In a neighborhood I once occupied, I used to see a man — an avatar of vibrancy — around town who was “suffering” from some kind of medical condition that caused his genitals to swell to immense proportion. Elephantitis of the nuts, although his entire package, beans plus frank, was uniformly yuge so maybe he hit the jackpot and got pachyderma of the penis too. Anyhow, this guy would stroll happily and confidently from cafe to cafe and bar to bar, on sunny days and sultry nights alike, chatting up random girls with the biggest shit-eating grin imaginable, his old man pleated pants stretched to smoothness by the extraordinary bulge that traveled the length of his thigh and bubbled like an active caldera at least a foot outwardly. A truly swole gentleman, his eighth wonder of the world could easily have been mistaken for a basketball stuffed down his pants.
For an astute observer of human nature such as yours unduly, the reactions of the girls were primetime entertainment. Swollen Genitals Man made no effort to hide or otherwise minimize the assault of his bursting crotch into the personal spaces of the girls he approached. He’d even put his hands on his hips and ever-so-subtly sway his King Dong pelvic region in a hypnotic figure eight.
I say hypnotic, because from the looks of them the girls couldn’t tear their eyes away. I can recall not one girl who turned away disgusted or promptly waved him off. Some smiled, some giggled, and some bantered with him, but all of them stared at that super sack like it was a T-bone to a hungry doge.
I wouldn’t say this is ideal Game, because I doubt he actually bedded any of these girls, but it was an object lesson in how fascinated girls are by a man’s impudent, remorseless, intrusive sexuality, because they hardly ever experience it surrounded by neutered corporate manginas.
PS One time SGM approached a mixed table from a bad angle, resulting in a hilarious awkwardness when his pride and joy nearly grazed the cheek of one of the men sitting at the table. The man jerked his face toward SGM and almost took every pound of that junkernaut in his mouth. The unfortunate victim was, physiognomically, a shitlib male. Another man at the table sitting about five feet away was, physiognomically, a shitlord. CH readers can guess how each man reacted to the scene as it unzippered (hint: their reactions were what you’d expect).
PPS Open borders and mass third world invasion means grotesque exotic diseases coming to a neighborhood near you!
Johnny Dangerously: your testicles and you.
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the shitlib most likely cast his gaze downward, apologizing profusely for (accidentally?) mouthing the prodigious phallus, while shitlord laughed and called him a fag.
What do I win?
[CH: the shitlib male laughed insincerely, trying the “hey i’m cool with this cause i’m a nü-male who isn’t uptight about my masculinity” tactic. the shitlord told SGM to take a hike.]
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“junkernaut” lololololol. Can’t stop laughing.
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[…] Swollen Genitals Man […]
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VK? say it ain’t so
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Lolzzz
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you wrote “PPS Open borders and mass third world invasion means grotesque exotic diseases coming to a neighborhood near you!”
but think of muh exotic foodzz
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He already did. Google cheap chalupas.
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Super-slut Heidi Klum did that with Seal. She saw his ‘full package’ and realised he was the man for her. The fact that she was pregnant with her husband’s child at the time didn’t stop taking jungle meat that night.
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“PPS Open borders and mass third world invasion means grotesque exotic diseases coming to a neighborhood near you!”
But it’s all the fault of those shitbag anti-vaxxers, haven’t you heard? If everyone got their measles vaccine like they’re told to, nobody would get Ebola, or something like that.
No human can be illegal, but they sure can be disease reservoirs! The rebirth of cholera for all our new friends in America: “Cholera was not known in the Americas for most of the 20th century, but it reappeared towards the end of that century”!
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Love in the Time of Cholera.
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I was fairly agnostic to the vaccine thing until the usual suspects started to screech nonstop about how only a fool wouldn’t run to the vaccination train.
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If you don’t import disease vectors, you don’t need to vaccinate and experience these extra side-effects:
http://www.cmsri.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/MawsonStudyHealthOutcomes5.8.2017.pdf
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Apparently, there are currently 2 different strains of Ebola at work, one in Guinea, another in the Congo.
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HOLY COW!!!!!
Longsword pwns teh innert00bs for Friday, May 19, 2017.
Many, many thanks.
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O/T but why is CH staring at a man’s junk?
kekkekkek
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this was interesting. important for parents to read this.
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And we though that this kind had been wiped out. Things need to be bleached, literally.
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Saw a guy in downtown LA that had elephantitis of the feet. They were monstrous. He could have powered the Fred Flintstone-mobile without fail.
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Maybe the disease is already here lol:
http://nypost.com/2017/05/09/murder-suspect-tries-big-penis-defense-and-it-might-work/
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i can see how this could happen. i deep-throated a girl while she was lying on the bed one time. when i stopped, she said she was glad i finished when i did because she couldn’t breathe while i was going to town. cut off the airway i guess.
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That’s a big clit.
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Old dude had a hydrocele. He was packing a bag of water.
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speaking of doing interesting things with your genitals….
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idiots
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Don’t dis ’em man, it takes balls to do that.
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lol
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Did you take a picture for the National Enquirer ?
