A dusty tome retrieved from the recesses of the Chateau study reveals an ancient code inscribed by prophets of yore:
statement-statement-question
What’s this, you ask? Why, it’s the alpha male way to direct a conversation with a girl! Why this way? Think of the alternatives.
question-question-question: Bludgeoning a woman with questions makes you sound desperate for a connection.
statement-statement-statement: The bane of the tone-deaf, try-hard man unknowingly alienating a woman because he’s not listening to her and he’s giving away all his mystery.
Framing what you say into a statement-statement-question format is the ideal mode of seductive communication, because it demonstrates in equal measure an ability to command a conversation and to interact with a woman. You first lead the convo with a statement, then ask a question to get the girl yapping. It’s the art of charismatic rapport.
Similarly, there is an ideal way for a man to direct a long-term relationship so that it’s maximally rewarding and minimally punishing. Directing a relationship means, in practice, striking an optimal balance between your alpha and beta behaviors. Succinctly, beta behavior is romantic and alpha behavior is sexy. Or, to put it another way, beta behavior is reassuring and alpha behavior is alluring. There’s more to them than that, but that’ll do for purposes of this post.
In yesterday’s post, reader Sidewinder asked,
How does one do obligatory beta things in the course of a relationship in an alpha way?
The key words here are “in the course of a relationship.” The ratio of your alpha to beta will be different with a woman who already loves you and to whom you have already committed, than it will be with a woman you have started dating or with whom you don’t want anything more than a sexual fling. Like the statement-statement-question ratio above, the alpha-to-beta ratio would look like this:
Short term sexual flings or pre-LTR dating: alpha-beta-alpha.
Long-term romantic connections: beta-beta-alpha.
If you’re doing it right, you’ll be less beta early on when the girl needs to feel your masculine sexy energy, and more beta later on when the girl needs to see more signs of commitment. You’ll be more alpha up front, less later (as a function of time spent together), and the beta behavior that is more like a pleasantly surprising seasoning during the early stages of courtship will become more of a staple in an LTR.
Rephrasing these ratios into game lingo, your behavior will generally be push-pull-push when you meet a girl and have to build her attraction to you, and pull-pull-push when you are in a committed relationship and the girl has already made an investment in you (and you in her), and your margin for beta error is larger and your margin for alpha alienation is smaller.
This is the fundamental reality of sexual polarity and male attractiveness duality. The effects of a man’s sexuality will change as he oscillates between alpha and beta behavior in accord with the woman’s need for signals of long-term investment.
So occasional Acts of Beta are not a horrible thing; in fact they’re necessary if you want a relationship with a woman longer than three months that isn’t corrosive or emotionally exhausting. But there are more and less attractive ways to “be beta.” Giving of oneself can come from a place of neediness — supplication, cloying flattery, fearful obeisance — or it can come from a place of self-assured joy.
Here are some common Acts of Beta refitted so that they’re executed with an alpha attitude.
Gift giving
Don’t buy something for her at the moment she’s leering at her object of acquisition. This is what men who are happy to support golddiggers do. Buying her stuff when she most expects it will only increase her demands for more stuff. It’s better to keep your gift-giving spontaneous, cheap and thoughtful. Flowers left on the table for her when she gets home. A small, goofy poem tucked into the clutter of her nightstand. For added effect, act at first like you don’t know who got her the gift. Inquire if it was her secret lover, and threaten to one-up “him” by buying her a yacht. Don’t get carried away with “special occasions”. One gift and done for birthdays and anniversaries. Keep her expectations low, and it will always be a challenge to disappoint her.
Making entertainment decisions
Ok, so she chooses a chick flic. This is not the worst thing in the world. With a little forethought, you can persuade her to choose a movie less vomit-inducing. Preempt her suggestions and take the lead in guiding her choice: “This is going to take a lot out of me, but I’m willing to watch a girly movie with you tonight, as long as I get a say in the matter.” She’ll feel bad about putting you through torture, so she’ll be more open to watching the less obnoxiously sappy chick flics, like Seven.
Doing things together
The worst thing you can do is not make a bad choice, but make no choice at all. Every man will be faced with those moments when he either can’t be bothered to think of something to do with his beloved, or he really can’t come up with any ideas. “What do you want to do?” are the most terrifying words a man will hear, next to “I missed my period” and “I had lunch with my ex.” Whatever you say, don’t sound wishy-washy. Even if your idea sucks, it’s better to forcefully present a sucky idea than to waver and say you’ll do whatever she wants to do. Now, this doesn’t mean you don’t get any input from her. It means you offer a suggestion, and be flexible if she makes a counter-suggestion.
Shopping together
If you get that expectant “Will you buy this for me?” look from your woman, muse thoughtfully about the product, and then announce it would look great on your mistress. Ask your girlfriend/wife if it comes with a motorcycle. Wait a few months, and then buy it for her. The object here is to never get caught being the type of man that asks “How high?” when his woman wants him to jump.
Making it rain
If you’re going to spend beaucoup bucks on your girl, (and you’re a well-off man for whom the expenditure is inconsequential), don’t get her “stuff.” Buy her experiences instead. Two plane tickets to a European city will be appreciated more fondly than a thousand pieces of jewelry.
The crying game
Every so often a girl just needs a good cry. Maybe she had a bad day at work, her parents are bugging her, or she got a shitty haircut. Let her tumble into your arms to sob it out. And, though this won’t need saying for the more experienced men in the audience, don’t say anything. Over and over, I’ve rediscovered the power of keeping your trap shut when a woman is in the midst of an emotional draining. Hug, stroke, and silently sympathize. That’s all you need to do.
When she says annoying or stupid shit
Follow the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time, ignore her or change the subject. 20% of the time, call her out on her bullshit.
Compliments and flattery
Keep it rare, spare and unawares. The best compliments are unexpected, and evenly divided between being romantic and raunchy.
Advice
Don’t bother. Women are constitutionally incapable of receiving advice in good faith without twisting it into an attack on their character or attractiveness. Either lead her to what you want her to do, or let her flounder on her own.
Conversational fluff
Expect that in any relationship, she will be doing 75% of the talking, and you will be doing 75% of the head nodding. If you don’t like this, you should be dating a man.
When things get really frustrating
Leave. It works wonders. Slip out the back, Jack. Return in a few hours, after she’s had time to think clearly about the rift her bad behavior is causing.
If she fattens up
Dump her. Serioulsy. You are staring down the barrel of decades of unsatisfactory sex and resentful withdrawal. If you truly deeply love her, the best persuasion is leading by example. Exercise more, get buff, draw attention from other women, flirt with other women, and, if you are really fucking subversive, buy her a dress in the size she was before she got chubby.
Maintaining mystery
The toughest thing for any man is staying mysterious for his woman. The more a woman knows about her man, the less excited she feels about him. An easy way to inspire wonderment is to stay late at work a few nights, unannounced. Another way is the calculated revelation: “Oh, I thought I told you I was a local karaoke legend?” Be more unpredictable. Try speaking in a fashion that avoids your most common tropes and semantics. Radically change your style of dress. Join a club. Attend a seminar. Anything to shake up the monotony.
Cuddling
Make a small effort to not fall asleep after sex one in a while. Cuddle. Under no circumstances should you be the little spoon, unless you’re being a clown about it.
No need to bother. Sidewinder still won’t get it.
Missing from Heartiste’s list:
> “Knock her up.”
> “Put a bun in her oven.”
> “Marry her and start a family.”
The longer you keep fucking her purposelessly, the more shrivelled them ovaries become.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…
Gay. Get a vasectomy. Upgrade to a younger woman if your current one gets too old.
Having children is pointless. They are annoying, destroy your things, and wreck your woman’s body. Put a few beers into any father and he’ll tell you some horror stories. The genetic legacy angle is bunk too. You will still be dead(nonexistent) no matter how many people with your eye color are running around two hundred years from now.
Actually, the “wrecking your woman’s body” objection is BS.
actually it’s not.
“Having children is pointless.”
And whoever else’s blood are you going to use in the baking of your matzos?
Not a father himself, and telling us what fathers think.
Never known it to fail… nobody knows more about women and children than those who don’t have either.
You pusillanimous dastard… you thimble… you thread… you impertinent jackanapes.
Come over here and get one in the yarbles… if’n ya got any yarbles, eunuch jelly thou!
You fairy.
That schtick is getting old. You don’t really think you are convincing anyone here, right?
lzolzozlozlzolzolz
DA GBFM is seeking A LONG TERM RELATIONSHZIPZZ!!
