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High-Fiving the Ex-Boyfriend

I rarely meet the ex-boyfriends of girls I date.  Considering how many ex-girlfriends or friends of ex-girlfriends I bump into in this deceptively large city, it’s a bit of good fortune that I don’t have to deal with the potential drama or awkwardness of making small talk with a man who has repeatedly penetrated the same pussy that I am penetrating.  I like to tell myself this is because I date only good girls who don’t leave a trail of used condoms and stalkers behind them, but I’m sure it has more to do with pure luck and, when we are out together, her fastidious avoidance of venues frequented by her exes.

No good can come of meeting the ex of your woman.  While you may think he’d be a wealth of inside info on the girl you have stolen from him, in reality his opinions will be so badly jaundiced by the emotional undertow of the breakup, no matter how “mutual”, that anything he says would have to be taken with a flat of salt.  This goes for positive as well as negative reviews.  If she was that great a catch why’d he leave her?  Or if she dumped him, why is he shilling for her?  Don’t expect objective analysis in these situations.

Maybe you’re the kind of guy who heard through his girlfriend that the ex-BF is really cool and so why not throw back a beer with him next time everyone’s out together?  Most guys would agree with me that while this sounds great in principle, in practice it is a recipe for clumsy conversation and weird vibes.  Women, the so-called empathetic sex, demonstrate yet again their inability to put themselves in men’s shoes when they wax poetic about how awesome it would be if the guys currently jackhammering them were friends with the guys who used to jackhammer them.  Two facts about the wiring of the male brain make it difficult for us to act normally around exes of our current girlfriends — the harem mentality and the instinct to mentally visualize every sex act as if it were an object rotation question on an IQ test.

Irrespective of who dumped whom, a man has a module buried deep in his hindbrain that compels him to treat women as property.  This urge is usually beaten out of him at an early age by civilized upbringing and by the reality that even if he were to acquire genghis-like powers to amass a gigantic lay-a-day harem of hot babes guarded by loyal eunuchs, the surrounding culture would never let him fulfill his desires.  He would have to content himself with discreet affairs and serial monogamy.  So the loss of a girlfriend, whether amicable or hostile, is always perceived as a subtraction from his harem.  Men are browbeaten to conceal this fact, but we like the idea of our past girls lingering in our orbit, forswearing all other men, and ready at the drop of a hat to service us sexually when we are in the mood for a sequel.  We especially like this when we can selfishly give nothing in return.

(Exceptions are when the ex-GF gets fat or old.  Harem University asks that you at least pass those basic admissions requirements.)

Thus, for the ex-BF, drinking beers with the man who “robbed” him of one of his concubines is an exercise in social artifice camouflaging his primal urge to steal her back.

Betas who have lost touch with their maleness wonder what all the fuss is about.  This is the kind of guy who thinks it’s male bonding if you share stories with him about how his ex-GF has to bite down on a stick when she gets her ass rogered by your herculean member.

The harem mentality explains why an ex-BF would feel uncomfortable around the new guy.  But the predisposition to visualize every single sex act in all its technicolor glory makes the ex and the usurper uncomfortable.  You can’t help but imagine his cock thrusting and churning inside the girl who is now giving herself to you.  All the positions he put her in, all the jizzbombs he unloaded in her face.  You think to yourself not even the commando 2000 shower head could wash off every one of his man molecules from your little angel.  You wonder if his dick left an imprint on her vaginal canal.

Often, this is why, after meeting an ex-BF, you will go home and fuck your girl so hard her ovaries bounce, because this is your biology’s way of ensuring that whatever DNA he might’ve left behind is thoroughly scoured out of her.  Studies have shown that husbands returning from long business trips will deposit bigger loads of sperm in their wives, subconsciously anticipating that if another man’s sperm is in there they will surrender immediately to the larger army.

If the ex-boyfriend is not someone you like, then strutting like a rooster in his company that you are the rightful heir to his lay is worth enduring the bad mental images of him and her fucking like you and her fuck now. 


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