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Did everybody have lunch? Good, because you’re about to have it again! Behold (with a wide-angle lens), a primer on how to have fat sex. You’re about to enter (at orbital velocity) a world of fatties describing their sex lives and the necessary…adjustments….they must make to accommodate their morbid obesity to nature’s most instinctive act. Say hello to Corpulent Clarissa:
If you are uncomfortable talking about bodies or genitalia or fat people doing normal human things, then you should probably watch a different channel. Because we’re going to be talking about that today and lots of days following this.
When you’re unloved and alone, talk is all you’ve got.
So, some of you have seen my last video about fat sex and dating and I kind of just started to skim the surface on that one and I am going to change the format of how we do these videos just a little bit.
Skim the #FatSex surface. Like trying to skip a stone across the Pacific Ocean.
I’m going to answer one question at a time and I’m going to try to be more detailed about each answer. We will see how that goes.
Spare no detail. ISIS recruitment videos don’t offer enough gore to satisfy.
It’s a lot earlier than I usually film videos right now, so the sun is weird, my hair is weird, I feel very weird about this whole thing.
Fat chicks always feel weird when they can’t control 100% of their environment before a public viewing. Human-looking slender beauties don’t have this feeling.
So this is the question that I get the absolute most in my inbox, and it says, “I have a very large, gorgeous belly. Sometimes it gets in the way of certain positions. Do you have any advice for fat accessible sex positions?”
Forklift, crowbar, antiemetics.
I’m 30 and I’ve slept with a lot of people, and you kind of learn these things after sleeping a bunch of people.
The classic fat chick hamsterbrag. Fat women don’t have the slutty sex lives they want the world to believe. There aren’t tons of men, let alone quality men, banging down the fatty’s door for a bedroom romp. However, the fat girl who opens herself (heh) to the right demographic can rack up an impressive and emotionally scarring muhdik count.
First and foremost, all bodies have different abilities and it is essential to communicate those abilities with your partner. It’s just a really good idea to vocalize your limits before or during sex just so that the person or people that you’re having sex with know where your limitations on your body are. These are things that all people need to talk about.
The women with the least amount of experience with real men are also the women whose sex advice would most quickly and assuredly kill the seduction buzz. Could you imagine lawyerly hammering out pre-coitus contract negotiations with a girl about her “limitations” before unhooking her bra and sliding a finger under her panty elastic? Me neither.
This does not just apply to fat people. Some fat people have limitations on what they can do and some don’t.
I’ll guess the fatter the woman, the more limitations. Past some point of metric tonnage, you’d need dynamite and a pile driver before hitting pink fold.
I do yoga
and I stretch and I do all sorts of stuff, but if my hips are spread for a very long amount of time, they get very sore. So one of the things that I do to help prevent my hips from getting sore, is I use very stabilizing methods.
So if my hips are spread then I like to put a pillow under my knees so that my hips are not bearing the weight of holding my legs up.
Each leg weighing the same as a small Toyota, you can understand why fatties have to spend so much time worrying about load-bearing positions.
Or if I’m on the edge of the bed and my partner is standing here and I am laid on the bed, I will put my feet on a chair or something, on each side of my partner. That way, my feet are bearing some of the weight of my legs and not just my hips.
What did the chairs do to deserve such abuse?
Another really common problem is having some knee issues and having issues putting pressure on your knees.
One of the biggest (heh) quality of life issues that dogs fatties is joint disintegration.
So if you like to ride your partner – whether they have a penis or a strap-on
? Rick/The Strapon Within’s secret life of HB harem smashing revealed!
[or] you’re just down to grind it – is to, instead of kneeling down on the person, to actually sit on the person.
Torture that was banned from Guantanamo for excessive cruelty.
You can also have your partner put pillows under their pelvis while you’re riding them to make penetration just a bit easier and to elevate their pelvis so that it is closer to your goodies.
I’m dying here! “After your woefully unsuited normal-sized penis penetrates fifty layers of blubber, you will hit the fat chick’s goodies, which is just a month-old piece of cake (plus plate and fork) that got wedged in the fatty’s vagina when she sat on it.”
This means that if you are somehow getting squished or if your thighs are being pinched somewhere somehow, you are allowed to take a handful of your belly and move it around if you need to.
This is how she found a pot roast, her (traumatized) cat, and that strap-on from last week.
You can also spread your thighs. You can ask your partner to spread your butt.
With the Jaws of Life. PS Jesus spewed.
You can do whatever you want. It is your body. You are allowed to make it as accessible and pleasurable as is physically possible.
Fat chicks are very concerned about accessibility.
If they’ve been dating you or even if they’ve only had one date with you, they know if you have a fat belly before you get naked. So you’re not going to shock them when you lift your belly up a little bit and move it.
Clothing can’t hide the fat chick’s size, but it can hide the gross details of her fatscape, like the rolls, the cottage cheese dimples, the massive underhang crease of her fupa….
So generally, when you do take the time to adjust yourself and make sure that you’re at the right angle or to make sure that nothing’s uncomfortable, your partner gets really excited about it as well.
And it usually feels really, really good for them.
Imagine how desperately horny a man would have to be for fatsex to feel “really, really good”. If he’s at that stage of indiscriminate horniness, car exhausts and poodle rectums would satisfy him.
And the fact of the matter is: No matter what position you are trying, the part of sex that is going to be the most fulfilling and make it feel the best is being able to communicate with your partner about your body.
#FatSex = logistical nightmare that requires hours of planning and coordination.
A year from now, you may be having sex with a totally different person. They might have different genitalia; they’ll almost certainly have different limitations with their body.
“different genitalia”. This is something people with few romantic options say. Cast a wider net and all that.
Fat people can absolutely have super fulfilling, phenomenal sex lives.
The land whale doth blowhole too much.
I think next up on the channel, we are going to talk about sex toys specifically for fat people and fat couples.
Will this talk include wiping implements?
CH Maxim #42: Those who bitch loudest about “consent” are women with few opportunities to give it or men with few opportunities to receive it.
The video of “fatgirlflow” discussing fatsex (if you have an urge to put porky mug to words):
PS Related, these were the recommended Everyday Feminism sharticles linked at the bottom of the FatSex post:
Bullies do nothing wrong.