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Texts From The Female Id

Jun 10th, 2010 by

Texts From Last Night is a great source of insight into the true nature of women’s sexuality. Why? Because it’s a compilation of texts that typically have been sent under the influence of alcohol, AKA truth serum, or of texts meant for trusted confidants.

Examples:

What women really think of your emoticons:

he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal [with] this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

Remember Maxim #101?

For most women, five minutes of alpha is worth five years of beta.

Here’s a text from a girl confirming that maxim:

Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

That is a wicked soulrip worthy of Pinhead’s hooked chains.

Being a beta provider in today’s sexual marketplace is a net negative:

I’ll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don’t leave RIGHT when the bassist does.

Pre-selection is the most powerful animating force of female desire:

every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is “my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her” and it makes me proud…. so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

Chicks dig jerks, series without end:

he said ‘i love fucking you, ashley’. it was the most romantic thing he’s said during sex because he actually used my name.

At least the guy was honest. Truth is, that’s what most men mean when they think about romance.

It turns out someone got a hold of my texts and posted them to TFLN. I’m embarrassed by these, but since they’re already out there, it’s best if I just show them to you right now, like ripping off a band-aid, and hope the whole thing blows over quickly.

do you do anal?

***

[GIRL] hey, i’m sorry but i have to cancel for tonight.

[ME] :)))))))))))))))))))

***

[GIRL] you really are an ass.

[ME, three months later] you say something?

***

[GIRL] last night was fantastic, sexy boy.

[ME] tell me about it. i totally kicked your butt in scrabble.

***

i didn’t know you had a younger, hotter, tighter sister.

***

i left the bar tab for you. thanks, cutie!

***

your pussy smells

[15 minutes later] delightful.

***

you’re breaking up with me? was it the dutch ovens?

***

i’m not giving you 500 bucks to see an immigration lawyer. your blowjobs aren’t that good.

***

[GIRL] i’m really falling for you!

[ME] don’t get pregnant.

***

[GIRL] why do you have to be such a jerk?

[ME] why do you have to be such a jerk-lover?

***

[GIRL] i don’t think this is going to work out.

[ME] your mom!

[GIRL] i’m being serious. it’s over.

[ME] your mom!

***

thanks for the romantic evening fucking in your husband’s bed.

***

sorry, men’s nipples really aren’t that sensitive. stop projecting and focus on the important parts.

***

i’ve never seen a naked body like yours.

***

730, thurs, at the pub down the street. wear your fuck me pumps.

***

i think i might’ve accidentally farted in your cat’s face.

I’m so ashamed. :/

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, The Id Monster, Ugly Truths | Comments Off

Ubiquitous Yoga Girls

Jun 9th, 2010 by

In the evening on weekdays, the sidewalks teem with girls carrying yoga mats tucked under arms to or from classes. Their hair smartly propped in ponytails, perfectly round asses straining against black tights with neon green or peach colored waistbands rolled over the top, they are a flesh phalanx of trimmed and toned T&A. Women who are serious about yoga have the best all-around bodies of any group of exercising women — they beat out soccer players, joggers, bikers, swimmers, and porn stars. I don’t know if it’s the yoga itself that carves such exquisite hardbodies, or if yoga simply attracts Type A++ girls who hone in and sweat out with extreme prejudice 0.1% excess hip fat with the same mechomasculinized focus they apply to shuffling lawyer briefs, but I have yet to meet a woman who regularly attends yoga class who is out of shape. And I’ve taken a few classes. Believe me, ladies, I’m enjoying the view in the back row. Not a fatty or frumpy in sight. What town in America can claim that?

The steady stream of sidewalk yogettes had me thinking about avenues of approach. Surely, this was a rich vein of opportunity upon which to mine some clever opener to ride all the way to the naked Lotus position. Waiting at a crosswalk light, I peripherally ogled a short girl in — no surprise here — black tights and a green tank top cradling a rolled up yoga mat in her right armpit. Like Chuck and the intersect, I flashed archives of game knowledge until two potential openers pricked my consciousness.

The first I mouthed silently to myself to determine if it was acceptable. “Bikram?” No, I mentally discarded it. Though she sported the glistening sheen of a woman who might have just exited a Bikram studio, I felt the opener sounded like forced rapport. And questions demanding simple yes or no answers never make for good openers.

I used my backup opener instead, an example of the “ever notice” school of openers.

“Ever notice how people compete to have the largest yoga mat?”

She stared blankly at me for a second, before my word jumble organized itself into meaning for her. Then she smiled.

“No, that’s not something I’ve noticed.”

“Yours looks like it’s 12 feet long. You could roll that thing out like a red carpet.”

She chuckles. “Well, it’s not that long, and I’m not tall enough to need a 12 foot mat.”

“My yoga mat’s only two feet. I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with it, but my mom gave it to me.”

She laughs again. “Funny, you don’t look like the yoga type.”

I make a fake indignation face. “What, just because I’m ruggedly masculine I don’t fit the stereotype of a master yogi? I’m offended.”

The light changes. Shit, time’s out.

She loiters for a a split second before stepping into the crosswalk, which makes me think it’s a mini-IOI to go for the number close. But it’s a split second too short, and she begins walking forward. Over her shoulder, she smiles and tosses out one last morsel.

“Well, good luck finding a less embarrassing mat.”

A taxi making a left turn nudges into the pedestrian zone, almost brushing up against her leg. She gets distracted, and the moment evaporates. I want to smash a cinderblock into the taxi driver’s face. But then that’s not very serenely yogic, is it?

Serenity now…

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Culture, Game, Girls | Comments Off

The True Creative Class

Jun 8th, 2010 by

Author Richard Florida is fond of theorizing that communities cross a threshold to prosperity and easy living when members of the diversity creative class — loosely defined by him as gays, women, immigrants, bohemians, and anyone who works in the arts or social media — move in and begin to remake the place in their image.

Oh, rilly?

