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Did everybody have lunch? Good, because you’re about to have it again! Behold (with a wide-angle lens), a primer on how to have fat sex. You’re about to enter (at orbital velocity) a world of fatties describing their sex lives and the necessary…adjustments….they must make to accommodate their morbid obesity to nature’s most instinctive act. Say hello to Corpulent Clarissa:

If you are uncomfortable talking about bodies or genitalia or fat people doing normal human things, then you should probably watch a different channel. Because we’re going to be talking about that today and lots of days following this.

When you’re unloved and alone, talk is all you’ve got.

So, some of you have seen my last video about fat sex and dating and I kind of just started to skim the surface on that one and I am going to change the format of how we do these videos just a little bit.

Skim the #FatSex surface. Like trying to skip a stone across the Pacific Ocean.

I’m going to answer one question at a time and I’m going to try to be more detailed about each answer. We will see how that goes.

Spare no detail. ISIS recruitment videos don’t offer enough gore to satisfy.

It’s a lot earlier than I usually film videos right now, so the sun is weird, my hair is weird, I feel very weird about this whole thing.

Fat chicks always feel weird when they can’t control 100% of their environment before a public viewing. Human-looking slender beauties don’t have this feeling.

So this is the question that I get the absolute most in my inbox, and it says, “I have a very large, gorgeous belly. Sometimes it gets in the way of certain positions. Do you have any advice for fat accessible sex positions?”

Forklift, crowbar, antiemetics.

I’m 30 and I’ve slept with a lot of people, and you kind of learn these things after sleeping a bunch of people.

The classic fat chick hamsterbrag. Fat women don’t have the slutty sex lives they want the world to believe. There aren’t tons of men, let alone quality men, banging down the fatty’s door for a bedroom romp. However, the fat girl who opens herself (heh) to the right demographic can rack up an impressive and emotionally scarring muhdik count.

First and foremost, all bodies have different abilities and it is essential to communicate those abilities with your partner. It’s just a really good idea to vocalize your limits before or during sex just so that the person or people that you’re having sex with know where your limitations on your body are. These are things that all people need to talk about.

The women with the least amount of experience with real men are also the women whose sex advice would most quickly and assuredly kill the seduction buzz. Could you imagine lawyerly hammering out pre-coitus contract negotiations with a girl about her “limitations” before unhooking her bra and sliding a finger under her panty elastic? Me neither.

This does not just apply to fat people. Some fat people have limitations on what they can do and some don’t.

I’ll guess the fatter the woman, the more limitations. Past some point of metric tonnage, you’d need dynamite and a pile driver before hitting pink fold.

I do yoga

walrusyoga

and I stretch and I do all sorts of stuff, but if my hips are spread for a very long amount of time, they get very sore. So one of the things that I do to help prevent my hips from getting sore, is I use very stabilizing methods.

Rebar?

So if my hips are spread then I like to put a pillow under my knees so that my hips are not bearing the weight of holding my legs up.

Each leg weighing the same as a small Toyota, you can understand why fatties have to spend so much time worrying about load-bearing positions.

Or if I’m on the edge of the bed and my partner is standing here and I am laid on the bed, I will put my feet on a chair or something, on each side of my partner. That way, my feet are bearing some of the weight of my legs and not just my hips.

What did the chairs do to deserve such abuse?

Another really common problem is having some knee issues and having issues putting pressure on your knees.

One of the biggest (heh) quality of life issues that dogs fatties is joint disintegration.

So if you like to ride your partner – whether they have a penis or a strap-on

? Rick/The Strapon Within’s secret life of HB harem smashing revealed!

[or] you’re just down to grind it – is to, instead of kneeling down on the person, to actually sit on the person.

Torture that was banned from Guantanamo for excessive cruelty.

You can also have your partner put pillows under their pelvis while you’re riding them to make penetration just a bit easier and to elevate their pelvis so that it is closer to your goodies.

I’m dying here! “After your woefully unsuited normal-sized penis penetrates fifty layers of blubber, you will hit the fat chick’s goodies, which is just a month-old piece of cake (plus plate and fork) that got wedged in the fatty’s vagina when she sat on it.”

