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Welcome to this edition of Reader Mailbag, wherein your gracious Chateau hosts answer your sex and relationship questions in as untimely a manner as possible so that the girl you were chasing is long gone from the picture and the wisdom you imbibe here can be used to torture yourself with “what could have been” mumbling chants. Programming note: Emailer names are never identified in reader mailbag posts, but if for some reason you *want* your name (real or a handle) publicly aired, please explicitly request it in your email. Otherwise, amusing nicknames will be given to emailers.

Email #1: Sadness Market Value wonders about the depths of depravity that some men are willing to plumb.

Which is sadder, a woman getting so shitfaced in public that her husband must drag her home, or the fact that her girth is so immense (far greater than hubby’s) that her soyboy geldling collapses under her heft?

In ascending order of pathetic sadness:

  • hot mistress getting blitzed and effortlessly carried home by cheating hubby
  • hot oneitis getting tanked and carried home in straining noodle arms by her friendzoned beta orbiter
  • fat chick getting sloppy drunk and dragged home by an acquiescing betaboy who is trying to impress her hot friend
  • fat, drunk, and stupid wife crushing her soyhubby under the load of her bulbosity in full view of bar patrons

I hope that clears things up.


Email #2: No Mate Guarding asks if there’s an alpha way to mate guard a flirty girlfriend.

Just been catching up on the blog & reading the posts on BMMG got me wondering about less beta / more alpha ways of mate guarding in public – not everyone’s a Heartiste yet after all.

Even a Heartiste occasionally falls short of Heartistian expectations. Yet I carry on.

Ex: whilst on your way to buy a drink etc, give her a playful smack on her posterior & say something lighthearted along the lines of ‘teasing them again… someone’s going to get such a spanking when we get home’, then carry on to the bar / washroom / whatever.

I’m thinking something like this shows you’re not really that worried about her (not quite ZFG alpha territory, but few fucks given – FFG, if you will), but also assumes the sale etc.

I’d leave out the “someone’s getting a spanking” part; it sounds cheesy in a mate guarding context. A playful ass smack and a light-hearted warning (to both your gf and the other guy) along the lines you suggested — “Watch out for this one, she’s a tease. She’ll break your heart” — is good enough to get your point across. That point being, you still own her, and he’s the sort of beta to get his heart broken a lot. So this accomplishes two goals: it puts her on notice and lowers his SMV.


Email #3: Preen Enabler praises with faint damns.

Just donated.

Since I started practicing techniques I learned on Heartiste, my marriage has improved dramatically. My wife now says “You’re a bad man. You’re a very bad man.” With a gleam in her eye and a moistness in her vaj.

I would have been a failure as a marriage counselor. Saving all those marriages with too much winning advice would mean fewer follow-up sessions. Now you know how the therapist racket works: keep the marks coming in for more temporary hits of feelgood pabulum that does nothing to actually help them become better, happier people.


Email #4: Bumble Rumble is an accelerationist.

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

WWYD. I matched with this girl on bumble and we’ve been talking through the day. She plays that dumb 2 truths and a lie game. I try to figure out the answer by plugging in her pics to google reverse image search and I find her instagam. Turns out shes married and has a million posts with her husband and other bullshit posts about how god is good lol. Shes also going under a fake name on bumble. I hint to her that I know her real name and she immediately deletes me from the app. Now, I don’t know these people at all but I really want to tell the guy shes on bumble. Should I blow up her spot?

I make it policy to stay away from married broads, unless the circumstances of a potential hookup are so favorable to me that indulgence is possible without much blowback. In practice, this means I almost never have flings with women I know to be cheating on their husbands. The few married chicks I’ve been with kept that a secret from me until after we were in the Boff Zone, and then I ended it shortly after the revelation.

This chick was using a fake name because she just wanted to get her fuck on and it’s a good one of that I’m sure. If you wanted the same, I don’t know why you’d blow her cover. If you didn’t want sex, but want to save a mortal beta hubby’s soul…DON’T. At least, don’t do it unless you can guarantee your anonymity. No matter how saintly your intentions, getting involved in a domestic dispute never ends well, for any party to the chaos. Most likely scenario: he blames you for casting aspersions on his loyal wife, and now you have two people, ho and hubby, who’d like to fuck your shit up. The cuckold will have to find his way to salvation on his own.