Think of those technologies that make living day-to-day in a modern secular society fun, timesaving, convenient, entertaining, safe, and… *snicker*…  self-actualizing; those things that most distinguish modern societies from more primitive societies and from societies of generations past — appliances, cars (scooters for you side-sitting SWPLs), water treatment, hi-tech medical devices, flat screen TVs, iPods, smartphones, laptops, GPS, digital cameras, wi-fi hot spots, 3G, blogs, Youtube, online shopping, and energy to feed it all.

Who is most responsible for that creative class cornucopia? Non-profit lawyers? Interior decorators? Fashion mavens? Jazz musicians? Art gallery owners? Event planners? PR multitaskers in pencil skirts?

It is to laugh.

Try electrical engineers and computer scientists. You know, incredibly unsexy male nerds.

If tomorrow all the present and future electrical engineers and computer scientists disappeared, after some lag time for the effects to trickle down and the existing devices to decay, Florida’s creative class would find itself in a world of culturally backwards hurt. Those bohemians would suddenly be living their poseur lives for real.

A little perspective folks, on who is doing the real heavy lifting to give you the lifestyle you now can’t live without. And just how precarious is that thin, pale line between materialist abundance and dispiriting drudgery.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Culture, The Good Life | Comments Off

Contrast Is King: Identity Inversion

Jun 8th, 2010 by

This post is a follow-up to my original Contrast is King post, and serves as an adjunct to my fashion post.

Women love surprises. They love a man they can’t easily peg. They chase men who intrigue them. There are methods men can use to trigger this attraction reflex in women. One potent technique is identity inversion — where you present yourself one way while confirming an entirely unexpected impression.

Let’s say you show up at an indie bar dressed like someone who belongs there — newsie cap, skinny jeans, t-shirt, indoors scarf, chucks. You approach a hipchick knowing that she thinks she has you all figured out before you’ve even said a word. A conversation follows, and she asks what you do for a living, and what you like to do for fun. You talk about your job in corporate law, and you mention how you like to help entrepreneurs set up new businesses.

BOOM! She wasn’t expecting that at all. She squirms a little on her bar stool. Suddenly, you have become a lot more interesting to her. She may not care one iota about corporate law, but she sure cares about a hipster doofus who challenges her expectations.

Now let’s say you’re at a networking event and you’re wearing a sharp business suit. You approach a seriousskirtchick and she’s sized you up in the three seconds it took for you to walk over to her. A conversation follows and she asks the usual questions (hot girls aren’t very conversationally nimble because they’re never given a reason to be — a true player knows to give girls reasons to step up their conversation game and make them work for the cock). Instead of shop talk about the market or clients, you regale her with your interest in public policy to alleviate wealth inequality, or your downtime playing bass for a local band. You actively defy her expectations.

This is the challenge inherent in contrast that is so effective at turning women on. Dress one way, speak another way. And it works on both sexes, though tempered with the usual caveats concerning the outsized importance of female physical attractiveness. Have you ever met an artsy chick in heavy black eyeliner who surprised you when she began discussing economic theory? I have, and it intensified her cuteness; I wanted her more when she unraveled twists in her personality concealed behind my snap judgment of her.

Identity inversion will work on most girls, but there is a subset of girls for whom mismatches between a man’s presentation of himself and his interests and opinions will hurt his chances. There are some girls who have very strong “types”, and will actively seek out those types for copulatory auditions. If a girl swoons for bike messenger dudes and everything they represent, and you are dressed like a bike messenger when you meet her, you may wind up hurting your game if you talk like a lobbyist. She wants the whole bike messenger package, not just the funky cap. Luckily, girls with powerfully influential but narrow mental mate templates are rarer than girls with expansive templates for intriguing, hard to pin down men.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Game | Comments Off

Saving Marriages One Blog Post At A Time

Jun 7th, 2010 by

Reader J. writes:

R,

This post changed my life, “Relationship Game Week: A Reader’s Journey“.  The biggest problem in my 8+ year marriage was constantly failing shit tests.  Within hours of reading this, my life got waaaay better.

We’ve had the following “discussion” every month for the past four years.

Before [reading this blog]:
Her: How much did you drink last night?
Me: Eh, just a few.  I didn’t drink that much.
Her: Bullshit.  I could smell it on you when you came home.  Even after you brushed your teeth.
Me: Seriously, I only had 2 or 3 drinks.
Her: What if you got pulled over?  There’s no way you would have passed a breath-a-lyzer.
Me: I’m 37 years old.  I know my limits.  I’m sure I would have passed.
Her: What if you killed some one?  What if you died?  How would I explain that to our children. Blah, blah blah.
Us: [Fight]

18 hours after discovering your blog:
Her: How much did you drink last night?
Me: Oh, I got hammered.  [Buddy’s name] had to drive me home.
Her: *giggle* Shut up!
Me: *smirk* Yeah, go get dressed.  You need to drive me to [next town over] to get my car.
Her: *smile* Yeah, right.

I can’t believe this worked?!? [ed: believe it]

I’ve been reading your blog for all of a week, and I’ve seen numerous mentions of shit tests, “agree and amplify” and “beta baiting”.  Is there a “Shit Test 101″ column somewhere?  If not, what is the original source material for this?

I don’t care what the nay-sayers say about “Game”.  This is bigger than you or me getting laid.  If betas adopt these techniques, millions of kids could be spared the agony of their parents’ divorce.  THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

Seriously, man.  Thanks.

J.

I’ll be honest. When I started this blog my intentions were less than noble. I had set out to amuse myself by performing sociological experiments with the utmost predator sadism on the degenerate mafia of haters, losers, delusional tards, liars, and sexual marketplace rejects who would be drawn to the bracing truths contained within the walls of this venerable Chateau like gimped moths to the flame. Wailing in anguish, they limped, shuffled, and weeble wobbled over, right on cue, and it was good.

Lies perished. But truths were heralded, too. Dropped like a Heysoosian savior into this cruel fragfest thunderdome, I gave my only begotten sex, love and romance knowledge to the world, gift-boxed in a lament configuration and tied with a bow of barbed wire. Who would be strong enough — clear-thinking enough — to clamber above their human foibles and the limitations imposed by their egos to grasp the knowledge that was there for the taking?

