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Commenter Randon Guy points to a comment JudgyBitch made in which she described in more detail why she left her first niceguy boyfriend who helped her through the ordeal of her broken family.
Later on in the reply to the comment section so as to further explain why she said what she said about him being too weak.
She said partly it was because she couldn’t trust herself to be a good wife for him, that his willingness to bend over would end up with her mistreating him.
To some extent it seems like she was doing it to also avoid becoming like her father/mother had been.
This is pure post hoc, ergo propter hamster rationalization. Niceguys hear this crap all the time from women — a glorified it’s not you, it’s me — and it must drive them batty. Imagine you’re the niceguy dating JudgyBitch and she dumps you because…wait for it…she was afraid she would treat you like crap.
So treating him like disposable crap and dumping him is the solution to treating him like reusable crap while still fucking him.
You’d have to forgive a guy for thinking that’s a load of self-serving BS and the real reason is something else. The typical niceguy would be glad for more time in Pound Town and a chance to decide for himself if she’s mistreating him.
I don’t mean to pinch a steamer on JudgyBitch’s parade. As far as one can bitchily judge from a single blog post confessional, she seems like a decent woman who turned she life around. She made an edible omelette out of some very rotten eggs, defying what could have been her genetic fate. She doesn’t hate men, which is a minor miracle in this day and age. And scanning her archives, it appears she’s /ourgal/, so I can’t find it in me to savage her hamster too much.
But I will use her as a springboard to remind the beta males strolling into this happy hunting ground that whatever reason a woman gives you for dumping you, it’s WAAAAY downstream from the real reason, which is that your niceness shut off her tingle spigot.
The tingle is immunized against all rationalizations: one may call it a splooge, gush, womb flume, squirting hibiscus, it all runs off her vagina like tepid beta sperm off a greasy keyboard. But call the tingle a command center of the female vessel and you will be astonished at how she recoils, how injured she is, how she suddenly shrinks back: “I didn’t want to hurt him!”
This is important, because it gets to the heart of what this blog is about: Don’t listen to what women say; instead, watch what women do.
A woman will NEVER dump a niceguy because she’s afraid of hurting him. Or for any other rationalization that sounds good to community college couples therapists. A woman WILL dump a niceguy if she stops wanting to fuck him.
It’s only when a woman’s tingles dry up that the thought of her niceguy boyfriend touching her repulses her, and it’s only when that happens that she rationalizes plausible sounding but nevertheless fantastical reasons for why her labia furled like a slug under a shower of salt.
The Tingle is the gom jabbar. The one ring to rule them all. The Voight-Kampff replicant test. The cosmic palimpsest. The Prime Directive. The Force. Women DO NOT STOP FUCKING a man who gives them the Tingle. Women DO NOT DUMP a man who gives them the Tingle. Women DO DUMP a man, for sundry rationales, who is incapable of giving, or has stopped giving, them the Tingle.
Once the Tingle is gone, a woman’s heart is gone, and her head is recruited to gussy up the only reason for the coldness in her heart and vagina.
No matter how nicely a man treats a woman, no matter how much of a gentleman he is to her, she won’t love him as long as he doesn’t give her the Tingle. If a woman doesn’t feel the Tingle, she’ll rationalize any nice behavior from a niceguy as bad behavior, or as behavior that incites her to bad behavior. She will invent new and creative reasons for dumping the niceguy, reasons that could fill a ten page listicle in Teen Vogue, when the reducible truth is that his niceness desiccates her vagina.
Similarly, no matter how badly a man treats a woman, no matter how much of an asshole he is to her, she will not leave him as long as he gives her the Tingle. If she feels it, she’ll rationalize any shitty behavior from a man as good behavior, or as reasonable and predictable behavior caused by her own bad behavior, and invent new and creative reasons for staying with him. Sure she will bitch and moan and continually ignore her friends’ advice to dump him, but she’ll always run back to his arms, happy to be with the man who coaxes the Tingle from her. Maybe, some day in the distant future, she will have put up with enough of his assholery and decide leaving him is better than more Tingles, but she won’t do it without plenty of personal anguish, and she’ll never feel great about leaving him.
The niceguy? She’ll hardly spare a second for the pain of losing him. *shrug* No Tingle, No Linger. But he will make an appearance in a blog post about a journey of self-discovery, as the token emotional tampon.
Beginning to think that over 75% of LTRs are just window dressing and the majority of LTR and married couples are not happy. The best part of any relationship is pretty much universally accepted as the beginning. Once that is gone it is hard to get back to that point sexually. Which isn’t always a bad thing, but can quickly lead to other issues that are common in any LTR.
“The best part of any relationship is the beginning”. This is one of the ugliest truths. “Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be” is one of the prettiest lies to distract from that ugly truth.
All the passion, the white hot passion, the delirious vertiginous love, the beautiful obsession….it’s front-loaded, going downhill after (if you’re lucky) the first year or two. Later, tenderness and affection and maybe joy replace the passion, but the best part has been lost forever, to familiarity, age, time, and benumbing.