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An Updated Cold Read

Jan 5th, 2012 by

Most of you game-acquainted guys reading have probably heard of the ‘Sex and the City’ cold read routine by now. (A cold read is usually framed as an “intuition” or “a feeling” you have about a girl or girls, and typically follows an opener.) If not, here’s a place you can refresh your memory.

But times have changed. SATC — and that other girl-dominated cast in “Charlie’s Angels” often used as a cold read — are dated shows. 20-something chicks are not going to relate. Being an interesting, fun dude to 20-something women means being clued into insipid cultural trends. So I’ve updated the cold read formula for 2012, and I call it The Glee Read. It’s the same formula as the SATC read, only with new characters replacing the old, jaded, sinewy Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and that lesbian.

YOU: (Smiling) “You guys are awesome you’re just like the girls from Glee.”

GIRLS: “Oh I love that show…”

YOU: “You’re definitely Rachel because you’re strong but you have a heart. People misunderstand you.” (This is good to use on the shy girl of the group.)

YOU: “You’re Quinn, the queen bee!” (Use on the most outgoing chick.)

YOU: “And you’re Mercedes. You want to be a diva, but you’re too nice to pull it off.” (This is actually a great neg to use on a hot white chick, because the Mercedes character is a fat black girl. The character “Santana” would also work as a neg.)

YOU: “And you…” Shake your head disapprovingly at your target. “You are Sue Sylvester.”

You don’t have to use the exact formula I’ve written above. Just know a little bit about the main characters and suit to taste. “Glee” is very popular with the prime fertility window demographic. Another show that is popular with American women (and which bespeaks SO WELL of our nation) is “Gilmore Girls”. If you aren’t up to speed on the show — and who could blame you? — you can read about the characters here. Then craft your own cold read routine based on what you know about the characters’ personalities.

Remember, lead the conversation. Girls react so positively to cold reads involving pop culture references that you will be tempted to let the convo roll in that direction for longer than is necessary. Don’t be afraid to cut girls off so that you may segue them to more fruitful (heh) banter.

Also, you’d be surprised how many 30-something women are into these shows as well. Never-ending adolescence has infected both sexes. In fact, I’d argue women have assumed the mantle of perpetual adolescence in far greater numbers and with greater intensity than have men. You just have to use the correct — read: the un-PC — metrics to uncover that.

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The Reason Why Hot Girls Have Gay Boyfriends

Jan 3rd, 2012 by

Have you ever noticed how many hot girls have a passel of gay male friends in their inner circle? But don’t get the wrong impression. It’s not accurate to say these gay men are orbiters sucking up to the emotional needs of their girl friends; more often, the hot chicks are orbiting the gay men. The gay men decide where to go out, and the women follow. The gay men lead conversations, and the women respond. Hot babes, in other words, are the beta male orbiters to gay male friends.

I don’t know how gay men act around other attractive gay men — presumably they act similarly to straight beta males in the company of hot women — but I do know that gay men are the absolute MASTERS of negging and teasing hot chicks. Thus, beta males starting out with game would find it helpful to spend some time hanging with mixed groups that include gay men. What they will witness is an absolute CLINIC in the use of negs and teasing to arouse the pleasure centers in women.

Overheard examples:

Hot chick: [complaing about her long workouts]

Gay male friend: That’s not a real workout. Stop bitching.

***

Hot chick: [lamenting the long walk to the party in her high heels] I almost wanted to take them off and throw them in the street!

Gay male friend: [looking at her shoes and shaking his head disapprovingly] Next time, don’t just say it. Do it!

Why are gay men so good at negging hot women? Sure, gays have a biting, shallow wit and a keen ability to ricochet from one subject to another giving each only the most superficial consideration that appeals to women, but more importantly, gays are totally relaxed around very good-looking girls. Women’s beauty — the prime vector inducing stammering, stuttering, stressing and pants loading in straight beta males — exerts no influence on gay men’s emotional states, except in a distantly abstract aesthetic sense, like one might feel admiring a pleasing artwork.

Straight men — and by straight men I mean beta males, because alpha males already understand how women function — can learn a thing or two from gay men about how to handle hot chicks. Gay men have natural attraction game around women, because they are truly 100% outcome independent. There isn’t a gay man alive who cares about closing the deal with a chick.

You’ll learn more observing the gay man-hot chick social dynamic. Gays don’t neg and tease constantly, though they do tease a lot more than you suspect. Every so often, the gay friend will flatter his girl friend and pass a compliment along, usually relating to something she’s wearing or her improved body. But it seems every sincere compliment is leavened with three backhanded compliments, three sarcastic ripostes, and three playground-style teasing insults.