This means that if you are somehow getting squished or if your thighs are being pinched somewhere somehow, you are allowed to take a handful of your belly and move it around if you need to.

This is how she found a pot roast, her (traumatized) cat, and that strap-on from last week.

You can also spread your thighs. You can ask your partner to spread your butt.

With the Jaws of Life. PS Jesus spewed.

You can do whatever you want. It is your body. You are allowed to make it as accessible and pleasurable as is physically possible.

Fat chicks are very concerned about accessibility.

If they’ve been dating you or even if they’ve only had one date with you, they know if you have a fat belly before you get naked. So you’re not going to shock them when you lift your belly up a little bit and move it.

Clothing can’t hide the fat chick’s size, but it can hide the gross details of her fatscape, like the rolls, the cottage cheese dimples, the massive underhang crease of her fupa….

So generally, when you do take the time to adjust yourself and make sure that you’re at the right angle or to make sure that nothing’s uncomfortable, your partner gets really excited about it as well.

And it usually feels really, really good for them.

Imagine how desperately horny a man would have to be for fatsex to feel “really, really good”. If he’s at that stage of indiscriminate horniness, car exhausts and poodle rectums would satisfy him.

And the fact of the matter is: No matter what position you are trying, the part of sex that is going to be the most fulfilling and make it feel the best is being able to communicate with your partner about your body.

#FatSex = logistical nightmare that requires hours of planning and coordination.

A year from now, you may be having sex with a totally different person. They might have different genitalia; they’ll almost certainly have different limitations with their body.

“different genitalia”. This is something people with few romantic options say. Cast a wider net and all that.

Fat people can absolutely have super fulfilling, phenomenal sex lives.

The land whale doth blowhole too much.

I think next up on the channel, we are going to talk about sex toys specifically for fat people and fat couples.

Will this talk include wiping implements?

CH Maxim #42: Those who bitch loudest about “consent” are women with few opportunities to give it or men with few opportunities to receive it.

The video of “fatgirlflow” discussing fatsex (if you have an urge to put porky mug to words):

PS Related, these were the recommended Everyday Feminism sharticles linked at the bottom of the FatSex post:

fatsexfriends

Bullies do nothing wrong.

[crypto-donation-box]

Da gbfm and yours truly are on the same lollzolzy page. From Le Chateau, circa 2008:

The result of all this government largesse is the substitution of handouts for husbands. When provider males who are predisposed to marry and support a family are worth less on the market than they used to be they are slowly replaced by playboys taking advantage of the sexual climate. Women who have their security needs met by Big Government (in combination with their own economic empowerment) begin to favor their desire for sexy, noncommital alpha males at the expense of their attraction for men who will foot the bills.

Prediction: As women’s financial status rises to levels at or above the available men in their social sphere, they will have great difficulty finding an acceptable long-term partner. The men, for their part, will turn away from emphasizing their ability to provide as they discover their mediocre-paying corporate jobs are no longer effective displays of mating value. They will instead emphasize the skills of “personality dominance”.

And here’s da gbfm, this week’s COTW winner, explaining the well-known connection between women and leftism:

hey hertaistetsts!! dA after much study nd reflectionsz like PLATO, da GBFM figured sometinsgz outs eiculicd logicalz!!

why do so many women vote for leftist governmentsz?

because leftist govenerments enforce da Alpha fux beta bucks system at gun point!!

obammasz tellz womenz “if you vote for me, you can ficky ficy and butthext all da thugsz, and i will criminalize white mensz for complimenting your hair in the workplace, and send da police state to grab and sconfisce da BETAs tax dollarsz zlzzlzloo and give them to you and your bastard chcildrenz, if yo vote for mez and da obammsz kangz lozlzoozolzozo”

So true it hurtslzlzlzllolz. Eunucho-tyranny.

more gbfm poetry,

once upon a time
teh great reformes said things like
“a chicken in every pot”
and
“A car in every garage”
and
“A family in every home”
todya the eneeoocn berenankerkieisi say, “lotsas cockas in every buttholeelllzlzolooloio lzozozl”

…and in every public bathroom.

PS There’s now a study which has confirmed (years late) both the Heartistian and GBFMian observations of the postmodern sexual/marital markets.

