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I learned this trick during a stint as a roadie for an arena rock band. If you can’t trust advice about women from a rock star bathed in the afterglow of a ███████████ orgy, what dating advice can you trust? So he told me, “█████████████”, and “███████”, and I waited an hour backstage for the follow-up demonstration.

It worked like ███████. I’d seen things, but this moment was revelatory. A full ten minutes into the ██████, the young vixen’s face flushed from ██████ and █████, I was convinced. A safe enough amount of time has passed since that ████████ that I can reveal the secret of the quasi-neoreactionary rock stars to you.

Essentially, it boils down to this one word: ████████. Lead your conversation in this manner, and the dominoes fall in order. Her ███████ will ██████ like an old growth forest, and her ██████ will erupt in a confetti storm of ███████ rupturing all her ███████ until she is █████ in your presence.

I tried it on a red-haired ingenue. Her █████ quickly melted to relieved ██████, and it wasn’t but a half hour later when she was begging me to █████ a line of ████ off her ███. I thought at the time it was a request straight from central ████, a banal cliche, but there are some cliches so █████████ that they are worth experiencing unironically, in all their raunchy ████████. What can I ███? I’m a sucker for sappy pay-offs.

Afterward, she whispered a terse sweet-nothing in my ear:

“█████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████

███████████████████████████████████████ ,”

and I knew right then that this was the girl I would ███████████.

Note: The author has had to redact material in light of recent news that the American government is spying on any and all communication taking place between free citizens. The author regrets this necessity, but believes it a small price to pay to fight terrorism and nativist restrictionists who would shut the borders to the free flow of terrorists.

Masturbation And IQ

Satoshi Kanazawa has a theory that general human intelligence evolved partly in response to environmental novelty, and that high IQ people are more likely than low IQ people to crave novel experiences.

How did human intelligence evolve to be so high? Lynn [Lynn, R. (1991). The evolution of race differences in intelligence. Mankind Quarterly, 32, 99–173] and Rushton [Rushton, J.P. (1995). Race, evolution, and behavior: A life history perspective. New Brunswick: Transaction] suggest that the main forces behind the evolution of human intelligence were the cold climate and harsh winters, which selected out individuals of lower intelligence. In contrast, Kanazawa [Kanazawa, S. (2004). General intelligence as a domain-specific adaptation. Psychological Review, 111, 512–523] contends that it is the evolutionary novelty of the environment which increased general intelligence. Multiple regression analyses support both theories. Annual mean temperature and evolutionary novelty (measured by latitude, longitude, and distance from the ancestral environment) simultaneously have independent effects on average intelligence of populations. Temperature and evolutionary novelty together explain half to two- thirds of variance in national IQ.

Kanazawa has remarked that this theory explains why smarter people drink more than dumber people: Alcohol and its effects provide a novel mental and kinesthetic experience.

I can buy this. Based on personal observation, the smarties do tend to drink more, and take drugs more regularly. However, the less smart more often fall into crippling addiction when they take up drinking or drugs. It would seem the dumber can’t handle the novelty.

Masturbation is a form of novelty-seeking, particularly for men, because most masturbation material is hardcore porn featuring a variety of women (fatties, uggos and wall victims excluded — there’s only so far the concept of variety will stretch before it morphs into something grotesque). If Kanazawa is right, then I extrapolate from his theory that higher IQ people will masturbate more than lower IQ people.

Is there evidence for my inference? Inquisitive readers who want to collate GSS data, or who have access to any relevant studies, are welcome to try and find compelling evidence one way or the other. Operators are stroking by.

Note that I am asking for a fapping-to-prefrontal frisson correlation, rather than a sexual intercourse to smarts correlation. This way, we control for the possibility that smart people desire more sex than dumb people, but are less able (or willing) to fulfill their desires, leading to a misinterpretation of the results.