A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPZ with an endless array of 18-25 YO young hottiesz zlozlzozozozozozozoz
lozozozoz DA GBFM’S ONLINE DATINGZ PROFILEZ LZOzozlzozlzozlzoz
up till now lzozlzzzzo da GBFM dont no online datetz as A) i have not eneouch cockeasz to handaled all da psuusysys pusysys pusysysy dat come my way in real life in da coffee shopd shich i call starfuckszx as da GBFM is da fuckstatr in da coffe shop lzlzozo beoyenend faacebook and buttcobook and assbook lzlzozl and 2) der is too much risk dat her picturez was taken when she was hotter, younger tighter thirty pounds lighter dureing the commencnemnt of her massive cock carosuslel crusade and bountiful buttcocking battlez zzoozoz so da GBFM letsz da betasz pay da oldsnatch.com datng feez to look @ a chix pre-bernankifed photoso zlzozlzoozozoz
but now dat da GBFM is seeking a LTR, here is my profielz of da GBFM for onlinez datingz zisitez like oldsnatch.com zlzozlz: lzozoz
GBFM SEEKSZ TIGTHT PUSYSYSYIZYOSUSOUSSIUOJZOZzlzlzlzlzoz
TITLE: LOTSAS COCKAS 4U 2 serve ur ginatinglelzlzol but not buttztingzlzlzolzoz
“my name is da gbfm of worldwide fame and renown. i don’t buttcockz cause my cockas too big and ur anus (not da planet uranus lzozzlz) is likely too small, unless u have been buttcocked many timez, in which case you have been bernnakififed and deosuled & ur anus IS likely big as da planet URANUS lzozozo and i don’t no waannna gina cock you no more as u are proabably as a big a pain in da ass as da pain in uranus ass from all da buttccokingz during your cock carsoule crusisidng days of whorey glory zlzlzoozo.
my ideaz of an idealsz date is to talk about da GREAT BOOKZ FOR MENZ which menasz dat u shut up and da GBFM doesz all da talkingz cause we know womenz never read homer’s iliad nor odyssey notr bible on their own (Except dey be fmeinists frankfurt schools deocntsructing da great books instead of respecting da GBFM’s frankfurter in der mouth lzoozlzoz), but womenz only readz vampire gina-tingly butt-tingly crap like twilight and julia prostsititute roberts book eat, prey, butthext”
even dough my last seneveenteen girlz complained dat da GBFM is soooo complicated, my ruels rulez arez simple:
bring da movbiez = lostas cokas 4u
bring no movies = no cockasz 4u
P.S. and please pelasez please i beg of you do not waste da GBFM’s precious itme. time. pleasez post up-tod-ate picture of you TODAY! do NOT post pictures of you when you were younger hotter tighter and fifty pounds lighter back in da day when you were givingz it up for free 2 all da buttccokerz in your bernkifiing dorm of student debt and anal debaucheyr lzlzoz as da debt was augmented in sectrieve meethingsz of da fed and da nauth violted in sectrely taped buttcheidnt sessionz zlzl, and pretending dat because you were once hot da GBFM now owes u moneysz to get down on what you gave away for free before u contrtced dat STD. lzozolzolzoo
i like to travel, and we can travel togethers. i will travel form da bedroom to da couch to play grand theft autoz, while youwill travel from da bed to da kitchen to make da GBFM a morning omelelete with lotssa cheddar cheese but not form between your kness zlzlozlzlo
if u are thirty and have had ur fun and r looking to “get serious,” then please get serious! da gbfm ain’t no backcup beta nor da last branch you can grab as you fall from da tree of your sexual peak in your early twentietsz which you wasted on lsostas cockas riding da cock carousleuesz. and now u see da GBFM’s massive lotsas cockas and mistake it for a thick tree branch u can grab on just beofree you hit da ground of eterna spinterhood zlozlzolzolzo causez da gbfm don’t give no cockasz to dose dat have “had their fun,” bt only does fresh young hot tight tights who r having funz zlozozoz
when you comtact me please include:
how many pounds u have gained since your profile picture was taken (rounded to nearest tens of poundsz lzozlzl).
\how many timez you have been bernnakified via:
how many cockasz u have taken in da buttholzizo since your profile picture was taken.
how many pounds u have *REALLY* gained since your profile picture was taken.
how many cockasz u have taken in da ginazizo since your profile picture was taken.
how many cockasz u have taken in da mouthollzizo since your profile picture was takenz.
i know dat you wills undertted your bernifiaction numbers by a factor of 5 or more in da same way da fed undesrsrtated inflationz, so i have my eocnomistsz grad stdudnets muiltiply your ansers by 5 lzoozozoz so if you sayou have been bernankkekified 10 timesz we will know it was at least fifty and proebeleeby more zlzoozozoz u do da mathz lzozoz
da gbfm looks forwards to meetingz youz and may r luvz last 4eever or at leats until da gbfm has cumed zlzlzloz sploododeged zlzlzlozo whichever cumsz firts zlzlzolzozozlzoz
RELIGION: Chruchcianz, as I beelieve dat JEuss will frogive forgive you and ur hot sister for our threesomsznz lzlzlzlzlzo & u will be made whoel and good as new and can still mary a beta providerz and prey to jesus 2 heal heal ur sore buttholiolozlz and bring a good man ur wya zlzozlolzo
lzozozozo da GBFM’s METHOD!
statement-statement-question
What’s this, you ask? Why, it’s the alpha male way to direct a conversation with a girl! Why this way? Think of the alternatives.
question-question-question: Bludgeoning a woman with questions makes you sound desperate for a connection.
da GBFM Method:
statement-blowjob-ginasex
zlzlzozoozozozozlzozlzoz
blowjob-ginasex-statementz*
*statement in ur face! lozlzozzozzlzozloz
Have you considered creating a GBFM dating account and reporting on the responses you get?
I encourage this because the response will not be positive. Reading GBFM causes a feeling like my vagina is withdrawing into my body and sewing itself shut.
Have you considered creating a Matthew dating account 4 sticking ur cockas in smelly used up pre-beenrkrkaifiied massively-multi-buttcockedz bunghole garabage cansz and reporting on the responses you get? lzoozozozlzozozoo
Match would reject profile
Wow. Just Wow.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-22828150
He once took the trouble to give me some good advice. I think he gets it.
I got a smile out of this one.
What if you actually like cuddling? Does that mean you’re just hopelessly beta?
It is a question of degree in my humble opinion
if you are the one who decides when to cuddle, when to stop cuddling, you are less Beta
ok, we’re lying down watching TV, her in front, me in back. Wordlessly she reaches back, grabs my hand, and forcibly moves it so its now cuddling her torso. I laugh, but go along because I don’t mind.
You have nothing to worry about there.
next time she grabs your hand and moves it, make sure your hand lands on her tit.
What, exactly, is this cuddling about which you speak?
What can I say, I’m a hopeless cuddler. (Hate the word though).
“cuddling” (verb): the physical act by which Nicole regurgitates food from one of her four stomachs back up into her oral cavity for further mastication.
(note: not to confused with “spooning”, a Jackass-inspired stunt which costs a few foolhardy Israeli men their lives each year.)
Hehehe
Hahaha it’s almost too easy, isn’t it? Just drop the bait and wait for her overwritten, half-comprehensible and uninteresting response.
It’s like being an affirmative-action version of Captain Ahab.
It writes itself…
Thar she blows!
Yep. If you are technically male and miraculously heterosexual, you need to be here and paying attention.
The day you come here and don’t even think about me when I haven’t posted in a thread, and your eyes just kind of glaze over when you do see my posts, check your panties. You might have grown some big boy hair.
That goes, as well, for the rest of you in the usual, “Online racism makes me look bad ass,” chorus line.
White nationalism aside, you’ve grown on me, you big bowl of chocolate pudding…
This bad ass man likes a big woman who thinks she bad… you may be large, but I’ll show you who’s in charge. Bank on it, baby. The next time you’re on this side of the pond, I’ll mount you to the strains of DIonne Warwick, Brook Benton, and the Fifth Dimension singing Bacharach material.
Greg unchained
Sweet burn! Lol
…Oh no she di’n’t!
Greg you may be the bravest one I know.
What I find amusing is how blacks wanted to be considered equal.
Now that they are, in my opinion, above equal, it’s apparent they can’t handle it. Being equal means you get to be made fun of, Nicole. If we are truly equal, then “racism” cannot exist. Seems more to me you want all of the benefits of being equal, and none of the responsibilities. Feminism, anyone?
Edit: Racism cannot exist as a valid complaint, as you have to accept criticism from an equal point of view.
Cuddling is something you do in private with your woman,
but in public – especially around men – pretend you never do or even know what it is
If you enjoy CUDDLING with the bitch, then for the sake of God almighty, why don’t you make children with her?