As predicted by a simple model of marital decision-making under uncertainty, we document that adverse shocks to the supply of ‘marriageable’ men reduce the prevalence of marriage and lower fertility but raise the fraction of children born to young and unwed mothers and living in in poor single-parent households. The falling marriage-market value of young men appears to be a quantitatively important contributor to the rising rate of out-of-wedlock childbearing and single-headed childrearing in the United States.

Two cardinal results help to weave these many empirical strands together. A first is that trade shocks faced by the U.S. manufacturing sector—which employs a disproportionate share of male workers—reduce the economic stature of men relative to women. Consistent with this pattern, shocks to male-intensive manufacturing industries are particularly destabilizing to marriage-markets. A second broad result, predicted by our model and strongly affirmed by the data, is that gender-specific shocks to labor-market outcomes have strikingly non-parallel impacts on marriage-market outcomes. Male-specific shocks reduce overall fertility, but reduce it by less among teens and unmarried mothers than among older and married mothers, thereby increasing the fraction of children born out of wedlock and living in poverty. Conversely, female-specific shocks have more modest effects on overall fertility but reduce the share of births to teens and unmarried mothers, thus raising in-wedlock births and reducing the fraction of children living in single-headed households. These patterns are consistent with our model in which a decline in the quality of male partners makes single motherhood a more attractive option to young mothers, while a decline in female earnings potential increases marriage rates conditional on fertility. Netting over the effects of secularly falling male earnings and improving women’s labor-market conditions during recent decades, our model predicts a reduction in both fertility and marriage, a rise in the fraction of children born out of wedlock, and an increase in the prevalence of children living in single-headed and poor households. These patterns are evident in the aggregate data and, moreover, hold as causal relationships within local labor markets when we isolate plausibly exogenous shocks to earnings opportunities overall and by gender.

Chateau Heartiste, January, 2008:

So why are women now the eager instigators of divorce? What changed in the culture? Four things, primarily: the pill, easy divorce, women’s economic independence, and rigged laws that make divorce a good financial prospect for women. The four sirens of the sexual apocalypse together have created the perfect sociological storm where a woman has every incentive in the world to ditch a husband to follow the whims of her heart once his usefulness has been exhausted.

Female economic independence is the default setting when labor shocks adversely affect the economic and job prospects of men. Single mommery and alpha fux follows from that. The Trump phenomena is as much about working and middle class men striking out against an unfair economic and immigration system deliberately arranged to leave them behind as it is about beta males expressing their subconscious displeasure with the regressive, death match sexual market that has inevitably taken form as they have lost a chunk of their SMV currency.

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*scraaaaatch*

*freeze frame*

Let me tell you why I preen so much. Because ¡SCIENCE! can’t stop slobbing the CH knob!

The Chateau was out there early laying realtalk on the stubborn ears of the eunuchracy about the male enthusiasm for no strings attached sexual release and the opposite female preference for sex swaddled in the comforting confines of commitment.

Now a study had rediscovered the wisdom of the ancients: Women regret one night stands, men regret not having more one night stands.

Feminists have striven for decades to emancipate women sexually, but when it comes to casual promiscuity, the female of the species is still more straight-laced than the male. And evolution is to blame.

The prime lie of feminism is that women are sexually and romantically wired like men. Therefore, the feminist goal of liberating female sexuality from any and all constraints will run headlong into the reality that women don’t do well pursuing the same sexual liberation that men take to more instinctively.

Only one in three women said they were happy about their casual sex experience, compared to more than 50 per cent of men.

However far more men regret saying no to a one night stand than women. Eight in 10 women said they were glad that they had said no to a recent opportunity for casual sex, compared to just 43 per cent of men.

FYI any aspiring womanizer should read this as evidence that it’s the smart move to push a woman for sex sooner rather than later. Waiting too long allows more time for her to rationalize reasons not to sleep with you. Use a Trump tactic and “flood her zone” (double entendre intended).

(The 43% of men who regretted their one night stands were the ones fucking fatties.)

“We’re not saying that there aren’t men who regret casual sex,” added Prof Kennair. “But it is far more common for women to regret saying yes. They are also less unequivocally happy about the experience.

“Women regretted having a one-night stand the most, but they weren’t sorry about saying no at all.”

