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Gaily skipping along, was a mischievous sneak, on this joyous International Women’s Day, when a fortuitous Assening occurred and the firmament poured forth a perfectly formed testament to the sacrifices and contributions women have made to international internationality. To honor and celebrate ARE WAHMEN, beings of pure light and goodness beholden to no law of reason or accountability, I present…the perfect ass.

(note: photo may or may not have been taken on International Women’s Day)

Is this a stalker-ish snap of a random hottie’s pert derriere? You bet! But a wise shitlord once said, “what good does it do a man to publicly splash the squeezable asses of his sexy intimates, when his trouser eye can spy the fine behind of a stand-in twin who tweren’t the wiser for it?” Ergo: Ass memorialized.

Women will receive a lot of vapid encomiums and treacly today from mangina suckups, and they will politely thank their coterie of fluffers with appreciative emojis, but I guarantee the chickadee in this pic, if she were to stumble across the Chateau’s shrine to her behind, this pasture of assture, would be far more flattered than if she were to get yet another #heforshe hashtag shout-out from a thirsty beta.

We here at the Chateau have a motto: Asstags before hashtags.

On a more serious topic, what makes the perfect ass? Allow me.

It must sit atop slender legs (preferably long, but short can work in a pinch (heh))

It must emerge like a lava dome from a lovely swayback.

And anchored to a lithe upper body.

Steered by a pretty face (preferably White, but swarth can work in a pinch (heh)).

It is round, and firm, and unblemished by cellulite or spots.

It is framed with exquisite attention to detail and form, erupting from a waist 0.7 times the width of her hips, filling out a space in three dimensions, the fleshy width no wider than the structural hips, the height approximately 2/3rds the width, the depth (protrusion) from the pelvic wall approximately 2/3rds the height. Aka the Pooper Apportion.

Finally, the crack is symmetrical and modestly pruned, ending below the back dimples, and nestling within incomparable delights.

What the Perfect Ass is not:



Extra wide





On that last trait, a definition:

Steatopygia is a high degree of fat accumulation in and around the buttocks.

The deposit of fat is not confined to the buttock regions, but extends to the outside and front of the thighs, forming a thick layer reaching sometimes to the knee.

This is a widespread genetic trait of the Khoisan (more commonly known as Bushmen). […]

Steatopygia is often accompanied by the formation of elongated labia (labia minora may extend as much as 4 inches (10 cm) (!) outside the vulva).

Look how a Boer in the XVIII the century describes this trait:

“The lining of the body appears to be loose, so that in certain places part of it dangles out. They have to themselves this peculiarity from other races that most of them possess finger-shaped appendages, always double, hanging down from the private parts; these are evidently nymphae (labia minora).”

James Cook, the famous British navigator, noted in 1771, while passing by Cape colony:

“The great question among natural historians, whether the women of this country have or have not that fleshy flap or apron which has been called the Sinus pudoris. The most recent testimony of travellers commands us to put the cutaneous ventrale of female Hottentots in the same category as the human tail, and in like manner to relegate it to the fables.” […]

It seems that steatopygia in both sexes was common in early types of Homo sapiens.

Come for the perfect ass (heh), stay for the accidental realtalk.

PS A science-y word to describe the perfect White woman ass is callipygian {adj, “having well-shaped buttocks”}.


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