I expect the internet to be filled with dweebs lacking life experience, but the sheer number of them sometimes throws me for a loop. Case in point: the torrent of men, mostly American, who desperately cling to the idea that women only care about a man’s looks, and if you don’t look good, you may as well join a monastery.
This tells me one thing: American men have become pussies of the moistest magnitude. A loser attitude like the one above is all the evidence I need that men like this rarely, if ever, approach women and interact with them in a manly manner. Otherwise, they would know better.
Sure, you can throw up your arms along with the majority of men and just sit around waiting for that one girl in a million who will appreciate your average looks. Maybe you get lucky and find her in a month; or maybe you go ten years in the celibate wilderness. Either way, you have abdicated any responsibility for your love life. That makes you a pussy.
For if there’s one thing you quickly learn by not being a pussy with women, it’s that women are less concerned with a man’s looks than they are with his personality. Start interacting with women in a dominant, charming way, and you discover that women respond sexually — yes, sexually! — to your vibe. They begin to like you, and think about you, and then sometimes even fall in love with you. But to get there, you have to stop being a pussy. You have to go up to women and talk to them, and keep talking to them, preferably in the right way, the way that women like, and success with them will stop being a crapshoot. It will be a result of your initiative and your boldness.
But god damnit it just makes the game too easy. Dangerously easy.
Carry on Christian soldier!
The answer is right in front your face, yet so hard to do on a regular basis. It’s just so easy to not say anything and to go home to your couch and porn. The divide is between the man’s nostalgia for calm and stability and his inner desires to bend a 21 year hot bod over his bed on a regular basis.
I’m just so damn lazy.
Alphas in waiting,
It’s hard, but not as hard as u think. You have to simply adopt the mindset on two levels to make it work.
1. You don’t give a fuck. You don’t take it personally. You don’t beat the shit out of yourself for screwing up the approach, of even talking through a conversation. However, you should give a fuck on wanting to succeed. This means that you give full and maximum effort TO move forward.
2. It’s their loss (thanks Roosh). You’ve got something to offer and even if she’s some shallow butch, its still her loss.
That’s not to say that my heartrate doesn’t spike even now. But I’ve quit letting my fear rule me like it did years ago and I’ve never been more sexually satisfied in my life.
Bitch not butch. F-ing HTC…
You need to build your sexual energy up by abstaining from the couch and porn.
Approaching women is too scary. They might reject us, and our fear of rejection is just too great. So instead of going out, we will sit around and grumble that women ought to be more appreciative of beta males. We will point our that beta males are the builders of civilization, the ones who keep things running. Without us, society would collapse, so women have an obligation to be more attracted to us. We deserve a society in which we can get girls without the risk of rejection.
We will talk wistfully of the good old days when women needed beta providers. We will discuss ways of moving the culture back to an idealized past, and will hint darkly that if this is not done then civilization will end. We will talk of an impending beta revolution that will occur when enough betas get sufficiently frustrated. We will lament how useless and clownish the alphas are, and we will excoriate women for preferring bad-boy alphas instead of solid dependable betas such as ourselves. We will emphasize that women really need to change their behavior.
But it will all be just talk, because talk is what we do. If we knew how to actually change things we would be alphas.
Is the Spearhead still like that?
OUCH!! I like your sense of humor!
Bravo, sir.
I’ve been poking fun of the same lame tendencies for ages. It was fun, at first, and I even had some naive hopes of reaching people. Ultimately it seems that some arguments can’t be made – people have emotional reasons for being invested in beliefs, and logic doesn’t touch emotion in the minds of those who need it most.
Case in point: the torrent of men, mostly American, who desperately cling to the idea that women only care about a man’s looks
or money.
There is, deep in psyche of humans (yes, including women,
and probably also a large number of animal species, those
that live in groups), a great and evolutionarily rational fear
of rejection.
In a small group, if you approach a female and get rejected,
there will be spectators, most likely, If not, in a human society
she may very likely tell: “Oh, Ougloob made a pass at me,
who does he think she is? Eaaaow!” And your reputation
takes a deep downturn. It even works among just one gender,
getting rejected for the hunting party is a reputation killer.