High cock count sluts have that tell-tale thousand cock stare for a reason: they’re wracked with regret and a gnawing feeling of worthlessness.

Men in the study were also found to enjoy the actual sex more, with more men saying they had achieved orgasm than women.

Feminists BTFO……..by literally thousands of years of common human knowledge about sex differences!

“Due to selective pressure from the big difference in parental investment, one would expect men and women to regret different aspects of casual sex decisions: having casual sex with the wrong partner versus missing a casual sexual opportunity,” the authors conclude in the study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology.

Men can theoretically father thousands of children and are only limited by the supply of willing, fertile women. In the past those who could reproduce freely could have so many children that it would not matter if some did not survive.

The “scatter-gun” strategy means that the quality of a sexual partner for men does not have to be as high as for women, the study suggests. Men who moved from woman to woman and got them pregnant would have scored best in the evolutionary race.

When Whites and Asians evolved in their high paternal investment environments outside of Africa and its particular selection pressures, the men picked up a stronger discriminatory taste in women because they would be sticking around to help raise their kids. So this evo psych assertion needs trimming to account for race differences in male mate acquisition. Black men honestly will fuck anything, and that simply doesn’t apply to nonblacks to the same degree.

However for women, partner quality is far more important and adding additional sexual partners does not increase their chance of reproductive success.

The BLEEDING obvious.

“Many social scientists expect that in sexually egalitarian cultures such as Norway, these sex differences would disappear. They do not. This fact makes the findings on sex differences in sexual regret in modern Norwegian people so fascinating scientifically.”

Nordic Feminism is a luxury of a decadent people who can afford to entertain lies and fantastical interpretations of human nature.

The researchers conclude that cultural changes since the 1960s have not altered underlying gender differences in how men and women view sex.

The God of Biomechanics laughs at your idiotic human ideals.

[crypto-donation-box]

The Berkeley Effect

berkeleymasculinize

Freshman – would marry.
Sophomore – would date.
Junior – would bang.
Senior – would mistake for a boy.

The Berkeley Effect isn’t limited to Berkeley. Libtard colleges and universities all over the West are busily turning our fresh-faced innocent waifs into indoctrinated man-hating aggrocunts with chips on their shoulders and sexual histories that would scandalize de Sade. There’s a Frenchman on Twatter who runs an account (@adoisdepois?) dedicated to showcasing the university corruption of these delicate flowers into hardened cuntzu. Every week he features a random girl who has undergone the nightmare transformation that occurs after four years of university: from a pretty girl with long, natural hair color into a brutalist feminist with short, laboratory hair.

Save our women, cleanse academia in fire.

Any parent of a daughter would be smart to encourage her to marry young and marry well, and to start popping out kids instead of destroying her number one asset — her feminine beauty and charm — at a university delusion mill. Leave the multiple degrees and cubicle careerism for the ugly women who never had a chance in the marriage market.

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Fake it till she betrays it. A study found that a woman who fakes her orgasms a lot is also more likely to cheat.

According to a new study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, women who regularly fake orgasms were less faithful.

The survey studied 138 women and 121 men in heterosexual relationships and asked them about climaxing and cheating.

While the intensity and frequency of female orgasms had little bearing on whether women had cheated before or were likely to cheat in the future.

But there was a definite link between the number of times a woman faked her climax and how likely she was to cheat.

Women have a dual mating strategy. They evolved to reassure beta providers, and to rock their ovaries with fly-by-night alphas. A woman who is especially skilled at, and motivated to, fake her orgasms is a woman pursuing her dual mate strategy of comforting a lovemaking beta and convulsing with a raw dogging alpha.

Be aware of the female infidelity red flags, especially this giant banner. The healthiest relationships are those entered with clear eyes, full heart, and Girl Two in the kitty.

[crypto-donation-box]

I gotta get something off my privileged pale pecs. Male urbanwear/street fashion/business casual has really taken a nosedive in the last few years. Skinny pants that hug the leg and ankle or end halfway up the calf? Jeans so tight and femininely contoured that men wearing them sashay and look like they have birthing hips? Sweatpants cuffed at the ankle and leaving enough saggy material in the rump to hold a deuce? All-day pajamas?? Worse, pajama tops that don’t even match the bottoms?

