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Chateau Heartiste

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Hillary’s Lapdog Betaboys

Apr 10th, 2008 by Heartiste

Several readers emailed me a link to this Camille Paglia article about Hillary Clinton surrounding herself with beta males and how this may be hurting her campaign.

First, a reader wrote to Paglia:

I would like to get your feedback on the subject of those who end up in Hillary’s orbit. Can you conceive of a strong, leader-type male ever working under her? An alpha, if you will. And if the answer is no, then why do you think that is?

The men you always see under her are to a person passive-aggressive, sadistic, mean, little, petty beta-male pieces of work who would not naturally succeed in a common male-type hierarchy. […]

Hillary’s persona is simply not compatible with another strong will, male or female — but definitely male, and that itself is a big red flag.

Paglia’s response in part:

I agree that the male staff who Hillary attracts are slick, geeky weasels or rancid, asexual cream puffs. (One of the latter, the insufferable Mark Penn, just got the heave-ho after he played Hillary for a patsy with the Colombian government.) If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say Hillary is reconstituting the toxic hierarchy of her childhood household, with her on top instead of her drill-sergeant father. All those seething beta males (as you so aptly describe them) are versions of her sad-sack brothers, who got the short end of the Rodham DNA stick.

This sounds right. The Supreme Cunt resents her experiences growing up with a strong-willed, domineering, verbally abusive alpha male father and her history of surrounding herself with wretched lickspittle lapdog beta males who probably had to pay to lose their virginity exemplifies her inward yearning to dominate the most important male figure in her life the way he dominated her. Just take a look at the amorphous, greasy, slimeball sexually neutered beta bitchboys she employs in her inner circle:

It is for this reason — the seething vengeance complex the Cunt On High nurses for all alpha males who remind her of her father — that Hillary cannot be trusted to act as President in the best interest of half the American population. See, for example, the way she LOATHES the military. Her Cunterrific Cuntastic Cuntery ensures that in her world it is always women first, women best, women forever victims and men relegated to an afterthought or natural born criminal perpetrators of Orwellian PC crimes, suitable only for reminding her of her ideological righteousness nurtured for decades during the height of the misandrist revolution in a fetid curdled soup of gender bender feelgood lies.

Bill Clinton, alpha male, gradually learned this, and found love and admiration in the arms of younger women unafraid of their femininity and sex roles. I respect him for that.

Ever notice how most alpha males — the guys who know how to give women what they want — are either indifferent to feminism or, when they’re not in polite company, hostile to it? And how many sniveling beta males lick up the runny shit of feminism and ask for more? Something worth pondering.

Posted in Alpha, Beta, Culture, Current Events, Misandry | 103 Comments »

The Best Thing Society Can Do For Beta Males

Apr 9th, 2008 by Heartiste

This is a public service announcement.

End alimony and no-fault divorce.

If women were forced to deal with the financial consequences of failed marriages with high risk cads they would be more discerning about choosing provider betas for husbands. If women did not have the option to unilaterally walk away from a marriage no questions asked, then that would also create an incentive to marry carefully chosen partners who are more likely to possess traits of loyalty and faithfulness, and to be more circumspect about leaving beta husbands who’ve proven their worth as good providers.

This is a great example of how feminism has been most beneficial (inadvertently or deliberately?) for alpha males. The very male chauvinist pigs they rail against are reaping the rewards of living in the society these feminists have created. To that I say: oink.

*Update: Child support should not provide an incentive for a wife to leave a responsible beta husband, so its reward should be severely restricted only to those cases of fault divorce where the father has clearly reneged on his end of the deal.

Posted in Beta, Marriage Is For Chumps | 298 Comments »

State Of Nature

Apr 8th, 2008 by Heartiste

I don’t think people realize just how much condoms and the pill have altered human sexual behavior. To prove this, let’s examine the sexual history of the average alpha male with a healthy sex drive:

10 partners per year.
approximately 1.5 copulations per day for ~545 copulations per year.
about 55 copulations per partner.

Now of course none of this matters in the era of contraception since the odds of him getting any of these girls accidentally pregnant is near zero, assuming he is strict in his adherence to protecting himself from baby blackmail and the girl is not lying about being on the pill. Most guys, especially alphas who have high risk temperaments, aren’t that self-disciplined and get sloppy once in a while and blast inside, so the chance of fertilization is a little higher than zero. It’s probably more like an elevated risk of conception for 1% of the yearly 545 copulations, or 6 copulations randomly distributed have a better than zero chance of turning into 18 years of living hell. Extrapolating outward 10 years, the average alpha male would wind up with one unwanted child. Abortion being the cure for what ails ya, even that unlikely scenario wouldn’t come to fruition.

