Feed on

in eight fab steps.

  1. Identify your target demographic.

 2.   Dress the part.

3.   Frequent your designated list of certified hip venues.  Do not commit social hara-kari by showing up to the same place twice in one week.

4.   Take pics of yourself having fun in certified hip venues. Hold camera steady at arm’s length or recruit BFF/fuckbuddy.  Solicit ever-present amateur foreign photographer with tit flashing or pouty-lipped pose.

5.   Befriend someone in the circle jerk who runs a website dedicated to digitally archiving last night’s fun.  Because the only reason you are having fun is so that you can see pictures of yourself having fun the next day.

6.   Build fanbase of inquisitive internet onlookers with living vicariously issues.

7.   Repeat ad nauseum until you are having your picture taken unsolicited by fun-archiving friends who expect to have the favor returned.  Amuse yourself by logging into public forums to see how many angles they caught of you in jpeg format.  The new fishnet stockings and crotchless panties looking fine from floor-level perspective!

8.   Never look straight at the camera.  This shows you are too busy whoring attention and being a poseur to notice that someone is taking your picture.  Effect a calculated aloofness.  You’re set for 5-10 years of juicy coutureness.

Alternate Route:

Deal coke.

For guys, minor scenester celebrity (MSC) is a great way to get laid with other aspiring scenesters, even if you are ugly.  In fact, if you are ugly, go balls out ugly.  Shove it in people’s faces.  That’s called being authentic.

For girls, MSC will result in thermonuclear meltdown levels of female cattiness.  It is irrelevant to getting laid, except insofar that someone will now digitally archive in photos or rumors your propensity for spreading your legs.

The Late Night Shots dust-up inspired this post.


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