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It’s pretty clear what women want — a man with means, good genes, romantic swings, and daddy dreams.* When she finds him she’ll want marriage, home, and kids in a nice neighborhood. That is a woman’s formula for happiness in life. Since I am a giver and a humanitarian I offer the following advice to women to help them achieve happiness.
Don’t move to the big city
After college women move into the big cities on the coasts to find an alpha male husband because that is where the high status men concentrate. We have studies proving this. There are two problems with this strategy. One, there aren’t enough alpha males to marry all the women who want them. If you put all the alphas into a small bar there would be a rock concert sized throng of women outside bribing the doorman to let them in. The numbers just don’t add up. But since women will cling to their dream of snagging one of these guys many flush away their best years fucking around fruitlessly in the dating market and wind up alone at the cusp of hitting the wall.
Two, what few alphas there are won’t demand anything less than the hottest chicks they can afford. Since most women really aren’t that pretty they have no chance of getting an alpha male to commit, so they suffer the ignominy and emotional grind of getting pumped and dumped by men who play the pussy carousel.
My advice: If you are in the 85% of single women who aren’t an 8 or above don’t bother moving to the city. Stay in your small town and meet a man there. Trust me, I am saving you a lot of heartache and wasted years with this valuable advice. For the rest of you who are genuinely hot, moving to the city makes sense; your odds of marrying a Mr. Big there are better than average.
Don’t get a grad school degree
The more education women get, the more money they earn, and the higher their status rises. Because women “date up”, this has the unfortunate effect of shrinking their dating pool. The higher they climb the status ladder, the fewer men they will find above them suitable for marriage. Result: Women with advanced degrees have fewer children and stay single longer. Eventually, this trend will reverse as educated women contribute less of their genes to future generations, but my advice is for women who want happiness now.
If you are a smart girl it’s better to satisfy your intellectual cravings by reading books on your leisure time instead of getting your smarts credentialed by a university, like the way high class girls used to do in the past. Women who worry that without higher education they will be left financially strapped in a cold world should consider that men are more likely to provide for them if they feel their resources and support are needed. The male protector and provider instinct is a strong one when it is manipulated by a weaker woman.
Caveat: If you are an ugly woman, go to grad school. You’ll need the better job prospects.
Invest in cosmetic repair
Since we’re talking about how to maximize women’s happiness based on the formula Alpha Husband + Children + Home = Happy, the most efficient and effective way to achieve this is through surgical beauty enhancement. It makes more sense for a woman who ranks lower than a 7 to spend her money on cosmetic surgery that will immediately earn her the sexual attention of thousands more men than what she was used to, than to spend her money on shoes, clothes, and European vacations which do nothing to help her land a quality husband.
If you think this is superficial, it is. I have nothing to say to you except get your head out of the clouds.
Don’t run marathons
Marathon running must violate the first law of thermodynamics, because every woman I’ve met who has said she is training for a marathon was chubby. All that running around aimlessly for miles must put on weight. Note: Does not apply to women training for a triathlon. These women are universally fit and slender.
Don’t watch TV
TV has done more to bloat women’s expectations than anything else in American culture. In real life, Carrie Bradshaw is horsefaced and does not land a millionaire. Samantha is over the hill and infertile from being riddled with STDs. The bachelor on The Bachelor: London Calling fucks all 25 women and leaves them for an 18 year old stripper in Vegas. You’ll never find happiness if you think reality is a sassy TV show.
If I’ve made even one woman happier after reading this and following my advice, I’ll feel like I’ve saved a life. Sometimes I’m so generous with my heart it makes me weep with pride.
Bonus: My advice to men
You deserve a 10!
*It took me three hours to craft that poetry.