Remember, in a small group, your most valuable asset is
YOUR REPUTATION. So we are wired to seriously avoid
rejection.
In a great metropolis and in a great nation, this does not
matter much. You go to a bar or any other gathering, if you
get rejected – or even if you seriously mess up somehow –
you can just go somewhere else, or to the same place, most
of the people will be new next week.
This is also one of the reasons great salesmen are rare.
Great salesmen, among their skills, ignore rejection. You
cold-call a customer and he tells you to take a long walk
on a short pier. You pull the next candidate out of your
data base/Rolodex, and proceed none the worse for wear,
the new prospect does not know you were just rejected.
But most of us can not take dozens of rejections a day,
the neural net will not tolerate it.
Thor
Yup – this is exactly true. When i was selling health insurance it was so hard at the beginning to make cold calls. It was like the phone weighed as much as a 200 lb cement block. You just didn’t want to pick it up. I remember being bone shaking nervous when i’d make my first calls. It didnt’ matter that the script was right in front of me….i couldn’t do it.
Then i busted through he anxiety and made some calls. And you found a bit of success. And honestly, looking back, they weren’t even cold calls, they were qualified leads where you know some basic info about the guy and what health insurance he currently had. At first, it was just agonizingly miserable to make the calls, but then you got into a rhythm and it just flowed. Soon you’d notice that you had 10 appointments a week and that you’re closing rate was about 5-6 sales of 10-12 appointments. But something odd happens over time. That hatred for rejection and confrontation comes back and you get lazy and start not making calls again. The phone starts weighing 200 lbs again and you just don’t want to do it anymore. It’s like you say, the neural balance of your brain does not like rejection and does not like confrontation. You can trick and energize it to accept it, but over the long term it returns to an equilibirum that desires peace and stability.
Picking up women is 100% like making sales. Same attitude. Same hang ups. Same closing rates. It’s an identical business.
Great comment. I can say it really is easy to notice anxiety come back while in an LTR and haven’t flexed the pickup approach muscle in a while.
On unrelated note, it is pretty funny watching the girlfriend get bent out of shape lately dealing with flaky job recruiters and she asking me if she should email them daily that she is waiting for her interview details from them. (she is employed at good salary already so easier to laugh)
Spot on. I’m in sales and I hate doing cold calls. My phone starts to weigh 200 lbs and similarly, when approaching women, my shoes can feel like 200 lb weights.
One thing that helps me with both cold calls and approaches is having an outcome-independent goal. If I’m calling a customer, I tell myself my primary goal is to get info on a project they’re designing, rather than make a sale. It’s much easier to ask someone about information on their work, than it is to sell them something, and in the process you look less like a salesperson and more like a reasonably inquisitive mind. My “closing rate” is unaffected by this self-deception, but having this faux-goal calms me and humanizes me to customers. And hey, that info may prove useful later.
With women, my rudimentary wingmen and I will set up alternative goals for the evening, usually involving building DHV through photos or experiences to talk about. We’ll approach a woman, but instead of a standard opener, we’ll say “Hey, my friend here needs to make his ex reeeaaaaaly jealous. Want to help make her jealous?” and then we’ll suggest they take shitty cell phone pictures together, looking scandalous. We do, in fact, want to make exes or potential targets on FB envious, while making it look like our weekends are outright debaucherous.
Girls seem to jump on the chance to make some OTHER woman envious, and get their pictures taken. If they’re receptive afterward, we can move from there. If not? We still have pictures that enhance our status in the short term, and a little more experience with cold approaches for the long term.
Case in point: the torrent of men, mostly American, who desperately cling to the idea that women only care about a man’s looks, and if you don’t look good, you may as well join a monastery.
I celebrated No-Shave November, despite the protestations by many women that they hate beards on men. The IOIs I got doubled.
The combination of porn and mmorpgs, though hollow substitutes for sex and a robust social life, do just enough to keep most of us from approaching. The extraordinary effort over long timescales to extract just sex keeps most of us from wanting to try. Again, porn is a poor substitute, but it is a willing one.