I never wanted anything from this project but the self-pleasure of the soulripper. I didn’t care if no one took the message to heart to improve their lives. That was never my purpose. But then a funny thing happened. The emails from grateful readers started rolling in; men, young an old, and women too, writing to tell me what a positive impact this outpost of wicked illumination has had on their lives. I receive emails like J.’s above on an almost daily basis now. This blog has, despite its dark-robed proprietors’ demonic efforts, healed relationships and saved marriages. Something that an army of Pee Aych Dee wielding credentialissimo therapists and counselors, with their PC playbook of half-baked bromides and knee-jerk misandry, struggle to claim. And that is the burn that singes the denialists and foam-flecked haters deepest. That a despised womanizer could so thoroughly humiliate their comfortable worldview, and do them one better.

“How could anyone who writes such horrible things be a force for good in the world?”

A moment of clarity will give you the answer to your question.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in The Good Life, Vanity | Comments Off

Programming Notes

Jun 7th, 2010 by

1. Some commenters mentioned the idea, so I added a Donation button to the sidebar on the right. I think of it more as a motivation button. Maybe it’ll inspire me to keep the Chateau doors open to inquisitive guests.

2. I got rid of the comment ratings system. A lot of you complained that it was slowing down comment load times.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

Dress Like A Sexy Beast

Jun 4th, 2010 by

This is the Chateau men’s fashion post. While normally guests of the Chateau idle about in hooded black robes accessorized with cat o’ nine tails, there are those times in the company of the outside world that genitals must be sheathed and attention paid to dress norms. Here, as with all things pleasurable in life, our proprietors excel in transcending the norms while still nodding to them to maximize our social advantage.

I was fortunate to have had a few friends in my life who were particularly stylish dressers from whom I could crib tips. They were naturals at the sartorial arts, in fact. Don’t underestimate how valuable an asset a male mentor can be, whether in school, work, fashion, or pickup. Remember, if a man — who is at heart your natural competitor — is giving you helpful advice as a friend, it is worth the well-meaning advice of one hundred women.

This post is intended for generally in-shape men. Lean men. If you are a fatass or you can’t run without pantomiming an infinity symbol with your jiggly manboobs, then you will not benefit from the advice herein. This post is also about fashion for the everyman who wants a leg up; it is not a peacocker’s how-to guide to looking like the world’s biggest dandy. I’ve nothing against huge velvet cowboy hats, LED belt buckles, or 18th century justacorps, but that level of expressiveness is best reserved for tall men stalking glam nightclubs in select cities such as LA. In everyday situations, peacocking to that extreme will leave an impression of try-hard, and while you’ll get attention, it’ll be the sort of attention lavished on the uncomprehending poindexter whose presence fuels a roomful’s worth of ridicule. Unless you have the balls-out confidence to comfortably carry a florid peacock’s tail without withering under public scrutiny, you should avoid radical extremism in style.

A couple of thoughts before continuing: why is refined peacocking, to a greater or lesser degree, attractive to women? The answer lies in the handicap principle. A man of means and free time can afford to dabble with superfluous dress affects. A man struggling to make his way in the world (or a man unconcerned with attracting women) will have no time or money to style himself in anything but the most practical uniform for trundling through his day (see: herb). So the well-dressed man, punctuated attentively with perfectly calibrated accessories, signals to women that he has made it, and has brainpower to spare for pursuing the finer things in life. Ostentatious and impractical display sends the message that a man can burden himself with inconsequential frippery and still succeed without breaking a sweat.

That said, fashion is UNNECESSARY for picking up women. If you walk with the swagger of a warlord and your game is unstoppable, you can pick up girls wearing torn jeans and a ratty t-shirt. However much it repulses our sense of cosmic harmony, we’ve all seen guys like this with cute chicks (note: he was not gay):

Feel free to work on your game while wearing mandals, but why make pickup harder than need be? A man with unstoppable confidence, tight game, AND good fashion sense is a force to be reckoned with. You may not need a sense of style, but you’ll want it when you see how it draws positive female attention before you’ve even opened your mouth.

First, the NUMBER ONE RULE OF MEN’S FASHION:

Fit is everything.

A bad fit — oversized shirt or jacket, too long or too short sleeve length, pants with extra ass material to store an accidental shit — will make a $3,000 suit look like an off the rack rumple of textile. A good fit, on the other hand, can make discount rack stuff from Filene’s Basement look sharp. What’s funny is that as the number one rule of men’s fashion, it is violated by more men more often than any other rule. It’s as if men lack the neural wiring to perceive poor fit. Or they’ve gotten so fat that good fit has become synonymous with “encased like a sausage”.

I’ll give fashion tips starting from the top and working our way down.

Head

Hats are an excellent accessory that add a dash of dash. There are few enough men wearing non-baseball cap hats that the hat can function as a legitimate peacock device. Tip: Don’t buy hats from chain stores or well-tread fashion houses. That cool fedora you spot in Urban Outfitters or Banana Republic was probably purchased by twenty other guys before you, and nothing screams tool louder than showing up at a bar wearing the same hat as another man. It’s almost as bad as wearing the same shirt, but at least with the hat you can take it off. I bought my last hat from a sidewalk vendor who looked like he was not running his business with the appropriate licenses, but I could buy confidently knowing that the odds were very low another man would own the same hat. Also, be careful of one size fits all hats. They are often undersized, so try them on before buying. Finally, don’t forget to pull the brim down low.

Sunglasses

This is too personal a style decision for me to narrow down your choices, but in general the thinner framed, smaller lensed sunglasses are in right now. Dark lenses are better than light- or off-colored lenses. Sunglasses are a great way to measure the symmetry of your face, and thus amount of negative first impression you’ll have to overcome with robust game. If the glasses tilt to one side, you are facially asymmetrical. Lyle Lovett went “ha haaw!”.

Earrings

Are you gay?

