This post is also available in: English
Email #1: “I can’t help myself!”
I’ve been reading your blog for only a few short months now, so I’m not as polished on my alpha/beta (and their respective subsets) classification skills as I should be.
I’m curious to know how you would understand this classic PUA who managed to wrangle me into bed. I wrote about the experience quasi-extensively here [REDACTED to protect reader’s privacy], but in the case you don’t want a serious case of TLDR, I’ll give you the long and short of it:
I’m a 20 year old woman. I’ve been with four men, that number including the aforementioned PUA. On the whole, I’m fairly responsible with my sexual decisions. Two of the men I’ve slept with have been relative long-term engagements, the third was short-term, but I did have feelings for him. I consider myself fairly shrewd and astute intellectually considering my age and station in life, and don’t often let myself get manipulated. The PUA I slept with initially presented himself as thoughtful and intelligent, but also arrogant, circumventing most everything I was saying. He was a 24 year old budding lawyer; I am a philosophy student, so I held my argument fairly well, but in spite of what I said, he would be altogether dismissive without substantiating his claims. Normally, this would infuriate me, but I perceived it as a challenge, and it created an erotic situation. I slept with him on the second date.
By the third date, I was having unprotected sex with him (completely out of character), and allowed him to take my anal virginity with the full knowledge at this point, that he would be moving away to another city, and that he had slept with around 35 women. He wasn’t classically Alpha, in the sense that he didn’t play the aloof game. He would text me countless times in a day, call me at all times, and suggested, after only the second date, I stay over at his place to be able to greet him when coming home.
My venture is that he understood I normally didn’t go for the capital-A “asshole” type, so decided to humour me with semi-committal gestures. Semi-committal, in the respect that he would treat me with the complete familiarity of a significant other, but still managed to retain all of his arrogant airs. What breed of PUA is he exactly? I’m at a total loss.
Four partners by 20 years old? According to studies, the median number of lifetime sex partners for American women is three (so really, it’s six, since we have to double whatever number women claim it is). You’re pushing slut territory, be careful how many more cocks you stack up throughout your 20s if you want to snag a quality man and you wish to avoid numbing your capacity for love and infatuation. Judging by your full name which you included in your email to me, you are probably European, so adjust the slut threshold to your particular sexual market accordingly. For instance, Russian chicks are notorious sluts, so if you are Russian four partners is known as “a warm-up”.
I’ve dated many women like you, S. Washington DC is filled with overeducated smart chicks who get turned on by men who can joust with them intellectually. It sounds like this putative PUA played to your type perfectly. He knew your pride rests on your self-identification as a smartie, so his gameplan was to impress you with his “thoughtful and intelligent” game. Then, once your outermost defense shield was breached, he amped up the haughty arrogance. You got aroused, a natural consequence when a woman is challenged. This is especially true of lawyer chicks and philosophy students such as yourself, who wilt into a puddle of warm vaginal juice when intellectually challenged by a man who is so confident in his opinions he doesn’t feel a need to justify them. He just irrationally assumes he is the most learned man in the world.
In the sexual marketplace where men sell themselves and women browse the bazaar for the best deals, irrational confidence beats rational doubt every time. EVERY TIME.
By the third date, I was having unprotected sex with him (completely out of character), and allowed him to take my anal virginity with the full knowledge at this point, that he would be moving away to another city, and that he had slept with around 35 women.
You sound like you could be one of my exes.
He wasn’t classically Alpha, in the sense that he didn’t play the aloof game. He would text me countless times in a day, call me at all times, and suggested, after only the second date, I stay over at his place to be able to greet him when coming home.
If a man has enough alpha cred in reserve, he can get away with what you wrote here. A man overflowing with arrogant confidence can risk these normally game-killing maneuvers and still come out on top. A clue as to why he can do this is in the last few words you wrote: “I stay over at his place to be able to greet him when coming home”. He is issuing a command. Your gina tingles for dominant men issuing commands, so you forgot all about how quickly he was rushing along the courtship.