WTF is this infantile androgynous shit? I can’t understand how any woman would be attracted to this look on a man. It’s as if the world’s fashion designers got together and declared, “How can we make men look as unmasculine as possible?”

Related, at about the same time male fashion started sucking androgyne nub, the amount of floor space clothing retailers have devoted to the men’s section has shrunk considerably. Either men aren’t buying clothes for themselves because they have no money and no hope of attracting a woman, or fashion has gone 100% gay homosexual. Or the internet has allowed the vidgya game-playing, porn-fapping, dropped-out generation(s) of men to subsist on the barest clothing essentials: t-shirts and underwear.

They way we’re heading, men’s underwear may soon be out of style, replaced by manties or an arrow and a “gloryhole input” sign.

[crypto-donation-box]

A photo of a well-dressed couple on a date, taken in the 1920s. (h/t Shiv Sharpening Apprentice)

1920sdate

That’s the classic “package display” alpha male position. Leg up, pelvis thrust jauntily forward, one hand resting on hip the other hand landing some sweet prime time kino on the girl.

There are few men in our present day who would impudently impose upon a woman like this. One, he’d have to worry about some mentally unbalanced feminist twat blowing a rape culture whistle in his face. Two, testosterone levels are down across the board. This is not idle speculation; American men really have experienced a major decline in T over the last few generations. Most of today’s emasculates feel more comfy tightly crossing their legs like women and daintily folding their hands in their laps.

CH Maxim #30: Men who get laid impose themselves on women. If your aggressive body language around women feels a little uncomfortable to you, you’re doing it right.

[crypto-donation-box]

Flooziognomy Is Real

Slut eye is real.

It really is easy to identify a slut by her appearance and mannerisms.

Yes, Vaginia, ¡SCIENCE! confirms the wisdom of the womanizers: You can tell long before she’s tapped your bank account if a woman is commitment-worthy, or courtesan-dirty.

What your face says about your mating preferences

Three-quarters of people can tell your mating preferences just from looking at your face. […]

Men who have large noses, square jaws and small eyes, are apparently telling the world they prefer short-term relationships, research finds.

Women with larger lips and wide eyes are sending the same short-term relationship signal — whether they like it or not.

I.e., more neotonously feminine women (the eternal ingenue).

The conclusions come from a study in which people were shown faces and asked to guess their attitudes to:

  • Short-term relationships,
  • one-night stands,
  • and sex without love.

Incredibly, 72% accurately identified the sexual attitudes of men and women just from photos of their faces.

Women who enjoy those three romantic options are more likely to be sluts than women who prefer long-term committed relationships. So what this study has revealed is that men can tell by a woman’s face if she’s inclined to ride the cock carousel on repeat and then spend her post-roadie whore years a raving neocon Russophobe, or if her lifetime cock notches can still be counted on one hand.

The study doesn’t mention it, but it’s a good bet more men than women prefer STRs, ONSs, and NSA sex, although I’ve no doubt our Fifty Shades of Faceborgian modwomen are catching up to their porn-satiated mansupials. Nevertheless, knowledge is power, especially knowledge of the sexual market, and it’s in every man’s interest (even the sniveling manlets’) to know if the women he wants to meat will go all the way right away or if they’re worth slow-cooking to a mushy suburban bliss.

[crypto-donation-box]

Turns out he’s pretty much like what you’d figured him to be: big-hearted, friendly, funny, and genuine. He’s the kind of man proles love not necessarily because he’s one of them (although he is in some ways) but because he has a down to earth, relaxed, unpretentious, cheerfully combative demeanor that resonates with proles. He’s masculine, in other words.

Based on an insider tip, an Independent Journal Review reporter managed to gain entry to an unannounced private dinner at the Trump Hotel in Washington, DC, that was attended by President Trump and others in his inner circle. No media were invited to nor informed of the dinner; this reporter had access to Trump when his guard was down, which makes for a very rare glimpse of Trump the President when he’s out of the media spotlight enjoying the company of friends.

