GLP has a funny post about the tendency of good SWPL libs to inject self-referential irony in their blog bios. There’s even a word for this artless form — catacosmesis. Basically, the SWPL lists things he or she values or wants stressed about their characters, and ends the personal list with some calculated triviality that’s supposed to humanize them (i.e., calm lessers who might (should!) be intimidated by their smarts and accomplishments). For instance, here’s Ezra Klein’s bio:
Blogger/columnist for Washington Post, columnist for Bloomberg View, contributor to MSNBC. Eater of food. Hater of filibuster. Lover of charts.
Beta max.
Feminists, no surprise here, love to scatter their oh-so-serious bios with references to food.
Fearless leader of Skepchick.org, podcaster for SGU, writer, ice cream enthusiast
Oh, how ironic! I’m an atheist feminist SWPL and I’m writing a bio of my SUPER SERIOUS SUPER HIGH ACHIEVER self which, you know, is so gauche!, so let me just stick this little SUPER FUNNY tidbit about my love of ice cream at the end of the sentence. There! I can almost picture my fat feminist and bitch tittied mangina readers chuckling to themselves while missing the real irony that eating a lot of ice cream is what’s making them fat and turning them into man-hating feminists!
Dear SWPL pudding pops, this is what a coolasfuck bio looks like:
Let me tell you about my life….BLAM!
The SWPL class should be eaten by hipsters and then the hipsters die of food poisoning.
A man can dream.
How does a “hipster” differ from a SWPL?
Is it just age?
E.g. Baby Boom -vs- Gen X -vs- Gen Y?
‘Cause all that sad-assed pathetic hipster shit just screams “SWPL” to my flyover-country sense of things.
There is considerable overlap, but swipples range from wearers of North Face “gear” all the way to salaried “progressives” who move savages into your child’s school district and call it fairness.
Swipples like to appear hip, may share hipster traits, and frequent hipster hangouts, but are not the hipsters swigging PBR, smoking Camel Lights and sleeping with each other.
A forward-thinking hipster becomes a swipple as they write for some anti-White publication like The Oregonian, or they decide to “direct” something “socially conscious” like Morgan Spergfuck and move into the ranks of the swippledom.
There is absolutely no downward movement from swipples to hipsters, because hipsters are just the grungy stoners of this decade, while swipples are writing a book or backpacking in Guatemala.
They could save themselves money by backpacking around San Diego, but then they’d have to write a book about globalization and authenticity or some shit.
Man fuck all those cunts.
New to the blog here, but SWPL = Stuff White People Like?
Yep.
yes.
best entry–’all different colors of peppers!’ –genius
sexless whipped pussy licks
Yes. In other words, annoying white libtards.
Self-hating White Pussy Liberals
Oh.
I thought it meant “Selfhating White Pussified Liberals”
Thor
PhD in Queer Womyn’s Herstory, founder of Vagina Power Industries, crusher of the patriarchy, blogger, writer, activist, baker of delicious organic vegan scones, hater of sausages, bananas, popsicles and other phallus-shaped food.
Hey, this is fun!
I think it was Tom Lehrer who wrote (and sang) that “everything
is a phallic symbol if is longer than it is wide.”
Which includes most objects that are not spheres or possibly
Platonic solids (remember the good old dodecahedron?).
But, I have seen, especially in the UK, cosmetic products
(for women) that
were shaped and colo(u)red in such a fashion that I had to conclude
it was deliberately phallic. No, not flesh-colo(u)red, but the main
part and the glans (oops, I meant lid) in a contrasting colo(u)r.
And wider at the base, ostensibly for stability. No veins, though.
Thor
And what to make of this guy
??
Sorry that was supposed to read…
What to make of this guy? Not Thor. (tried to imbed img but that didn’t work… argghh.. Bad html Bad bad!)
How useless and toxic to humanity can one be. Would you like the lamp post next to Ezra’s?
