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For the previous Alpha Assessment Monday, see here. All submissions go here.

Case #1

Submitted by Stone:

Here are excerpts from my interactions with women, for the judging. As a married man – and don’t start busting my balls, as I live in a foreign country with very egalitarian divorce laws, plus I picked my bride wisely – anyway, as a married man I have to adjust my game accordingly.

I only go after women when my wife is away, or when I am out of town. I don’t give out my number, and I don’t call girls I’ve picked up, because I wouldn’t like them returning my call some night when I’m at the family dinner table.

So for me, there is no number close, no kiss close, no other kind of close other than the real one. Which is hard, it only happens one out of twenty times or so. I could have a better close ratio if I focused on milfs/cougars, but as my wife is 24 and hot, I don’t want anything I get on the side to be too much of a compromise – otherwise I might as well stick with her. So anyway, after all this background, here are a few lines that I have adapted to fit my situation, and found they work fairly well:

Her: But you’re married!
Me: Of course I am, I’d have to be gay otherwise.
Her: ?
Me: Well, women always say “all the good ones are either gay or taken” – I’d be gay if I wasn’t taken, ’cause I’m good!

Her: But how could you cheat to your wife?
Me: Oh, so you’ve never cheated to your boyfriend?
Her: But that’s different, since I’m not married.
Me: I don’t see the difference. You break a promise and yeah, that’s bad, so you gotta make sure what you break it for is worth it.

Her: So what does you wife think about you being out to the club tonight, perhaps talking to other women?
Me: Oh, that’s fine, I can talk to other women. Actually, I can do anything to other women, as long as I don’t sleep with them. But, everything else is fine. Like, I could kiss you.
Her: I ain’t kissing you.
Me: I didn’t say you could. I just said I could if I wanted to.

And so on. Of course, not being able and willing to collect a number and follow thru with a couple of days hurts your success rate a lot, but I still do fairly well – actually, better than most of my single friends.

I like the idea of pressure cooker pickup. You either fuck close, or you hit the bricks. Gina’s for closers! Smart move not calling girls. As a married man exercising his options, you’ll want to minimize the paper trail. And an even better move steering clear of cougars. Too much time spent banging them out, however transient and insubstantial, will leave you feeling depressed. Stick to the young hotties.

Your first convo was good up until the last line. Too much explanation and self-promotion. When she tossed you the quizzical look, I’d have said “Only inexperienced and gay men stay on the market for long.”

Your second convo is too argumentative. You’re sparring with her about the definition of cheating. A total reframe was in order.

HER: But how could you cheat on your wife?
YOU: Who said anything about cheating?

If she presses, you tell her cheating implies lying, and you are completely honest in your relationships. This improved convo also serves the dual purpose of disqualifying yourself.

Your third convo is fine, though I’d question the wisdom of throwing out such a huge disqualifier like “as long as I don’t sleep with them” late in the pickup. I’m assuming this was said during early game.

A question I often get (not sure why I get it, since I’m not married and never been married) is whether it’s better for married men on the sly to be up front about their marriages or to hide the fact from their targets. While I don’t advocate lying for practical reasons, I’m utterly agnostic on the ethicality of using lies as a tool of seduction, particularly when the seduction in question is specifically for a quickie, no muss no fuss fling. The fact is, a certain non-trivial percentage of women are turned on by the thought of poaching a taken man, and will act on it. “All the taken men are good.” Proudly displaying your wedding ring will attract these types like vaj to horse saddles. But a significant number, perhaps a bare majority, won’t have anything to do with a married man. It’s up to you to decide whether the increase in attraction intensity from a sizeable minority of poachers is worth the decrease in overall numbers of targets if you’re up front about your marital status.

Case #2

Submitted by Marrk:

I’m younger then most of the guys here, but I figure its best to get this shit straight early.

This is just the back story to my relationship with the first girl.

I met this girl (shes about a 7.5, 8 on a good day) when I was a Junior in High school ( I graduated last year) but back then I was pretty shy and didn’t really know how to approach girls.

I was introduced to her at a party and didn’t talk to her for another year I’d see her around and we’d make eye contact, but i was too shy to make a move. Around my senior year I see her outside of class and I was pretty stoned and decided to talk to her. She was straight up eye fucking me and normally I would have avoided eye contact or somthing and made small talk, but this time I just looked her straight in the eye and started talking to her. I don’t remember exactly what I said because I wasn’t exactly sober, but it ended up with my getting my dick sucked in the car.

GSS be damned. Chicks are getting sluttier. They just learn to skirt the spirit of the questionnaire by not counting blowjobs.

The problem started when I met this other girl. I would have tried to juggle both but all three of us going to the same school ,it just wouldn’t have worked so I told girl number 1 that I didn’t want to see her any more. What happened with girl number 2 is a different story, but lets just say I was Waaay too fucking nice.

Now that nice block of text brings me to the current situation. I’m back home and I haven’t seen the First girl in a year or so. She sees my status on Myspace and asks me how I been and what not. I didn’t know what 2 say because After I told her that i didn’t want to be close to any women at the time when we were in school together, She saw me making out with girl number 2 the next day.

So i just decided to hit her back and see how she was, It started with simple convo, like catching up or what ever VIA myspace ( I hate the shit) but eventually she asks for my number again. So we’re texting and shit and she’s like ” I miss you and the way you made me feel”.

Beta bait. Don’t take it!

After she sends me that, I almost replied right away with ” I missed you too” but i decided to kill some time and wait a couple of hours.

I replied with ” Well what do you miss about the way I make you feel”.

Damn, you took it.

And she makes me wait like 3 fucking hours and replies with some bullshit “good answer” at 4am.

Women are like finely crafted Swiss watches. Totally predictable.

So I’m like Fuck it, I’m not going to reply, and shes going to have to Call or text me again if she wants to talk to me.

Good save. When in doubt, DON’T REPLY.

Lo and behold, later the next day she texts me asking wassup. I don’t know if I made a mistake here because I was still pissed from last night and was giving her clipped, one worded responses.

Anger is hard to conceal and is often a dead giveaway that she has gotten to you. This was a golden opportunity to act aloof and indifferent, as if nothing was out of sorts between you two.

Then she’s like she wants to see me so I tell her I’m only going to be free this Sat. She tells me the following tuesday and I just told her I have a date on tuesday. She didn’t reply, or text me for like two days after that and then today shes like, Do you still want to see me on Saturday?. I told her I’ll see if I can make the time but don’t hold your breath.

Well played, mostly. But you should’ve eased off on the asshole game. She’s going back on her word (essentially, indicting herself as a liar) by agreeing to meet you on Saturday like you originally wanted, so you come out with the upper hand. The time to be magnanimous is when you have hand. A simple “Cool” should have been your reply to her capitulation.

I’m probably going to go and see her, but I’m not sure yet. Today is that saturday so I’ll probably have to make a decision soon, and when I do I’ll post up what happens.

Sorry about the block of text lol but i felt the need to be as thourough as possible to get the best feedback. What do you guys/gals think?

The asshole is strong in you, but your journey to the alpha side is not yet complete. Not every interaction with a girl is a challenge to prove your player prowess. As an alpha padawan you will come to understand the power of forbearance and vulnerability game.

Let us know what happened.


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