Most of us understand that game works. We know that to get anywhere with women we will have to fundamentally transform and expend tremendous amounts of energy. We’re just not going to do it. You’ve convinced some to make the attempt, and some of them have succeeded, so you’ve done good. Most of us, however, have accepted our fate and are more interested in living vicariously through your tales of past and present conquests.
Tell us a story.
To be fair, being good looking will certainly help open some doors. You still need to have Game to go from there, to be sure, but looks will help you get an entry (heh).
Also, if you aren’t particularly good looking (like me), you can certainly help yourself by dressing well. You’ll still need Game, inner confidence and all that jazz, but there’s no point in handicapping yourself by dressing poorly.
Yes, that’s the obvious and common sense realistic and true approach. Improve everything you can that can give yourself advantage.
The other approach is to increase your confidence by denying that anything other than confidence can give you an edge. That’s the willful ignorance approach in order to maximize irrational confidence.
Better to just have rational confidence based on real world knowledge of real world cause and effect, than irrational confidence at the expense of maximizing other attractive traits.
I think the dressing well thing is overrated. You should see the ass some of the broke-ass hipster douchebags pull here in Austin. I dress well and it seems to attract only certain types of women. For the other 50%, I have to make myself not look like such a rich, arrogant, WASP. On the other hand, you should dress in a way that makes you confident.
Attitude is much more important.
Accurate observation. Back in my 20′s I was a natural alpha and dressed like arse. Sure this was the early 90′s “grunge” period so I wasn’t doing anything revolutionary but dirty clothes stinking of weed smoke was never an impediment and I always had hot, clean and fragrant bitches falling all over me. It’s all about the mojo. Chicks used to call me a “charming bastard” and then commence gobbling my cock.
Now, a 42 yo married guy, I am occasionally, usually when my wife pisses me off, heading out to see bands looking for young pussy. It’s nowhere near as effortless as it was back then but it’s still about the mojo. Chicks can smell “try hard” and loathe it.
The problem I actually see is that too many men are reared by their mothers almost exclusively. Mothers do not want their sons to be dominant, that obviously doesn’t work from a parenting point of view. From a parental perspective, the adult is the alpha and the child necessarily is the beta. But when the mannish boy reaches puberty, he has already had it drilled into his head that you treat all women like you treat mom; they carry the beta behavior they had towards mom and apply it to all women.
The result of this mentality is obvious. Women aren’t sexually attracted to a guy that treats her like she’s their mom. This behavior is actually repulsive. And it should be. Thus being rejected, the beta has nothing else to go on other than why he rejects women: level of physical attraction.
Another really good point, A/B. In addition to mom’s (lousy) advice, boys also get disinformation about women drilled into their head by TV and Hollywood.
I would like to point out that one girl made a great comment to me a couple years back about her selection of dates and vegetarian men that she had dated.
She cannot stand the scrawny types, and even though she wanted to exclusively date vegetarians because she was one, she didn’t find them attractive. Now, I’m not going to say that scrawny men have ZERO chance, but I think one of the concepts of game that needs to be emphasized more is being physically active. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of material pushes working out, but I think the first principle should be working out.
I by chance got a fucking hard as hell construction job, which was literally ten hours of working out a day. Pure lifting, and exercise. While the job itself is pretty hellish, the benefits outside of it are ridiculous. I could go out on any given night with mediocre as fuck game and get excellent results because I became incredibly built and the testosterone built up from each day of work made me feel like the fucking man, and my self image boosted like crazy. What I’m saying is, you start to naturally get some alpha behaviors with all that built up testosterone.
Rarely do I encounter a ugly looking scrawny man who does well (I have, but it’s rare) but I DO encounter built looking ugly dudes who are with 8 and 9s due to their charm and dominance.
I think the confidence you get from better self image is a GREAT starting point for anyone learning game and a great door opener into actually approaching.
I think just telling a man to go in who has incredible anxiety, is scrawny (or fat) as fuck and telling them to get blown out as much as possible is valid advice everyone should hear, but I think sending them in equipped with a built body and that pent up testosterone from working out is a big confidence booster that leads to more success and in turn positive reinforcement from getting blown out less.
Just the very act of being physically active makes most men feel good after busting their asses for a bit, and you really do get a testosterone high after a good workout that makes you feel like an attractive motherfucker.
