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White Knighting Explained

This post is also available in: German

There is a popular theory that white knighters — those men who jump at the chance to defend the virtue of women at every opportunity, no matter if the defense is warranted — are beta males who hope their stirring gallantry will get them into women’s panties. Offering a shoulder to cry on or an indignant word after an asshole hurts the girl of their dreams, these men turn themselves into emotional tampons with the goal of sneaking into the pussy when she is at her most vulnerable.

They usually fail, but they keep at it because once in a blue moon, it works. Yes, most men with some choice in women would balk at spending so much time and effort trying to tap a reticent snatch, and at the cost of so much dignity, but the white knighter emo dude has the patience of a saint. Or a eunuch.

But, honestly, how many guys like this do you see in real life? They exist, sure, but not in the numbers assumed. Especially after college, when adult men simply don’t have the time to waste on platonically orbiting a oneitis who can juggle ten blue balls at once.

Instead, I’d like to offer some different explanations for the white knight phenomenon.

The Oblivious Super Alpha Male

Surprisingly few alpha males — those men who are good with women — are white knighters. Experience with women disabuses such men of any romantic notions of the fairer sex. You will hardly ever hear an alpha male praising the sublime virtues of women because he knows they have none (as a gender). But a few alpha males do embrace the white knight schtick. These are the snobby guys who have had no trouble getting women since they can remember, and are so high status that they have never seen the seedy, gritty, grimy part of women’s natures. Women are extra careful around very high status men to present only their sanitized best, so the super alpha never gets to know the annoying shit that women put typical men through. As a result, he is genuinely perplexed when he hears other men complain about women’s behavior, and feels a compulsion to rush to the women’s defense.

The Father of a Daughter

He knows better, but because he has a female charge under his supervision and caretaking, he hypocritically enforces social sanctions against lifting the veil on women’s true sexual natures. This is as much for his benefit as his daughter’s. If beta males stopped white knighting for his daughter, she would be nakedly exposed to the merciless vagaries of the dating market, and suitors would not bend over backwards to please his daughter with gifts of myrrh and golden pedestals. It is in a a father’s interest for young men to glorify his precious little princess, and provide for her and her dalliances with the DJ.

The Married Schlub/”I’m in a relationship” Guy

You know that lifeless herb who has been married for so long that he doesn’t remember what it was like to be single and on the prowl for pussy? Or how about that oddly proud guy who can’t wait to blurt out at the flimsiest excuse that he’s in a relationship? A lot of white knighters are drawn from this group of men, because being in a marriage or long term relationship clouds a man’s perceptiveness of women. Like heated molecules in a chamber, LTRs tend to settle from a high entropy state into a comfortable equilibrium of Netflix queues, sushi and missionary style. Men in these testes-shriveling circumstances lose their powers of observation and begin to assume all women are just like their contented, faithful (and aging) partners. It’s a classic case of psychological projection, whereby men ensconced in secure relationships project their limited experience with their wives or girlfriends onto all of womankind. These men are often the most infuriating white knighters, because when you listen to them blab on and on about “treating women with respect” and all the good women that are out there, you know that as soon as they get cheated on or dumped by their cow girlfriends they’ll be blaming themselves right to the grave.

The Male Feminist

Similar to the gallant bait-and-switch beta males, male feminists are their ideological cousins who try to ingratiate themselves to the slutty fat feminists in their company in hopes of tapping some water balloon-shaped vulvae. These guys wear shirts that say “this is what a feminist looks like” and cross their legs when they sit. They are huge hypocrites, because despite having been on the receiving end of a lot of female neglect, manipulation and shit testing, they still cling to their unctuous little ideology. Ideologues are auto-brainwashed. They will never see the light. Best just to enjoy a cruel laugh at their expense.

The Self-Denier

Imagine a plush beta male who has experienced nothing but woe with women. He has been LJBFed, ignored, pitied, humored, used, dumped and drained of all his resources except his balls. He’s not repulsive to women, but he just doesn’t much turn them on, and he can’t figure out why. He grows bitter with the years and the fat chicks and wrinkly cougars he manages to bang as a consolation prize. The truth about women stares him in the face — in fact, smacks him upside the head every day — and yet he clings to platitudes and juvenile romantic idealism with all his power, afraid that should he let go, his whole dating life will be revealed for the sham it is. In self-deception, there is sanity. Oftentimes, the most emphatically dogmatic white knighters are these hopeless losers in love, teetering on the precipice of revelation, a hairsbreadth away from total ego meltdown.

The Deeply Embedded Gene Machine

Underlying it all is the genetic machinery that propels groups and nations of men in different sociosexual directions. Fittingly, white knighting appears to be predominately an ethnically European white man disease. Those schooled in the science of evolutionary psychology would say that harsh winters evolved a modern European man predisposed to monogamy and, hence, to jealously guarding the virtue of his mate. White knighting and pedestalizing thus serve the dual functions of artificially boosting the perceived value of a potential lifelong mate, and of warning male interlopers away.

There are too many forces in motion that keep white knighting alive and relevant, so unless outposts like this humble blog go global with the truth about women, there is almost no chance that more than an enlightened minority of men will wake up to reality.

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