl is uglier than your ex, you will feel like an even bigger loser than before.
Clarification: *By younger, I mean 5+ years younger than me and legal. Pervs. *By older, I mean closer to my age (not more than 4 years younger) and up.
Younger Met a girl for a date at a county park. She had arrived first and was sitting on a swing. I pushed the swing before either of us exchanged any words. She wheee-ed with joy. I then chased her around parked cars in the parking lot.
Older Asked a girl to meet me at the park for frisbee. She declined, saying she didn’t want to step in dog poop.
Younger Made out passionately with her and digitally aroused her under a streetlamp at 4AM.
Older She told me “could you please close the blinds before we start?” when we were about to have sex.
Younger Talked about double-headed dildos.
Older Talked about the housing market.
Younger Ordered a beer. And then another. And another. And another.
Older Returned the hummus because it wasn’t the right consistency.
Younger Squealed happily with faux indignation when I called her a brat.
Older Got seriously offended when I called her a brat.
Younger Was completely open to visiting new places and trying novel things on dates.
Older Had to be home by 11 for a big meeting the next morning.