Necklaces

Are you a guido? As far as accessories go, I’d steer clear of necklaces. If you really want to dangle something from your neck, proceed with caution and stick with leather laced items. Huge, glinty metal talismans are probably too douchey for most guys.

Shirt

Err on the side of tighter rather than looser. A good way to quickly measure whether a shirt is the wrong fit is to grab it at the middle buttons and pull outward from your torso. If there is more than a four inch gap between the shirt and your skin, then it is too billowy. You really want to avoid the billow. It’s unsexy. Sleeve length should extend about a half inch past the point where your wrist meets your hand. Don’t get too worked up if the sleeves are not the right length but the rest of the shirt fits great; I often roll up sleeves or hide them under blazers. T-shirts should follow the same four-inch anti-billow rule, though you can wear tees tighter than button-downs. Don’t wear skin tight shirts; save that stuff for the gym or the bathhouse. Don’t bother with exotic patterns; that swirly patterned shirt you bought at Ken Cole was also bought by ten other men. Stick with solid, bold colors. Stretch material is good, as is a bit of shine or iridescence when constrained under a blazer. Solid colored shirts that have a faint pattern stitched into the fabric are also good. If you like to wear button-downs untucked, it is imperative that the shirt is not loose-fitting, and that it isn’t too long. It should hug your pants just a couple inches past the belt.

Ties

Ties are cool. Ties are masculine. Ties don’t have to be relegated to wearing with suits. You can wear a tie with a t-shirt for crying out loud and look good. In fact, the tie is an excellent peacock accessory. When worn casually with short sleeves or t-shirts, you want to keep a healthy space between the knot and your neck. And don’t button the top button. A brightly colored tie, such as purple or pink, paired with a black button down or tee under a black blazer, is a sexy look.

Blazer/Sport Jacket

A sharp blazer can reinvigorate an entire closet of so-so shirts. Again, you want to avoid extra material. When you button the jacket, there shouldn’t be more than a few inches of space between your body and the fabric. You want to accentuate that V shape of the manly man torso. The lines of the shoulder (you can see where the shoulder stops and the sleeve starts by the line of stitching that connects those two parts) should sit right at the end of your shoulders, and not one millimeter past. Two buttons are in style now, though you won’t be committing a grave sin if you opt for three. One vent is preferable to two. For a more casual or club-oriented look, blazers with an accessorized look — such as extra zippers or pockets or off-color stitching — are an acceptable alternative to traditional sport coats. Stay away from beige; bold colors or unconventional colors will help your blazer stand out from the crowd of herbs in their sensible sport coats. I like lime colored or white jackets for the summer, and shiny black jackets in the winter.

Short sleeve shirt

It’s summer, so no need to sweat like a pig for style. Button down short sleeve shirts are good as long as you keep in mind a couple of rules: one, the sleeves must fit fairly tight to your bicep (not spandex tight). No dorky flare between the sleeve and your upper arm should be evident. Two, don’t get short sleeves with one pocket. Two pockets or no pockets are acceptable.

T-shirts

Tight fitting T-shirts paired with blazers are a good look. Don’t be afraid to sport a solid colored tee. A solid black or gray tee will look good under a stylish blazer. You don’t need to spice it up by wearing a tee with a crazy pattern, or hipster slogan, unless the slogan is so funny that it’s sure to get attention from girls. Example: I saw a t-shirt with a stick figure man who had three legs drawn in, over the word “Gifted”. That’s pretty funny.

Vests

Yeah, they’re out of style. Which is why I wear them now. Buy vests at consignment shops. You’ll find cool retro stuff there that assures your look won’t be copied. A vest thrown over a t-shirt can really jumpstart a look.

Bracelets

Wide, hulking leather bracelets look like you’re trying. Thin leather bracelets, perhaps adorned with metal studs, are better. A couple pieces of black string nestled with a thin bracelet is a good way for newbs to peacock.

Rings

Rings have been the PUA’s signature peacock accessory since before the term was coined. They’re still a solid addition to any man’s style, but you should try to get your rings from sources off the beaten path. I have one ring I bought from a ramshackle gift shop in the middle of desert country that I’m sure no one else has. Fewer is better with rings. More than two rings and you’ll look like a wiseguy.

Belt

I like simple, well-crafted belts with a stylish but not gaudy buckle. I’m not a fan of studded or hole-punched belts, but I’ve seen guys pull off that look without a problem. If you’re wearing jeans and untucked shirts, you don’t need a belt.

Pants/Jeans

Same fit rule should follow with pants. When you try them on, pull at the leg material. If you can pull more than a couple inches form your leg, you are wearing pants too baggy for you. Jeans and pants, though, should be slightly more loose fitting relative to upper body clothing, which is why I prefer casual fit jeans to slim fit. Stay away from skinny jeans. I don’t care how many hipsters wear them and get laid, skinny jeans on men who aren’t on stage performing in a rock band look retarded. Anyhow, if you go to the gym and have any quad development at all, you won’t be able to fit in skinny jeans. Choose dark jeans; the darker the blue the better, generally. Elaborate back pocket designs are out for straight men. So are whiskers, studs, and fake holes. You don’t need to spend a fortune on jeans. I’ve gotten more compliments on my $70 Lucky Brand jeans than my $150 Diesel jeans. Obviously, pant pleats are a no-go, and will likely be so for a long while. Banana Republic sells some decent dress casual pants, though I’d skip their jeans.

Shorts

Again, since it’s the summer, why suffer for style? Shorts should extend to the knee, or just past it. Bulky cargo shorts are out. Solid colors are the way to go. Shorts are not a highlight piece; they are a functional piece that should not distract from your other stylish pieces.

Socks

Don’t ignore socks. They can be an excellent source of peacockery. Generally, socks should be the same or similar hue as your pants. Pair dark socks with dress shoes and jeans. Sneakers should be paired with black socks. White socks only for the gym. Socks should be longer rather than shorter; nothing more annoying than socks that constantly slip down your calves. But occasionally you can add style by wearing a brightly colored sock meant to be seen when you sit down. I like to wear red socks with dark jeans that complement a red shirt or tie. If you are wearing shorts, it may be better to forego socks entirely.