Let’s be honest with ourselves – did any of us enjoy “cuddling” with even a third or a quarter or an eighth of the bitches we ever banged?!?
How does the joke go – you don’t pay a whore to fornicate with you, you pay a whore to leave afterwards?
Miss Cuddlesome’s ovaries sure ain’t getting any younger.
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…
You NEVER EVER ADMIT IT and instead just do it. Don’t talk about what you enjoy, show her.
Why are men so ashamed to be cuddlers? Come out of the cuddle closet already! You love it, and we know it
Men are ashamed to cuddle for the same reason we don’t still get our nutrition from our mothers’ tits. For the same reason everybody gets grossed out by a man talking baby language to his woman and calling her things like Snuggly Wuggly and Pookums and going full tilt with the precious PDAs.
All cuddling is embracing. Not all embracing is cuddling. Cuddling means diminishing oneself, finding the source of one’s strength from the embrace rather than being the source of her strength within the embrace. Her cuddling is great, what she is made for. A man burrowing his head in her bosom and sighing is effing gross.
Unless you have an Oedipal thing going on. If you’re trying for a mother-son foundation to your relationship, that’s a different approach altogether. Try daddy-daughter instead. Electra.
This only seems like a radical position because our culture has been radically feminized.
Matt
yup
RE: gift giving. Her bday is in July and she has been bringing it up since may (we’ve been together almost 5 months). Plan to get her concert tix to see favorite band, but show isnt until September. Don’t have a ton of money to spend. Nice dinner with tix inside a card? Any suggestions?
just get a card. something completely from left field that you can tie into an inside joke. make her buy you dinner.
@pooralpha, why would you recommend something you wouldn’t implement yourself? You really made a girl buy dinner on her birthday? I mean, really?
Look, if dude’s mack daddy investment banker,then betty’s not going to bite. But not have a ton of money scenario goes like this: hey I will cook dinner.
Her: ok or I want dinner at Cheesecake.
Poorguy: Ok,let’s go to cheap place we both like, on me.
Her: but I want Fondue LeShaq
PG: Can’t do, let’s split. Or say…I will get us sold out concert tix to Lamb Of God and you get dinner.
It can work.
There are two types of girl friends, the one “keep up with joneses” that wants to brag about goodies or the ones that are more Rihanna and don’t care about getting goodies. If she knows u aren’t $, then there are adjustments to expectations.
Obviously, in hindsight, just say “make her buy” may sound a wee bit tuffguy.
If you really want to take her to a concert (sometimes people actually do do nice stuff for each other) give her the concert tickets in August randomly or buy them, tell her a week or two before the concert to leave that day open for some stupid commitment that doesn’t exist and surprise her the day of with a concert instead. Bonus of waiting is if you break up before then, you still get to use/sell the tickets.
Speaking of which,a bit OT,but this fellow was abused at a concert by a singer named Rihanna,who I understand is supposed to be very popular. She is certainly not professional,treating ehr fan like this,humiliating him.. He paid good money to see a professional show and he gets abused.Its pretty outrageous. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_toXAOtpyHQ
“… bringing it up since may”
That sounds pretty high maintenance and/or she is hinting at something specific. Try to figure out what she’s angling at (and then if you want to bother with it). Could be she wants you to organize a birthday dinner with her friends or a party for her perfect for facebook pics galore, especially if her friends’ boyfriends have been doing it for them and she wants to status whore with the same treatment (look my boyfriend went to all this trouble to suit my whimsy, my SMV is high, competing bitches!).
Concert tickets are good if you like the band too. Give her a card that mentions the tickets, but keep them in your possession. That way if you break up you can go, sell the tickets or lure her back for a night of music, booze and no strings attached sex.
[…] heartiste.wordpress.com […]
How about when she did something stupid and you had an argument. Now she’s being a bitch about it? I take it buying her a gift would be the worst possible option as means of reconcilliation? What then, cut her off for a few days?
Yes.
You lost me at “had an argument.” Why are you arguing with a woman? Something has already gone fundamentally wrong. Somewhere within the archives here are some great resources regarding this very issue, but “agree and amplify” and just straight out ignoring her shit should nullify a large majority of potential arguments. Never forget the maxim: “Change her mood not her mind.” The only time I’ll get heated with a girl is when I’m bating her into an emotional spike in order to segue into sex.
Very correct. It takes two to argue. Staring, smirking and walking away are all you need to do. She will always win an argument because you’ll never logically convince her of anything, and she will interpret this as winning. She will interpret your disinterest in arguing with her as you winning.
This is so true and hard to do.
Yes, that sounds nice. Any woman who has a problem with any of the above is either a golddigger, hopeless codependent, or a Cluster B.
And this: “Every so often a girl just needs a good cry. Maybe she had a bad day at work, her parents are bugging her, or she got a shitty haircut. Let her tumble into your arms to sob it out.”
Can’t be emphasized hard enough. So many men find women’s tendency to cry either baffling, infuriating, or terrifying. Please relax about this. The syllogism is crying:women::farting:men. We actually experience it as a physical release of tension.
And if you’re living with her, know this: It’s really worthwhile to have an idea of what her menstrual cycle is, and to keep it in mind. Days 25-28 are a really excellent time to turn on the “beta reassurance.”
So many men find women’s tendency to cry either baffling, infuriating, or terrifying. Please relax about this.
Go to a regular message board and casually suggest that women are more emotional than men. Look at the responses from women and men. When you’ve had the ‘you go girl’ and ‘girls can do everything boys can do’ attitude beaten into your head since birth it is baffling when the other sex doesn’t act like you’ve been told they will.
I know, right?
I think it’s because a lot of women have this fear that if they admit to being more emotional than men, they’re giving ammunition to the folks who don’t think women should be in leadership positions, etc. (Which is silly. Just because we have the emotions doesn’t mean we can’t control our behavior.)
There’s a lot of wishful thinking in the “girls can do everything boys can do” mentality. I seriously wish I could deadlift 200 lbs. That would be awesome. I accept that I can’t, no matter how hard I work out, but some people really seem to think that if they just believe something hard enough, it’ll be true. And they’ll point to the occasional extreme outlier–that one woman in 1,000 who can do those things–and use that as proof that their magical thinking will work.
I seriously wish I could deadlift 200 lbs. That would be awesome. … if they just believe something hard enough, it’ll be true.
C’mon now. You’re throwing me eephus pitches over the fat part of the plate.
Swing away, you sanctimonious little prig.
Spank your azz.
That rules. This is the second time I’ve been called “sanctimonious” in as many days. I may have to look into it.
Unless you’re Chrissy.
” I seriously wish I could deadlift 200 lbs. That would be awesome. I accept that I can’t, no matter how hard I work out”
Actually you can – that’s achievable for almost anybody unless they have serious back injuries or some other illness.
An average man on the street, untrained could lift that for a least one rep. A woman who’s done strength training should be able to even if she is short.
Look into ‘starting strength’ or similar programs and focus on the diet, it’s not an unrealistic goal.
Damn, I have dacryphilia – they don’t cry enough.
There’s a cure for that.
Cue whorefinder…paging whorefinder…whorefinder, we need a comment on Aisle 7…
Cause it? Yeah, I do from time to time.
YES! What is it with men and freaking out over crying? Crying is one of two things for a woman; stress relief or manipulation. Neither one requires any kind of input from the guy. If she’s manipulating you, fuck her. If she’s stressed or upset, there’s nothing you can say that’s going to make it better until the initial emotion passes. Physical comfort’s the best kind of comfort in a situation like that.
It’s because they don’t do it except in extremis. They don’t understand that it’s just really not a big deal for us, that it’s like a summer storm that has to pass over.
Women aren’t actually more emotional than men. Rather, they are more moved by their emotions, which are weak breezes compared to the raging storms that move men.
Basically. The best explanation I’ve heard is that men are capable of pushing stress down and dealing with it later (or never), and women are wired to deal with stress immediately. It has to be processed at the moment, and that’s why we sometimes just break down into tears when a guy would swallow it, go back to his apartment, and put a fist through the wall. Takes some serious training for a woman to be able to suppress it and let it out later.
Yeah, we swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lotta pizzas.
I don’t know, I love it. Women crying usually gives me boners. Female emotions are always a signal to consolidate control of the relationship and crying is no exception. You women confuse your strong emotions – crying or strong temper is as good as lust/love if a guy handles it right. If it’s a serious issue, like death of a relative, then silence and being the rock she clings to is the best, especially if she’s a Daddy’s girl. If it’s something trivial, like CH’s “bad haircut,” then I would usually inject sarcasm:
Her: [tears, bad haircut]
Me: What happened?