Yes, and a built body is not MERELY attractive because it builds confidence. It is ALSO attractive because it builds confidence.
Serious research that controls for the variable of confidence has been done, and it has been conclusively proven that a built body is a standalone variable that promotes attraction.
It is attractive in and of itself, AND it builds confidence. But being attractive in and of itself does not mean that it is sufficient in and of itself. Just as not being sufficient as a variable to get you laid doesn’t mean that something is not attractive as an isolated variable, in and of itself.
Science and logic – not for only when your views are confirmed.
One of the best comments ever written here.
It is true that you don’t need good looks to score hot girls, but it does help.
1) good looking guys are usually more confident because of their looks
2) good looking guys feel they have more options so they are more choosy
3) girls will cut a guy some slack if he is good looking
If a average guy can act like a good looking one he will do better.
Game deniers who focus on looks have cause and effect mixed up..
In most cases, good looking dudes just got an early start so are usually going to have good game on top of their looks. Feedback loop from a young age.
Having been an admittedly good looking beta back in the day, I can surely attest that looks alone does not a player make. I can only shake my head at the many times my lack of game fucked me over then.
Shit, this dude that moved in with my buddies after I graduated looks like Keith from “Scrubs”- the ladies drip at the sight of him- he could never close. Some people think hes gay, but I know he isnt, and I’ve seen him in action and he simply has very little game. Like hes a little intimidated by some girls, especially since some of the hottest chicks on campus wil go up and talk to him. Nice guy, though.
Agree 100% with this article. Obviously.
The worst are the guys who used to go out and get laid, but now they’re older and less attractive and have settled down with a wife or whatever. But they run around spouting nonsense about how looks and money matter because since they don’t go out and pick up anymore their beliefs have hardened thru vague memories of when they “used to be QUITE good with the ladies chuckle chuckle” and they go “well trust me I used to have a 6-pack and a mansion and I got laid all the time”
If you think looks matter, you’re not hitting the field hard enough.
I’m not attached to this notion because it’s part of “the pua belief system” or I’m brainwashed or ignorant of my failures. I’m attached to it because I’m out regularly seeing and experiencing it in action.
If I went out and for months saw girls only fucking the 6-packed Armani suit guys I’d say “you know what? Looks matter.”. But I don’t see that. Because that’s not how it works.
That’s why harping on looks or money etc mattering tells me right away that the person doesn’t go out and pick up girls regularly.
Love the wisdom of the old timers who used to be big players back in their day and all that shit, it’s good to have your perspective on long-term relationships and long-term gaming and marriage and kids and gaming way below your socially approved of age range and everything…
And props to the day game guys or social circle guys who’ve carved their niche out and get laid regularly because they’ve created a pussy ecosystem for themselves, cause that takes a lot of work and balls to get going and it’s awesome that you’ve set that up and found a way to avoid the retardedness of the bar scene.
And hell, even props to the online guys who raid dating sites for unwed and divorced single mom fatties with messed up teeth and BPD who have a over-inflated expectations of what their SMV should get them…they’re generally not high quality and you’re running the least effort game possible but at least you’re getting laid.
…BUT. Straight up. If you are not currently going out at a MINUMUM of every fri/sat night, preferably 4 nights a week, and going up against big scary drunk alpha guys wearing Affliction shirts and competing against flashing lights, loud music, alcohol, rich guys, bouncers, managers, cockblocking girlfriends, etc as you go after gorgeous turbo hotties (not the easy fatty sets), and pulling them out of there, and trying regardless of whether your hair is perfect that night or you have your favorite shirt on or whether you’ve slacked off at the gym lately or whether you’re sick and cant talk loud etc
If you arent doing that then you just aren’t qualified to be making judgements about how “looks matter” or that “money is an attraction trigger” or that “you need X amount of comfort before you can escalate so you have to take her skydiving” or that “you have to tell them you have an important job” or “that opener wouldn’t work” or “that behavior would be creepy” or “any guy who tried that would get his ass kicked” or “that would only work on dumb drunk slutty college girls”
It’s not a judgement, I’m not saying you suck. Not everyone likes the bar environment and ya, it’s completely retarded there, we all know that. But those environments are the hardest to pull, with the most obstacles, and most of the people are running at their base instinct level not even from the alcohol but just from the “cut loose” atmosphere that encourages it.
