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Asshole Game is confusing to men who think it means incessantly insulting a woman and generally acting like a huge dick all the time, getting in fights and yelling at girls when things go sour.

It’s more nuanced than that.

A refined assholery is uncaring and aloof. Indifferent to a girl’s judgment. This is what you should strive toward.

A spiteful, bitter assholery is caring and invested. Sensitive to a girl’s judgment. This is what you should avoid.

There are tiers of assholery that are more or less suited to the type of girl with you. Younger women will need a bigger and stronger dose of Asshole Game than would older women. Extraverted girls respond better than introverted girls to assholes. Sluts and exhibitionists can handle extreme asshole game; chaste girls not so much. Ugly girls need niceguy game, hotties are a mixed bag, and the “almost there” 6s and 7s crave assholes.

Furthermore, the right dose of assholery depends on how you come across to a girl. Relative SMVs matter. An ugly or socially awkward man hitting on an ugly woman would need to ramp up his asshole game compared to a normal man hitting on that same woman.

All girls melt under the seductive power of assholery, but care should be taken to tailor your assholery to the girl. Pile driving a girl’s ego could backfire if she’s already got low self-esteem; softening your assholery could backfire if she’s an Instagram whore.

With this in mind, I present the Three Tiers of Assholery, from gentlest to roughest.

Tier 1 — Edgy Niceguy — is for your plain janes with a heart of gold. Girl next door, sweet church girl, Amish bish, that one girl in your STEM class, virgins, small town librarian, the formerly chubby thin girl who still has body image issues, etc.

Tier 2 — Charming Jerkboy — is for your fat-part-of-the-belle-curve aspiring cockteases. These are your 5s, 6s, and 7s who think they’re one step into good lighting from being 9s. Throw in some 8s who have dated too many provider beta males and now need an asshole to make them feel alive again. Also, super hot foreign girls are in this group, unless they’re Brit, in which case they belong with the Tier 3s. Basically, 80% of women react positively to Tier 2 assholes.

Tier 3 — Brutal Mindfucker — is for your standard issue social media-created thot. All your closeted tyrants, bartender sasspots, careerist shrikes, infanticide supporters, proto catladies, hipsterette scenesters, strippers, camwhores, jaded hotties, FOMO chicks, rainbow-haired and nose-pierced “nonconformists”, and Salon readers belong in this group.

Now I will give examples of each asshole tier, so men can better understand just what “being an asshole” means when applied in real life.

Tier 1 Asshole:

Cup your fart, open it in front of her face, then mock-beg for her mercy through gales of laughter

Tier 2 Asshole:

Cup fart, open under her nose, don’t smile

Tier 3 Asshole:

Cup fart, shove it in her face, tell her “you smelt it you dealt it”

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Doodle a penis on her birthday card

Tier 2 Asshole:

Give her Skittles for her birthday

Tier 3 Asshole:

Forget her birthday, demand blowjob anyhow

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Sixth night lay, condom

Tier 2 Asshole:

Third night lay, Pill

Tier 3 Asshole:

Same day lay, leave her with abortion bill and a funny walk

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Her: “I think I’m falling for you!” You: “Aw, that’s cute”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Her: “I think I’m falling for you!” You: “Figures”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Her: “I think I’m falling for you!” You: “Why don’t you try falling on my cock right now” *ziiiiipp*

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girlfriend surprises you with morning blowie. You: “Baby, that was…pretty good”

Tier 2 Asshole:

GF surprises you with morning blowie. You: “Better use mouthwash”

Tier 3 Asshole:

GF surprises you with morning blowie. You: “Where’s breakfast?”

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girlfriend meets you at bar. You: “I can’t get away from you!” *smirk*

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girlfriend meets you at bar. You: “Oh great, you’re here, you can get me a drink now”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girlfriend meets you at bar. You: “I can’t catch a break” *no change in facial expression*

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girl: “Let’s go see that RBG movie!” You: “Is that the one about the color wheel?”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girl: “Let’s go see that RBG movie!” You: “Why don’t you take someone without a penis and balls”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girl: “Let’s go see that RBG movie!” You: “We’re done”

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girl gets new hairstyle, smiles at you expectantly. You: “I like what you did to your nails”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girl gets new hairstyle, smiles at you expectantly. You, falling backwards out of your chair in an exaggerated motion of faux surprise: “Fuck, what happened to that stuff on top of your head?”*

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girl gets new hairstyle, smiles at you expectantly. You: “Are you TRYING to be a lesbian?”

(*readers should direct their attention to the second commenter in that post’s comment thread.)

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girl tries to break up with you in public. You: “You’re a bad liar. But if this is what you really want, then I set you free.”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girl tries to break up with you in public. You: “Well, that’s a load off.”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girl tries to break up with you in public. You hit on a girl walking by.

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girlfriend calls you in the middle of the night, hysterical, to tell you she got into a car accident. You: “You tried parallel parking again, didn’t you?”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girlfriend calls you in the middle of the night, hysterical, to tell you she got into a car accident. You: “Oh no! Is the car okay?”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girlfriend calls you in the middle of the night, hysterical, to tell you she got into a car accident. You: “You called the wrong number, baby. Call the number on your triple A card.” *hangs up*

***

Tier 1 Asshole:

Girl wants you to buy her a drink two minutes after introducing yourself. You: “I don’t buy girls drinks, but you can buy me one”

Tier 2 Asshole:

Girl wants you to buy her a drink two minutes after introducing yourself. You: “The sex later better be good”

Tier 3 Asshole:

Girl wants you to buy her a drink two minutes after introducing yourself. You: “Sorry, I didn’t know you were a whore”

******

Looking back on my past relationships, I can’t believe how much Brutal Mindfuckery I committed against girls. But it worked. Sadly, it worked.

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