Shoes

Things to avoid: box-toed shoes, excessively pointy shoes, shoes with heavy soles that stick out from the sides, sandals. Things to look for: driver’s moccasins in place of flip-flops, traditionally styled shoes (not too pointy, not too square-toed), a solid manly heel. Shoes are noticed by women before anything else. It seems shoes are some kind of signaling agent that tells a woman how well you think of yourself. Since there are so many useful websites out there dedicated to the ins and outs of men’s shoe fashion, I’ll skip going into detail here.

Suits

This subject deserves a post of its own. Suffice to say, nothing more boldly or confidently projects solid manliness than a tailored suit. While the suit is not for every occasion, during those few times when you do wear one, you’ll feel the ghostly pulse of a thousand Don Drapers before you infuse your soul with pussy-wilting power. Charity events, art shows, exhibits, and happy hours that aren’t overrun by college-aged interns pounding Miller Lights are great places to showcase yourself in a suit.

[crypto-donation-box]

Posted in Fashion | Comments Off

Beach Game

Jun 3rd, 2010 by

Readers will sometimes email me with pickup stories or game tips that are too good not to have a wider audience. Since the summer is upon us, this email I received from a reader who overheard a pickup attempt describes a great example of beach game. When you read this, imagine yourself doing the same thing successfully. That should fire your engines.

I love your blog, long time lurker, first time poster blah blah, etc. You know the drill. I’m really writing because I’ve got a fun anecdote for you.

At the beach this weekend my boyfriend and I witnessed some awesome game on another girl sunbathing nearby. Since I’m female, I have no use for it other than amusement value, but I thought you might enjoy it.

The girl was laying down reading a shitty chick-lit book, and this guy with a camera, evidently an amateur photographer, came up to her. This was the exchange that followed:

HIM: Hey, mind if I take a photo?
HER (surprised, sort of unsure, looking up at him as he towers over her): Uhh, sure.
HIM: Ok, great.
(He extends his hand to her, sort of helps her up so now she’s standing next to him. He then proceeds to take a photo of not her, but where she was laying down — her beach towel, book, bag, sunscreen, etc. She seemed pretty surprised.)
HER: That’s what you wanted to photograph?
HIM: Yeah.
HER: Why?
HIM (ignoring her real question): It’s my hobby.
HER: Yeah, I already noticed that. But what’s so special about this? (gestures to the stuff)
HIM: I just happen to find it special. Haven’t you ever felt drawn to something without knowing why? Like, you just had to look twice, for some reason?
HER: Uh, yeah, I guess.
HIM: Most people don’t really stop to notice the beauty in ordinary things. That’s why I like photography, it teaches you to notice things that you wouldn’t have before. (Was this another neg?)
HER: Oh yeah? And what have you noticed, then?
HIM: Well, for one, I’ve noticed that you’re just sitting here reading while your friends are having fun in the water. (There were two empty beach towels near her, so it looked like she was watching their stuff).
(Teasingly) It must be a really good book.
HER: (laughs a little) Yeah, it’s pretty good.
HIM: Anyway, thanks for letting me take my picture.
HER: Sure, no problem.
HIM: Well, I’m off. There are so many interesting things to see and do around here. It was nice to meet you.
HER: Like what things?
HIM: Everything can be an inspiration if you’ve got the right attitude. If you’d like, you’re welcome to come with me and maybe we’ll find some. Good company always helps.
HER: Oh, I can’t just leave my friends’ stuff and everything.
HIM: Sure you can.

THEN he addresses ME. This guy was so pro. I guess he saw us watching them.

HIM: Hey, you seem like a nice person. Do you mind sort of keeping an eye on this stuff until her friends get back?
ME: Yeah, no problem.
HIM: See, no problem?

The girl texts her friends and he leaves with her. Awesome.

If you read this whole thing, let me know what you think.

Keep up the good work.

-Andrea

Fantastic. What camera guy did was textbook. And I mean that in the literal sense; judging by his words I’d be surprised if he wasn’t familiar with the seduction community and pickup literature, particularly NLP influenced speed seduction. His conversation reads like a well-rehearsed routine. Which goes to show that routines aren’t inherently bad. What’s risky isn’t the telling of a routine, but how it’s delivered.

Let’s examine step by step what he did right.

  • Alpha body language. A girl laying on the ground is preselected for the submission position. If you are standing over her, she will feel in her bones this dominance dynamic, and it will be good.
  • Props. Having a camera with him served as a prop to break the ice with the girl.
  • Nuclear neg. The best negs are those that most radically overturn expectation while remaining plausibly complimentary or judgmentally neutral. She thinks he’s a weirdo who wants a pic of her suntanned bod; instead he politely grabs her hand (early kino – good move) to move her aside so he can take a pic of her rumpled beach towel.
  • NLP mastery. “drawn to something” “just had to look twice” “beauty in ordinary things”. This shit is straight outta speed seduction. I always thought SS sounded too hammy for real world use, but this guy shows how to spit SS game like a normal human being. Hint: Brevity is key.
  • DHVing. Photography is chick crack. The photographer and his tools of trade are the medium through which a chick’s ego can ricochet and amplify itself, as she projects her fascination and frustrations with her most valuable asset — her looks — onto the Sauronic eye of the camera lens.
  • Rapport bait. When he tells her that photography teaches you to notice things you would not otherwise, she can’t help but take the bait wondering what he noticed about her and her stuff. Perfect springboard.
  • Situational awareness. He notices two empty towels and uses that information to intensify the seduction.
  • Takeaway/push-pull. She laughs at his book line and thus becomes more invested in the conversation; at which point he dismisses himself, but not before dropping some more rapport bait (“there are so many interesting things to see and do around here”).
  • Challenge/qualification. “Everything can be an inspiration if you’ve got the right attitude.” Does she have the right attitude?
  • Dominance display. “Oh, I can’t just leave my friends’ stuff.” “SURE YOU CAN.”
  • Social savviness/situational awareness/leadership DHV. He notices our alert reader and employs her stuff-watching services, but not before flattering her so that he can better make the sale.