That’s where you see the myths shattered. Ugly guys with girls crawling on them. Jacked up alpha AMOGs standing in the corner with a beer up at their chest like pussies. Super players who talk a big game but make bullshit excuses like “it’s too loud” or “I normally do day game” or “that one looks like she’s with her boyfriend” or “these girl’s aren’t good enough for me I only like classy women”. Scrubby poor bouncers fucking girls in the bathroom. Waitresses and shooter girls that every guy in the club thinks he’s going to fuck because her game is so tight as she makes hundreds of dollars a night. Girls wanting to fuck guys their girlfriends have fucked. Girls rejecting good looking guys. Girls snubbing rich guys. Girls letting rich guys buy them drinks then ditching them for other guys. Girls getting jealous of eachother and competing for guys that don’t look like the type girls would even be into let alone compete for. Girls dressed up like theyre going to a ball making out with guys in t-shirts and dirty jeans. Rocker alternative girls making out with Armani douchey looking guys. Jersey shore dudes physically fighting eachother over girls who don’t give a shit which of them wins as long as they get cock. Smoking hot girls being friendly as hell. Ugly fatties being rude and throwing massive shit-tests at you. Short guys with tall girls chasing them. Fat guys who take over the party.
That’s the environment where any sticking point or incongruency you have is magnified 1000x and shoved in your face for you to go home and cry about and then either give up on game and become a keyboard jockey giving bullshit advice and talking smack, or man up and start working on fixing whatever holes in your game have been exposed.
That’s the environment where you see what really matters in attraction, alpha male interaction, logistic complications, social proof, etc. boiled down and on display and shitting all over your face.
Now it’s Friday night and I’m about to shower up and go out. …Are YOU?
Related Tyler Durden vid.
Its simple.
Learn how to play guitar, and learn how to play it well.
Then all the other game behaviors will automatically fall into place. Specifically, your indifference/aloofness to the opinions of women will be real, apparent and automatic.
Anytime they bitch about being 2nd fiddle to an inanimate object (and they will) , just whip it out, animate it and don’t say a thing as they pack their gym bag and head out the door.
No, they can never equal your favorite ax because your ax is you; but they sure will try.
Isn’t that what game is all about?
Brilliant. The axe is you.
Pussified or disinterested? I don’t know too many betas pining for sex, they just get on with what makes them happy. Effort/ reward matrix, artificial price manipulation (wealth transfer of men to women through taxation) artificially increases the value of women which reduces the supply.
Gamers are like proponents of the ‘prosperity gospel’, everyone can get rich if they pray (try) hard enough…..
It’s interesting in places where there is no value manipulation (third world countries) game is virtually unnecessary.
A man’s charm, assuming he has no looks, is limited by his intelligence. I can’t say I’ve ever met a charming man who was dull. And a man’s intelligence is beyond his control just as surely as his beauty is beyond his control — both intelligence and beauty are unearned gifts, just as stupidity and homeliness are undeserved curses.
Sure, initiative and boldness will get you a girl’s number or get her to pay attention to you. But ultimately, if you’re nothing special physically and nothing special mentally, she won’t let you fuck her unless you’re lucky enough to find an attractive woman with low self-esteem. But that’s really your only hope.
I don’t agree. There are plenty of men who are intelligent but
lack social skills or lack some other ingredient. I suspect that
fraction is higher among men hanging on this blog than
among the population in general.
More to the point, I read on this blog, years ago,
about somebody who was all smiles and the life of the party,
but apparently held nothing but ultratrivial thoughts in his head.
But, sure, on average, smart men (and women) are more
charming than dumb ones. Unless (both sexes) they use their
smarts in a bitter and/or destructive way.
On a slightly different subject, I once worked with a fairly
senior engineer who was suave and presented his opinion
with calm conviction. Anybody would believe him. Except
his statements were garbage, wrong , irrelevant or in any
case useless. But he SOUNDED good, unless you knew the
subject at hand.
Thor