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Monica “Keeper of the cigars” Lewinsky says she’s still in love with super alpha Bill Clinton:

Bill Clinton’s former intern Monica Lewinsky has not got married or had children because she is reportedly still in love with him and ‘always will be’.

‘Monica still hasn’t got over Bill and would take him back in a second,’ a friend said.

‘She told me: “There will never be another man in my life that could make me as happy as he did”,’ the friend told the National Enquirer magazine.

‘Monica still carries a torch for him. She’s dated some [betas], off and on, since the whole White House mess. But she’s never been able to get Bill out of her heart’.

When a woman has blown the President of the United States — and let’s face it, it doesn’t get much more alpha than President — no other man can compare. And this is true regardless of the looks of the woman. A bloated seacow like Lewinsky should be ecstatic to receive the attention of a middling beta male, but after Bill’s tender ministrations her hamster lurched all the way to hyperdrive and warped into a parallel mentalverse where she thinks dropping on bended knee to service the Cock in Chief a few times is proof he loves her and she has the goods to attract the very highest value men. If this isn’t a classic real-world example of the maxim that women prefer five minutes of alpha to five years of beta, I don’t know what is.

Unfortunately for Monica’s self-regard, she’s still a fat aging shit, so Bill stuffing her mouth full of bubbameat a long time ago didn’t, in actuality, raise her sexual market value at all like it would have done for a male intern who plowed a female head of state. She might think she’s all that and a milkshake, but she’s just another waddling turd like 60% of the American outback. For women, their status equation is simple:

Looks, looks, looks.

So what happens when a horny alpha male with time on his hands and a convenient outlet down the White House hall decides to inflate a chubby chick’s ego by stuffing his cock in her face? Well, you combine his charmingly Ozarkian attentions with a woman’s natural inclination to optimistically reevaluate her sexual worth every time an alpha dumps an empty fuck in her, and, voila!, fifteen years later you get a fatter chick, single and alone.

This is the perfect formula for raising the odds that a random woman will wind up a spinster with a houseful of cats:

Have her get sexually plundered by a super alpha a few times in her prime + throw a good thirty pounds of blubber on her frame = overinflated sense of self and an unyielding refusal to settle that is conveniently aided by her grotesque body which makes her invisible to lesser beta men who might otherwise think about dating her.

When Clinton’s memoir My Life came out in 2004, Miss Lewinsky spoke of her upset at its contents to the Daily Mail, saying rather than being a physical fling, it was a mutual relationship.

‘He could have made it right with the book, but he hasn’t. He is a revisionist of history. He has lied.

‘I really didn’t expect him to go into detail about our relationship’, she added. ‘But if he had and he’d done it honestly, I wouldn’t have minded.’

She believed he made it sound like the dalliance came only at her initiative and was purely physical.

Color me shocked that a spurned woman still in thrall to an alpha male she blew a few times fifteen years ago would misinterpret the “relationship” and project her female need for love and affection onto his motivations. Newsflash, Monica: You were the nearest available hole.

That said, it is possible Bill loved Monica. I mean, the guy was married to hatchet-faced Hillary ferkrissakes. A young, albeit chubby, chick working within his line of sight could very easily inspire a gush of genuine love from a suffering older man long-married to a ballcutting feminist shrike.

‘He talked about it as though I had laid it all out there for the taking. I was the buffet and he just couldn’t resist the dessert.’

Darlin’, you ate the buffet:

The lesson here is not whether Bill did or didn’t love Monica. The lesson is that it is bad news for beta males when women get a few months of ego-boosting lovemaking with alpha males. I speak from some experience. Seeing as I have accumulated a fair amount of stalkers over my lifetime, I’m certain there are ex-girlfriends who still to this day cannot get over me, and have bid their time alone rather than settle for second-best.

Women will fondly remember those alpha male intimate moments for years afterwards — in fact, they’ll remember right up until they are reclined on their deathbeds — and their ability to bond with lesser men will be severely compromised. Even when she is a fat fuck who should be thankful for any male attention.

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