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From drib:

How very true and timely in my case. I recently returned from a trip in the North Western States (not the Pacific NW) to see some of our countries natural treasures. Besides seeing tons of fat asses who all seemed to be rocking the Kate Gosselin haircut (No shit, from ages 20-60. Very scary.) I had an experience in a small room in a museum at Mount Rushmore. While reading about and pondering the balls of the man who created the Mt. Rushmore sculpture I couldnt help but hear the heavy breathing, grunts and cries of “Jesus Christ” coming from behind me.

I turned around to find five other people in the room with me of whom were ALL morbidly obese. Not just fat, but freakshow fat! we are talking 500lbs and up. All sweating and leaning against the walls except for one couple who managed find a bench made for four that could only hold the two of them. They were an interracial couple. He was black she was white. On her lap was a newborn baby who looked in scale like a normal sized turd for her. Thank God the child will have no memory of its descent from her Big Mac encrusted crotch into the folds of her elephantine thighs. The same cannot be said for the OBGYN who had to witness this horror show. Unless of course the child wound up in a toilet bowl because its mother thought it was merely a sack of White Castles that just went bad?

I realized then in that room that at 5 11 and 165lbs I was an evolutionary throwback for that moment. A neanderthal in a brave new world of sweat, sloth, grunting and type 2 diabetes. God help us.

The hallowed rock began to creak and groan. The family of five needed to be airlifted out in bedsheets before ol’ George broke his back.


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