Where pretty lies perish.
Posted in Beta, Funny/Lolblogs, The Big City Life, Tool Time on Sep 4th, 2009
First there was this. Then this herb poked his fat head up from his burrow. Then a magnificent specimen of herb was spotted on the concrete plains of a SWPL savannah. Suddenly herbs started springing up everywhere, wearing frontal papooses, inexplicably carrying satchels into nightclubs, and laying their bulbous heads in the laps of girlfriends … Read more
Posted in Dating, Girls, The Big City Life, The Id Monster on Aug 24th, 2009
Damian and I were out with a mixed group. One of the girls got very drunk on martinis (fast action truth serum) and pulled Damian aside for what I thought was the beginning of making beautiful music together. Later that night, Damian announced he was going home alone, and the rest of us were left with … Read more
Posted in Beta, The Big City Life on Jun 9th, 2009
What do herbs carry in their satchels that they need convenient access to whatever is inside while at nightclubs? Grapes? A back issue of Wired? Naomi Wolf’s ‘The Beauty Myth’? E tabs? An Obama-shaped buttplug? Scientists are baffled. Other trademarks of the species herbisaurus maximus: He goes straight to the leg press machine at the gym … Read more
Posted in Game, The Big City Life on Jun 4th, 2009
In this post I asked where I went wrong. Some of you got the right answer (and some of you — feministx, omw — were wide of the mark). While I can’t go back in time and tap the neural network of the stripper I tried to bang to find out what she was thinking, I have … Read more
Posted in Game, The Big City Life on May 27th, 2009
This is the story of the time I attempted to pick up a stripper while she was working her shift at a gentlemen’s club. I failed at this attempt. As you read my story, try to figure out where it went wrong. *** I showed up with two buddies. We went to the upper floor where … Read more
Posted in Beta, Culture, The Big City Life on May 10th, 2009
I’m sitting here in a coffeehouse and to my right are three people — a black man, a white woman, and a white man — sitting adjacent on a couch. All three are haughtily typing on Macbooks propped on their knees. I stare at them, smiling. “Ha, you guys look like a commercial.” I point my finger … Read more
Posted in Beta, Game, The Big City Life, Ugly Truths on May 4th, 2009
I was lounging in placid contentment on a sofa in a local lounge like a proper post-history, citizen-of-the-world nihilist enjoying the flume ride down the rump of American decline when I spotted a somewhat unkempt man with awkward mannerisms take a seat at a small table to my right. He was a little more homely than the average man, nearing … Read more
Posted in The Big City Life, Tool Time on Apr 7th, 2009
Take a look at this photo. Is the person on the right a man or a woman? Neither. It’s a herb. Particularly, a subspecies of herb known as the hipster herb. All the telltale indicators are here in one self-contained lump of flesh. The demasculinizing flip flops. The ungainly, loping walk that suggests the presence … Read more
Posted in The Big City Life, Tool Time on Apr 7th, 2009
Thanks to the eagle eye of reader W Baker, a second herb has been discovered in the photo of the herb with satchel. Unbelievable. Two herbs frolicking in the wild! What fortune. I didn’t even see the second herb when I snapped this shot. It’s like finding out your antique ceramic cat is hiding secret … Read more
Posted in Dating, Girls, The Big City Life on Apr 6th, 2009
Case #1 I’m on a date with a girl from a small, poor Eastern European country. She used to live there as a little girl when it was still behind the Iron Curtain. After the Soviet Death Machine fell to pieces in 1989, she moved to the US and has been here ever since. I … Read more