Her: [sniff] My hair
Me: I know, who did this to you?
Her:[sob,snuggle] My stylist
Me: That mean old stylist! Where are they, I will go kill them!
Her: [mild arm punch, smile] Stop it! I’m not kidding, it’s really bad! Blah,blah {cry} Blah [cry, look up] Do you still love me?
Me: [Silence, Kiss, Slow fuck.]
Manipulation crying is the best. I smirk and relish showing her I can be a bastard who lacks any empathy whatsoever. I taunt, tease and neg her – no touching at all, just constant eye contact and a smug smirk, or maybe a mocking pout. Will usually result in pouting, even sticking out her tongue. She’s ready to go and that’s the time to pounce and spank/fuck her hard.
“Expect that in any relationship, she will be doing 75% of the talking, and you will be doing 75% of the head nodding. If you don’t like this, you should be dating a man.”
Exquisitely timeless, CH
This is my favorite post I ever read on this blog.
Me me me!
No, me me me me!
Of course it is. He is finally slipping.
Dipping a toe into your cauldron, saying, “Hey, water’s not so bad after all.”
What are you talking about? This is (mostly) good, real-world advice. Readers: you should not aspire to be a robot. Embrace the fact that you are flesh-and-blood and embrace your foibles and idiosyncrasies. Take ownership of them and don’t be apologetic. It is ok to “cuddle.” It is ok to buy girls gifts. This post is actually great because it expands on prior posts that I fear people are taking too literally.
Shrugs. OP gave me gina tingles. That’s all I know.
A pungent aroma of parmigiano-regianno emanates from my frenulum when I get aroused
Your wires are crossed. That’s all I know.
If you’ve been married for a while and consistently kept an alpha frame, she’s good to you, a good mother, and stayed thin, email her THIS SONG as a well timed beta reassurance. Ideally if she’s not familiar with that song because she is young, foreign, or both.
Better Rod:
Are you listening, you $3,000-handbag and $4,000-piano girls!?!?
They may listen but they will not get it
You’re missing the point, Matt
Got the point/rejected the point
Come to think of it, I only wrote one love song in my life even though I’ve written several songs. I wrote the piano part on that piano my ex gave me. I did this a little more than three years ago and met my boyfriend when I first looked for a producer to work with me. Guess who the love song was about?
A girl ain’t gonna write u a love song just because the man needs it. Grrrrrl power.
Only love song I ever wrote was to heartiste. Wrote it three years ago and presented it to my now boyfriend. He thought I had talent for song writing because of it.
[CH: Poos muse.]
Beautiful song. I also love reason to believe by rod stewart.
In short, IMO, the POTUS is merely a figurehead. Lots of people say that, but I *really* mean it.
This is why I am amazed at your ability to continue–at your age–to be engaged like you are in politics, political discussion, and the news. (We are the same age.) I do not mean that as an insult. I hope you are right and I’m wrong, but here’s my point.
I’m a lawyer too. I spent about the first 6 years being engaged like you. I had a blog (about “how to be a good lawyer,” not on generally everything like you), I read all the newspapers, I was engaged, reading history books, etc.
Around 2005, the first time gas got to $4/gallon by the way (which everyone forgets), and the skyrocketing of gold began, I read a book called “Gold Wars” and other “conspiracy theory” books arguing that 9/11 was “an inside job.” I started to predict things like the coming 8X increase in gold and the real estate collapse, in 2005, and everyone in my law firm thought I was a bit odd. Turns out I was correct about everything and they were wrong.
For a smart lawyer like you (and me) who has done everything right, it is an overwhelmingly kick-to-the-gut shocking experience, to say the least, to conclude that “the conspiracy theories” might be right. The world is run by a “man behind the curtain.” Not necessarily calling themselves “the Illuminati,” but I believe the NWO is real. It slipped from Pappy Bush’s lips because he—like all the Bush clan—is an average-IQ dull-brain who would make that kind of slip.
The “old money” from Europe, now in the form of Bank of America, JP Morgan Chase, CitiBank, and Wells Fargo, and Goldman Sachs, are literally running things. The POTUS is literally a figurehead. The US elections are literally a “production” to make the American serfs think they have “freedom” and a voice in something. We are literally as “free” as the serfs depicted in 13th century Scotland in the movie “Braveheart.” We desk/cube slaves are just that. Slaves.
We have make-work jobs, 50% of them filled by women doing make-work that was created by feminism by these evil corporate forces to increase tax revenue and destroy the nuclear family, which thereby destroyed the hearts and souls of beta men.
As a consequence, I have taken to basically no longer reading mainstream news like the New York Beta Times. I took up a hobby, learning to play guitar. As a lawyer I am conflicted, of course, as I used to consider it part of my job, or my essence, to be up on the news, etc. I was a political science major to who took it seriously—actually did the work, consider myself a historian.
How am I wrong? It became obvious that the “Illuminati” was in control when the bank bailout happened in the fall of 2008. They had to literally come into the light because they had no choice. The House of Reps, the “people’s house,” where literally anybody, you or I or LaFawnda from her ghetto district, can get elected and hence there are people there dealing with things “above their pay grade,” voted the bailout down overwhelmingly. The media-sell rationale for the bailout was laughably ridiculous: “you won’t be able to get a car loan.” Lzozlzolzzozz. We don’t need a car loan; we already have a car. THE BANKS NEED TO MAKE THE LOANS DIPFUCKS!!!!! What happened?
The Illuminati literally went into both presidential candidates and all members of Congresses houses that night and put guns into the mouths of the members’ spouses, tied them up, hogtied them, and told them to change their vote.
Low and behold, miraculously a day later the House changes it vote. This was in September of 2008 as you’ll recall. To those of us who get it and were paying attention, it was beyond obvious.
The big banks should have been allowed to fail. They needed saving; the people didn’t need them saved.
This kind of thing has real, immeasurable consequences for good men and children and families everywhere. Because of the ridiculous real estate situation, who knows how many marriages ended due to financial stress of foreclosures, etc. Children now growing up in slit households. I’m one of them. Yeah it’s for richer for poorer, but we also know about the nature of women, which has also been allowed to run feral for the last 40 and really 10 years.
Follow the 80/20 rule. 80% of the time, ignore her or change the subject. 20% of the time, call her out on her bullshit.
Cue the recognition of this in my life. The only time I really listen is when she is visibly fuming.
When the noise gets too loud about whatever, I quote the greatest southpark episode ever (shake weight), in a mechanical voice “tell me more about that girl you work with and how she annoys you” She then knows her concerns are dumb girl shit.
Expect that in any relationship, she will be doing 75% of the talking, and you will be doing 75% of the head nodding. If you don’t like this, you should be dating a man.
I found that even with ignoring nearly everything she says, I still find it necessary to pretend. For that, a intermediate level technique is to just repeat her stuff back to her.
Her: blah blah blah go to the store
Me: you want to go to store?
Her: the dress is too big
Me: your fress is too big?
It’s almost like having a conversation because she’ll plow on regardless of what is said.
Great Post!
I’m naturally more of an LTR guy.
But after reading this blog, RationalMale, and the Pollyanna-ish HUS, have been feeling like it’s a Huge problem I’ll have to fix.
-Not to mention the negotiation disadvantage of being commitment-minded right from the beginning.
Thus giving up the +/- biggest chip a guy has in those negotiations, and feeling like I’m just going to end up some bernankified carouseller’s hail-mary-ho’-retirement-plan.
Definitely go with “buying” an experience, rather than a gift.
I still hear about shows and events we’ve seen, even a decade ago… only rarely about actual presents… and there have been some good ones, I’ll tell ya… I spent, baby!
Contrary to what most people think,you can have a great time at McDonalds!
It’s ok to be the little spoon if she cuddle assaults you from behind when youre lying there with your back turned to her, though.
I am like a super ninja at all forms of cuddle assault. But it’s true. You have to get out of little spoon position, especially if you are assaulted into it.
But I have no remedy for plate rape. To the best of my knowledge, you must simply endure that.
“But I have no remedy for plate rape. To the best of my knowledge, you must simply endure that.”
I stabbed a girl in the hand with a fork (lightly) for attempting that. Don’t fuck with my food. You want more fries, you order some.