I’ve always thought of this device as giving their viciousness ‘cutesy’ padding. And they all do it. It showed up in books a few years ago. What it points to is the loss of legitimacy in authoring a book with an author’s bio on the back flap of the jacket — so after authoring this & that, writing for whatever, and living with his wife and three daughters (they always have daughters), he “loves his cats, too”, or some such schmaltz.
‘Tis all “snark”.
I’ve always thought these were stupid too.
Mine used to say “I love crack! And meth!”
I know Heartiste loves scientific confirmation so here you go:
http://news.discovery.com/tech/men-dont-read-online-dating-profiles-120207.html#mkcpgn=rssnws1
This is very much an American SWPL tendency but, with all that SWPL shit, it is creeping into European discourse.
Well, let’s try to work out our own “really, really funneeeee” bios, shall we?
“Chris from Dublin. Commenter on the Chateau. Graduate of university. Author of XYZABC etc. Pounder of young men’s tight holes.”
Sufficiently ironic?
I was going to add “part-time blogger, full-time faggot” but that was just a shade too beta.
I have yet to create a bio for my site. At least now I know what not to use…
Ezra is hot.
And he’ll get married to a nice girl, raise over-achieving kids, live well, plan for retirement, and will never get divorced. He will have several happy, well-adjusted grandchildren who he will spoil.
[heartiste: but he’ll always be a faygala.]
I have lost any respect for you I ever had. Ezra is a douchebag.
Oh damn. This made me realize that I’ve done this in the past. Never again! I’m off to go do some pull-ups to cleanse my soul.
too much. let it go.
Not related to this post but I thought ya’ll might appreciate this. Especially the comment section which is hamster central (they can’t even acknowledge the subject and decide to talk about salads?) :/ http://jezebel.com/5881335/why-do-men-love-barely-legal-porn
Didn’t this hypocrite Schwyzer fuck one of his own barely legal students?
Several of them. Hugo’s another one to be swinging away on a lamp post somewhere- maybe ones near the Capitol.
In my various eructatious communications, I will sometimes
add an irrelevant (and, one hopes, untrue) note such as
“I will not mention that you feast on baby hearts” or somesuch.
Thor
Facebook bio :
I wanna make a movie about an eight inch pygmy, with a nine inch erection. Then I want to study theology. I want to study the works of Gerald Bull, and build a cannon that will blast satellites into outer space. How ? By drilling a very deep hole in a glacier, prime it with explosives, and load the poor satellite on top. I’m gonna invest in property in Greenland … but first I will pay my debts to society, honor my giri, get my qualifications … work … oh to really work … get rich … but not necessarily in that order …
I’m semi-anti-bio. I’ve meant to do a tagline near the header or at least a short bio line but I’m not into it. I’d like to use a quote app featuring daily quotes or something.
Why do they unnecessarily use the of genitive so much (e. g., people of color)?
Great one I saw the other day:
Engineer, builder, hacker, and dreamer, John Q Public …
Jezebel wonders why young women are attractive:
http://jezebel.com/5881335/why-do-men-love-barely-legal-porn
Interesting. Especially the question at the end – is it possible to masturbate to 20-year-olds without losing the passion for your 30- or 40-something partner?
Most of those men spanking to images of 20 year olds are spanking because their 40+ year old wives long ago stopped giving them sex.
So women’s salad days last from 15 to 20 … And this is just “a sad truth about human life”. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this depression. Whatever.
[heartiste: derb was exaggerating a little. i’m more forgiving. women’s salad days are 15-25.]
Get over it, sweetheart. You aren’t the first woman in the world to get old.
fuck off, lara, please. i want to fall in love and have children and that’s why being young is very important to me.
Okay, well continue to sit around feeling sorry for yourself, I’m sure that is bound to attract an alpha.
woman’s smv depends on her youth and beauty and not on how she feels about herself. so it doesn’t really help to be happy and smiling when you’re not young and beautiful.
Not quite, sweetie.
Attitude counts for a lot, in both men and women.
If you ACT happy you will be more attractive than
if you don´t – but it is hard to fake.
But there is such a thing as overplaying one´s hand
and coming across as an idiot….