It may strike some as counterintuitive that smarties are more sexually charged than lunkheads, but sexual desire does recruit imagination centers of the brain, and imagination will be found in greater abundance in those with, well, greater brain abundance. “Vapid jocks” probably get more sexytime than the exquisitely self-aware, but that disparity could be just as much a consequence of the thwarted rocket-fueled desire of the smart as of the satisfied whitenoise desire of the dumb.

PA suggests that emailing this song to your girlfriend or wife is a simple gesture of well-timed beta reassurance that (uncorrupted, foreign) chicks dig… in small quantities.

It’s a fine song of loving lovitude. However, halfway through the listening experience my eyes drifted down to a random YouTube comment.

my dad played this song every time he picked me and my bro up for his court-ordered visit with us…actually ROD STEWART was the only thing both my dad and mom had in common. All they did was argue.

You are carried aloft on the whispers of a soulful love ballad, inspired to newfound hopefulness about the inherent goodness of the universe and the nature of woman, when you feel a tug and realize, once again, the dark tendrils of ugly reality are coiling around your ankles, dragging you back into the depths.

A reader updates,

So Richard Ramirez dies.  The AP does a write up, and throws in this line:  ”Inexplicably, Ramirez, a native of El Paso, Texas, had a following of young women admirers who came to the courtroom regularly and sent him love notes.”

“Inexplicably”? Not to regular visitors of Le Chateau. Chicks dig violent psychopaths, even facially ugly ones like Ramirez.

In other “blast from the past” news, here’s a video of narcissistic serial killer Rodney James Alcala as a contestant on a TV dating show. (no joke)

He won.

A dusty tome retrieved from the recesses of the Chateau study reveals an ancient code inscribed by prophets of yore:

statement-statement-question

What’s this, you ask? Why, it’s the alpha male way to direct a conversation with a girl! Why this way? Think of the alternatives.

question-question-question: Bludgeoning a woman with questions makes you sound desperate for a connection.

statement-statement-statement: The bane of the tone-deaf, try-hard man unknowingly alienating a woman because he’s not listening to her and he’s giving away all his mystery.

Framing what you say into a statement-statement-question format is the ideal mode of seductive communication, because it demonstrates in equal measure an ability to command a conversation and to interact with a woman. You first lead the convo with a statement, then ask a question to get the girl yapping. It’s the art of charismatic rapport.

Similarly, there is an ideal way for a man to direct a long-term relationship so that it’s maximally rewarding and minimally punishing. Directing a relationship means, in practice, striking an optimal balance between your alpha and beta behaviors. Succinctly, beta behavior is romantic and alpha behavior is sexy. Or, to put it another way, beta behavior is reassuring and alpha behavior is alluring. There’s more to them than that, but that’ll do for purposes of this post.

In yesterday’s post, reader Sidewinder asked,

How does one do obligatory beta things in the course of a relationship in an alpha way?

The key words here are “in the course of a relationship.” The ratio of your alpha to beta will be different with a woman who already loves you and to whom you have already committed, than it will be with a woman you have started dating or with whom you don’t want anything more than a sexual fling. Like the statement-statement-question ratio above, the alpha-to-beta ratio would look like this:

Short term sexual flings or pre-LTR dating: alpha-beta-alpha.

Long-term romantic connections: beta-beta-alpha.

If you’re doing it right, you’ll be less beta early on when the girl needs to feel your masculine sexy energy, and more beta later on when the girl needs to see more signs of commitment. You’ll be more alpha up front, less later (as a function of time spent together), and the beta behavior that is more like a pleasantly surprising seasoning during the early stages of courtship will become more of a staple in an LTR.

Rephrasing these ratios into game lingo, your behavior will generally be push-pull-push when you meet a girl and have to build her attraction to you, and pull-pull-push when you are in a committed relationship and the girl has already made an investment in you (and you in her), and your margin for beta error is larger and your margin for alpha alienation is smaller.

