Feed on

Remember that meta-analysis study that came out about a month or so ago which purported to show that overweight people live longer than thin people, and remember hearing the groans of joy from diabetic, foot-chopped fatties with zero romantic prospects jumping two centimeters into the air in victory celebration? Remember thinking, “Hm, this study totally contradicts everything I see with my two lying eyes. Something smells fishy, and it isn’t just smegma trapped in some fatty’s stomach folds.”

Well, the skeptics and fat antagonizers, like yours truly, were right to doubt the claims of that study.

It turns out the methodology of the prior study was terrible, and they included skinny people dying of cancer and AIDS and so on in the calculations.  As stated in the linked article, “These people weren’t dying because they were slim; they were slim because they were dying.”

I wonder what Fat Apologist of the Blogosphere thinks of this recent correction?

Moral of the story: If you are a repellent fatty, don’t rely on meta-analysis studies conducted by “researchers” with an axe to grind to save you from a life of unbearable chronic pain, horrible BO, involuntary celibacy, jeers, and malfunctioning reach-around wiping implements. Instead, rely on the mirror. And… say it together now… push away from the buffet.

You don’t need studies, fatties. You need willpower. And a healthy dose of shame and realistic self-appraisal. If you think these things are impossible, just recall that a mere fifty years ago most people in America were thin, and they weren’t genetically dissimilar from you. They managed the willpower and shame. So can you.


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