Why do hot girls put themselves in this reactive position vis-á-vis gay men? Simple. They like it. They love how their gay friends verbally molest them. They love it so much they often remark absent-mindedly how great it would be if their gay friends were straight.

The hot girl who is surrounded by boring beta men all day, who gets approached by marble-mouthed suitors more often than she can count, craves the teasing put-downs and the mercurial ministrations of self-confident, don’t-give-a-shit-what-she-thinks men in her life. Gay men give her all that, minus the cock. Imagine her delight when a straight man with game gives her the same thing, plus the bonus of a massively tumescent penis.

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Period And Ovulation Tracker As Seduction Tool

Jan 3rd, 2012 by

A while back, Chateau proprietors urged male readers to start tracking their lovers’ menstrual cycles. The reasoning was solid: women are more prone to cheat during their ovulation with an alpha male, and, if they are on the pill, their disrupted cycles will cause them to favor the company of emotionally stunted sensitive beta providers.

Gentlemen, this is powerful stuff that science is giving us. Knowing your lover’s monthly cycle will help you identify if and when she’s likely to cheat, when she is horniest and most likely to put out with no concern for protection, and when she might grant a sexually deprived beta male with a shoulder soaked from the thousand tears of aggrieved asshole-chasing hot girls a shot at her furrow.

The problem with tracking a lover’s monthly cycle — aka fertility awareness — has always been the inconvenience. You need diligence and pluck to uncover when she is on the rag. Are you prepared to search for incriminating evidence? Can you wheedle that information out of her without creeping her out?

And once you have the coordinates for her march of the red army, are you conscientious enough to commit it to memory, and recall it when needed, month in and month out? It’s a difficult task when fertility awareness competes with other information typically stored in a man’s head, like baseball stats and experience points needed to reach the next level.

Luckily, the good nerds who write Apple apps read this blog and have taken the message to heart, devising a clever tool for easy and worry-free tracking of a lover’s cycle, cryptically named ‘I Am a Man.” You just set it, and forget it!

The app allows you to mark the calendar days when your fling, girlfriend or wife is menstruating, PMSing or ovulating. Here is a screen capture:

Think about the ramifications of using this tool. Now, every man can know:

1. when he should go to the pool hall and avoid his lover’s raging PMS

2. when he should contact his FB because his main is in full menses

3. when he should ramp up the asshole alpha treatment because his lover is ovulating and staring harder at strange men

4. when he should bring romcoms home and cook a meal or two because his lover is in the needy, weepy part of her cycle

5. when he should send a private eye to watch where she goes after work because the odds of a cuckolding are higher.

Let’s say you get back from a dinner with your girl. You go to the bathroom and quickly scan your ‘I Am a Man’ app. You see a blue diamond on today’s date. Eureka! You rush out to the bedroom naked, erect member ticking like an upside-down metronome, and she strips off excitedly, anticipating your penetration. You don’t bother with the condom, because you know she won’t put up a fuss about it. Her body wants your seed, now, and reason has jumped out the window.

But wait, you surprise her by pulling out at the last second. Foiled!

Thank you, ‘I Am a Man’ app, for the opportunity to raw dog free of consequence!

You can even use the ‘I Am a Man’ app retroactively to determine if your child is legit or the underworld bastard spawn of an alpha interloper. Was the brat conceived on a day she was ovulating and you weren’t around? Swab the cheek!

Of course, the app loses its predictive power if she’s on the pill. But you should still keep it up-to-date in case she ever goes off again. Women go off the pill for many reasons, not least of which is an empty bank account. If she goes off the pill in the middle of a relationship or marriage… watch out! Her body will scream for alpha seed as soon as that initial rush of ovulatory hormones careens through her veins. But with this app in hand, you’ll be better positioned (heh) to alphafuck the disloyalty right outta her vagina. Then you can breathe easy once the ovulation threat has passed, and go back to tenderly caressing her hair as she watches you iron her panties.

Now all the world’s men need is an app that can analyze women in the field for signals of ovulation. Perhaps a heat-signature device, or something along those lines. PUAs with a bit of muscle can hone in on ovulating targets for same night lays, while PUAs who are stronger in the comfort stage can zero in on women who are at the tail end of their menses and pining for romantic gestures.

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Posted in Closing the Deal, Dating, Girls, Self-aggrandizement, The Pleasure Principle | Comments Off

Tokens Of Appreciation

Jan 3rd, 2012 by

Imagine this blog is a church, and the priest is passing out the hustle hat. It arrives at your pew, and your pewmates are tossing bennies into the basket. You pause when it gets to you. But then you remember all the HOLY RIGHTEOUS WOMAN KNOWLEDGE the God of the Gaming Guide Maxims has dropped in your skull lap, the real world benefits you have accrued from reading at this outpost of dangerous thought… and lo and behold your alligator arms grow THREE SIZES today, and you reach out to offer a generous token of appreciation.