Maxim #51: Commanding women to do your bidding will give you a bigger beta margin of error.
It is also possible, as you mentioned in your email, that your PUA is masterfully manipulating you with “beta provider game“, holding out the promise of a great future together. A classic ploy of a great seducer is to ASSUME THE SALE, which is why his assumption of familiarity and deeper bonding than has yet occurred worked so well on you.
His breed of PUA is clear: He is Sir Stephen, from the novel “Story of O”.
Email #2: “Tips for building a harem”
I am 25 and cohabit with my girlfriend whom I knocked up. This is widely known. My female peers (other graduate students) have a habit of asking me “So, how’s your girlfriend?” in the next available conversational lull following even low level flirtation. I’ve taken the question as a brush off or as an opportunity to be a smart ass, depending on how it was said.
In general, what are the implications of a prospective girl asking about an established one?
Heil? So let me get this straight. You live with a chick you knocked up, and you continue flirting with other women as if they were prospects to add to your “established” girl who is carrying your child in her womb. Really, I don’t know what to say, except… well done! You, sir, have been reading the Sixteen Commandments of Poon.
What are the implications of all this? Well, keep in mind the following:
Maxim #20: The gina tingle is the principal moral code to which women subscribe. All other moral considerations pale in comparison.
When you are flirting with these prospects and turning them on, they forget to care that you’re living with your pregnant girlfriend. Do not be surprised at how far you can take it. You are in a good position for fucking around and, if your game is tight enough, for building a harem of lovers and mothers. Your pregnant live-in girlfriend is utterly beholden to your support right now, so if she catches you cheating she is not likely to walk out. She will suck it up and get turned on by you even more. As an unmarried man with options, you have all the emotional leverage. Push for pregnancy threesomes.
Email #3: “I don’t *feel* like an 8.”
Hey, I sent you the hangover game submission a month or so back, it went well for me, I am still banging one of the girls I met that day, but she’s starting to get a little too testy so it’s on borrowed time. Thank god I’ve got options and game to spare.
But moving on…game as we know is essential, but in several posts (most recently the one about women’s insecurities) you make note of how women over 8 always need to be negged, 7’s need slight negging and 6’s barely need to be negged at all. True advice, I’m with you, the neg is a very important tool.
BUT…and this has befallen me several times in my life; what if you have an 8 with self-esteem issues? You know what I mean, the type of girl who is attractive, but constantly doubts herself and questions why you like her (answer: because she’s hot), shit like that. An 8 who thinks she’s a 6. I’ve had mixed results negging these girls; some of them acted like typical self-confident 8’s and loved it, others were just plain offended and never spoke to me again. Since these girls are (usually) more educated, quieter and more cultured than your typical hot and flaunting it 8’s, they have greater LTR appeal, and I would really like to know how I can step my game up to avoid this situation in the future.
The neg is a fluid concept with results that will vary based on your market value as well as your target’s. Most 8s and above will need to be negged because most men are themselves ranked below 8 (and I don’t mean just based on looks). But men who are 8 and above might find it counterproductive to neg another 8. The same dynamic holds true the lower you go on the mate value scale. If your ranking as a man (taking all factors into consideration) is a 4, and you are hitting on a 6, you will need to neg her. If your ranking is a 9, you will only need to neg the very hottest babes to get your foot in the door. If you are David Alexander or Keith, you will need to neg everyone with a pulse.
A good rule of thumb: The larger the variance between the man’s mate value and the woman’s mate value, the stronger and more often he will need to neg her.
A corollary to the above rule is the Law of Hot Babe Entitlement: The hotter the woman, the less beta weakness she will tolerate in a suitor. What this means is that 8s, 9s and 10s will need at least one mild neg in the form of teasing from even high value men, simply because the hottest women know the value of their scarcity. Most men should be negging 8s and above by default.
(The opposite corollary is the Law of Alpha Man Entitlement: The higher value the man, the less commitment and ugliness he’ll tolerate in his targets.)