This is the fundamental reality of sexual polarity and male attractiveness duality. The effects of a man’s sexuality will change as he oscillates between alpha and beta behavior in accord with the woman’s need for signals of long-term investment.

So occasional Acts of Beta are not a horrible thing; in fact they’re necessary if you want a relationship with a woman longer than three months that isn’t corrosive or emotionally exhausting. But there are more and less attractive ways to “be beta.” Giving of oneself can come from a place of neediness — supplication, cloying flattery, fearful obeisance — or it can come from a place of self-assured joy.

Here are some common Acts of Beta refitted so that they’re executed with an alpha attitude.

Gift giving

Don’t buy something for her at the moment she’s leering at her object of acquisition. This is what men who are happy to support golddiggers do. Buying her stuff when she most expects it will only increase her demands for more stuff. It’s better to keep your gift-giving spontaneous, cheap and thoughtful. Flowers left on the table for her when she gets home. A small, goofy poem tucked into the clutter of her nightstand. For added effect, act at first like you don’t know who got her the gift. Inquire if it was her secret lover, and threaten to one-up “him” by buying her a yacht. Don’t get carried away with “special occasions”. One gift and done for birthdays and anniversaries. Keep her expectations low, and it will always be a challenge to disappoint her.

Making entertainment decisions

Ok, so she chooses a chick flic. This is not the worst thing in the world. With a little forethought, you can persuade her to choose a movie less vomit-inducing. Preempt her suggestions and take the lead in guiding her choice: “This is going to take a lot out of me, but I’m willing to watch a girly movie with you tonight, as long as I get a say in the matter.” She’ll feel bad about putting you through torture, so she’ll be more open to watching the less obnoxiously sappy chick flics, like Seven.

Doing things together

The worst thing you can do is not make a bad choice, but make no choice at all. Every man will be faced with those moments when he either can’t be bothered to think of something to do with his beloved, or he really can’t come up with any ideas. “What do you want to do?” are the most terrifying words a man will hear, next to “I missed my period” and “I had lunch with my ex.” Whatever you say, don’t sound wishy-washy. Even if your idea sucks, it’s better to forcefully present a sucky idea than to waver and say you’ll do whatever she wants to do. Now, this doesn’t mean you don’t get any input from her. It means you offer a suggestion, and be flexible if she makes a counter-suggestion.

Shopping together

If you get that expectant “Will you buy this for me?” look from your woman, muse thoughtfully about the product, and then announce it would look great on your mistress. Ask your girlfriend/wife if it comes with a motorcycle. Wait a few months, and then buy it for her. The object here is to never get caught being the type of man that asks “How high?” when his woman wants him to jump.

Making it rain

If you’re going to spend beaucoup bucks on your girl, (and you’re a well-off man for whom the expenditure is inconsequential), don’t get her “stuff.” Buy her experiences instead. Two plane tickets to a European city will be appreciated more fondly than a thousand pieces of jewelry.

The crying game

Every so often a girl just needs a good cry. Maybe she had a bad day at work, her parents are bugging her, or she got a shitty haircut. Let her tumble into your arms to sob it out. And, though this won’t need saying for the more experienced men in the audience, don’t say anything. Over and over, I’ve rediscovered the power of keeping your trap shut when a woman is in the midst of an emotional draining. Hug, stroke, and silently sympathize. That’s all you need to do.

When she says annoying or stupid shit

Follow the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time, ignore her or change the subject. 20% of the time, call her out on her bullshit.

Compliments and flattery

Keep it rare, spare and unawares. The best compliments are unexpected, and evenly divided between being romantic and raunchy.

Advice

Don’t bother. Women are constitutionally incapable of receiving advice in good faith without twisting it into an attack on their character or attractiveness. Either lead her to what you want her to do, or let her flounder on her own.

Conversational fluff

Expect that in any relationship, she will be doing 75% of the talking, and you will be doing 75% of the head nodding. If you don’t like this, you should be dating a man.