You feel better. You feel good. And why wouldn’t you? You did something that will help the world more than a thousand New York Beta Times editorials.

More soberly, the blog is about to incur some expenses. Plans are afoot to move to an offshore host and begin major upgrades. A storefront is in the blueprint stage. Equipment for field reports costs dough. Donations aren’t needed, but they help, and, if candor is appropriate, they are welcome feedback. Not to mention motivation to build the Chateau into a truly magnificent bastion of irrepressible truth and testicle-girding fortification.

Donate here.

If the link above isn’t working, use the donation button located at the upper right corner, under the banner heading.

Anonymity is assured.

Enough of that. It is a new year. What would you like to see more of at Le Chateau Heartiste in 2012? Operators are standing by. What do you want to read more of in 2012?Analysis of beta male foolishnessAnalysis of alpha male wisdomDestruction of feminist ideology/proponentsGame techniquesField reports (from hosts or guests)Cultural/political commentaryReader input/questionsScientific studiesMy enormous memberVoteView ResultsPolldaddy.com

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Posted in Love, Self-aggrandizement, Vanity | Comments Off

Happy New Year!

Jan 1st, 2012 by

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Posted in Funny/Lolblogs, Hope and Change | Comments Off

Ignore Female Exhibitionists To Win Them Over

Dec 30th, 2011 by

In this post, readers were asked to open the set shown in the photo, which included one girl who was an obvious exhibitionist. (Exhibitionism is an extreme form of attention whoring that focuses on display of the body to attract stares and drama.)

Overall, readers responded with higher quality than expected.

Joe Alpha:

On my way past them, I would say to the tall one: “you are kinda cute for a big girl.”

That’s a pretty good neg for tall chicks.

JG:

“My grandma has those same panties, and she sucks a mean dick. I bet you’re a good little cocksucker. Show me.” Immediately extract my penis and start helicoptering to the beat whilst maintaining eye contact and a straight face.

I’m dead fucking serious.

If any of you tries this opener and it works, you have a god-given duty to write up a field report. It might get its own page at the top of this blog.

Ricochet:

1) Addressing the whole group:

“Does anyone here smell fish?”

Ditto.

Ovid:

I would call Alek Novy over and let him anti-game the trio for me. Then the five of us would run to the nearest motel and have five-way together. Easy peasy.

I imagine anti-gamers would say it’s all about standing there looking good until a girl comes over to offer sex.

Eric:

Approach the group, say hello while making direct eye contact with Whitedress, and ask if she’s being paid to babysit or just volunteering.
The strongest neg is towards Exhibitionist, while the bottom-rung slut wonders if that was a dig at her or if she was ignored completely.

If Whitedress responds positively, keep the attention somewhat focused on her. Even if she doesn’t put out that night, when she finds herself saying “I’ve never done that before,” in a week or so, she may well be telling the truth.

If not, then both the Exhibitionist and the Express Pussy will look to regain center stage.

But it should be noted that the only way the easy one is worth the time is if she can be nailed on premises (which is a good possibility) for sport value.

A good opener for a set like this should include a strong neg. Ignoring the attention whore qualifies as a neg.

Max:

If you said “hold that pose”, and started to unbuckle your belt, you’d definitely get a reaction.

This is not a good opener, but it is funny.

PA:

Look at panties-girl and say with hint of mock-prudery “for chrissakes cover yourself.”

To the middle girl, say with a genuine smile “you’re the wild one here?”

TitsGirl on the right will interject. Cut her off at once with a sharp, loud rebuke — euro-accented aristocratic growl “you wait your turn.”

Turn back to middle girl, take it from there.

Total gender role reversal, which is 3/5s of seduction. I like it. The girls won’t be expecting this. Also note that this is a mild form of asshole game, which is catnip to cute chicks who like to flaunt themselves.

Ender:

Simple. Walk up to all three, flip them all the double bird, then one by one, left to right — kick to the stomach to Stunner. The DJ breaks some glass and the bartender throw you two Coors Lights, you double fist chug them over the girls, spilling at least half the beer on their twitching bodies. Too easy.

