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A reader asks,
What advice would you give when one finds himself on a first date with a fuckable woman (7ish) who is incredibly boring? Boring in the sense she has little to say, and only responds passively to a variety of stimuli. I had two such dates three days apart and found myself starting to beta-ize myself (still somewhat new) to establish some connection and procure what I was after (finishing 1 for 2, though the 1 was not what dreams are made of). I know this is not the answer.
To be fair, I am not particularly funny, but I am a psychologist and skilled at opening (which can work for and against me as the frame is set).
Is she acting bored, or is she genuinely boring? The distinction is important. Exciting women can be brought to bored lows in the company of boring men. A woman who passively responds to stimuli could have in her possession such a wealth of experience with men that it takes a lot to get her invested in any one particular date. (This is a problem if you date sluts.) If that’s happening, the problem is fixed by challenging those women. You can spark a girl right up by teasing her, or by doing something unpredictable.
If the girl is actually a boring person, then two possibilities about her person come to mind: one, she’s not very bright (stupid girls don’t often have interesting things to say, nor are they adept at moving conversations along) or two, she’s introverted, and would have a lot to say if you know how to motivate her to open up.
Men typically repsond to boring (and bored) women by trying extra hard to perk them up. This is the beta male strategy, and it almost always fails, (at least on the timelines we’re interested in), because VALUE is lost when it looks like you have to work to entertain a girl. So we know what you have to avoid: you must avoid the impression that you’re trying to get her to liven up.
If the girl is boring because she’s stupid, go caveman. Dispense with the chit-chat and grab her for the bumpngrind. Dumb girls respond well to primitive courtship displays.
If the girl is boring because she’s shy, you say to her that you know what it’s like, but you have hope for her because you’ve learned from experience that shy girls usually have a lot of interesting things to say once they feel comfortable enough to share it. Tell her to take her time blossoming like a flower, because once the floodgates open you don’t want to drown in it all at once. You refer the slow pour.
If the girl is bored because you’re too beta for her, well… read the archives. Time to amp up the teasing, cocky/funny, mild insults, venue bouncing, agreement and amplification, etc etc. Draw situational women into your orbit to build jealousy plot lines. Flirt with the waitress in full view of your date.
If the girl is boring because she has nothing to say (regardless of her level of smarts), you need to improve your rapport game. Start by learning the “love test routine” and get this chick glowing with girly excitement!
Bonus pointer: Refrain from calling out a girl for being boring. This tactic hardly ever works when you’re already on a date with her. IF you do want to hit her with that, try to dress it up as a backhanded compliment, eg: “It’s so nice to be with a girl for once who is Ok with just sitting next to you quietly and not feeling like she has to say something amazing every five seconds.” That’ll get her hamster spinning furiously.