When things get really frustrating

Leave. It works wonders. Slip out the back, Jack. Return in a few hours, after she’s had time to think clearly about the rift her bad behavior is causing.

If she fattens up

Dump her. Serioulsy. You are staring down the barrel of decades of unsatisfactory sex and resentful withdrawal. If you truly deeply love her, the best persuasion is leading by example. Exercise more, get buff, draw attention from other women, flirt with other women, and, if you are really fucking subversive, buy her a dress in the size she was before she got chubby.

Maintaining mystery

The toughest thing for any man is staying mysterious for his woman. The more a woman knows about her man, the less excited she feels about him. An easy way to inspire wonderment is to stay late at work a few nights, unannounced. Another way is the calculated revelation: “Oh, I thought I told you I was a local karaoke legend?” Be more unpredictable. Try speaking in a fashion that avoids your most common tropes and semantics. Radically change your style of dress. Join a club. Attend a seminar. Anything to shake up the monotony.

Cuddling

Make a small effort to not fall asleep after sex one in a while. Cuddle. Under no circumstances should you be the little spoon, unless you’re being a clown about it.

The Official Spinster Logo

Imagine this on a T-shirt. You’d open so many sets wearing this because girls won’t be able to resist shit testing you about it. When they do, ask them if they want to be a member of A.S.S. — the American Spinster Society. Tell them you’re working hard to eradicate judgmentalism and loneliness from the world.

Sidewinder asks,

How does one do obligatory beta things in the course of a relationship in an alpha way? Wives and girlfriends will not accept skittles as gifts on a regular basis. At some point it will be her turn to pick the movie, and it will usually be a gay selection. How do you share in the celebration of whatever girl milestones she’s happy about?

I recall seeing a good post about alpha ways to propose, but my question goes more to the day to day level. After you’ve been with a girl for 3 months or so, she’s looking for a connection. Constant aloof game will eventually lead to her just thinking you are a negative, critical dick. But being a mushy beta herb is fatal as well. Maybe I’m suggesting a new post “Relationship Game: The Day-to-Day Alpha.”

CH readers who are familiar with the archives know that “aloof game” is not all there is to inspiring a woman’s love and fidelity through all four weeks of the month. Beta reassurance game matters, and in fact will occupy the bulk of your time with any woman who is more than a sexual fling to you.

The reason Chateau Heartiste, and game blogs in general, focus on attraction-building seduction techniques and attitudes is because for most men — and especially for men with a lot of White and Red Nordid ancestry — aloofness and charisma around women don’t come as naturally as, say, white knighting and slow wooing via the display of beta provider signals. The world West is changing, and a different kind of seduction is needed.

Most men are betas by definition, and the “art” of buying girls stuff and complimenting girls and tending to girls when they are upset in order to win their favor is second nature to such men. The beta provider’s mental resources aren’t taxed by spending real resources on women. That’s the beta’s bread and butter. In contrast, the beta male feels tremendous psychological distress when his bread and butter isn’t working and he has to delve into the crimson world of exotic seduction tactics to inspire lust in women. This is when the beta, after having endured in crestfallen solitude from the bar room wall the spectacle of sociable alpha males hoarding the pussy, decides to turn to the lessons of applied charisma.

Regarding Sidewinder’s question, the day-to-day relationship stuff is not particularly hard or incomprehensible for the inveterate beta male. He’s been ready since birth to assume his role as the “I’m a caring man and I’ll be there at your side to dry your tears and listen to you bitch and promise you how beautiful you look when the baby is disgorging itself from your wide-open bloody vagina” man that all women claim they desire, but actually don’t desire until times get tough or their oxytocin levels are elevated. (Or the SMV differential between the woman and the man is so great that he can afford to be a beta.)

