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It may astound some readers, but yer ‘umble instigator has no experience fucking fat chicks, rare one-night hummers from borderline chubsters notwithstanding to the contrary. Of course, no man needs to know what it’s like to fuck a fatty; our vision is keen and our imaginations sufficient to piece together a porky pastiche.

However, it does serve as a helpful reminder, especially to the older gentlemen in the audience who may’ve mistakenly jettisoned BMI standards for the reward of perky youth, to paint in technicolor detail the morbid flesh tsunamis that roll during sex with a fatty. So we here at CH turn to the experience of readers who have submerged themselves in the corpulent deep.

Reader Shortest Straw dishes the dirt,

The only problem with fat asses is their only sex position is missionary. If they’re on top of you it’s just nasty, and if it’s doggy style, well, there’s nothing quite like watching the waves propagate across their behinds. Funny as fuck when you first see it but then it gets distracting and pretty soon the boner is gone.


If I’m drunk enough, I can [fuck a fatty]. I get into thinking about how happy they are to be getting fucked.

There’s a certain line even I won’t cross, though. You see, it’s self limiting: The drunker I have to get, the more likely I won’t be able to get it up anyway, and the more likely I’ll be to just pass out.

However, a combination of viagra and ritalin both offsets those two effects, and pushes me into an alternate reality. If I remembered it better, I could describe it. Let’s just say I’ve had laundry to do in the morning.

Apparently, to fuck a fatty you need to have a sense of humor and a tolerance for ODing on mind-altering pharmaceuticals.


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