Humorless Amanda Marcuntte read this comment and her eyes went wide with excitement. “I knew this site was full of serial killer misogynists!”, she says, as her manjaw grinds with repressed fury against an invisible stone wheel.

not a clue:

ignore the exhibitionist on the left

to the two on the right: “bless you for putting up with that (pointing to the exhibitionist)”

I don’t think divide-and-conquer is the optimal strategy as an approach opener, but it certainly works as the conversation begins to develop.

colonelcrimson:

I use the fact that there are two attention whores to my advantage. My three-pronged strategy is to engage the three as follows:

HBminiskirt- give her shit
HBwhitedress- respect
HBhellovagina- ignore, eventually neg

After I take the picture, I go straight over to HBmsand tease her about her handbag. Negs/teasing is not the strategy to pick up a 4.5 (which is the point; she’s not my target). “My god, look at the size of your bag, you trying to sneak in a bowling ball?” I then look to HBwd as the exemplary female. “The key to fashion is… subtlety,” I tell HBms as I reach for HBwd’s blue flower in her hair. “This is more like it,” I say as I smile at my pivot, whilst shooting annoyed looks toward HBms. I engage these two for a moment, while ignoring HBhv (with the exception of shooting a disapproving glance or two), whose hamster will begin spinning away, wondering why I didn’t make a show of her showy split. Eventually I make a comment to HBwd to the effect of “How do you make it through these nights babysitting Flashy McHandbag and Gumby over here? I’d want to pull my hair out,” This is my first comment directed toward HBhv specifically. As she tries to defend herself (which she will), I keep going with the theme of: HBwd has it right and the other two are way over the top. Eventually, I say, “OK, I’m taking another picture, but you [HBms] lose the potato sack and you [HBhv] stand like a lady. Do you know how much digital film costs?”

This is a good breakdown of set dynamics. Just be careful about giving a 4.5 shit. Less attractive girls can react poorly — i.e. cockblock — to criticism.

There were more great openers from commenters. Go to the post to read them.

A lot of people think negging HBhellovagina! is a good move. Maybe. But it’s been my experience that the best neg for exhibitionists is totally ignoring them. Include them piecemeal into the conversation you are having with her friends. This drives them nuts. And a girl getting nutty is a girl getting horny and intrigued.

One more thing. It’s good policy to avoid referencing any body part or revealing clothing of an exhibitionist. So that means no mention of her preteen underoo panties. She wants that kind of attention. She gets it and she’s won. Deny her. Make her work for your raised eyebrow.

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Sinead O’Connor: Proof Of Women’s Rapidly Declining Sexual Market Value Trajectory

Dec 29th, 2011 by

Sinead O’Connor’s first marriage at age 21: 5 years

Sinead O’Connor’s second marriage: 1 year

Sinead O’Connor’s third marriage: 8 months

Sinead O’Connor’s fourth marriage at age 45: 16 days.

Sez it all, really.

(The typical benighted SMV trajectory of women is even worse when you consider the quality of men with whom Sinead progressively got hitched, which, if photos and lifestyle status are any indication, demonstrates that Sinead had to gradually settle for ever more beta lovers.)

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Newsflash! Sexually Obsolete Jilted Wife Reconsiders Divorcing Unfaithful Alpha Male Husband

Dec 29th, 2011 by

This is what happens when a woman who has passed into sexual worthlessness has to contemplate the stark reality of divorce from a cheating alpha male husband who fathered a child with his mistress, but who still tingles his wife’s tangle.

Is Maria Shriver having second thoughts about divorcing Arnold Schwarzenegger?

That’s what we heard.

Tipsters cite the Kennedy princess’ strong Catholic faith as one of the main reasons she might be reconsidering tossing the husband who cheated on her.

The religion excuse is squid ink. Maria has lost her looks and is facing the merciless indifference of the zero sum, free-for-all dating market as an aged divorcée. She knows, on some deep primitive level, that as a newly single woman she could very well wind up living out her years unloved by any man. Or at the least unloved by any man even close to Arnold’s level of alphaness.

A woman in this position, and swirling with these feelings, can forgive a lot. I mean, A LOT.

Arnold, for his part, is reported to be treating her nicely. What’s that sound… cha ching.

It’s almost as if there is a powerful sexual market guiding people’s decisions. Weird.

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Posted in Biomechanics is God, Culture, Hitting The Wall, Love, Marriage Is For Chumps, The Id Monster, Ugly Truths | Comments Off

Open This Set

Dec 28th, 2011 by

Imagine you are at a club and you are confronted by this three set:

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. (nsfw ascii bread crumbs added to fool wandering eyes)

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Let’s examine what we have here. I’ll wait while you finish up fapping your comatose seed into oblivion.

Ok, the specs.

  • Three girls, from left to right: a 7.5, a 6 and a 4.5.

Readers’ rankings may vary 0.5 to 1 point in either direction. Don’t make a production out of it. The rankings are reflective of general consensus among the male population.