Plate Rape options:
1. Poison the well: food tainted with your illness, pox, or malady. “Hope you enjoy your Ebola, bitch.”
2. Fight rape with more rape: have at it, my hungry friend.
That Yareally video, and some of Krauser style chick crack (not the palm reading wizardy) http://krauserpua.com/2010/08/11/krausers-chick-crack/
Also, keep leading in the relationship. Never ever ask her what she wants to – she’ll tell you anyway. Your state of mind should be one where she is tagging along with adventures you would have regardless of whether she is there
Tell her to get all dolled up for a night out, but don’t tell her where you are going and keep her guessing until the last minute. Blindfold her when necessary.
Make her cook you a meal while she only wears heels and an apron
Claim her in public once in a while with a big sloppy kiss and a handful of ass. Then walk away and don’t look back. She’ll follow
etc
dingtwist:
Yes, it’s ok for her to cuddle up to you from behind, but you should mostly ignore her while she’s doing it. If you get involved in the cuddling, you need to reverse.
Interesting read, CH. Could you write a little more on the following?
a) Give a few examples of statement-statement-question.
b) “Now, this doesn’t mean you don’t get any input from her. It means you offer a suggestion, and be flexible if she makes a counter-suggestion.”
If you make a suggestion, does this sound like, “How about …?” or “Would you like to…?”? Isn’t that putting the ball in her court and not leading? Would it better to just say, “Let’s do ….?”
c) “Try speaking in a fashion that avoids your most common tropes and semantics.”
What does this mean? Examples?
Good God, man..
A) Blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah BLAH blah blah blah
Blah blah blah?
B) A suggestion is not a question. It’s a statement that suggests…
C) Look up “trope” and “semantics” in a dictionary! It will vary from person to person!
Very important article saying how nice beta men are repulsive to women:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monique-honaman/i-just-wish-he-would-have_b_1297919.html?ref=divorce
quote from the article: “My husband is so nice. He’s a good guy. I just wish he would have an affair!”
and another one:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/are-middleaged-women-done_b_2297847.html
quoting the article: “The common factor amongst all of these women is that they say that their husbands are really solid, good, nice men … they just don’t want to be married to them anymore because they have fallen out of love.”
“My husband is so nice. He’s a good guy. I just wish he would have an affair!”
zlzolozlozlzoz it looks like the butthexed broad wants some DREAD GAME otherwise she will divorce him lzolzozlozlzz
‘nice’
‘solid’
‘good’
these are adjectives of death for men.
Ok regarding “Doing things together” here is the one I’v noticed I backslide the most;
Her: “What do you want to do?”
Me: Where getting Taco Bell.
Her: I’m not in the mood for Taco Bell!
*Cry’s*)
I don’t have a problem not being indecisive but when ever I know what I want they throw this kind of shit at me.
Any suggestions?
Any suggestions?
1. Stop eating at taco bell. Seriously, that shit is disgusting and will make her fat
2. Instead of “We’re going to taco bell” say “Let’s go, we’re getting food” She’ll pester you to tell her where you are taking her. Don’t tell her.
3. Re-read 1
Word to the wise… Don’t give her Taco Bell if you’re gonna analize her, later. You’ve been warned,
Taco Hell
Not Taco Bell Material
But if you do give Taco Bell before analizing, you may as well tape it without consent.
Or lie about the whole thing and convince suckers you really did it.
If you take her to a restaurant she likes once in a while, won’t she be more likely to be “in the mood” for sex later?
she might be “grateful” or something
if not, dump her she is an ingrate b*tch
eating food makes you horny?? It has never had that effect on me.
On a non-LTR note:
Paul Janka’s free eBook (“how to get pussy in NYC” lol) brings up the point that no one feels “sexy” after dinner. Take a woman to a restaraunt and get an appetizer, entree, desert, and she’s going to feel fat and bloated and lethargic…not exactly a recipe for her wanting to get naked in front of you, especially if its the first time.
Iv actually read somewhere/pua that taking a girl out to eat first date guarantees no sex.
Heh heh heh
You should get her high and play the combination pizza hut taco bell song.
On my phone so won’t link, but it’s a modern classic so you should look it up.
My ex used to do this. It really works. Id want to go to taco bell after.
“Any suggestions?”
Go get Taco Bell.
She’s an adult, she can either suck it up and come to Taco Bell, or she can figure out her own food and cook herself something. She’s not a baby, she won’t die of starvation.
She’ll probably get miffed and pout the first few times but hold your frame, eventually she’ll realize “okay, when I ask him what he wants to do, he chooses something and does it, and if I’m not on-board he will just LEAVE ME and do it anyway, so I guess I’ll either start making up my mind or go along with what he wants.”
She’ll respect you more in the longrun, and when she gets her order of tacos she’ll be happy as a clam with it.
Also like the others said: Don’t suggest Taco Bell. There’ll be plenty of time for her to start eating unhealthy shit and fattening herself up once you’re married and or have kids together and can’t escape…don’t encourage it in advance lol. Pick healthy places to eat, or cook healthy shit together.
I usually eat healthy/workout, just every once in a while I will indulge in a Taco or two heh, anyways thanks, that’s what I needed to here.
“She’ll respect you more in the longrun, and when she gets her order of tacos she’ll be happy as a clam with it.”
Tacos and clams in the same sentence?! My mind is like whoa!
she actually starts crying? how old is she, six?
dude, next time she starts crying over seriously stupid shit, mock imitate her, really fucking loud so people around can hear. mock cry like a little three year old who tripped over his own feet and landed on his face.
word of warning – she’s probably bpd. seriously.
just as i said in yesterday’s post- 90% of the day, i’m in beta idle. i only go alpha when it’s needed. which is mostly when i need to get shit done or someone is pushing me.
I don’t have a problem with your post, but I do with your profile picture.
1. Gun pointed at camera and, we can assume, the camera person. Look at that muzzle. I can hear the fucking ocean.
2. Finger on trigger.
3. Most important safety, the one between the ears, clearly disengaged.
Seriously, broheim, please do not point your gun at anything you are not prepared to see destroyed.
Lol. Whatever you say mom.
Its a fucking camera. If you aren’t prepared to destroy a $100 price of technology then you have materialism issues. 2. He’s in the military. I’m a fairly big 4 gun rules guy but if you check the chamber and know the guns empty then a bunch of internet safety trolls shouldn’t change your thinking.
I have personally witnessed two rounds being squeezed off out of “empty” chambers. Thankfully, both times the firearms were pointed in a safe direction, so the only casualty was everybody’s underpants. I ain’t trollin’.
you are not alone.
i tell girls all the time that i’ve been snipped and shoot blanks.
Internet safety trolls… heh, heh… famous last words.
Even Jeff Cooper, the guy who gave voice to the 4 basic rules, has experienced an AD/ND.
But of course, you’re smarter.
Who told YOU you could handle a gun around men?
You fairy.
chexk out the comments , one lone sane voice.
Actually… they make more and more movies about ” evil racist white people”
This insanity is getting worse.
ZLOZLOZOZLOZL at the ever-elusive, never-a-spade “they.”
Oy “they”!
And if you ask who “they” are… you’re probably one of “them”.
What a great list! Though I must say sometimes men want to initiate cuddling.
Just because it’s an efficient way to shortcut the foreplay.
Foreplay of sex? What about when sex is not involved. Men need love and hugs too.
The primary head always coordinates the “hug” at the behest of the secondary head.
no, boys need love and hugs.
Not me… all I need is my two lone friends… pain and a dollar bill.
Excellent post. One thing I’ll to the crying game is that for those times when silence can use a little reassurance tossed in, I’ll say, “I’ve got you.”
Everything on that list is repulsive to me except the cuddling because I’m very warm to them and it.makes the want to get naked.
P.S. I regret skipping GBFM’s posts for the past 2 years.
welcome home
my prodicgal son
lzlzlzozlzlzozlzloz
This is all REALLY solid. Great post/guide, CH. Especially the crying part which a lot of guys don’t understand.
Also I cuddle like crazy. Massive PDAs all over the place. I’ll cuddle with her in public, I don’t care lol. If a girl is out with me she pretty much is never out of my touch whether its holding hands or my hand on the small of her back etc.
I’ll even be the little spoon (some girls just love wrapping their arms around a man’s body, I’ve found that usually these are the girls that like beefier hairy men, it’s like a comforting teddy bear for them lol).
But I can get away with all this stuff because I do it from a place of “I don’t care if you don’t like PDAs. I do, and it’s a compliment because I wouldn’t be out with you if I didn’t want to put my arms around you, so you can get with the program and learn to love being lucky enough to experience my PDAs or you can find another guy.” VS a frame of “omg I’ve never touched a girl before please touch me back please don’t leave meeeee!!!!” Lol
If I’m ever little spoon, it’s because A. I just want to go to sleep B. I don’t want dead arm and C. She’s hanging on every word you say as you drift off to sleep. Whereas with being big spoon, you’re leaning in to whatever she has to say.