Email #5: Legally Bound Beta’s Lament has a question for the ages.

How do I get my middle aged wife to lose weight?

That was the short version. If you need background, here is some:

Met around age 30 my n was about 9 and hers was 1.

She was about a 6.5 and I was maybe a low 7. She has always been in the passenger seat and I have always had hand in the relationship. Occassional dread game, eyeing other women, comments on looks etc have been deployed. Comments about her weigh, big butt are not even offensive to her because I do it in a playful way. She knows she has to lose weight for herself and to keep my interest. She is about 190 lbs at age 42 and was 140 on our wedding day 11 years ago.

Depreciation is a bitch.

she is 5’7″. She has borne me 4 beautiful white children and I get baby weight happens, but nothing is slowing this down. I will say she always had a little extra ass, but now its getting to be a turn off to see her gut. I have had dream ( last night ) of being in a new relationship with a younger, slimmer, 7 or 8 girl next door. My wife is a great wife and mother. Does all the tradcon wife stuff, in the kitchen and the bed. Not one complaint. She knows she has to lose weight, but can’t seem to commit herself, and has excuses all the time. Donation headed your way for the years of great wisdom emparted if youd help save my marriage by telling me/the CH community how to motivate our goodwife to be less of a fatwife.

Maybe I should have made this a separate post titled “Fatwife To Goodwife: The Reclamation” because the topic is so damned important to so many American men.

Fatwives: If you love your husbands, you’ll lose weight. If you want to be loved by your husbands, you’ll lose weight.

If you refuse to lose weight, the obvious conclusion is that you neither love your husband nor care about receiving his love. So why should he stay with you? Better question: Why should the law demand under penalty of financial ruin that he stay with you?

CH Maxim #120lbs: There’s no such thing as unconditional love.

LBBL, here’s my advice: continue kicking yourself into shape, amp up your dread game, and encourage your wife every time she loses even an ounce of flab. The carrot and the stick, acting together as a force multiplier, will turn your fatwife into a fapwife. When you’re swole and confident, other women will notice, and your wife will notice other women noticing. When you’re pretending to be scandalized by other women flirting with you, your wife will notice. When you step off the scale, tell her “I warmed it up for you” (she’ll get the hint). When you make innocuous asides calculated to unnerve your wife, about the peculiarity of her single female friends with the “amazing” bodies who can’t find a man, she’ll notice.

If, after a six month protocol of this psychological version of chinese water torture, your fatwife is still fat and still your wife, you have permission to lower the boom.


Because you’ve left her already, in your heart, as long as she stays fat, there’s no downside to a hail mary ultimatum to save your marriage: she either complies, or you formalize what you feel about her. Good luck. In this anti-male, gynarcho-tyranny we live in that slanders male virtue and glorifies all female vice, you’ll need it.


Email #6: Disturbed By Cucking writes,

My biggest personal hurdle towards unplugging is as follows. I’m deeply disturbed by the thought that girls which I’m currently dating are sleeping concurrently with other guys.

Rule 1: More girls than most are willing to believe will cock hop while dating non-exclusively.

Rule 2: If you suspect your girl is fucking around, she probably is. Ignore gut instinct at your peril.

The more beautiful the girl, the more these irrational thoughts unsettle me, to the point that I dreamed that one of the girls I’m seeing gave me a video call and she was laying almost naked in bed with another guy, looking sweaty and rosy in the cheeks — as if they had just finished having sex.

Fear and loathing of cuckoldry is normal in men; those feelings protect you from resource exploitation and reproductive annihilation by cheating women. If you are constantly having nightmares about cuckoldry, that could indicate deeper psychological issues stemming either from the pain of victimization by a past infidelity or even from a taboo fantasy.

I should add that this chick is the hottest I was able to pull so far, a HB9, 6y younger than me (I’m 28 btw). Now there are a few red flags about this girl, the latest being that she posed as a nude model in her drawing class. That ruffled me a bit, though I didn’t let it show. Should I just NEXT her?

Damn son, why would you NEXT an art class nude model? That’s not a red flag, that’s a BED FLAG. I bet she’d be a great romp. Set up an easel in your bedroom and tell her you’re gonna draw a picture of her with your dick.