  • Odds of sluttiness, from left to right: 65%, 25% and 75%

I know, some of you are asking how the third girl can have a higher chance of being a superslipperyfun slut than the first girl. Gentlemen, don’t confuse sluttery with exhibitionism. While there is a correlation, exhibitionists are often decepticon sluts who want to make you think they are DTF, but in reality just get off on provoking male attention and public displays of horniness (PDH) from desperate no-game-having men.

HBhellovagina! on the left is clearly an exhibitionist (please, no contrarian insistence that she might not know her panties are showing; she knows.) Most likely, she is displaying her pantied genitalia for the cameraman (and her friends) alone, because most of the men in the background have their backs turned to her. This suggests her panty flash was likely a spontaneous action with zero forethought or preparedness to maximize the amount of attention she could receive. She hasn’t prepped the crowd, in other words. A lack of preparation boosts her slut score, since sluts act on impulse. Thus, her 65% chance to put out same night.

HBwhitedress has demure body language, a soft smile, a long hemline and tallness. She is the mother hen. You will not pull a same night lay with her, but you will pull a number and a date.

HBminiskirt has many of the signs of true sluttiness — prominent chest and buttocks thrust, sleepy demonic eyes, knowing smirk, oversized purse, gaudy accessories and, most importantly, she is the least attractive of her friends, but not so unattractive that she can’t hook a few douchebag horndogs for a night or two of sweaty delirium. She is the kind of girl who uses the easy availability of her sex to steal the spotlight from her more attractive friends. Also, check out her digit ratio: masculine! That’s almost all the proof you need that she’s DTF. If her face were illuminated with a black light, rivulets of ancient cum shots would shine brightly, resembling a Martian landscape.

  • Potential cockblock, from left to right: very high, moderate, low.

Exhibitionists are second only to fat chicks for their compulsion to cockblock and their talent at doing so. HBhellovagina! won’t take kindly to the spotlight being off her for even a second. HBwhitedress may move in if she sees one of her charges succumbing to your charms. HBminiskirt has the cartoonishly sexy posture of a woman who would sooner steal you for a messy fuck than cockblock you.

  • All three girls are close friends.

Girls who are close friends don’t mind when their boobs nestle against each other. They may even like it. They *do* mind when one of their friends makes a spectacle of herself, which makes me wonder if HBhellovagina! caught them unawares with her standing split.

Now that you have the preliminary analysis you need based on a quick visual inspection, I want you to describe how you would approach and open this set, either alone or with a wingman. Which girl would you choose as your primary target? Who would you address first? What opener would you use? If going in alone, how do you extract your target?

Keep in mind that three scenarios are probable here, and will determine your approach. HBhellovagina! is:

1. flaunting her goods for a lone cameraman (with maybe his buddy in tow), or

2. flaunting her goods for another girl friend(s), or

3. flaunting her goods for you because she has seen you walking toward her group (with camera in hand).

Choose from one of the three probable scenarios above and describe your opening game in detail. You confident bastards may want to describe how you would game these chicks under all three scenarios. This is just an exercise in opening game, so no need to go into panegyrics about venue bouncing or bedroom tips. Stick to the approach and extraction.

Those of you with good game will get to experience the thrill of commenters patting you on the back. Merry f’in Christmas!

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Posted in Game, Girls, Sluts | Comments Off

Comment Of The Week

Dec 27th, 2011 by

Mark C sez:

The essence of uncaring assholery is simple. “And?”

“I have a boyfriend” “And?”
I want to see that chick-flick.” “And?”
“You don’t love me” “And?”
“you don’t care about my needs” “And?”
“I wish you would shave your mustache so I can see your face” “And”
“You would look so much better if you dressed like _______” “And?”

In my experience, that one simple word, accompanied by a smirk and a raised eyebrow, is the single most powerful word in the English language. Even more effective than “I dont care” because it encapsulates “I dont care” within it, along with a whole host of other phrases.

This is a good singular example of the tactical essence of uncaring assholery. “And?” is ambiguous. “And?” is ambivalent. “And?” is mischievous. “And?” is all the things women love in men.

If you are new to the game of uncaring assholery, and struggle to say the right words at the right time, have ready in your back pocket the simple expedient of “And?”, for use when your state control is challenged by a curious woman. It is practically failsafe.

Beware overuse, though this warning applies to just about any game tactic. Try to resist the temptation to lean too heavily on an effective rapport technique, because when you witness the results you’ll be greatly tempted, indeed. But remember, chicks dig unpredictability, too.

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Posted in Comment Winners, Game | Comments Off

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