After a clinic like that in how to properly run game, very few girls wouldn’t be creaming their bikinis a little bit. I should also point out that this whole conversation, judging by the number of words, looks to have lasted no more than five or ten minutes. That’s five minutes of tight game from totally random meeting to walking away together for an instadate. Does anyone here still doubt the power of game? If you do, you are just looking for excuses to continue failing. And that, my friend, brands you with the scarlet L of the loser.

PS It would be funny if this post’s title duped a bunch of people to come here hoping for information on smashball and frisbees.

[crypto-donation-box]

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What Did I Do Wrong?

Jun 2nd, 2010 by

We have a new series called “What did I do wrong?” here at the Chateau. You write in with a sad tale of chumpery describing where you went wrong with a girl(s), and Chateau proprietors explain your mistake and offer advice on how similar situations should be handled in the future.

Joe writes:

Last night I was at a concert taking place in an open field with some friends. We were having a great time when literally the hottest chick I have ever seen in my life (that’s saying a lot) comes up to me and asks where the bathroom is. In retrospect, I feel like I could’ve used game and salvaged the night. Anyway, here’s how the conversation went. If you could, let me know where I went wrong. I had absolutely no idea what to do in this situation:

HER: Hey, do you know where the bathroom is.

ME: (pointing to the farthest possible porto potty about two football fields away). It’s right over there.

HER: (stares into the distance for a good five seconds) Are you kidding me? My friends told me there was one over here.

ME: I am dead fucking serious. Your friends must have lied.

She leaves and takes my dignity with her.

Joe, one thing I don’t get from your story — were you deceptively pointing her in the direction of a bathroom that was at the farthest distance possible? Or was that really the closest bathroom to your location? If the former, then your game was weak, unless it was a ruse to join her on the long trek and attempt a pre-void pickup.

Where you went wrong: calling her friends liars. Better to have said her friends must be playing a joke on her. Harsh terms like “lie” are too negative to toss around in a serious manner during early game. A better answer would be more playful, e.g.:

HER: Are you kidding me? My friends told me there was one over here.

ME: Maybe they meant that big oak tree over there? I’ll cover for you.

The chick had to go to the bathroom, so you wouldn’t have had much time to game her even if you could pickup faster than she can remember her full bladder. And girls aren’t in a receptive frame of mind when they have to pee. Multiply that unreceptiveness tenfold if she’s turtling.

The obvious solution to your quandary would have been to join her on the long walk to the faraway toilets. Tell her you’ll walk with her because you’ve got to head in that direction anyhow. Unless she has an instant revulsion to you, she will agree to let you walk with her, and now you’ve got two football fields worth of distance to amp up any nascent attraction. Try not to make potty jokes. A girl never feels less attractive than right after giving birth or just before dropping a deuce. No need to remind her of that.

******

“F” writes:

I am a huge fan of your work. It has changed the way i look at women. This is the first time i send you an email. I’d like to submit (or elevate!) to your attention an email exchange i had with a girl i recently met only once, about a month ago. Since the first meeting (more details below) we have been emailing back and forth and the interaction has developed on a purely virtual basis. no follow up meet has happened yet. Clearly some bits of my interactions reek of beta-ness but i’ve tried to inject game in this exchange and to adjust the aim during the process. I have applied some game knowledge which seems to have kept the interaction alive (as expected) but i have arrived at a bit of a crossroads. She seems somehow intrigued by me but not enough to push it to the next level.

Background: I have met this solid 8.5, eternal ingenue type, at a bar in a business environment. After being introduced by a mutual acquaintance we start chatting and i immediately steer the conversation into non business related matters, completely skipping the “what do you do” thing, and specifically teasing her  in this respect, asking her to stop pitching her business to me (we just swap cards) and started tenuously qualifying her. After maybe 5 minutes of interaction, she introduces me to some business associates of hers (she works for a law firm my firm does business with) and goes back talking to her other colleagues, leaving me alone with the associates she introduced me to. After some polite conversation with her associates i leave the venue (completely ignoring her). She emails me the following day. the interaction starts at the [top].

My question to you is: Is there a way i can improve my email game with this particular person? What would you have done if you were in my shoes and most importantly, how would you take it from here? How can you -in general- generate an initial attraction/intrigue via email? as practitioner of day game, it happens quite often that the initial buying temperature after the number close is still very low and needs to be increased via texting or email…otherwise it might be difficult to get her not to be flakey.

looking forward to your reply If you ever decide to publish this exchange on your website (which you are welcome to do), I would kindly request you not to disclose my name nor anything that could compromise my or her identity (although i have already tried to edit out all the relevant details).

Thanks a million

F

P.S. my comments are in brackets <…>

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

HER: <this is the first email of the interaction…her self esteem seemed irked by my leaving the venue without homaging her with my attention>

Hi F,
Nice meeting you last night.  Unfortunate that we didn’t get a chance to chat more, I turned around and you were gone – were you bored by my colleagues or just the <her firm’s name> pitch? 🙂
Cheers,
<her name>

ME:
🙂 Well, to be honest, I was bored by both (but I admit I also had to run to meet some friends).  Its ok, you can make it up to me by taking me for a coffee sometimes..under one condition: no shop talk 😉 Ciao

HER:
Sure, happy to – how does your schedule look this/next wk?
Cheers, <her name>

ME:
I am free Friday, we can hang out after work. Cool?

HER:
I can’t this Friday I am afraid (it’s my birthday) – any other day perhaps?

ME: Happy birthday. I am around Saturday for early drinks, otherwise next week (not Monday, I am going to the racetrack in ZZZ).

HER: Would it be possible to meet next week? I am not feeling well..

