Feed on

A new website, hetexted.com, is a gold mine of confirmation for the validity of game concepts. Girls post screenshots of their text conversations with men they like (or in some cases, don’t like) and ask the studio audience what it all means. The readers then vote on whether the guy in the text messaging conversation is into her, not into her, or the verdict is still out.

Ever wonder what kinds of guys make girls go crazy with anxiety, desire and romantic hopefulness? Wonder no more. It’s those “bring the movies” aloof assholes. A perusal of the Hetexted website, and its overwhelming majority of text convos that feature laconic men and needy women, pretty quickly proves the old maxim that chicks dig inscrutable jerks, or at least chicks dig guys who don’t fail the Jumbotron test. The hilarity of girls falling over themselves trying to ascertain how much love this or that guy who wrote a “nah” or an “aweee” or a “bring the iphone car charger” has for them is fun the whole family can enjoy.

Even better are the site’s readers pleading with the girls who submit their badboys’ hieroglyphic texts for public decoding that the guy in question is “playing a game” and is “no good for her”, which naturally is only going to serve to deepen the girls’ infatuations.

(It’s funny that, compared to men who only need to look at a woman to know if they’d like to date her, women need a team of advisors to tell her whether a guy is worth fretting about. It’s almost as if women have sexual impulses at odds with what they claim they desire. Wait… they do!)

For a sterling example of the Jerkboy Jumbotron genre, check out this one. (Girl’s replies are on the right.)

Underneath the screenshot, she wails her plaintive plea.

ok so…i like REALLY like this guy. we have a great connection, and i’m really falling for him. i really want to get to know him better but he is always so busy with work and lives thirty three miles away. should i move closer?? i think this could really work out but i dont want to move all the way out there and have my heart broken. thoughts??

“Great connection.” “I’m really falling for him.” “I want to get to know him better.” “Should I move closer?” “I think this could really work out…”


And with that, another ten thousand niceguy, date-paying, considerate, chivalrous, white knighting, hard-working, emotionally available, respectful, attentive beta males face-palmed.

Moral of the Hetexted website: Do not chase girls. Make girls chase you. It’s the only way to be sure you’ll get the lay.

One tried and true method to make a girl chase you is to speak (and text) in mysterious monosyllabic code, to avoid early emotional entanglement, and to act like there are another twenty women lined up outside the door to service your autocratic cunt carver. In other words, to do the exact opposite of everything feminists, women in general, and your mom tell you to do.

Perhaps Bring the Movies Man, Skittles Man, and Nah Man should get together for a book reading of their collected wisdom. It will be precisely three words long. Afterwards, the flush-faced girls in attendance will spend three hours dissecting those three words and shifting inconspicuously in their seats.


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