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Prince William: Beta Chump

This post is also available in: German

Kate Middleton, a rather mannish-looking princess-to-be (get a load of that wedge-shaped chin), has excised the ‘obey’ part from her wedding vows. Her feminist sensibilities have got the best of her, so she will not be vowing any obedience to her Prince. Perhaps William could take a page from her book and alter his wedding vows to suit a more contemporary interpretation:

“I, beta supremo, take thee, annoying ballbuster, to be my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love as a legally recognized equal in every way except for those times I’m required to prop her on a pedestal and sing her praises to all and sundry, till death or a financial catastrophe from divorce us do part, according to culturally specific traditional folkways; and thereto I plight thee the last vestige of my manly fortitude.”

I’m sure Kate batted her eyelashes and glowed a bit in the cheeks when she kindly asked directed William to accept her changes to the traditional English wedding vows, and I’m sure William, being the good enlightened poodleboy he is, pretended to happily agree, figuring that she would love him even more for his understanding and progressive attitude.

I’ve got news for ya, ol’ chap. She won’t. In fact, she’ll likely come to resent you for caving to her demands.

To understand this female peculiarity with issuing demands they don’t really want to see acceded, you have to envision that each woman has two mouths. One mouth, the face mouth, says the words that your ears actually hear. This is the mouth that concatenates and delivers the sentence fragments that form in the prefrontal cortex of her mind. She means these words, inasmuch as that part of her brain retains control over the other parts of her brain. Unfortunately, that is rarely the case.

The other mouth, the vagina mouth, only says words that her hindbrain hears. These are words not meant for either your ears or her ears. Her hamster, though, does hear them, and his job is to spin those words, devilish as they are, into palatable rationalizations which are then shuttled to the polite and civilized cortex for mastication.

So, the face mouth says ‘I will not obey and he better agree with me’, while the vagina mouth whispers ‘Jesus, if he bends to my feminist will I’m going to dry up in bed and start daydreaming of the gruff bouncer at Shariadiscoteque.’

Before I knew of this ‘obey’ tidbit, I would have given this celebutard marriage pretty good odds of surviving to the decrepit end. After all, she is marrying a prince. And she’s not exactly the hottest babe he could have snagged. But now that this has come out, I revise my estimate downward. The chance of Kate absconding with a swarthy southerner on a weekend junket aboard his yacht has just doubled.

Like father, like son. Even royalty can’t compensate for cringing betaness.

[crypto-donation-box]

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