What are the consequences in a pre-contraceptive world? Using the copulation numbers above and assuming the same high risk and sloppy behavior of the average alpha, a girl who didn’t have access to the pill or abortion and a guy who didn’t have regular access to a reliable condom (which was the case for most of human history) would run a much higher risk of accidental pregnancy. Let’s say he pulls out successfully 80% of the time and the remaining 20% of copulations he isn’t fast enough and a little of his juice spills inside her. Of that high risk 20% (109 copulatory events) 5% result in conception. That’s 5 unwanted pregnancies per year, folks, spread out over five different partners.

If you don’t think that massively transformed risk-reward structure would have any effect on human behavior you are living in a fantasyland. Pre-contraception, women were probably more chaste and permitted internal blasts primarily with provider betas they could be sure wouldn’t leave them in case of pregnancy. Men, for their part, were less likely to pump and dump in favor of winning over these chaste girls with displays of resources. Alpha males still scored better than average amounts of pussy, but the sexual playing field was more level. With abortion, the pill, and ribbed condoms women exercised their liberation from reproductive consequence by rewarding the caddish alpha males with more sex than they knew what to do with.

The pill has been the beta’s worst enemy.

I made a rough calculation in my head how many kids I would have if contraceptives didn’t exist. The number is sobering. At least 125 mini-mes would be roaming the plains of America, and France, today. Luckily, I only have to spend a few hours each year visiting my nieces and nephews, which is a level of commitment that suits me well.

Posted in Alpha, Beta, Escape, Self-aggrandizement, The Pleasure Principle | 107 Comments »

The Perfect Woman

Apr 7th, 2008 by Heartiste

When VK announced his project to enlist a crew of beaver buster bloggers to write about the perfect woman, I planned at first to crank out some glib, but truthful, response like:

The perfect woman is the one for whom you can leave the money on the nightstand. Prostitutes at least have the integrity to deliver the goods every time.

But then I sobered up and decided to take a serious stab at this topic because I’m a romantic at heart.

It’d be easy to write about the perfect fantasy woman:

sex on demand
cooks and cleans in crotchless panties
no backtalk
always in shape
never gets old
gives everything, asks for nothing
never cheats
treats you like a king no matter what you do
never farts, burps, shits, or gives birth

but since we don’t live on another planet as a different species where the rules of human nature don’t apply I’ll keep it within the realm of believability.

Most importantly, the perfect woman has to be imperfect. She has to have at least one flaw you can exploit to keep her feet on the ground and her head out of the clouds. Plus, it makes her more human and, through osmosis, makes you more human. This type is not hard to find since every woman has flaws. The only perfect women are the ones who are made perfect by worshipful betas.

But don’t ever say you’re not looking for the perfect woman. You are, and that should be your mindset. You don’t set out searching for your soulmate selling yourself short with a list of lover exemptions that gives her a pass on pleasing you. Where would you draw the line with that defeatist attitude? No blowjobs are OK as long as she looks good? Bitchiness is fine if she’s nice to you in private? You see the problem with that thinking.

The perfect woman doesn’t sweat the small stuff. There was a dusty, rocky trail in the woods leading up a small hill in my old neighborhood where I grew up that I would walk as a teenager when I needed time to think away from people. Sometimes I would clamber up this trail at night during a summer rainstorm and my sneakers would get caked in mud. At the top I’d sit on the ground and let the rain and mud soak me. It’s liberating to stop caring. Could she join me? If she understands the spirit of living in the moment and putting aside inconsequential worries, if she never once complains about her sneakers getting muddy or the rain messing up her hair, if she HAS PERSPECTIVE… then she is one step nearer perfection.

The perfect woman embraces our polarity. She loves being a girl and loves surrendering to my manly will. She is never resentful of sex differences or the way men view the world. She accepts it as an unalterable part of life, and learns to need it, to nourish her feminine soul with it.

The perfect woman doesn’t flake. Yes, this is a girly trait and a symptom of over-estrogenation, but it’s one of their blatant weaknesses, and should not be encouraged. Just as manly men are prone to the weaknesses of masculinity (war, violence) womanly women are prone to the weaknesses of femininity (indecisiveness, fickleness).