But just because that sentimental huggy-wuggy stuff comes easy to betas doesn’t mean they’d see no benefit from supercharging their relationship game with time-honored and field-tested seduction strategies. A man who has brought balance to his masculine force — a man who has sharpened his far-focused beta bonding on the whetstone of near-focused alpha allure, and knows how to apportion each by amount and timeliness to induce maximum arousal in his woman — is a man of such rarefied self-awareness that women will die for him. Or at least defend his right to pimp them out.

Building on this premise, tomorrow’s post will be about those “day-to-day alpha” things that men should do to strengthen and invigorate their loving relationships with women.

Young reader “Barry” wants to know if his Yearbook note to a girl he knows (who also knows his friend “Greg”) is beta or alpha.

Kelli,

It has been so nice getting to know you this year. You are extremely sweet and foxy, I don’t know why Greg would want to spend any time with me at all! You really deserve better than clowns like us; you even laugh at my jokes! I hope we can keep in touch this summer, even though Greg will be gone. Call me up, and I’ll buy you lunch sometimes. [phone number] Anyway, good luck in everything you do, and stay happy.

You friend,

Love [heart symbol]

My gut reaction is that the note stinks of beta. Heart symbols are beta to any girl you aren’t already fucking. Hell, they’re beta to girls you *are* fucking. The self-deprecation is over the top, and beta if the recipient is a girl you aren’t fucking. It’s just barely tolerable if you’re self-depreacting to a girl you are already fucking.

But what I’d want to know, “Barry”, is the nature of your interest in “Kelli”. Is she just a friend, or do you have a secret crush on her? If you like her as more than a friend, then you come off as a supplicating orbiter here. But an orbiter with a sleazy, scheming alpha streak. You normally only see Kelli when Greg is with her, so it’s a good bet they’re dating. Waiting for your friend to skedaddle for the summer so you can slip her the full-blooded chub is just the kind of backroom dealing that will serve you well in future endeavors.

Chicks dig a man in command with a plan, so your subterfuge might succeed, but offering to buy lunch and giving her your number were bad moves. Better to talk to her alone and get her number than to leave it in her Yearbook for Greg to see.

Over to the CH commenters: what do you think of Barry’s tone? Is this Yearbook note weak sauce or is it the right touch of sneaky fucker cad game?

UPDATE

Some commenters caught on. The “Barry” above is none other than B-Dawg Obama.

High school is the crucible of our character. What you will be for the rest of your life is usually resolved before Senior Prom. But not always. Some men develop later, others are able to grow beyond the bounds of their formative years. You can tell a lot about a person by what he wrote in a Yearbook decades ago, and Barry’s note confirms my judgment of his character: He’s a beta at heart who became alpha through circumstance, mimicry and sheer grit. Some might derisively call this a Paper Alpha, but it’s still a better life as a paper alpha than a bona fide beta.

Oh, almost forgot:

Where da white women at!

hbd chick asks,

if you were jason richwine, how would you have reframed the “discussion” about his thesis? wanna learn more about this reframing business.

For those readers who don’t know, Jason Richwine is was the Heritage Foundation data cruncher who got metaphorically burned at the stake (a witch hunt in all senses but for an actual pyre) and canned from his think tank job for a dissertation he wrote while at Harvard which trafficked in horrible, no good, very bad hatefacts.

Also, for those who don’t know, “reframing” is a well-known game concept that means to change the context of a conversation so that it is more personally advantageous to one’s goals. Reframing is an old sales technique (“Picture yourself owning this…”) that was reformatted for use as an applied seduction technique. Here’s the PUALingo definition of the term:

To say or do something that alters the context (“frame”) through which someone sees an idea or situation.

If the girl is shit testing the pick-up artist, he can reframe with a smarter remark or ignore her altogether. For example:

HB: Are you trying to pick us up? (in negative tone)

PUA: Is that the first thing you say to anyone who approaches you? I had a simple question to ask the group, but it’s alright, I will ask someone else more polite.

