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Dodged The Same Bullet Twice

This post is also available in: German

Many years ago, a girl I had been dating once offered to marry me, and I once offered to marry a girl I had been dating… within the same relationship.  This is possible because the two events happened a year apart.  She was quite a looker; tall, slender, exotically sculpted face… and an accent that directly aroused me via soundwave.  After a few months of dating, she probed to see if I was ready to marry her (probing is the female equivalent of asking).  But I was a rake and still intrigued by the pursuit of the fresh notch, so I hemmed and hawed and strung her along and generally treated her as an accessory.

Naturally, my complete indifference to her needs made her fall deeper in love with me.  The more she clinged, the more I went to bars without her to try and supplement my relationship with sexual variety.  The harder I pushed, the stronger she pulled.  It did not help that when we went out together other women paid more attention to me.  My girlfriend had become the perfect pickup prop.

Unless you are so deeply in love with your girlfriend that all other attractive women become abstract entities to you, you will find that having her accompany you on nights out is tantamount to psychological torture.  You will get so much more flirting from women than you would have as a single man, and yet you will be able to do nothing about it.  It’s like a thirsty man in the desert with one glass of lukewarm puddlewater to quench himself stumbling across an electrified cooler full of ice cold sodas and beer.

So the struggle in her was apparent.  Her logical brain was telling her to leave me, while her emotions were running red hot to stay.  It went on like this for another year, until the overtightening of reality finally started to strip the threading holding us together.  She attempted escape a couple of times, but the aloofness was strong in me, foiling her intentions.

Lesson One:  If you want to keep a girl around, act like you don’t mind if she’s not around.  It helps to really feel this way.

Then the fates turned.  It is only when a woman makes herself scarce that I want more of her.  As she gradually, painfully extricated herself from the relationship I became drawn to her in a way I hadn’t felt since the first week of new lovers sex.  The gears had shifted and were now grinding in the opposite direction.  I stopped hitting on other women.  I proactively suggested progressively more sophisticated and romantic dates and I began paying her way every time.  Phone calls increased.  Declarations of love poured forth.  I didn’t realize at the time how my actions were poisoning the well.  I just thought “Hey, she once wanted to marry me, so she’ll welcome my professions of love now.”

Lesson Two:  If you want a girl to fall out of love with you, shower her with love.

Unsurprisingly, she grew cold and distant.  The first warning sign was the extra time it took her to return my phone calls.  The last warning sign was her saying “No, I don’t love you.”  When my runaway emotions had crescendoed and I finally told her I wanted to marry her, she tsked and rolled her eyes.

The afternoon before the breakup we had the best sex ever.  She orgasmed freely.  There is something about breakup sex that brings out the animal in women.  Perhaps it is the only time they can completely sever their emotions from sex and just let their vaginas take over with a man they trust.  Or maybe it’s a last hurrah.  I felt used for my body.

So that is how you have two marriage proposals in one relationship that don’t actually lead to marriage.

The breakup was painful but in retrospect it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I went on to many exciting adventures with women that I would have regretted missing out on if I had closed off the option by marrying my honey-voiced siren.

Lesson Three:  When you really love a woman it will be A to B.  Not A to D to B to C.

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