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A big part of game is the comfort stage, when the man “builds a connection” with the woman. He does this by understanding that the deft use of language — tailoring words for maximum impact on a woman’s psyche and thereby hitting her attraction buttons — is the charisma lube which helps create that magical feeling of “clicking” or “connection” that women so desperately crave in any potential mate.

A man’s looks may be helpful, but a man’s words… now that’s where the real action happens.

And, as if telepathically “connected” to Chateau Heartiste, SCIENCE once again ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ all over GAME. Speed dating couples “click” when men use the right words.

Can you “click” with someone after only four minutes? That’s the question at the heart of new research by Stanford scholars Dan McFarland and Dan Jurafsky that looks at how meaningful bonds are formed. […]

“One of the key features of a community, social network or relationship is the sense that it’s meaningful, that there is some kind of force behind the relationship,” McFarland said. “We wanted to get at what the essence of the connection is, what makes people feel like they bonded.”

McFarland said much of the literature on social bonding points to characteristics – traits, status, attributes, motivation, experiences – as reasons why people connect. But, he said, those explanations ignore or downplay the role of communication. […]

Their analysis of nearly 1,000 dates found that words, indeed, do matter. How the words are delivered, when and for how long make a difference to how people feel toward each other, and in this case, whether the men and women sensed that they “clicked” during their encounter.

The four-minute date, the study found, was enough time to forge a meaningful relationship – something that seemed to go beyond looks and motivation. But female participants reported lower rates of “clicking” than men, suggesting the women are more selective and, in this particular setting, more powerful.

Women are hypergamous and thus more selective. No surprises. Eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap. Men are expendable, women perishable.

What’s interesting about this study, from a game perspective, is that it shows men are considered more attractive by women if they…

– strategically gratify women’s solipsistic nature
– interrupt women, but only to “mirror” them and elicit their values
– refrain from asking a lot of questions (statement-statement-question is the relevant game concept)
– share stories from their lives (embedded DHV spikes)
– and project an alternately engaged and seductive alpha male voice tone quality

The researchers said the longer it took for the individuals to decide on a date, the more they reported having a bonding experience, suggesting communication can change someone’s feelings about another person and break the association with traits.

“Give me five minutes to talk away my ugly face, and I can bed the Queen of France.”
– Voltaire

Reading this study, you may be inclined to conclude that women just like to talk about themselves a lot, and love it when men leverage that female vanity to progress the courtship toward sex. Yes! A lot of romantic “connection” that women feel is so magical and fateful is just the man coolly sitting back and letting the woman yap a little, while he nods occasionally or touches her forearm for synchronicity.

Man: *silent*

Woman: “He understood me so well!”

By the way, if you want to maximize your chances at any speed dating event, be sure to attend one where the women rotate.


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