The desperate male is a subspecies of the beta male. His modus operandi can be summed up in three words:
Always be chasing.
His philosophy is a simple one, assembled from the cut scenes of a thousand rom coms where the persistent Lloyd Dobler gets the girl in the end. He adheres to the core belief that women reward men who lavish them with flattery and intense declarations of romantic fealty.
Sometimes, once or twice in a millennium, he succeeds. Most of the time, men like him fail to get the girl they want, and often accomplish the opposite of what they intended: they incite the wrath or contemptuous pity of their pedestaled love interests.
To celebrate the craven puling of the desperate, clingy ünterbeta male and his mule-headed refusal to see women for what they are, the sheiks of the shocker, the maestros of the magic fingerbang, your ever ‘umble viceroys of entice ploys, CH house lords will feature occasional exposés of the sorry males whose testosterone glow went out a long time ago.
Today’s entrant to the pantheon of pathetic is a Facebook chatterer and a reminder why women are evolved to instantly assume the proto-Heisman blocking maneuver whenever they’re in the company of strange men who carry the stink of the undersexed:
Cute girls are at risk of acquiring omega male stalkers if they don’t nip their amorous wooers in the bud. This is why women have at their disposal an arsenal of shit tests and social shaming tactics. The former for those men who haven’t yet been identified for their mate worthiness; the latter for those men who have been deemed unworthy but lack the social savvy to know when to retreat. We men may not particularly enjoy having to hurdle the roadblocks that women put up on the path to sweet loving bliss, but the better of us should understand why those hurdles are necessary to women, and devise ways to circumvent them.
Besides the obvious if sick humor of it all, a couple of notable quotables jump out from the above one-sided exchange:
1. The guy violated just about every Poon Commandment. He quite spectacularly turned the Commandments on their heads. Commandment VIII took the worst beating; I half expected him to apologize for being born.
If you want to guarantee failure with women, read the Poon Commandments and do the opposite. This will ensure failure better than wearing a placard in public declaring your infidelity, buying flowers on the first date, or getting convicted of pedophilia.
2. As if we entered some bizarro universe where the sexual polarities are reversed, the girl replied in pictograms while the male wrote novellas airing his emotional laundry (and unused sperm-polluted mental health). Had the sexes been swapped in this exchange, I would be confident that these two were getting laid in the near future. But since the male has occupied the female role and the female the male role, there will be no sex.
3. Any man who thinks promising a woman that he “won’t take advantage of her” is the way to her heart is a power tool. Chivalry works in the abstract (specifically that abstract where unicorns are a possibility); in practice it’s an abysmal failure. A woman, if asked, will always say she wants a man “who respects her need to take it slow”, but in reality, where her words meet the unstoppable force of her tingles, a chivalrous gentleman’s pose is the equivalent of downselling: “Sure, this smartphone looks fast and functional, but it actually has parts made from Fisher Price toys. Try this cheapskate badboy clamshell over here instead.”
4. “Hows the pretty lady doin” could have worked as a funny opener if a parrot pictogram was appended to it, but midway through three weeks of unreciprocated Facebook self-immolation it’s the death warble of a man who’s forever been Pluto in women’s solar systems: A distant orbiter who barely qualifies as a space rock.
So here’s to you, “Hows the pretty lady doin” Man. Your travails are a life lesson in how not to act with women.
Gadzooks!
i just kept paging down and it just kept happening
Like “Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray, but way more somber.
Puh-leez. This guy is either my hero (in a very abstract sense), or he’s retarded (based on his near illiteracy).
And the whore deserves every bit of it for not telling him to get lost …. AFTER THE FIRST MONTH OF MESSAGES.
Sorry, but this is so ridiculous that I can’t even be serious about the general (pervasive) phenomenon.
I think he should be an hero.
and not in the abstract sense.
You should put a warning up before you include snuff material on your sight. Brutal, bro.
you ain’t kidding. the image of that ‘chat’ is 8281 pixels high
Nice Lloyd Christmas reference.
http://img.pandawhale.com/50246-so-youre-telling-me-theres-a-c-RHL9.jpeg
hahaha. there are so many guys out there like this. incredible, but true.
Yes, but this guy is extreme. Stalker potential.
when are you going to show us your legs and ass?
Women are clueless to which men are actually dangerous. The guys clueless but if she would have responded “Thanks but I’m not interested” after the third message, the whole thing probably could have been avoided.
Not necessarily. That might be how *you* would react, but you wouldn’t act like this guy in the first place. I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of guy and being direct doesn’t work the way you’d think it would.
Right, because attractive guys are never stalkers, but desperate unattractive guys are usually stalkers.
this reminds me, there’s a type of girl (fatherless, among other things) that becomes extremely promiscuous not so much by being actively slutty but by not having any defenses or ability to say no and potentially disappoint guys at all. i’ve know a few, they were never underhanded or so much ‘mean’, just totally unprepared for real life.
anyway, this is the type of guy that those defenses are a necessity for. he’s completely clueless and yet persistent. he’s the one these go-along-to-get-along sluts use to try to get the attention of guys they want: “this guy keep asking me out, what should i do?” and even with the disgust they feel, they’ve generally already given it up because of their need for affirmation.
That was quite painful to read.
I kept scrolling, thinking it had to be over soon. It didn’t.
I almost felt sympathy for a chick that has to endure that persistent dripping. Almost. It’s her own fault for not nuking the guy after month one.
