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I’m not the only one to notice the latest ridiculous SWPL fad of adopting abandoned ghetto-educated pitbulls as reclamation projects and status whoring symbols.

Pitbulls are one of the ugliest, nastiest dog breeds in circulation. The modern pitbull has been bred by upstanding, law-abiding citizens for aggression and a powerful bite. The pitbull is the thug of dogdom. It even looks like a fucking thug. Hence, its appeal to human thugs.

But now SWPLs, humanity’s insufferable burdenbraggarts, sensing another golden opportunity to flex their neoPuritan cred, have taken up the crusade of adopting ultraviolent, impulsive pitbulls and whisking them away from their ghetto cellar killing arenas to a brighter future in loving charter homes serviced by low wage, No Dog Left Behind hipster dog walkers.

Goddamned these herbalicious SWPLs. They really are a nauseating cult of pukes. Having failed at rescuing not one, but two mega-underclasses, their insatiable savior complex and hunger for balletic moral posturing, (usually satisfied at the expense of those other dog owners), have driven them into the blood-soaked paws of unpettable killer dogs. The SWPL’s soft, plush, Yoshi ego must gorge, and a multigenerational failure of positive thinking, supercilious sophistry, and self-good intentions has made SWPL Yoshi very very cranky. Not content with leaving ill-bred animals alone, and apparently incapable of enjoying the simple pleasure of normal dogs like labs without  experiencing an existential crisis, the pitbull has become the newest cause celebre for urban SWPLs who can’t make it through a day without a pat on the back from their fellow missionaries.

To understand this sudden and perplexing SWPL adoration for pitbulls, you must know the SWPL psyche. The SWPL’s greatest fear is confronting the demands of her ego and discovering that everything she believes is a pile of horse shit. Oh no, can’t have that, no way no how. Equalism is the gargantuan hamster pellet that feeds her head, and the pitbull is a fortuitous animal proxy for the underprivileged humans that the SWPL happily (and relievedly) carries on believing are equally capable, equally worthwhile, and equally oppressed (except for that one group, yuk they’re soooo creepy).

Dog “breeds” are a social construct. The pitbull is just like any other dog! The pitbull is misunderstood! The pitbull is a victim of the caninarchy! The pitbull just needs the right training. You’re a pitbullist! Gross, pitbullist! Look at the pitbullist! Point at him! Isn’t he evil? Evil evil EVIL PITBULLIST! Now watch, gross evil pitbullist, how tolerant I am. See how I benevolently guide the pitbull through medical school, out from under your pitbullist oppressive bigotryprejudicefearinsecuritynarcissism…

CHOMP!

ooow, my face… it’s missing.

I will smile every time I read of a stupid white SWPL getting her face chewed off by one of her pitbull redemptions. Does she deserve it?

Yes. Yes she does.

I was planning to include a graphic photo of one such victim as a coda to this post, but it was so visually disturbing I decided against it. You can google for yourself to see a mauler’s row of pitbull attack victims. It’s not like there is any excuse for being ignorant about the ingrained and genetically bred pitbull temperament.

Like human trash, pitbull dog trash needs to be removed from society, neutered with extreme prejudice, and dropped to the bottom of the ocean. But I suppose if you’re the sort of smug shit who loves the warm feeling of lifting the animal world’s bloodthirsty psychopaths from the tyranny of low expectations, you’d go ahead and adopt one of these filthy beasts, and then execute the most impressive triple lindy back-rationalization in the history of smug shits when you wake up one morning to see your infant son half eaten.

One wonders, when there is nothing non-white or tangentially non-white left in the human or animal kingdom to “””save””” aka save in posturing only (SIPO), to which desperate, in-need group will the whitely superior SWPLs turn their outstretched, priestly arms in welcoming redemption next?

Wait, lemme guess. Gypsies.

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