I can never be little spoon, I hate that…and I refuse to wear anything pink, I will not even play guitar with a pink pic
call me homophobe…
I’m towards the other end of the spectrum . Public touching is rare but comes from a place of confidence and reassurance. It’s the scarcity of my touch that makes it precious to her.
When I go out with my main, her hand rarely leaves me ( especially in the presence of other unattached women) it’s like she’s marking me. I usually act as if I don’t even notice it. By the time we get home all I have to do is glide my fingertips down the length of her arm raising trail of goosebumps in it’s wake.
My girls like to be teased.
And I prefer to leave them wondering whether I want them or not .
Totally get it, and do whatever works for you.
On my end my girls view it as I’m a lion claiming my possessions. She knows I can get other girls around us, but she revels in the fact that I put my arms around her and let everyone know she belongs to me. She feels special because she knows other girls in the room don’t get that from me.
It also makes it extremely effective when I take that away if she misbehaves. If she gets out of line, all I have to do is remove that attention and she knows “o shit, wait, I didn’t mean it!!” before I decide some other girl gets that attention.
Again, whatever works for you and is congruent to your personality…I’m just presenting the opposite side of things because I break a lot of rules that game warns guys not to break.
At the end of the day, both you and I are doing what we do decisively, which is what really counts:
That’s true I love wrapping my arms around a man and feeling how wide and masculine his chest it.
What can I say? I disagree 200%. It’s weird to see CH stumble. Like when Tiger missed the cut for the first time in nearly a decade of playing at the highest level.
Slackening the alpha — even just a teensy weensy bit — is a prescription for giving in to the feminization of men because it will make our life easier. As if it is all a front, and we get tired of wearing a mask concealing our true selves. Let her have her way now and again, and the relationship will be smoother.
What’s good about the above analysis is that it retreats from alpha dogmatism: alpha yay
! beta boooo 
!
Our true selves should not be any part of a “balance between your alpha and beta behaviors.” There is nothing about 100% alpha that is not ultimately good for her.
The hubris of this site is its founding assumption that manliness (called “alpha”) is “dark,” evil, self-centered, narcissistic, Machiavellian, sociopathic, etc. So when you tire of, or are destroyed by, this falsely defined behavior — as one always must — you will seek to valorize betatude in small doses. Beta is gentler, less stressful, easier, like sighing on momma’s breast.
The corollary to the feminist redefinition of “femininity = good” is “manliness = bad.” This cultural rot is so deep that it infects even our better champions who have otherwise diagnosed the utter catastrophe of feminism. And yet, if we get this core principle wrong, we get everything wrong, as CH is now beginning to do.
But manliness is good when men display it and femininity is good when women display it. Leading is the proper disposition of men, following is the proper disposition of women. Not: I’ll follow you some of the time if you follow me most of the time. That makes the feminist mistake of presuming leadership per se is good, so women should get some share in it.
Matt
Well, as the old saying goes, Great Matts Think Alike.
Anyway, I understand worrying about this shit if you just discovered Game and are already in a relationship that may or may not be going well. If you’re married, checkout Athol Kay’s site.
But if you have already utilized game and bettered yourself in every way to the point where you got the girl and care for her and are now in a relationship, you shouldn’t need this list. You shouldn’t be worrying about this crap anymore. Your natural inclinations should have changed long before you got to the DATING PHASE.
Really, why the hell would you be sitting around wondering what to say to your wife/girlfriend?? You’re approaching this entire concept from the wrong angle.
My personal opinion on relationships is don’t have them if you’re not starting a family. There’s absolutely no reason, other than the experience and adventure, in which case, screw you and your pathetic need for advice. The Western World is going to Hell and you’re playing house, wondering whether you just did something “beta” or not with your make-believe wife. Knock her up and take away her reproach, as is prophesied in the first and last on the list of
GREAT
BOOKS
FOR
MEN
lzzzzzzozooooooolzlzlzzz
hmmmm.
“Leading is the proper disposition of men, following is the proper disposition of women. Not: I’ll follow you some of the time if you follow me most of the time.”
It’s said because ALLOT of women are like that and women cry for equality, women should start cutting the fucking grass, doing dirty jobs, become mechanics, etc. Men do all the hard shit, were entitled to that shit.
Women want their cake and eat it to.
Ur 19
I’m new here. is statement-statement-question like this…..
“I really like sex. In fact anal sex is hands down my favorite of all the positions. What is your favorite sexual kink?”
Is that how statement-statement-question is done?
Hey, there’s only room for one Backdoor Man on this blog. I’ve been reading and commenting since 2009, so change your handle.
No, that’s generally how faggot-faggot-faggot is done.
Heh, heh… dill weeds around here can’t tell arse from quim.
And I eats mo’ chicken than ANY of ‘em ever seen.
What’s the dealio with all of the handles around here becoming derivatives of each other?
“Man Reader” was bad enough…
The “advice” bit nearly made me spit bacon onto the screen. Spot fucking on, my friend. If you want to survive a long-termer without constantly fighting, give up on the advice. I learnt the hard way. These days, unless it is injurious to either my health or financial well-being (or it involves another man’s cock) I dont really give a shit. I let her do her thing. I used to intervene when she screwed up travel arrangements, recipes or her car servicing. But I realised that she didn’t learn her lesson and did the same thing again. Now I let her take her lumps, cry to me about it and then I let her fix shit without trying to solve her problems. The thing is, she likes this version of me a whole lot better. Works for me. If she asks for advice, give it. If not, get on with what you are meant to be doing.
Great. You’re getting pithier, clearer and easy to read as the time goes. Keep it up. Cheers
WTF i leave this place for a week and come back to huff post style vag talk about cuddling techniques?
I guess someone forgot to give the poor dad of 5 slaving his life away for his CUNT of a wife… this memo.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57588256/texas-woman-charged-in-obama-ricin-threat/
Delk previously told the AP that the couple is going through a divorce and that the 33-year-old Army veteran may have been “set up” by his wife.
The attorney had told KSLA 12 that Nathaniel Richardson “married the wrong person.”
Gee… ya think?
you are funny
nice post. Relationship game is not discussed here as often as I’d like.
A related theme I’d like to see you discuss as a series is workplace game. In other words, what level of betatude to display in order to kiss ass with the fembots above you in the hierarchy so that you can eventually supercede them? Striking that balance between alpha and beta is challenging. I have had a number of women superiors call me a “nice guy”, and they invariably give me good workplace evals. Conversely, my women inferiors often call me a a dick, and give me good workplace evals.
It’s trickier with men though–if you’re too alpha, both superiors and inferiors get pissed off and will try to take you down just like any other pack of wild animal betas targeting the alpha. The alpha tack works well with particularly beta male superiors, but if the superior is alpha, I usually intersperse a fair amount of beta to assuage their ego.
I would submit that finely tuning the alpha and beta is critical to rising in the workplace, which ultimately raises one’s SMV for the greater good of poon.
I gotta disagree with you man. I find in my office setting that alpha attitude rules, even with female supervisors. When I started this job years ago I was literally terrified of supervisors, being omega through and through. As time went on and I discovered red pills I slowly started relaxing, and ultimately reached the point where I am now. I think there’s a fundamental issue here with over analysis. Corvinus once said “if you have to ask, it’s probably beta behavior.” The key point though is that if you walk around in the office trying to pick fights with everyone you’re not projecting aloof confidence. Ask yourself in these situations at work what Bruce Willis would do, assuming he needed the job to pay bills. What did you do the last time you got your ass chewed out for making a mistake? Did you sit there looking her in the eye and afterward say “alright, thank you, maam” in a confident non confrontational confident way and walk out when she was done like a professional, or did you try to joke and weasel your way out of your licks? Don’t cower down, and don’t come across as a try hard omega pretending to be an alpha with comical puffed up body language and an ego trying to prove to the world how alpha you are. I have a friend who desperately tries to prove to everyone and anyone he meets how alpha male he is, and he goes from confrontation to confrontation because his ego and self image is dependent on their opinion of him. Stop trying to dominate weaker males and stop trying to impress your workplace superiors with supplication.
I also need some examples of the Statement-Statement-Question technique
Think duck-duck-goose. It’s a lot like that.