ME: Well..I hope u didn’t get sick on your b’day.
Let’s meet wednesday at 7pm at <trendy neighborhood bar>

<She calls me 15 minutes before the meet and cancels claiming she had to work. I act unfazed and actually say “I don’t care”>

HER: <she immediately emails after the call apologizing again for the last minute cancellation>.
So sorry – I live in XXX so I’ll drop you a line later and if you are out maybe we can grab a drink in that area?

ME: <after 20 minutes>
I doubt it, am not free later tonight. Maybe next time. Ciao.

HER: <immediately>
Sure. How was the racetrack in Zxxxxx by the way?

ME: <after 20 minutes> adrenalinic. that’s what I need to wash away the week’s inertia.

HER: <replies after 10 minutes> Very cool.  Were you a spectator or a participant?

ME: <after a few hours>
Participant of course. I wouldn’t bother to go all the way to zxxxxx to watch other people racing.

HER: <replies after 1 day>
Either way sounds like a lot of fun.  How often do you go?

ME: <ignoring her question>
Yeah its one of the things I like to do. So…and what rocks your boat? Who are you?

HER:
Hmm, it kind of depends on my mood?  Last wknd I indulged in a bit of self pampering with massage and facial on Saturday followed by an intense afternoon of horseback riding on Sunday..how long have you been racing?

ME:
I have been racing for a year or so…but my real passion is martial arts.
Hmm…our pursuits couldn’t be more polarized. Leisurely Horseback riding, spa and massage…versus Car racing and martial arts…Relaxation vs adrenaline!
By the way I hope your employers pays you well because you still owe me the coffee from the beginning of this thread..and trust me, I am gonna pick a really super expensive coffee shop.

HER:
Chuckles – “leisure” horseback riding couldn’t be farther from truth. I did the arena training last weekend – we are talking real 1500 lbs horsepower with a mind of its own..i want to be good enough one day to go to one of those working ranches and round a herd of wild cattle, that would be uber fun.
Yes yes coffee is overdue – do you like hot chocolate?  I LOVE Caffé XYZ’s hot coco con panna.

ME:
Gee..I’ve forgotten you’re Texan…and a lawyer 😉
So from 1 to 10 how adventurous are you?

HER:
🙂 and you are from Ixxxx and a <my profession> guru except you don’t like to shoptalk in your spare time (me neither).

Hard to rate b/c it depends on how you define and what you consider is adventurous? But I am definitely a believer of carpe diem. What fun do you hv planned for the wknd?

ME:
Oh dear… The definition of adventurous. Foggeddabboudid 🙂

Actually…let me give you an example:
Tomorrow I am going with a few friends  on a boat trip to XXX. Sea, Beach and (hopefully) sun… if you were to join me on a whim with such a short notice (vessel leaves at 10am sharp on pier 1, return in the afternoon) then I would consider you (on my scale), a robust 7, maybe even a probable 8. I would be more than impressed by your initiative, understanding and application of the spirit of the horatian carpe diem. Makes sense? 🙂

HER:
Sounds like a lot of fun (and thank you for the invitation) but I have horseback riding in the morning! 🙂 I guess I’ll just have to impress with my cupcakes or something…do you golf by any chance?

ME (I reply after 2 weeks)
I don’t like cupcakes nor golf. Too bad.

HER (replies immediately):
Ouch 🙂 going anywhere interesting for <local festivity> tomorrow?

ME:
Am in NY right now..am out with friends. I love the city this part of the year. Will be here till the weekend

HER:
Yes, NY is fab around this time of year.  Enjoy..I heart NYC 🙂

ME:
am doing my best. This city never sleeps. What’s your plan for <local festivity>?

HER: Going to YYY <nearby tourist destination>, can’t wait!  Where abouts in NYC are you hanging out?

ME:
YYY? I strongly recommend staying in this hotel <url>. Stayed there last year.
I am on my way back home now. Have to work tomorrow.

HER:
Thanks! Looks really pretty..

Your first mistake was not getting her home number. Swapping business cards, and hence email contact info, is too formal. A number exchange personalizes the pickup, and puts her on notice that you don’t intend to treat her as a business associate.

Your second mistake was relying on email game to move the seduction forward. In fact, email communication is anhedonic. It will actually move you further from seduction once you’re past the minimum threshold needed to set up a face to face date. Endless emailing is yappity yappy, and it’s been noted many times here that girls prefer a little mystery in their men. Serial email rapport strips away mystery and makes you seem less manly with each email exchange that passes without a real life meeting transpiring. It bears mentioning as well that the longer you email the more likely you are to blurt something that lowers her buying temperature instead of raises it. Even the wittiest seducers will say something unattractive if enough words are spilled, and, unfair though it may be, to the mind of a woman one misstep can erase ten tingle amplifiers.

I included the entirety of your email exchange because, even though it is painfully tedious, I wanted the studio audience to see what “try-hard” looks like in all its morbid desperation. There is simply too much emailing going on here for a girl you haven’t yet fucked, let alone haven’t yet *met for a date*. Dude, no joke, I have had less total email communication with girls I have been fucking for a year.

Be that as it may, as email game goes, yours suffered from many unforced errors.

1. Too many smilies and question marks. A good rule of thumb when texting or emailing a girl is simply to refrain from using emoticons or question marks at all. Following this rule will help rewire your brain into mimicking the brain of an alpha.

2. You gave her too many free times to meet. You said you were free Friday, Saturday, and next week (except Monday). That’s too much available time for a busy man of the world. And it’s best to avoid setting up first dates on weekend nights. She’s not that important, yet.

3. When she flaked 15 minutes before the first date, that should have been it for her. Not worth your consideration. At the very least, stop the emailing. You should have been setting up this fucking date over the phone anyhow, not through email! Email is a girl’s best friend because it gives her total freedom to respond when and how she likes. Email strips the pitch and timbre of your rumbling manly voice, and elevates her voice to equally persuasive footing. A girl needs to feel tension before feeling attraction, and you helpfully sucked the air out of any tension by allowing her to continue contacting you through email.