Seriously, though, if you just want to date and get your rocks off, stop worrying about the possibility this chick is engaged in extracliticular activities. Sure, being a nude model is a tell of promiscuity and unfaithfulness, but that should only be a concern if you’re committing to her with the intention of marrying her. In the meantime, exercise your god-given prerogative as a MAN and have your no-strings-attached fun with her.

Back to my self-inspired dread… How do I get past this stupid Beta fears?

Date more the one woman. The calmest you will ever be around women is when women are always around you.

How do I stop caring?

You can’t. You can only pacify it.

Should I even stop caring?

No. Let the caring pass through you.

I understand that these fears are probably rooted in my insecurity, perhaps they even make sense as a protection mechanism of sorts (like mate guarding) against cuckolding. Another issue is that I cannot bring myself to go down on any girl, petrified by the idea of other dicks having been in there, maybe just the night before.

Dirty little secret is that most men don’t like going down on women, because most women aren’t scorching hot babes with perfectly manicured pube thatches and disease-free snatches that smell of lavender. If you find yourself heading south by a hidden force beyond your control, chances are good you’re with a chick who really turns you on.

I don’t know of any friend of mine who has this issue (in fact, a friend told me he’s turned on by the thought of his LTR banging another guy… wtf).

Low T soyboy. Avoid him like the plague, lest his disease rub off on you.

This site changed my life.

It is required.

PS A trick I use to stop thinking the worst thoughts about women is to accept a priori the worst about women, knowing that many women will surprise me and beat my expectations. Then….LOVE. :heart:


Email #7: The Ebony Mole requests the company of yours humbly.

I’m a young black man who is a reactionary and I would love to be friends with you anyway I hope you accept my token of friendship and if you want to call me my phone number is [redacted]

You sound totally legit and trustworthy. Let’s get together and chat over 40s. You can find me at MPC under the handle That One Guy.


Email #8: MAGAdating may have the most current year question of the day.

I’m asking for advice on a Trump shit test/social experiment. I’m going to a speed dating event in a shitlib city and I expect some girls to ask, “Are you a Trump supporter?” (because they do it on Tinder).

I don’t want to cuck. At the same time I don’t want to argue politics or give them the smug satisfaction of dismissing me by saying “Yes.” I want an aloof shitlord response that reframes and keeps them guessing. Or maybe agree and amplify: “How could you tell? Maybe it’s my new cologne called WINNING.”

Any ideas? If you blog on this I’ll try various responses and report back. Maybe even secretly record interactions and post for all to hear.

Thanks. Keep up the good work.

Great question (I’ve had to deal with similar interrogations from women, so my advice on this topic is guaranteed fresh).

No, you don’t want to cuck. Unless you’re a weapons-grade liar who can and will say anything with utmost believability simply to get the bang with a rooted cosmopolitan libsloot, you’ll feel bad about betraying your god emperor thrice before the cock plows.

Your “WINNING” cologne line is pretty good, so you could go with that.

Here are my additional suggestions, to both keep your dignity and to seal the deal with maga zeal:


“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“Worse. I’m an Ivanka supporter.”

Substitute “Hitler Youth”, “Roy Moore”, or “Pinochet” to your personal liking.


“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“Are we really gonna do politics on a speed date? I thought you were better than that.”


You: “Are you a Hillary supporter?”

NEXT as required.

Reductio ad absurdum

“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“As if! I’m a Hillary supporter all the way! A proud male feminist. I have a favorite pussyhat. In fact, I’m menstruating right now.”

Nuclear Disqualification

“Are you a Trump supporter?”

*shaking your head sadly* “Damn. Another one.” *get up and walk away*

Script Flipping

“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“Of course. I’m not gay.”

Assume the Sale

“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“Of course. Isn’t everybody?”

“I’m not!”

“Sorry to hear that. You should see a doctor about that.”

Bane Game

“Are you a Trump supporter?”

“For you.”

Ok, that’s enough for now. MAGAdating, we here at CH would love if you’d field test these and secretly record your interactions. I will definitely dedicate a post to whatever responses you get from these shitlib sheilas.


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