So what hbd chick is asking is for an explanation of how Richwine could have appropriated a powerful seduction technique to “seduce” the media gatekeepers and (dwindling) numbers of truly open-minded fence-sitters over to his side. Or to at least curb the frothing bloodlust of the witch hunters so that his job with Heritage was spared.

A very good question, for a lot of the tactics that successful womanizers use to bed women can also be put to good use in other social arenas.

First, a quick primer on reframing. A good reframe should flow from an attitude of self-amusement, or amused mastery. Self-amusement means you will respond to attacks against your character or your status with condescension, ridicule, sarcasm, or utter disregard.

A good reframe, like the one illustrated above, will put your interlocutor into the defensive crouch. In matters of seduction, the defensive crouch is where pussy tingles are born. In politics, it’s where The Narrative — aka The Cathedral, aka The Hivemind, aka The Anti-White Male Establishment —  is undermined.

Reframing follows the principle of “The best defense is a good offense”. If a girl calls you a cad, you don’t apologize or try to deny it. That would be defensively acceding to her frame. Instead, you accuse her of being socially awkward. By putting her on the defensive, she is forced by the sudden change in momentum of the conversation, (and, if a crowd is assembled, by their expectation), to answer your charge. Answering charges is the lower status, WEAK POSITION. Delivering charges is the higher status, STRONG POSITION.

Chicks dig a man in the strong position.

And casual observers dig a data cruncher who stares down the lords of lies and calls their bluff.

So how could Richwine have reframed the national conversation about his factual findings — yes, remember, he was vilified for FACTUAL findings on the basis of BUT MY FEELINGS! AND THEIR FEELINGS! AND BIGOT! — so that he emerged from the ordeal perceived as an admirable man and his enemies the sputtering idiots they are?

There are FOUR main reframing methods, and I’ll give an example of a hypothetical Richwine response using all four.

1. Agree and amplify.

THE TORCH-LIT MOB: Richwine, you have sinned against the Church of Anti-Racism. Your thesis is bigoted and hurtful!

RICHWINE: So hurtful, I know! The truth has that effect on lying pussies. I hope to send more of you into hysterics. You put on a good show. Dance, monkeys.

2. Ignore and redirect.

THE TORCH-LIT MOB: Richwine, you have sinned against the Church of Anti-Racism. Your thesis is bigoted and hurtful!

RICHWINE: Math is hard for a lot of people.

3. Self-serving misinterpretation.

THE TORCH-LIT MOB: Richwine, you have sinned against the Church of Anti-Racism. Your thesis is bigoted and hurtful!

RICHWINE: You really know how to make a guy feel powerful. But don’t worry, I don’t bite. You can stop pulling your skirts over your heads.

4. Flipping the script.

THE TORCH-LIT MOB: Richwine, you have sinned against the Church of Anti-Racism. Your thesis is bigoted and hurtful!

RICHWINE: I understand. You have to have a bad guy so you can feel like the good guy. But you can be more open-minded. Anyone can be, all it takes is having your awareness raised.

Now naturally, Richwine wouldn’t have to reframe with quite so much Heartiste-y flourish, but the concept is applicable to all modes, highbrow, lowbrow or shiv-woww, of verbal sparring. As long as you get the concept, the words will fall into place.

I suggest Geoffrey Miller, the latest sacrificial realtalker to be targeted by the angry equalist mob, get on board the reframe train. Forget apologetics, Geoff, that’ll only feed the beast’s hunger. You don’t bend over and make it easier for the fatass-rammers, especially not when the facts support your contention that fat craps really do have problems with self-discipline.

