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Within these hallowed stony Chateau halls, scribes once labored to define for a general audience the characteristics of the alpha male, the beta male, and the rest of the men who reside somewhere along the SMV (sexual market value) ball curve of male desirability.

Due to this enduring confusion about what makes an alpha, I submit the following system, in the form of a handy chart, to help clear the air.  It hits on the three major factors influencing male rank — how hot are the women he can attract, how strong is that attraction for him, and how many of those women find him attractive.

Keep in mind that there is no line in the sand that separates betas from alphas — the distribution of men by their attractiveness to women follows an uneven continuum where at the extremes a small percentage of alphas monopolize an immense number of quality women and a much larger blob of omegas struggle to rut with warpigs.

It was an accurate definition that by dint of its perspicacity was also arid. Many house guests felt intellectually nourished but emotionally disconnected by an explanation of male attractiveness that lacked sensate grounding to earthy personal observation. With that shortcoming in mind, I present a more poetic definition of male sexual market value: The Beach Body Metric. The sorting remains the same, but the measurement has changed.

Omega male: Girlfriend is never beach body ready
Beta male: Girlfriend is beach body ready in the summer
Alpha male: Girlfriend is ready for the beach year round

For those of you (newbs) who thought “beach body metric” referred to men’s physiques….HAHA much to learn you have. In the realm of romantic desire, men are visual; women are holistic. This means a beach body ready woman is likely to be dating a HSMV man, but the inverse — a beach body ready man — is not necessarily as good a bet to be dating a HSMV woman.

More succinctly, female beach body beauty is a LEADING INDICATOR of female romantic success. A hot woman with a perfect 0.7 waste-hip ratio and a BMI in the 17-23 range is as good as a royal flush to win the love of winner men.

Male physique is more accurately a LAGGING INDICATOR of male romantic success. That is, men who have the full suite of attractiveness traits that women love are likely to be confident men who think too highly of themselves to let their body go to shit.

The Beach Body Metric reasoning is simple:

A low value man will be stuck dating no one, or dating only fat and ugly women who have no intention, nor motivation, to shape up and re-assume a natural hair color. A man on the beach in the company of a land whale is almost guaranteed to be a loser.

A middling value man will be with a girl who still feels enough self-esteem to at least try and look good when it matters (such as on the beach). The problem for the middling beta male is that the circumscribed and temporary allegiance of his girlfriend to shaping up is a telltale sign she’s more interested in looking good FOR OTHER MEN. The rest of the year she proves by her lack of interest in looking good that she doesn’t much value her beta boyfriend’s needs.

A high value man will be with a girl who looks beach body ready ALL THE TIME. She rarely has a downtime (maybe for a few days after popping out his alpha triplets). Her commitment to looking good year-round is a major cue that she’s primarily interested in looking good FOR HER MAN, fearing (rightfully) that if she lets herself go, he’ll let himself go away. She RESPECTS her man’s sexual desire, and strives to fulfill his desire’s preconditions. Anti-feminist? You bet! Pro-healthy relationship? You bet! No accident feminism and healthy loving relationships are diametrically opposed.

If you are a man with a GF who’s never beach body ready, kill yourself.

If you are a man with a GF who only frets about her figure when summer approaches, learn Game.

If you are a man with a GF who tries her darndest to look good all the time, pinch the iota of baby fat on her ass as a gentle jerkboy reminder to keep it up.

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