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Spot The Alpha

This post is also available in: German

A reader sent me this photo of a bunch of DC bartenders who won some sort of bartending awards for best in business. The quality of the photo is not good, but it’ll have to do. The previous “Spot the Alpha” post was a big hit with the ladies.

Usually the alpha male (or female) is the most comfortable-looking person in the room. Who looks most comfortable to you in this photo? Who is the alpha male?

The three guys on the left look the most uncomfortable. Their bodies are stiff and their faces are studies in expressionless reserve. Their fashion sense is conservative. Two of the men are holding their drinks with both hands above belt level. Verdict: Solid provider betas.

The tall, striped tie smiley guy in the back row looks like a frat boy. He’s confident and happy — currency he trades for female attention — but it’s the confidence of the class clown. Verdict: Greater beta.

The Disco Stu guy in the middle with the wide collared, unbuttoned shirt and spiky haircut is a PUA. Well, I don’t know this for sure, but that would be my guess. I bet he’s in the community. The telltale signs are there — regular tanning booth customer, extra-wide smile, looking straight into the camera lens, hands all over the ladies (the fat one is enjoying it). There are a lot of short guys in the PUA community. I leave it as an exercise for the reader why this is so. Verdict: Lesser alpha.

The fat girl should not be a bartender. You gotta have face to move product.

The semi-cute Latina looking girl definitely likes it in the pooper.

The goth dude with the intense gaze of a thousand Mongol warriors (or of a thousand brooding adolescents in detention for scratching devil symbols into school desks) has captured the essence of lone wolf, “I’m a rebel, Dottie” game. He is the Sneaky Fucker, or the Niche alpha. His dark style is deliberate, and he wears it well from years of welding it directly to his identity. He’s creepy looking, which I’m sure was his intention. He’s a natural peacocker, and in normal environments will stand out just enough to attract some female attention in the 4-7 range. (In his own environment — Black Cat perhaps? — he is more comfortable and probably has a stable of cokehead groupies.) Outside in the light, he cannot go head to head with a natural alpha, as most brooders are too introverted and retiring to exercise the necessary social dominance to attract the maximum number of hot babes. When he retreats from gaming the truly quality chicks in a normal, non-vampiric milieu, he will likely tell himself they were beneath him anyway. He may also be a PUA of the Mystery Method school. Verdict: Lesser alpha.

The droopy-faced man standing to the left of goth dude (to the viewer’s right) is vanishing. He’s representative of the mass of nondescript betas that swarm around women like so much dust in the wind. Verdict: Lesser beta.

The short, Harold Ramis looking guy with glasses to the left of invisible man is an interesting case study. He shares much on certain alpha metrics with Disco Stu guy. He seems to have a sense of style, confident body language, liberal use of resting his hands on other people, and a smiling, upbeat facial expression, but because he looks like a dork he is less alpha than Disco Stu. He needs to tone down the smile to avoid looking “try hard”. I would also tell him to get Lasik, and a new hair style. Judging by his high forehead, he’s a smart guy, and so will understand and heed my advice. Harold Ramis guy is your classic fun-loving, sociable nerd who sometimes annoys girls with his bold, but charmless, approaches. Verdict: Beta.

Finally, the Matthew McConaughey looking dude on the far right of the photo. He looks the most comfortable and self-assured of all the men. Note the perfect hint of a smile — not too forced, not too pinched. What does this say? It says “You, cameraman, have not yet won me over.” His style is good; fashionable without tipping over into silly peacocking. His chin is held slightly higher than parallel with the ground, which subcommunicates alphaness. His body stance is strong. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were standing contrapposto when this photo was taken. Also note he does not put his hands on anyone; he doesn’t need to. Guys who are constantly resting their hands on other guys’ shoulders are playing dominance games. True alphas do not need to do this. They have enough alpha credit to spare that lending their shoulders as a prop for lesser men to climb upon does not lower their value. One more thing to note: He is neither holding a drink nor shoving his hands in his pockets. It is alpha to keep your hands at your sides, relaxed, with a slight bend in the elbow to avoid the perception of stiffness. Verdict: Natural Alpha.

Interestingly, I would bet it’s not Natural Alpha who has banged the most girls. I would give that honor to Disco Stu.

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