I am wondering what would happen if a woman, not a good girl, interpreted too much beta behavior as weakness and used this to break a man down. I have observed many women who think they “change” and “train” men to their liking, and what started off as a strong man became a broken down shell of a man. I’ve seen it so many times and it’s heartbreaking, I know a woman who made her husband cook dinner when he got home from work, I was at her house doing her hair and her husband came in the door, tired from a long day at work, bless him and she started balking orders at him. She didn’t even kiss him hello or fix him a drink or something, she just told him to get dinner cooking. And he did! If you saw this man outside the house you would never think he was this kind of man who could become broken down in such a way. It made me want to cry, seriously. I sat there in shock. Anyway, my point is, if a woman is manipulative she is able to do this to a man, she is able to prey on any signs of weakness. That is why it is vital men be on guard and remember they are the man and they make all the final decisions. A man should always be Alpha, but being alpha doesn’t mean being a bad person or unkind, of course it is necessary to make nice gestures, a gift occasionally spontaneously is wonderful. How do you feel about women buying gifts for men? I never have, but I like to bake a favourite cake for the man i love and I cook it with love. I think these small things done with love in the heart are worth more than money and material gifts.
sounds like you would get along with alot of the guys who read this blog.
you’re a gem.
almost makes me want to steal you that iphone you’ve been needing.
You’re a hairdresser.
Of course.
That’s f’ing beautiful.–
There are few things as sweet to a man as a pretty young hairstylist with nice tits who smells like seven or eight delicious things and is basically bruising the back and sides of your head with her thick and luscious cleavage.
Damn.
Actually I was a beautician, nails extensions, manicures and pedicures waxing and facials, hair was just a hobby. But due to life circumstances I stopped this job and now work part time as a volunteer for a charity for orphaned children and the rest of the time I iron, cook and clean and enjoy this beautiful life.
I need a pedocure.
Men like food because we have to eat more of it to function than women do. So cooking something tasty for us is always a good idea.
The way to a man’s heart is through the breastbone with an oscillating saw.
Actual text exchange this morning:
Her: Meow, need hugs
Me: spank your ass
Her: Hugs
Me: just had pizza, meeting friend for lunch, what up?
Her : blah blah blah….am dressing up tonight
Me: oy oy oy Bond girl
Her: please bring camera
Me: guy in sunglasses icon
This is a girl shit-testing and crying out for attention she knows she already gets. By me maintaining my frame, she knows what’s happening.
You don’t have to be constantly hammering down her frame,but maintaining your own will keep it interesting.
This girl wants to dress up for me and be my “model’ to take photos…i don’t supplicate but I reward with a cool guy icon…
The struggle for alpha I think comes from an insecurity that many of us recovering AFC’s have. When you start to do more things for you, more alpha things, then buying her dinner once in a while is seen as somethign special not playing into her ingrained sense of entitlement.
This concept is taking time for me to understand, but i measure it by the results–is the girl planning stuff? Does she bang? Does she do stuff she knows you like?
Unlike short-term game, LTR’s are about a continuum….this is where it’s vital to have a life, to be improving your inner game…it’s harder to fake when you’re always hanging out on some regular basis…
Good one.
I haven’t had even one who didn’t ST/BB throughout the relationship, no matter what they looked like or how fancy/rich/flashy-job they were.
“Oh you think so; huh?” ::snort, smirk, spank:: was a good standby for the duration.
…so much to the point, I started believing they sassed so pathologically because they enjoyed being spanked.
[…] Relationship Game: The Day-To-Day Alpha | Chateau Heartiste […]
She’ll feel bad about putting you through torture, so she’ll be more open to watching the less obnoxiously sappy chick flics, like Seven.
That line had me laughing out loud. Reminds me of a time my SO wanted to rent some chick flick. I said, “Sure. Seven.”
We males are more akin to this leguminous matter which is principally grown as fodder. Men are simply fodder for woman’s unquenchable, relentless desire to control. So forget this crap about alpha, beta, blah blah blah. Whether you’re a shrinking violet or a truculent prat, you’re simply stalling the inevitable – that fateful day when you meet the girl of your dreams.
[…] work on and we go undressed and she said “Lets spoon”…. Ok, I chose to be the big spoon, after Hartiste’s advice. As we spooned, we talked. Talked about what we were going to […]
it seems that certain moves could be considered beta or alpha, like holding doors open or carrying bags. on the one hand, you’re showing you’re well-mannered, gentlemanly, and capable enough to move things that might be too heavy for her. on the other hand, you’re clearly providing a service, perhaps even to curry favor. maybe it comes down to an issue of intent and whether you’re demonstrating your strength or trying to seek approval.
The test of whether a “certain move[] could be considered beta or alpha” is whether it proceeds from a position of weakness or a position of strength.
[CH: No. The test is determined by the amount and intensity of attraction the “move” receives from women.]
The end.
[You left out “hoped-for”.]
[No. The test is determined by the amount and intensity of attraction the “move” receives from women.]
Defining the “test” through the vicissitudes of female emotion (“amount and intensity”) is automatically proceeding from a position of weakness.
The female reaction is a secondary side-effect. If you are doing anything for the sole purpose of creating a reaction in her, you are making yourself dependent on her.
You give because you want to give. You take because you want to take. What makes a beta male beta is the fact that he tailors his activities and attitudes toward the woman’s expectations, and women hate that. Women want a man who presumes his satisfaction comes first.
The major objection to this — Sidewinder’s — is that no one can do this all the time and no woman will put up with it all the time. For the most part this is true, as the girl will kick and scream against complete submission (especially in our upside-down culture). But this is merely the process of her breaking.
When she is broken, she will be docile for life around you, and she will find her femininity (and pleasure) in docility. She won’t go back to the old ugly ways for all the world. Those ways are the artificial ones from which you liberated her. For you to occasionally give in is a sign that hers is not a complete liberation. And the inconsistency can only confuse her.
If she has been trained since girlhood to “intensely” react to beta coddling — as most women of our generation were — it’s our job to retrain them, for their own benefit. Beta gestures have no role in establishing oneself the alpha dog of the pack. Not even once. Sure we slip, but let’s not rewrite the whole approach to excuse those lapses and mistakes.
Matt
Well; I got my chic to watch House with me, Not bad I guess; and she’s got a liitle bit addicted too.
Awwww – This is the cutest CH post ever.
There is no such thing as an “alpha woman”. What is a coherent concept about males is fractured beyond any meaningfulness when used on females. Feminists pushed women into the hierarchy of men by forcing women into the workplace but they didn’t realize that by doing this they actually became men in a way: the status they acquired is men’s social status to attract a wife, and it can not be used to attract a husband. They fought for status but didn’t recognize that the price for it was way too high. It’s not a difficult concept to understand though; the more they fight to rise in the male hierarchy, the more male-like they have to become, thus losing their feminity and in turn they become less and less attractive to men. Dominant women are unattractive to men, I’d even say outright repulsive. Not because “men are afraid of strong women” – which is the usual feminist BS showing they don’t understand even the most basic concepts about relationships – but because a dominant woman is a pain in the ass. Evolution is a tricky business; it shaped men to fight against anything to protect his family. But dominant women fight against everything, including their family. No sane man wants that at home. Dominance in women is not a positive trait, no matter what feminists say.
[…] […]
Bitter femcunt complains about what feminazism has wrought:
http://seattletimes.com/html/opinion/2021142903_daniellecampoamoropedxml.html
Not necessarily bitter or a feminist. Just sounds like she’s used to guys that act like guys. We don’t necessarily all approve of men who’ve been castrated by feminism. Hell, I’ve had guys spout that shit off on dates because they think it’ll get them laid and it’s irritating as hell – oh, you just said something negative about your patriarchy privilege? Too bad, because your patriarchy privilege includes my panties…
Anyway, that’s one very good reason for why I’m moving to Texas and NOT Seattle. Herbs. Herbs everywhere up there. Especially coming from Alaska, she should have done her research.
Nothing like reveling in their misery. I crashed and burned last night in a local club with what had to have been the most bitter bitch I’ve met in months. I had to laugh in her cunty face. The more emancipation they receive, the worse the feel. HAHA
I got really drunk and almost dumpster-dove. And the shocking thing is, she had two other dudes after her who obviously wanted her far more than I did. This town sucks donkey balls in summer.
I think that dumpster diving only drives up the Sexual market value of otherwise Utility Grade meat
Good observation, walawala.
I know, right?? Behold: the phenomenon of the “Williston 10″!
Hahaha at what point did you catch yourself and go “WHOA”?
Let’s just say that while the town is short on hot chicks relative to undesirables and dudes, they’re not completely absent.
What city do you live in?
is it ever ok to forgive a cheating LTR?
Only if she’s the one doin’ the fergivin’.
no.
