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Film Your Bangs

Now there’s a second good reason — besides the obvious benefit of compiling a porn oeuvre of your ex-girlfriends to whack off to in your dotage — to film all your bangs. It just might save you from a false rape charge.

Ndonye has already been kicked out of college for the false report and has been hiding out since. She’s refused to talk about her recanted claims she was tied up and gang raped inside a dormitory bathroom after a video of the incident emerged and shot holes in her original assertions.

Prosecutors said she cracked and changed her story when they told her about a videotape.

“The turning point was when she was confronted with the fact that there may exist a video of some or all of the incident. The woman began to reveal the truth about what happened,” Nassau County District Attorney Kathleen Rice said.

Investigators said the video showed no ropes, no ties and no force.

The bitch’s full name is Danmel Ndonye. DANMEL NDONYE. Shout it from the rooftops. A mass public shaming so great that it drives her to suicide would be justice well served. In the meantime, I’d settle for a few years behind bars.

So, lesson learned. Film your bangs, gentlemen. Thanks, feminists!

(My gameplan is to make the red record light as natural a part of foreplay as tender kisses on the neck.)


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