As for the personality traits mentioned above, Angelina Sutin and colleagues at the National Institute on Aging, National Institutes of Health, and the Department of Health and Human Services, have conducted perhaps the ultimate study on this, using some 2000 participants, spanning over 50 years and applying 14 500 measurements of weight. And they didn’t just content themselves with the Big Five personality factors but looked at all the subscales. They found that weight gain was most clearly related to Impulsiveness (a facet of Neuroticism), Warmth, Assertiveness, Positive Emotions (all facets of Extraversion), and a lack of Order and Self-Discipline (facets of Conscientiousness). […]

So yes, the obese group is not unlike its negative stereotypes. Of the, “lazy”, “sloppy”, “less competent”, “lacking in self-discipline”, “disagreeable”, “less conscientious”, “poor role models”,” unintelligent”, “unsuccessful”, “weak-willed”, “unpleasant”, “overindulgent”, it seems “disagreeable” and “unpleasant” are the only clear misses.

This is not to hate on the obese, but to call a spade a spade. The idea that the problems of the obese are outside themselves is an unhealthy illusion here examplified by Slate Magazine’s Daniel Engber,

Stop hating. If we weren’t such unrepentant body bigots, fat people might earn more money, stay in school, and receive better medical care in hospitals and doctor’s offices. All that would go a long way toward mitigating the health effects of excess weight—and its putative costs

This under the false assumption that fat people have the same intelligence and Self-Discipline and that the reason they cancel appointments is not due to Impulsiveness and lack of Conscientiousness but only because of other peoples prejudice. In doing so, he enables fat people to stay fat and to blame society for their problems, and to, like the Obesity Society, view the condition as unrelated to willpower.

The harsh truth is that the obese are in a lot of trouble. They are less attractive in the workplace because of their combination of intelligence (or lack thereof) and personality. Work performance is best predicted by IQ scores and next best of Conscientiousness. Impulsive behavior on the other hand predicts crime and accidents. Most employers are probably not aware of the research linking obese people to these characteristics and outcomes, but they know from experience that employing an obese person is a financial risk with no apparent reward.

Chateau Heartiste is now offering PR services to any neoreactionary PACs.

Big Mistake

A reader writes,

If this isn’t a bad prognostication for a marriage, then I don’t know what is.

A friend of mine recently tied the knot with his college girlfriend. I admittedly do not know the bride very well, but generally she can be controlling and tough to warm up to. When you look at the picture attached, it’s apparent she hasn’t even warmed up to…her own husband.

Yes, that’s the couple’s first official kiss as a married couple. Except it’s not a kiss. His bride denied him, physically pushed him away, and proceeded to give him the cheek when he awkwardly went in for the kiss.

Seeing him, pathetically and helplessly, hunched over like that on top of his wife fills me with pity. If his wife can’t even comply to her man on their wedding day what hope is there in the future. Any takers on how long into the marriage before she starts withholding sex?

Also, as you can see in the photos the wedding was presided not by a priest, but by the bride’s fatass sister.

I’ve been to a fair number of weddings, and I’ve never seen a blushing bride’s visceral distaste for her husband quite this transparently revealed. Most women who have hornswoggled a beta provider with tacit promises of endless hot marital sex have enough self-control and presence of mind to at least make a show of it when witnesses are present, even if that show is nothing more than a quick, pursed lip kiss followed by a rapid whole body turn to relievedly face the cameras. But I suppose when the star witness is your fat sister with a Unitardian Ministry Certificate from E-Cunts.com, no one really gives a shit that you recoil when your husband kamikazes with moist chimp lips but winds up smacking air. It’s all fun and games until he’s pulling his pud to porn six months into a sexless marriage, and contemplating suicide-by-family-court five years in.

I bet the bachelorettes all wore vintage Great Bonghits For Men T-shirts at the bitchelorette party that said ALPHA FUX, BETA BUX.

(Speaking of, you can trace the accelerating decline of America to the point in cultural history when the bachelorette party surpassed the bachelor party in significance.)

Proof, as if any more were needed, that getting a woman to marry you is not hard. What’s hard is getting a woman to love you.

UPDATE

The reader who sent in the pics relays the following:

fwiw i was definitively told the pictures i submitted to you were the initial pictures of the brides reaction to the kiss and any other photos were after that fact.

All right, folks. There it is. You may now return to your regularly scheduled food fight.

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