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Vulnerability Game

This post is also available in: German

There are some concepts of Game that still take me aback when I use them in the field and their awesome power is demonstrated. Asshole game is one. Negs are another. And to this day I’m surprised how admitting a vulnerability about myself (true or not), in the right context, can instantly strengthen an emotional connection with a girl.

Her: I was hiking in the Amazon and this parrot flew right up to me and tried to eat an apple I was holding in my hand!

Me: Wow, that’s cool. I think I would have ducked for cover.

Her: Why?

Me: Ahh, this is embarrassing to admit [pause… look down… look up… half-smile], but I have a weird fear of parrots ever since one tried to bite my ear off at the zoo when I was six years old.

Her: Awww! Really? That’s so cute!

A few points regarding Soft Underbelly Game:

  • Don’t reveal more than one vulnerability about yourself. You may be tempted to do this when you see the positive reaction you get as your date’s eyes light up, but the persuasive confessional power of Soft Underbelly Game is quickly lost with repeated use. “Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I’m afraid of toy dogs and old ladies, too!” “Um, OK, that’s… strange. Listen, I’ve gotta go. [whispering to herself] beta.”
  • Don’t ham it up. Act like you’re ashamed to admit your weakness, don’t wallow in it like it’s a badge of honor. If she starts asking you questions about it, gently dismiss her probing. “You know, I’m not keen on reminding myself how parrots make me their bitch.”
  • Don’t run vulnerability game when you first meet a girl. Trying to capture a girl’s interest by sheepishly owning up to a secret fear is known as forced rapport. Emotional connection is effective only after sexy dominance has been established. This is one reason why rock stars can get away with crooning love songs like emo betas without suffering a hit to their sexual market value.
  • If you don’t have a vulnerability, make one up. As a perfect specimen of Sith Lord masculinity (pre-prequel version), this is what I have to do. My favorite is to “confess” a fear of small, harmless furry animals, like gerbils or floppy-eared rabbits, because “one attacked me when I was a little boy”. The odder and more off-beat the fear, the better. “I still wake up sometimes. I wake up in the dark and see the flopping of the ears.” What she’s thinking: Only an alpha male would feel comfortable admitting to such a quirky, ridiculous fear.
  • Wait for a pretext before confessing your vulnerability. Like so much of social dynamics and face-to-face communication, the influence we have over people is proportional to the natural-soundingness of our delivery. Budding pickup artists often stumble badly in this regard, because tactics, tricks and routines blurted out irrespective of the flow of conversation sound incongruent (i.e. creepy) to the listener’s ears. In the example above, my date talked about hiking in the jungle, which gave me the plausible opening I needed.
  • Have a VMD (Vulnerability of Mass Destruction) in your arsenal. For some girls, particularly creative field types who get high on their own emotions, going hardcore by admitting to a really intense fear or sadness will leave such a strong impression on them they’ll masturbate to thoughts of you. Be careful deploying a VMD. Vibe matters. If your rapport is intense, and her demeanor serious, you can talk about how you couldn’t walk down a certain street for months because you once saw a man get killed by a mugger there.
  • Contrast is king. The goal of rapport is to take a girl on an emotional adventure, through highs and lows. You want to whisk her to those zeniths and nadirs, not follow her there. (If you let a girl lead the conversation, the highs and lows will disappear in favor of a monotonic conversational plateau. Kiss that vagina goodbye.) Don’t play “Battle of the Vulnerabilities” with her and try to one-up any secrets she reveals about herself. Instead, mirror her when she’s upbeat, but force the downbeat when the groove is right. Learn the art of the segue.

So there you have it. Let your weak flag fly (in brief, measured unfurlings).

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