The perfect woman is not a status whore. She doesn’t measure the worth of her life by her standing in society. True, women prefer a higher status man than themselves, and this reality should be accepted by men AND women. But there is a difference between kneeling at the altar of status like a disciple, and paying your taxes to an impersonal government agency.

The perfect woman does not treat love like a supplement to life. It isn’t that one final piece of avant garde furniture that will tie the room together. It isn’t the thing you do after you’ve done all these other things. Love IS life. Everything we do in our short lives is just prelude to the climax of falling in love. Any girl who thinks and acts otherwise is deliberately lying to herself, and that means she will lie to you.

The perfect woman respects and loves the desires of men. She admires men for their purity. This means she stays the fuck in shape. That is one critical way a woman demonstrates her love for a man. Unconditional love is the heartbeat of poetry but it’s a great false god in the grimy world we inhabit. Love me, love my needs, and you will get the same treatment in return.

The perfect woman caresses my face in the morning because it is her right.

The perfect woman improvises. If things don’t go her way she won’t bitch and moan; she’ll discover new enjoyment in change. Her will is strong, but not straitjacketed.

The perfect woman reaches across the table first to touch my hand. Her eyes are sad over flickering candlelight and half-drunk glasses of wine and her soul is laid bare for me.

The perfect woman hates when I’m away.

The perfect woman makes me never regret my memories of her if she goes.

The perfect woman inspires me to love her.

The perfect woman knows she isn’t.

Tomorrow: The perfect woman as told by this guy.

Posted in Love | 130 Comments »

Funny ‘Cause It’s (Kinda) True

Apr 5th, 2008 by Heartiste

Comments are closed.

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, Game | 34 Comments »

Dancing Herb Friday

Apr 4th, 2008 by Heartiste

I fulfilled my white person obligation and went to an 80s night. 80s music is catchy and danceable; it practically coaxes the rhythm out of you. The girls were mostly mid 20s to mid 30s and were very approachable. When women reach a certain age they stop sitting in a tight circle with their backs to the crowd like they did when they were younger, and instead sit facing the outside world with open body language that screams “I’m here! Gimme some flirting!” Luckily, the lights were dim, effectively blurring wrinkles and bad skin tone, so flirting with them didn’t feel like a chore. Fantasies are easier to sustain in low light. Remember, these girls were coming of age when Pioneer car stereos were like the iPhones of today.

80s nights in DC don’t seem to appeal to yuppie credentialist status snobs like lawyers so you’ll find a lot of down-to-earth teachers and saleswomen at these parties which is fine by me. As the night wore on and people got drunk they creatively devised ways to grind ass to crotch to the unsuitable 80s beats. I highly recommend 80s nights for younger guys with dance skills looking for an easy score with horny cougar wannabes. After all, they’re not going to these cheesy parties to meet their future husbands. Another plus: The male competition was mostly useless herbs with no game. Their masculine presence was so weak they may as well have been bowls of Jell-O.

Zeets the Throwback Barbarian added the song “Saved By Zero” by the Fixx to the DJ’s playlist. It was never played. No wonder. That’s exactly the kind of 80s song a retro-loving guy would appreciate but not a girl.

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, Tool Time | 57 Comments »

My Advice To Women

Apr 3rd, 2008 by Heartiste

It’s pretty clear what women want — a man with means, good genes, romantic swings, and daddy dreams.* When she finds him she’ll want marriage, home, and kids in a nice neighborhood. That is a woman’s formula for happiness in life. Since I am a giver and a humanitarian I offer the following advice to women to help them achieve happiness.

Don’t move to the big city

After college women move into the big cities on the coasts to find an alpha male husband because that is where the high status men concentrate. We have studies proving this. There are two problems with this strategy. One, there aren’t enough alpha males to marry all the women who want them. If you put all the alphas into a small bar there would be a rock concert sized throng of women outside bribing the doorman to let them in. The numbers just don’t add up. But since women will cling to their dream of snagging one of these guys many flush away their best years fucking around fruitlessly in the dating market and wind up alone at the cusp of hitting the wall.

Two, what few alphas there are won’t demand anything less than the hottest chicks they can afford. Since most women really aren’t that pretty they have no chance of getting an alpha male to commit, so they suffer the ignominy and emotional grind of getting pumped and dumped by men who play the pussy carousel.

My advice: If you are in the 85% of single women who aren’t an 8 or above don’t bother moving to the city. Stay in your small town and meet a man there. Trust me, I am saving you a lot of heartache and wasted years with this valuable advice. For the rest of you who are genuinely hot, moving to the city makes sense; your odds of marrying a Mr. Big there are better than average.