The days and interactions are already starting to blur together. So, now that I’m actively working on things like body language, eye contact, etc…when I hit on the hotter girls it’s actually -worse-. Just the act of someone moving and talking like a confident, sexy man who isn’t their ideal image seems to inspire an emotional reaction (not a good one, either). I mean, I can kind of predict how girls will react to me based on how attractive they are — 5-6: higher margin of error, easy conversation…occasional entitled gurl tho, 6-7: Will give short attention…but will visibly respond to game missteps. 7-8: Indifferent reaction….8+: Strong pushback.
I’m getting better at using uggo obstacles to put social pressure on hotties. But there are a lot of situs where there is no uggo obstacle and both girls are pretty hot. So ya…while I made out with a girl this week and number closed a 7 who I really actually like (what a great smile….she’ll probably flake tho :*( )….this interaction is the pride of this week:
(7.5 and 7 standing there on their phones)
Me: Hey guys, sorry I’m late…what’d I miss
(On cell phones still, 7.5 looks up for a second)
7.5: (indifferent) Oh, nothing
Me: Wow, you guys are really into those cell phones. I have a cell phone too, isn’t that rad? Like check out hers, it has a pretty sick case.
7: What….(indifferent. COLD)
Me: Your phone! You’re both plugged into them like stiletto wearing cyborgs
7.5: (…indifferent) Well we’re just waiting for our friends
Me: Oh yeah, are they hot?
7.5: (smiles) I don’t know…uhh…(her and the 7 look at one another) Yeah, they are
Me: (to the 7) You seem like a real ‘that doesn’t impress me much’ kind of girl
7: Huh? (emotional reaction…offended) Hey, no I’m just sitting here on my phone
Me: Oh hey it isn’t a bad thing, it’s good that you have standards. I bet you’re the dominant one in the interaction. She is, isn’t she? (to the 7.5, 7 is still a little bristly)
7.5: Ummmm….wellll, I – – –
Me: Ya, listen she’s the dominant one and is always bossing you around I’m sure, but she keeps you around because you’re the brains of the outfit
7.5: Wait – –
Me: It’s in your eyes, they’re bright — I can tell….so you hatch the schemes under her effective leadership. Maybe one day you’ll take over the world, who knows?
7.5: I just don’t think that’s even true
Me: O really? Let’s find out (modified best friends test….it’s actually cool because it works out like I say it will — that’s starting to happen more and more — she looks at her friend, her friend keeps looking at me) See, ya (explains purpose)
7.5: (blinks a few times with loud laughter, turns more toward me) WHO ARE YOU?
Me: I’m just a guy….
7.5: Well….I’m just saying that your conversation skills are impressive
Me: (time slows down…..why did she say that, is it an IOI, is it some sort of shit test where she’s trying to set herself up to dole out compliments/value? Can’t. quite. tell…..go with gut) ….Wow…you must not talk to that many people (both laugh…..her friend is now starting to hate my guts though, I can feel it)
7.5: Ya, I worked in retail….I just…..wait, why are you even talking to us?
Me: Proximity brought us together….
7.5: I know, I just uh….I don’t even….
Me: What, they don’t let you talk to strangers? Here, let me find you an adult
(UGH…sticking point, busting too hard….she is instantly offended, and her friend uses that excuse to rush in close)
7.5: ….oh, well yeah…would that be someone TALLER?
(her friend says something too, I’m pretty much ignoring it, I just lift my hands to settle them down)
Me: Whoa, whoa….I’m easily the tallest guy around here……..(pause, great- — IMHO — delivery) when I stand on my cock.
(BOMBS….7.5 doesn’t even register it)
7.5: Yeah well you don’t know me to be judging me like that blah blah blah blah
(lolwtf…..I just smile and I’m like)
Me: You didn’t get the joke?
7.5: Well….I mean, you just didn’t know me to be making like, a joke like that and…
(wut……./changemoodnotmind/)
Me:…..you said you worked in retail right? Where…
(blah blah for a few seconds)
Me: that’s cool, so you could tell me about the clothes I have on right now. What would you tell me about this shirt?
7.5: …..well, it’s a little thick for the weather, and those pants (etc etc….now, at first I think she’s giving me legit advice. Maybe she is, but I also notice when she’s talking that I -think- she’s just taking out her prior bad emotions on my clothes. It’s actually kind of cute. And so when she’s done, I just stand there, open body language, palms out with a smile)
Me: So….you still mad?
7.5: No…..
Me: Nice, gimme a high five
7.5: (wary glance) I’m not so sure
Me: Mmmm, all right….just give me a little nub — a high 1. Just touch fingertips
(she does this and smile at one another…..this entire time though her friend has been agitating her to leave, acting real disgusted toward me, blah blah blah, the works….I better address the obstacle, rite? Right)
Me: Hey, high five?
7: (she gives the quickest high five ever, almost rolling her eyes as she does it)
7.5: Wow, she actually gave you a full high five.
Me: Ya, but yours was more genuine, hers was just y’know….she has to do it and doesn’t care…
(Oh…oops….sticking point again. All of that work I did in turning this around….)
7: Fuck you! You should leave! Like what the fuck is a real high five? (blah blah blah grabs friend)
—-
So ya, I guess the set didn’t go well…but like, it’s a source of pride because A) No approach invitations here, B) Were extremely indifferent at the start, C) I got them emotionally engaged, and D) I fucked up hardcore and still was close to turning things around. It’s just proof that what you say, how you say it, and what you do has a huge part to play in all of this. All variables eliminated — they were better looking than me, there’s no way to say that they ‘liked’ me at first, either. Sure, it’s a glimmer…but I’ll take it for sure.
I still like ‘sorry I’m late’ because it’s just adaptable to so many different situations…and you aren’t likely to get stuck on the opener for that long. If they’re nice and cool right off the bat, you can just drop it soon and just intro/DHV. If they’re attentive but not yet interested, you can just turn it into a fun roleplay. And if they’re indifferent, see e.g. above, you can just get in their faces about something
This reads like a different “CH,” frankly. Maybe it’s just because it deals with a topic he doesn’t usually put much time into (relationship game), but something just doesn’t feel right. It’s not entirely “red pill.”
Some of the advice supports the feminist vision of shared authority in relationships, rather than the model of fixed gender roles. For instance, letting her make decisions sometimes.
It also sees to be written with the assumption that, deep down, we’re all really betas and would secretly like to be able to express that. It presents alpha as a learned bag of tricks rather than something you become and embody as your default, day-to-day persona.
On the other hand, I suppose he’s just being realistic. How many Western men are really going to make all the decisions in their relationships all the time? Even an imperfect, somewhat compromised red pill-style relationship is still vastly better than what most Westerns experience.
What do you do if she wants to dump her troubles on you? Do you let her talk it out or just blow her off? It seems like it wouldn’t be good relationship wise, but I’m thinking of pre-LTR phase.
You have to listen, the re-frame.
Her: My boss blah blah blah
You: really, what happened?
Her: blah blah blah
You: I’ve been thinking about the apple pie at Conrad’s all week, we need to go,..
Her: yeah.. that would be fun….
When the girl I’ve been seeing starts with her “I’m angry”… I just imitate her in her voice and start laughing….
Listening, nodding, uh huh….but then swiftly changing gears…
In the past I made the mistake of becoming too chummy.
it only leads to more demands…
Oh, how they love to dump troubles, both real and imagined.
As well as tall tales of past trauma.
Yeah you’ve got to quickly shift conversation with all of that dramatic story telling, and if you haven’t even slept with her yet I find it best to flat out tell her that I’m not her boyfriend and shouldn’t be hearing this. It seems like she’s trying to frame you as her big old neutered best guy friend, and I’ll have no part of it.
A very well done writeup by CH.
>Under no circumstances should you be the little spoon, unless you’re being a clown about it.
The only time I like to be the little spoon is if I have to fart. It’s amazing what that can do for a relationship.
I have found that reassurance game is vital in a LTR with a true hottie (8 or higher). Once you’ve established alpha attraction and have banged them consistently, I have found the biggest interloper threat is NOT another alpha, but the beta ex-boyfriend. I have had more than one hot girl I was dating run back to the ex when she was in a fight with me. And then she comes back when she needs the alpha bang again…
It is very difficult for guys to identify with hot girls. I wouldn’t believe it except that I’ve seen it with my own eyes: hot girls have alpha guys hitting on them constantly. I remember one past girlfriend’s phone going off constantly with dudes texting her, and they all had pretty decent game. But when she got mad at me for going out to lunch with another woman and threw a little fit, she didn’t go run off with one of these alphas, she ran back to her doormat beta ex-boyfriend. He only got one sappy bang in, however, before she ran back to getting the shit banged out of her. Still better to be alpha than beta, but don’t underestimate the emotional neediness of chicks, especially the hot ones that know they can get laid by hot guys any time they want.