“I kept scrolling, thinking it had to be over soon. It didn’t.”
I know!!! I do NOT feel sorry for the chick. There is NO need whatsoever for that kind of treatment. If you don’t want to be bothered by someone, you set up boundaries and nip things in the bud early. Its not hard, people!!! She enjoyed this or she wouldn’t have let it go on. Witch.
I also almost felt sorry for her, until realizing that it would be incredibly easy to stop the ‘sperging from this embarrasment to the male gender.
I was waiting for him to apologize for having a dick, when I realized that he has a dick, but no testicles hanging underneath it.
On the gripping hand, he’s going to get lucky more often than the male who never even gets a phone number or approaches women at all.
But that was seriously painful to read/skim through. Because I think most of us when starting out may have apologized for bothering a girl when she put up her bitch shield. But within a few seconds we quickly realized that this is another excellent example of anti-game.
Some women do get off on stringing hapless omegas along, but often these women find that they’ve bit off more responsibility than they can chew. Then what happens is a stern, scared text a few weeks later when she realizes his attention has crept into stalker territory, and she feels compelled to neutralize the threat post-haste.
So yes, she does deserve some of the blame here. I’d apportion the blame 20% woman, 80% man. Scientifically established, of course.
Nuking how? With this type of guy, telling him flat out that you’re not interested doesn’t work. He wants to know why not, etc. If you tell him you have a boyfriend he’ll still hit you up periodically to see if you’re available.
She’d have to block him. Even that’s tricky if you see him out or have mutual friends. This guy’s creep quotient is so high that I personally wouldn’t want to tick him off if there was a possibility I might see him offline somewhere.
It’s like watching a car wreck in super slow motion and the driver somehow manages to avoid getting squashed by the semi but turns around and takes another shot… again and again and again and again…
Damn!!!
Geez, Louise… remove “sorry”, “chill”, “cool” and “u” from young people’s vocabulary nowadays and ASL becomes mandatory curriculum.
Pardon me for a moment… I need to take a douche chill pill.
Sounds like he met her online and hadn’t actually gone out yet so he was opening her.
The biggest problems here are the more than 2 texts per opener.
For girls I’ve chatted with online I usually have 2 opens:
“Hey crazy girl, xxxx”
“Happy New Year xxxx”
One thing I’ve learned is that texting is now no longer a “beta” thing but a mainstream thing.
Every girl I meet and open loves this interaction.
But…it has to be INTERACTIVE.
Sometimes the girls will open me and we’ll text back and forth, sometimes I’ll check up on them if it’s someone I am banging or want to bang.
ANother thing I now do regularly is store up a series of photos, some I’ve taken some I’ve downloaded from various sources and use those as punctuation points to keep texts interesting.
Sending texts of whatever cocktail, beer or meal I’m having is a great opener.
Anything that both builds comfort and DHV’s or stimulates a “What is that?” will work.
One word:
Kafkaesque
I found myself squirming as I read his pathetic pleadings. An embarrassment to our gender.
I’m a big fan of being persistent and plowing…but holy fucking fuck, that is either fake, or the most O of the megas right there.
The only possible defense to make the guy slightly less pathetic is that his statements were vague enough that he might have been using a mass texting strategy. But, I seriously doubt that simultaneously texting 100 women with, “how’s ur night going … do u want 2 chill” messages would give any better results than he got with this one. Ouch.
Assuming he was texting the same 100 women every 3 days, that is. Texting 10 women an initial invitation would certainly generate more interest.
Good point. Maybe he’s the gaming bot that I envisioned a few weeks ago.
(to go w/ my above possibilities that he’s a) heroic or b) retarded).
What a little faggot. It’s like reverse emoji in here.
Either way, “literally” is not an emphasis marker. Besides, why didn’t she just say “Not Interested” right away instead of waiting all this time? This is the same kind of bullshittery that ends with women claiming they were being “stalked” by a “creeper”.
Jeez man. What an extreme example. It Makes regular poosy chasers look aloof.
How the hell did Heartiste get a copy of Matt King’s text exchange with Feministx/Littlespoon…..??
What makes any guy think this will work?
No umlaut on unter.
“About to experience -40 wind chills.”
Enjoy the “Arctic Vortex”! SNOW DAY!!!!!!!
He “Just thought [he’d] say hi” on 9/11. This man deserves an A+ in my book.
The best part is the dramatic climax where he ironically and hilariously misinterprets her buzzing alarm clock pictogram as a what time? response. “After months of nothing I’ve struck gold – she finally wants me to come over!! She just wants to know what time!!” Hah.
“I’m thinking like seven seven thirty …” LOL
Do cretins like this really exist? I felt embarrassed for him.
To shake the beta stench, check out how Paul Newman handles an AMOG, his Beta buddies, and interacts with his Alpha best friend/partner:
GUNS OR KNIVES BUTCH?
What a piece of shit. Guys like that should be in concentration camps and worked to death.
[…] have problems. But there is just no reason for this degree of lack of awareness. From CH (CH’s intro is pretty humorous, worth a read). (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || […]
Oh no, now sunglass boy has an excuse to go on a shooting spree!
What psychological hellscape does one travail to achieve this level of depravity? Really, I want an answer. There should be studies documenting this genre of abnormal behavior.
Perhaps he was raided in a household where the woman was the dominate force, a force he feared.