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The Beta of the Month award is given to those “men” who best exemplify the loser qualities and weak character of the beta male. Loathed and unloved by women, their suffering, like their sexual release, is often self-administered.
It was a tight race, but in the end the sniveling beta who supported and continued to obsess over his ugly hag wife after she tried to have him killed edged out the chump beta who spent his best years doggedly pursuing a fat slut who cried on his shoulder about all the guys she was banging only to be rewarded by him with a garish princess wedding. The January 2009 BOTM Winner and finalist for the 2009 Beta Of The Year is Mr. Kenealy, AKA Mr. “Put a hit on me but please don’t say you’ll leave me”. Let’s take another look at this ball-less wonder:
Mr Kenealy, a 51-year-old catering worker, did not comment as he left the court today, but he said recently that he would remain faithful to his wife. “I still love Zoe dearly. She’s the love of my life and I want to be with her for ever.” [editor’s note: foreva eva?]
He told the Sunday Mirror: “When Zoe was arrested I was heartbroken, but I never stopped loving her. When I exchanged wedding vows with her I meant every word, for richer for poorer, till death do us part [editor’s note: i was never a fan of that clause], but little did I know those words would come back to haunt me and land the love of my life in jail.’
And he said that they became closer while she was on bail.
He added: ‘She said she couldn’t understand how I could love her after what she’d done. I told her I wouldn’t give up on her, and in those months waiting for the police action we became closer than we had been for years.
“Ironically, it was like we were back to normal – we were soul-mates again.”
Pathetic. Who let the dork out? If you ever doubt the capacity of human beings for self-delusion, look no farther than this guy. (See also: Cougars. Suicide bombers.) He was so abjectly beta that it disgusted his wife to the point where simply leaving him would not provide her with the soul nourishing satisfaction that killing him would provide her. Remember, women don’t just ignore betas; strip away the social niceties and you’ll see they despise them.
The saddest part of this tragifarce is how easy it would have been for this guy to turn it around. All he had to say to his hater hagwife was “You dumb crazy bitch. Fuck off.” and her pussy would have tingled in spite of herself. Six simple words. Let them roll around the mouth and launch off the tongue in slo-mo: YOU DUMB CRAZY BITCH. FUCK OFF. Six words, and his life would be utterly changed for the better.
But that would have required some balls.