This post is also available in: Englisch
A reader asks:
I know you don’t advocate marriage or spending money on an engagement ring. However, if I decide to buy a ring, what is the better practice – A) Buy the ring on my own, with no consulting the girl, her friends or her family. B) Bring her along in advance to try on rings. C) Ask her what she likes. D) Ask her friends or family what she likes.
I’m thinking option A. Asking for her input appears needy, and it could be a collossal shit test capitulation to dutifully produce a ring to her exact specifications. Bringing her along seems even worse because it will put more expensive rings in her field of vision, and who knows what subtle emasculating digs the salesperson will get in. Talking with her friends and family would almost surely get back to her, so in the end it may be just as bad as asking her directly.
There is some dignity in the attitude of “we’re getting engaged on my terms, I’m picking the ring, and she doesn’t need to tell me what she wants or know what I spend.” It shows confidence, and if she likes the ring she will appreciate it more than if I just follow her instructions. If she doesn’t like it she won’t tell me (at least as long as she stays attracted to me) and the mindset of her loins will still be better than if I had asked her what she wants. Maybe she’ll bitch to her friends that she’s the one to wear the ring and she should have had input, but the effect on her hindbrain is what I care about. Involving her makes me seem afraid that she won’t love me if I pick wrong. Doing it on my own seems like the way of a confident man. Am I correct in this thinking?
Answer: E. Don’t do it!
Ok, seriously, if you insist on going this route, the answer is…
E. Give her a (cost-free) heirloom ring.
Or if that isn’t an option…
Answer: A. Buy it on your own with no input from her or anyone else.
The reasons you gave are all valid. There is also something gauche and dispiriting about taking the recipient of your gift along for the gift-buying process. It is indeed emasculating… or, to pull a term from the feminist cuntionary, *objectifying*… to offer yourself up as a wide open wallet from which she may withdraw liberally to spend on herself. This is the foundation upon which you want to rest a modern, companionate marriage of love? Fuk dat noize.
No woman with any character at all is going to tell you the ring sucks (which, in womanese, translates as, “this ring is too small and inexpensive”). If she frowns and complains when you give her the ring…
RUN. And don’t look back.
You’ve just gotten all the evidence you need that she is not worth your monogamous commitment.
You shouldn’t be spending much on rings anyhow. After all, it is men, as the naturally promiscuous and freedom-loving sex, who give up more when they get married. By rights, the tradition should be that women propose to men with overpriced rocks as barter, as they are the ones winning out by getting betrothed.
You might also think about fooling her with a cubic zirconia. Why? One, CZ is hard to detect without equipment. The average normal chick won’t know the difference. Two, if she does go out of her way to disprove its authenticity, you will know it’s true love if she decides to stay with you.
The collapse of the diamond market can’t come soon enough. American men have had a bill of goods foisted on them by the diamond cartels and Cosmo.