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Young reader “Barry” wants to know if his Yearbook note to a girl he knows (who also knows his friend “Greg”) is beta or alpha.


It has been so nice getting to know you this year. You are extremely sweet and foxy, I don’t know why Greg would want to spend any time with me at all! You really deserve better than clowns like us; you even laugh at my jokes! I hope we can keep in touch this summer, even though Greg will be gone. Call me up, and I’ll buy you lunch sometimes. [phone number] Anyway, good luck in everything you do, and stay happy.

You friend,

Love [heart symbol]

My gut reaction is that the note stinks of beta. Heart symbols are beta to any girl you aren’t already fucking. Hell, they’re beta to girls you *are* fucking. The self-deprecation is over the top, and beta if the recipient is a girl you aren’t fucking. It’s just barely tolerable if you’re self-depreacting to a girl you are already fucking.

But what I’d want to know, “Barry”, is the nature of your interest in “Kelli”. Is she just a friend, or do you have a secret crush on her? If you like her as more than a friend, then you come off as a supplicating orbiter here. But an orbiter with a sleazy, scheming alpha streak. You normally only see Kelli when Greg is with her, so it’s a good bet they’re dating. Waiting for your friend to skedaddle for the summer so you can slip her the full-blooded chub is just the kind of backroom dealing that will serve you well in future endeavors.

Chicks dig a man in command with a plan, so your subterfuge might succeed, but offering to buy lunch and giving her your number were bad moves. Better to talk to her alone and get her number than to leave it in her Yearbook for Greg to see.

Over to the CH commenters: what do you think of Barry’s tone? Is this Yearbook note weak sauce or is it the right touch of sneaky fucker cad game?


Some commenters caught on. The “Barry” above is none other than B-Dawg Obama.

High school is the crucible of our character. What you will be for the rest of your life is usually resolved before Senior Prom. But not always. Some men develop later, others are able to grow beyond the bounds of their formative years. You can tell a lot about a person by what he wrote in a Yearbook decades ago, and Barry’s note confirms my judgment of his character: He’s a beta at heart who became alpha through circumstance, mimicry and sheer grit. Some might derisively call this a Paper Alpha, but it’s still a better life as a paper alpha than a bona fide beta.

Oh, almost forgot:

Where da white women at!


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