Thor
thor, are u fucking retarded? smiling and laughing just makes your face look wrinkled and this is repulsive. wrinkles are a very good sign of low smv.
LOL lara
Nope. Ostentatious displays like laughing too loudly or too often
will backfire, this is part of “overplaying one´s hand”, or people
will think you are drunk (and in some cases they´d be right).
But being quietly serene and looking self-possessed, is
much more likely to work. The coy little smile (for a woman)
or the slight smirk of showing you are just a little above-it-all
(for a man) is around optimal. But there are plenty of exceptions
in all directions.
Thor
Maya, if I may, it seems you’ve jumped into the deep end of the pool. Nick Savoy will have a book for women out in a year that is great, but, in the meantime, check out any of the following people: John Gray, Sherry Argov, Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, Paige Parker, Bob Grant, Mimi Tanner, even Evan Mark Katz.
thanks for your comment but i don’t need any other advice. everything i need to know i can read here on this blog.
If nick savoy could earn a buck teaching welfare moms how to pump out more babies
he’d do it
Doubtful, Firepower.
You’d think that if there’s a Greek word for a literary device, the ancient Greeks might have partaken in it too.
So, stylistically, it has cycled through rhetorical fashion probably more than once over the last 3,000 years.
I’m not sweating it, but then I hate pets.
Make up should be banned. That shit is the biggest false advertisement scam ever:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2098507/Would-YOU-world-morning-face-We-challenged-bravest-writers-just-that.html
With some experience, it’s easy to just look through makeup when it matters.
Hah. Nice try.
But makeup has its good uses. I know (family friends, not
gf material) a young woman who is fairly good looking,
but her face is just very BLAND. One of the few women
that can (and does) benefit from makeup, and NOT
to conceal her age which is still below 25.
Somebody said to Cindy Crawford: “I would have to spend
hours working in front of the mirror to look like you”, to
which CC answered: “Don´t worry, _I_ have to spend
hours to look like me:”
Thor
Oh for fuck sake, the Daily Mail is brain-damaged!!
Maybe, maybe not brain damaged. I remember an ad from Daily Mail,
way back.
The article suggested to women that if they read the Daily Mail,
they might actually have something meaningful to TALK about
with their boyfriends.
Now, the DM is hardly the Times, nor The Financial Times,
or even the Daily Telegraph.
But it isn´t “Nudes of the World” (oops) either, so maybe they
had a point.
The tagline was
“EVERY WOMAN NEEDS HER DAILY MAIL”
Thor
I’m reminded Greg Gutfeld used his bio page at Huff Post as an anti-Huff blog. That was cool.
Brilliant GL Piggy! I saw this and ran to my blog to see if I did this. what a relief I didn’t. In fact, I have no “about me” section at all, because I’m a T1000 hunter-killer terminator.
That is interesting….something I’ve subconsciously noticed but you actually spelled it out for me. I do resume advising and I often tell people to include at the bottom some additional interests to round out their personality (e.g. musical instrument, language, or sport). The idea is to give them something extra and a possible starter for small talk in an interview. However, I don’t advise anyone to put their love of cupcakes or ice cream on their resume; that would be idiotic. Anyway maybe this brand of irony stems from the “additional interests” idea on the professional CV.
Anyway I hate hipster “irony.”
Telling a girl “you’re fun to party with” — female equivalent of telling a man “you’re such a nice guy”?
Ezra Klein irritates me to no end. Where did this little half wit know it all come from? He’s a perfect example of what I despise about SWPLs. Come the revolution, he’ll be swining from a lamp post.
So a coolasfuck bio is irreverent and refuses to answer the question without being bitter.
[heartiste: false premise.]
Anyone have other examples?
[of this commenter’s strong gay tendencies?]
My brain can’t do “irreverent and refuses to answer the question without being bitter.” -> “some words.”
[i’m guessing your brain can’t do much.]
heartiste
GLP has a funny post…
You’re right; now there is an irony. But still, it is awfully nice of you
to help out your bedridden lil’ brother