4. When she offered a second chance to meet later in the night, your reply sounded tinged with bitterness. “I doubt it” is not a good answer. A simple “maybe”, and nothing else, would have sufficed to keep the interaction on life support.

5. Why are you rewarding a flaky girl with a long, drawn out conversation about racing and other assorted snippets from your life? Has she earned this attention from you? These are the things you share with a woman when you are gazing in her eyes and your hand is inching up her thigh.

6. You played a “1 to 10″ qualification game with a proven flake over email. You pulled the trigger too soon. Save that powerhouse stuff for an actual date.

7. Never use the words “oh dear” if you are a man. Not even in ironic self-awareness.

8. Let me get this straight. You invited a known last minute flake to take a boat ride with you. And you are showering her with these rewards… why? I’m not at all surprised she turned you down again with some excuse about horseback riding. She’s got you exactly where she wants you  — giving everything and getting nothing in return!

9. Your response to her second rejection (two weeks later!) was more bitterness. Don’t you think she notices how abruptly your mood changes, from happy (if a bit strained) banter about boating to sullenness about not liking cupcakes or golf? And a two week delay makes it seem like you were stewing the whole time, for what man with a full schedule is going to remember what some chick said about cupcakes two weeks ago? Again, when spurned by a gameplaying woman, the best answer is short, noncommittal, and emotionally neutral. You neither like nor dislike. Make her guess what you’re thinking.

10. And in the end you give a flake the URL for a hotel you recommend. She gets her ego pumped up, and some helpful advice, all for the low low cost of…… no snatch for you! Despite their cheery smiles and sympathetic eyes, girls really do not respect men who give of themselves without taking anything in return. She wants you to take her pussy, and to do it with the minimal investment possible. Congratulations, sir, you are her personal LJBF beta orbiter.

Stop emailing her, she is a lost cause. If she emails you first, wait a few days before responding *with a phone call*. Do not reference anything she wrote. Act as if her words are merely a medium to enable your masculine essence to reach into the depth of her soul (conveniently located just behind her clitoris), and tell her email is for giggling schoolchildren, and she will meet you at X on X for a cocktail that is on her. If she agrees and you meet, you have recaptured hand. If she balks, wish her well and hang up. Life is too short.

[crypto-donation-box]

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Dating Traps

Jun 1st, 2010 by

Occasionally, after you have been dating a girl for a few weeks, she will ask if you are seeing other girls.

This is the worst sort of beta bait because it is so innocuous sounding. What man wouldn’t want to reassure a girl he is dating that she’s the only one for him? Most betas will chomp down on stinky bait like this so hungrily that it will cause the girl to second guess whether she is high enough in dating market value that she can safely leave the guy for better prospects.

BETA: Nooo baby, I’m not dating anyone else. I wouldn’t even think of dating anyone else while I’m with you. I really like you. All I can think about is you. [Gentle shoulder grab and big, wet eyes.]

GIRL’S SUPEREGO: Oh, that’s good to hear. [GIRL’S ID: Tool.]

Your job, as a man who routinely dates quality women, is to never let her ego convince her that she is too good to be dating you. The best way to do this is simply to not fail her status ascertaining shit tests.

Beta bait and shit tests are similar concepts with some notable distinctions. Shit tests occur with the most regularity and intensity during early game, and at times when the relationship is on the skids. They are normally loaded up front to help the girl quickly take the measure of your alphaness. Beta bait happens at any time while dating a girl, and are spread out evenly in a relationship as a sort of low level boyfriend diagnosis script.

Shit tests are more obvious than beta bait, and thus easier to pass for men with excellent awareness of female hypergamy tactics. A shit test can be quite bold and shocking to newb ears and thus scare off lesser men, but the inveterate player always operates with the frame that shit tests and other assorted confusing and bitchy female behavior are an opportunity rather than an obstacle to demonstrate his mate value. A girl who is giving you shit is a hell of a lot closer to sex with you than a girl who is indifferent to your existence.

Of the two, beta bait is by far more dangerous than shit tests. If you fail a shit test, you move on to the next girl within your field of view. Your pain is over quickly and time is saved for mining new whore. But beta bait is subtler and more insidious; you may not even recognize you’re being baited until she’s screaming “HALF!” and the kid suddenly doesn’t look like you anymore.

But what truly makes beta bait so devilish is that the girl doesn’t even have to know she is baiting you. In fact, it is a mistake to think most girls are aware of their hypergamous status testing. Some are, particularly the heavily made-up club regulars who delight in frustrating men with sassy snark pulled from a crib sheet of well-worn bitchitudes. (I remember this one girl who used to say “take a picture, it’ll last longer” to just about every man she caught checking her out. I wonder what her line will be when she’s 35? “Take my picture, please”?) But most girls aren’t aware of how their female nature operates. To a girl, tossing out beta bait is as unconscious an act as a man chubbing out when admiring a perfectly rounded ass.

It doesn’t matter whether the bloody chum slips off the boat’s deck unsupervised, or if it’s tossed into the water with joyful gusto; you must resist biting into it regardless how tempting it is. Shit tests have less room for error. You fail the first shit test and you may as well write her off. In contrast, beta bait isn’t pass or die; you can safely take the bait occasionally without dooming your relationship, but you should aim for a pass rate of 75%. Once you start latching onto beta bait 50% or more of the time, your days as a man she desires to fuck are numbered.

Back to the original scenario, here is an example of how to resist the bait:

HER: I dunno… maybe. But if we do this I have to know you aren’t seeing other girls.

ENLIGHTENED YOU: Naturally. *kiss*

Note here that you aren’t sappily proclaiming your undying loyalty to the girl, while still easing her mind a little that (perhaps!) she is the only one you are dating. When you must give a girl an answer to something that reeks of beta bait, agree with her without *super* agreeing with her, if you catch my meaning. Sexy alpha answers nimbly dance the semantical line between truth, evasiveness, and provocativeness. Succinctness is always better than loquaciousness. Informality always beats formality. Hints are preferable to straight answers. Is this patronizing to girls? It sure is, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

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