There are exceptions, and you listed one in your email. Some hot girls, especially foreign hotties who have immigrated from countries where the average man treated them like shit, don’t have a solid grasp of their sexual power. Hot girls (and by “hot” I use the ISO definition of 8 and higher) who date only assholes also suffer from this low self-esteem problem, as they are used to men treating them as if they were 6s and lower. If you are a high value man, truly low self esteem hot girls may become offended by your negs.
On the flip side, if you are lower status than her, she could become offended because you delivered your neg with a hint of bitterness. Many betas learning game have the most trouble nailing down the concept of the neg and putting it into action. I have seen too many guys deliver their negs with the wrong tone and timing. The neg is based in science, but its execution is an art. If you’re getting a lot of “That was rude!” comments to your negs, you are probably doing something wrong.
Unfortunately, there is no way to consistently predict which hot chicks will react poorly to your negs. You could try qualifying a hot girl — e.g.: “Would you say that you’re creative?” — early in the interaction, to coax out any low self esteem issues. If she reveals her inner basketcase, then hold off on the negs.
Educated hot girls are more likely than low class hot girls to have had LTRs with provider betas. If you are finding that the classy hot chicks you hit on don’t react well to your negs, it may be because they are accustomed to getting their asses kissed by men they dated. Your neg may be too much of a shock to her system, especially if it is based on something about her appearance. Try negging a smart, classy broad on her bloated ego, her sense of entitlement, or her useless humanities degree. (“Oh, you have a women’s studies degree? How cute!”)
The good news is that the exceptions you are encountering are rare. Most girls, including the educated ones, will respond very well to a neg. Your default mode should continue to be “Neg first, ask questions later”, because no matter how much a girl acts offended her pussy will have tingle-tangled when you negged her. They can’t help themselves.
The next time one of these snooty chicks acts offended, don’t backpedal; just ignore her protestations and plow as if her annoyance was irrelevant. Which it is. If she really acts pissed, wordlessly give her the backturn. She was just a bitch itching for a fight.
Email #4: “No skin off my pecker.”
Over the weekend, I opened a mixed group, acknowledged/introduced myself to everyone and started conversation with my targeted blonde. we chatted for about 3 minutes, when her friends (both male and female) decided I wasnt worthy. Essentially I was ousted by the group – the blonde dried up and the interaction ended.
My question, is there a tastefully, witty, alpha-like way to eject yourself from a situation like this??
I did leave the set with the “it was nice to meet you” line and immediately opened up another chick within an eyeshot of the first group.
Love the blog – I go under “3point5″ when I comment.
Thanks for your insight,
It sounds like you turned your attention to the target too quickly. If I had to guess, I’d say you could’ve stayed in set if you had included everyone else in your conversation longer than you did. Barring that assumption, they just didn’t like you. Even the top alphas can’t expect to win everyone over.
The line you used — “nice to meet you” — is fine. It’s the standard eject line for a busted set. And you reasserted your value by immediately hitting on another girl, so I don’t think you could have played it much better than you did, without sounding like you are trying too hard to rescue a bad situation.
You don’t want to use lines that draw any attention to your banishment by the group, so avoid trying to be humorous by saying stuff like “Well, I can see my jokes aren’t going over so well here!”. Also, don’t sound like a defeated man by saying “Well, I guess I’ll be going.”
If in the future in similar scenarios you want to eject with more alpha oomph than you did here, you could totally ignore your ousters and say directly to the target “I might talk with you when you’re more free.” This is direct and forceful, but also risky. Do not smile when saying it.
Another option would be to simply WALK OFF and say nothing. You’ve got to be perceptive of social dynamics and know when a set is starting to head south, so you give yourself a chance to walk away in silence before it becomes obvious the group is kicking you out.
Your email reminds me that the march of life can be summed up as a quest to save face and to get the upper hand. All done in service to nailing down the best deals we can get in the sexual market. That’s pretty much it, in a nutsack.