8:17 PM: Without any announcement or indication, President Trump enters the hotel lobby which bears his name, flanked on all sides by the Secret Service. Shock and astonishment fill the guests in the room. The woman next to me screams “Is it him? It’s really him! Oh my God! This is like a dream!” Trump is rushed by fans in the lobby as he makes his way to the steakhouse. Secret Service makes a barrier for him, and the President waves and shakes hands on his way. The young crew are the first in line. Also waiting in line as the President arrives is Nigel Farage.

***

One woman shouts at him “Donald, it’s my birthday!” Trump stops and says “Happy birthday,” as he hugs the elated woman. “How about a birthday present? Let’s take a photo,” he says to her, afterward telling the woman she looks very young and has great skin.

***

8:30 PM: Trump leaves the Tillersons to their date night and heads back to his table. I get ahead of him and squeeze in one question, asking the President if he will be attending the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this year. “No,” he says with a smirk, “You like that?” The crowd around me cheers in agreement as Trump sits down with his party.

***

8:45 PM: Trump is served his entree. According to a waiter, who wished to remain anonymous:

“The President ordered a well-done steak. An aged New York strip. He ate it with catsup as he always does. The sides and appetizers on the table were shared. Three jumbo shrimp cocktails were delivered before the meal. At one point, the President looked at his watch and remarked ”They are filming ‘Saturday Night Live’ right now. Can’t wait to see what they are gonna do to me this week.“ It was hard to serve him because he is so funny and relaxed, it makes you laugh.”

Trump talks jovially with his guests for the next two hours. His iconic hand motions fill the space as dinner is served.

***

10:14 PM: Trump and his party get up to leave. The president is stopped momentarily for selfies and handshakes. discreetly, Trump can be seen handing cash to one of the latino busboys for his table. The president handed the young man a $100 bill.

trumptipbusboy

The President exits the restaurant and addresses a long line of adoring visitors waiting for him in the hotel lobby.

trumpselfie

Still no hoverhand.

They say the Office changes the man. I say Trump will change the Office. And not a moment too soon.

[crypto-donation-box]

Office Game

We don’t write about Office Game as much as we could, given the sheer beta-hours spent by so many aspiring womanizers in office spaces, but the fact is that the business and culture environments have changed to make it a lot more difficult to flirt with (let alone pick up) girls at work, if you aren’t the boss. It’s still good policy to not shit where you eat/don’t dip your pen in the company ink. But there remain sufficiently deniable and fun ways to flirt with cutie coworkers that will sail under the radar of HR ballcutters.

Reader archerwfisher reminds us how to liven up the cubicle farm by porting over an idea he read at this blog:

Off topic, but toyed with a game tactic I read on here and loved the result. Remember reading about little kid game?

Cute white girl coworker at work, sits at the cube across the aisle from me. We’ve talked a little and she seemed flirty, or maybe she’s just a flirt. Towards the end of the day she started yawning loudly now and then.

What did I do? Shoot rubber bands at her after each yawn, of course. So mature, a 25 year old shooting rubber bands at a 22 year old. She absolutely loved it, like a cat chasing a ball. She’d yawn then turn around and look at me, grinning, waiting for me to shoot a rubberband at her.

Read the Chateau, apply it to your life… live better.

That’s good stuff. Chicks dig the slow tease and saucy taunt. Teasing displays a man’s ZFG attitude and preselected prowess; men who care too much what women think of them won’t tease women. They’d be too frightened to even entertain the thought.

But act now, because freedom-to-flirt supplies won’t last. We’re nearing the day (if we haven’t already passed it) when flirtatiously shooting rubber bands at a girl in the adjacent soylent pod will get a man fired or tossed in jail for perpetuating the patriarchy and creating a hostile work environment (btw, don’t trannies advocating all-access shitters create a hostile bathroom environment?). Like I’ve said, the goal of Pozmerica is to liberate female sexuality from all constraints while maximally restricting male sexuality. It used to be all a man on the prowl had to worry about was rejection; now he has to evade state authorities, too. Which, come to think of it, if he successfully evades, his SMV shoots through the roof.

The alpha male bosses love the new rules of engagement that basically criminalize office flirtation, because it cuts off at the knees any competition from savvy, upstart beta males making a run at the hot secretaries the bosses really hired as options on future sexual trysts. Reality-warping and beta-stomping feminism needed a powerful ally, and it found that ally in the 1%er alpha male ovaguards.

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