Don’t get a grad school degree

The more education women get, the more money they earn, and the higher their status rises. Because women “date up”, this has the unfortunate effect of shrinking their dating pool. The higher they climb the status ladder, the fewer men they will find above them suitable for marriage. Result: Women with advanced degrees have fewer children and stay single longer. Eventually, this trend will reverse as educated women contribute less of their genes to future generations, but my advice is for women who want happiness now.

If you are a smart girl it’s better to satisfy your intellectual cravings by reading books on your leisure time instead of getting your smarts credentialed by a university, like the way high class girls used to do in the past. Women who worry that without higher education they will be left financially strapped in a cold world should consider that men are more likely to provide for them if they feel their resources and support are needed. The male protector and provider instinct is a strong one when it is manipulated by a weaker woman.

Caveat: If you are an ugly woman, go to grad school. You’ll need the better job prospects.

Invest in cosmetic repair

Since we’re talking about how to maximize women’s happiness based on the formula Alpha Husband + Children + Home = Happy, the most efficient and effective way to achieve this is through surgical beauty enhancement. It makes more sense for a woman who ranks lower than a 7 to spend her money on cosmetic surgery that will immediately earn her the sexual attention of thousands more men than what she was used to, than to spend her money on shoes, clothes, and European vacations which do nothing to help her land a quality husband.

If you think this is superficial, it is. I have nothing to say to you except get your head out of the clouds.

Don’t run marathons

Marathon running must violate the first law of thermodynamics, because every woman I’ve met who has said she is training for a marathon was chubby. All that running around aimlessly for miles must put on weight. Note: Does not apply to women training for a triathlon. These women are universally fit and slender.

Don’t watch TV

TV has done more to bloat women’s expectations than anything else in American culture. In real life, Carrie Bradshaw is horsefaced and does not land a millionaire. Samantha is over the hill and infertile from being riddled with STDs. The bachelor on The Bachelor: London Calling fucks all 25 women and leaves them for an 18 year old stripper in Vegas. You’ll never find happiness if you think reality is a sassy TV show.

***

If I’ve made even one woman happier after reading this and following my advice, I’ll feel like I’ve saved a life. Sometimes I’m so generous with my heart it makes me weep with pride.

Bonus: My advice to men

You deserve a 10!

*It took me three hours to craft that poetry.

Posted in Culture, Girls, Love, Self-aggrandizement, The Good Life, Ugly Truths | 111 Comments »

High Energy Dates

Apr 2nd, 2008 by Heartiste

There are two different dating strategies to follow depending on your relationship goals.

Short term fling

Don’t bother putting much imaginative effort into your dates. When you are doubtful of the girl you are dating as relationship material you’re better off minimizing your courtship investment. A “girl you date” as opposed to a “girl you see” won’t need the kind of strong emotional foundation that a more serious prospect would require. Stick to bars and lounges and idle chit chat over middle shelf cocktails. A girl can be massaged from “hello” to “fuck me harder!” without all the rigamarole of complicated dates meant to impress. Basic game will get you there so skip the fancy embroidery and concentrate on the fundamentals.

Long term girlfriend

If you feel extra special about the girl you’re dating and can envision spending time with her in addition to sex and dates that are mere props for sex then you will need to build a reinforced emotional structure. Short term flings are great but if you like the girl a lot you have to deal with the uncertainty of her pulling a 180 on you during the first couple months of dating. Potential heartbreak and wasted investment can be avoided by building a stronger bond earlier in the dating cycle. The way to do this is to get creative with your date ideas and really show her an interesting time. Take her to exciting places or events. Go on a hike. See a band. Do something out of the ordinary like indoor rock climbing or horseback riding. The more action-oriented and energetic your dates, the more things you will have to talk about on each successive date. The unpredictable stimulus of these kinds of dates serves to bond her more closely to you. As a result of sharing so many high octane experiences over the course of a few dates, a similar psychological phenomenon to time compression imbues her with the feeling that she has shared so much more with you than she actually has. The intense buildup of experiences gives you something to talk about besides situational observations and astrology. This is the way to win yourself solid girlfriends.

For example, here is a date progression I followed for a girl I liked as more than a notch:

1st date: Drinks at a Latin lounge/Salsa class ==> 2nd Date: Hilarious but disturbing Blowfly show at Black Cat ==> 3rd Date: Chill drinks at my place and heavy makeout ==> 4th Date: Go-Kart racing at an indoor track in Virginia ==> 5th Date: Sex ==> 6th Date: Hike in the woods.