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[…] Source: Heartiste […]
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When I was a 14-year-old lad possessed with the wisdom of such a one, I inflated a latex glove, tied it off, stuck it in my shorts, and confidently walked into the presence of scores of teens gathered at a casual shindig. Feigning surprise at the bulge (after I received a collective stare), I reached down, pulled out the gloveballoon, and exclaimed, “Whoa! There’s someone’s hand in my pants!”
To my surprise, this actually endeared me to the “it” girl, aka the chick we all wanted to bone. She mentioned to me how impressed she and her friends had been at first, saying, “Wow, we never noticed before that [Jurist] was so well-endowed!”
Had I any game at the time, it would have been on. In the end, she wound up bedding the 15-year-old jerkboy we all hated. No, not envied, but hated, legitimately. Nothing enviable about that prick…except his short-term girlfriend.
I became her pen pal (remember those?), which was much like being a long-distance beta orbiter. Years later, I finally scored with her when I got her drunk at a fairly high-society event. She stopped talking to me shortly after. She’s now old and ugly as sin.
If only I’d had the Chateau back then….
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I still have a soft spot for her, though. Funny how breakups are so easy for chicks, and so killer for dudes. she also had these pale blue eyes…. FML
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Nothing wrong with that. Good times, bad times, I know I’ve had my share…
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Are we by any chance talking about “Atlanta’s Famous Man”?
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I can’t find it online but there was an SNL skit, I think with John Belushi stuffing his pants to enormous proportions (as in needing another seat proportions) to that effect and then going out to clubs/bars and getting the girls.
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The work of the devil, I tell ya!
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Speaking of ugly hairy nuts, here’s yet another big reason why the USA is always up to mischief in the Middle East. Thanks to YKW! I found this piece of garbage while looking up where a new film call Kill Switch, coming out in June, is being filmed. His film studio is partners in with another in filming it. Ummm…no thanks, after I read this:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haim_Saban
Do as we say goyim, or the $$$ for your re-election will be cut off! Repeat this about 100 times in every Western nation, and you will easily figure out why we are in the mess that we are in today!
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“… a T-bone to a hungry doge”
Actually, the Doge never went hungry:
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One of the best movies ever.
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“I used to see a man — an avatar of vibrancy — around town who was “suffering” from some kind of medical condition that caused his genitals to swell to immense proportion”
So he’s the guy who’s been raping the Earth –
@GodDoesnt @peterboghossian This might be the best paragraph ever written. pic.twitter.com/EPuZ1KX0jM
— Helen Pluckrose (@HPluckrose) May 19, 2017
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http://www.skeptic.com/reading_room/conceptual-penis-social-contruct-sokal-style-hoax-on-gender-studies/
Hahaha. Ladies and gentlemen… behold the awesome power of peer review post publication of The Authoritarian Personality.
From a university system that was the envy of the world to a Marxist wasteland in less than 50 years…
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http://www.skeptic.com/reading_room/conceptual-penis-social-contruct-sokal-style-hoax-on-gender-studies/
Hahaha. Ladies and gentlemen… behold the awesome power of peer review post publication of professor Adorno’s magnum opus.
From a university system that was the envy of the world to a Marxist wasteland in less than 50 years…
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Apparently, mentioning Adorno’s famous book by title causes the mods to axe your post.
Fascinating.
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The conceptual penis presents significant problems for gender identity and reproductive identity within social and family dynamics, is exclusionary to disenfranchised communities based upon gender or reproductive identity, is an enduring source of abuse for women and other gender-marginalized groups and individuals, is the universal performative source of rape, and is the conceptual driver behind much of climate change.
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let google translate this in Latin the language our ancestor had to learn precisely for it clarity and its power to resist such a kind of verbal diheria
Et rationis virgam coram significant problems pro sexum identitatem et propagationis identitatem in socialis et familia dynamics est exclusionary ad disenfranchised Communitates fundatur super genus vel propagationis identitatem est, fidelem fons abusu in mulieribus, et alia gender-societatis marginem coetuum et hominum est in universal performativam fons raporum semen iniecerunt, et est post tergum coegi rationis tantum caeli mutatione.
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hhehe
Latin does not have a word for “disenfranchised”
as far I can discern
rape is “raporum semen iniecerunt”
while the climate change is “caeli mutatione”.
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I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.
Voltaire
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So Godfrey Elfwick has a girlfriend he never told us about?
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I use Magnum condoms. Not YUUUUUGE, just bigger than the normal condom.
Anyway, without fail, the cashier reactions are….interesting. I’ve had girls start giggling as they swiped them across the bar-code reader along with my other groceries.
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Yeah. Cool story.
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I use a rubber glove
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I use the “petite” condoms.
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I use the little finger condoms found in better first aid kits.
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“The man jerked his face toward SGM and almost took every pound of that junkernaut in his mouth.”
Keep trying, CH. Next time you’ll get the whole thing in your mouth.
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Weiner story starts at 13:35 or so.
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Colonization too. Theres a reason why whites didnt tlsettle in congo
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That guy died. He was on the howard stern show too. He wore a hoodie to cover it up and put his feet through the arms of the hoodie
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