This sequence gave us a head of steam that sustained an ultimately doomed relationship for months longer than it would have otherwise lasted. I’m certain my creativity over those first crucial dates left her with powerful memories that she uses to endure sex with whatever guy she is currently dating.

Posted in Dating | 69 Comments »

Visualizing Beta

Apr 1st, 2008 by Heartiste

nerdhug.jpg

A reader sent me a link to the photo above. You can read more here. His mug says “2 hot 4 you?”.

The beta on display here is so over the top that I want to believe it is calculated. Sadly, I suspect this nerd, like most nerds, really is that uncomfortable touching women. If he were making a six figure salary in the IT industry I doubt that would be enough to end his celibacy. There are some fundamental aspects of attractive masculinity that, if missing, money can’t compensate until you get up in the extreme wealth range. Or lower your standards to the basement (see girl on right — the one he doesn’t have his awkwardly crooked arm around).

Learning game through books, manuals, and workshops gets a bad rap by naturals who think it’s an unteachable skill and by women who recoil at the idea that something so sublime as romance and sexual attraction can be learned like any other subject. But the guy in this picture would benefit from a learning approach that played to his strengths — i.e., a systematic backwardly-engineered flow charted algorithm of how to be a more alluring man to women. Like Mystery Method. Or any of the other pickup schools. Due to genetic constraints on behavior he may never get as good as a natural, but he’ll get good enough to know how to relax when touching a woman, and, if he’s dedicated to improving himself, may actually score with a decent-looking girl. Nothing will blow a nerd’s mind like showing him there’s a whole other world of sensual pleasure out there.

In the big picture, it’s too bad women find nerds creepy and unattractive, because we need nerds more than ever to run the modern technology-based society. If they are bred out of existence it will be everyone’s loss. Imagine a world with no internet porn.

On the other hand, if nerds started getting laid on the regular they might enjoy it so much that they give up spending their waking hours programming software or designing bridges. I wouldn’t blame them.

Posted in Beta, Funny/Lolblogs | 302 Comments »

Cat On A Leash

Mar 31st, 2008 by Heartiste

UPDATE

Reader Leena sent in this photo of a cat in a stroller that is whisked around town by its owners:

catstroller.jpg 

I thought the end of America would be a long, slow decline over generations, but now I think it might happen in a matter of years.

My man about town, Zeets the Throwback Barbarian, called from a location in Rock Creek Park to inform me that there was a young-ish couple walking a cat on a leash. He was so repulsed and simultaneously fascinated that he had to tell me as the action was going down.

Zeets: Dude, there’s a couple walking a cat on a leash. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

Me: Is the guy a herb*?

Zeets: Oh yeah, total herb. And of course his girlfriend is cute. [To the couple] Hey, does he fetch?

Herb: Only indoors.

Zeets: He looks a little confused.

Herb: It’s his first time outside.

Zeets: [Back to me] Wow. Oh man. The herb just picked the cat up like a baby, cradled it, and carried it off. These are the end times for America.

Between this:

catleash.jpg

and this:

yuppiefilth2.jpg

these are indeed the end times for America. It’s not the decadence that’s doing us in, it’s the silliness. (Open borders, cats on leashes… it all flows from the same silly mindset.)

*herb, noun – a schlumpy, nondescript white guy with no fashion sense, chin, or sexual gravitas, who has managed to hook up with a cute chick. Herbs usually wear satchels to nightclubs and button down collar shirts with the Hanes undershirt herb2.jpgpeaking through at the neck. They love anything khaki and are not embarrassed to be seen wearing fanny packs or sandals. A super herb takes it up a notch with white athletic socks and an extra-large t-shirt to hide his man boobs. They have a walk that can be best described as looking like they are carrying a load in their pants. They will annoy you just by being there. The fact that a herb will have usually managed to score a cute yuppie chick will fill you with violent feelings toward him.

Posted in Beta, Culture, The Big City Life, Tool Time | 87 Comments »

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      The very dark and dismal part of my psyche wonders if there would have been an outpouring of support from mad pinkhatters for Clancy if her children were frizzy mulattos.

      I think we all know the answer to that, and in that we have a clue to the source of the madness.

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      As one who has spent timelines dabbling in the tactical art of message tees to lure poon to its relinquishment, I can say with some confidence that political t-shirts don't much move the needle with lefty art hos (for a while, my bread n nutter). You'll get convo going, but it will be dry and sort of perfunctory. Street protest banter just doesn't lend itself to romantic frisson.

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