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Just Say Something

This post is also available in: German

You’re standing in front of a cute girl at the Trader Joe’s check-out line. You put the food on the conveyor belt, stealing glances at her as she fiddles with her phone. She looks up briefly at you, then looks back down. You want to say something, anything halfway clever, to get her smiling and a conversation rolling, with the ultimate intention of a phone number exchange, or even, dare you ponder it!, an insta-date to the nearest coffee shop.

But the moment evaporates silently, your mouth paralyzed except for the “I don’t need a bag” you say to the cashier. Another wasted opportunity. But you brush it off easily as soon as you are out the door, figuring you have years ahead of you and plenty of chances to meet girls in similar situations down the road.

The next day, you fumble another opportunity with a girl pumping gas next to you at the gas station. And again, you glibly excuse your inaction with the comforting thought that years of opportunities await you.

The same scene in different contexts is repeated… until those years have passed and the glib excuses don’t come so easily anymore. Regret weighs on you like a stone hung around your neck.

***

Does the above describe you? If you are like most men, it does, too often for your liking. There are many sticking points in game, from meeting to sex to relationship, but the one sticking point that nearly every man experiences, and which holds him back more than any other, is the inability to open his fucking mouth and say something… anything… to a girl he finds attractive. This is the Grand Hurdle, the obstacle that looms like an unscalable wall between him and any new girl.

Conquer this mental barrier, and you have improved your game a thousandfold from where you were before. Why do I say this?

Because every time you don’t talk to a girl is a failure. A failure to at least give yourself a shot at sex and love with her. Think about that for a second. Each one of the thousands upon thousands of good-looking girls who have attracted your attention over the years that you didn’t talk to out of fear and apprehension is your failure.

You have failed each and every one of those times, and your instances of failure now add up to the thousands, perhaps tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands if you live in a non-obese oasis of America.

That, my friends, is massive fail. No game technique can obliterate more failure, more effectively, than simply opening your mouth and saying something to the girl standing next to you.

Let the words flow. You must abide the words.

So powerful, and yet such a simple concept so universally rejected by the vast majority of men. See that cute girl in the aisle picking through the apples? You’re not the only man with lockjaw. Thousands of other men also stood stupefied as that same girl browsed apples all the other days of the year. Sure, there were a couple of men here and there who managed to say something to her, and now maybe one (or two) of those men are currently fucking her. But for the most part, your competition in the Just Say Something sweepstakes is laughably weak.

So you shouldn’t worry about formulating the perfect witty opener, or a great one-liner that will instantly attract her, if that worry is causing you to abandon any attempt. You’re better off saying something geeky than saying nothing at all.

Naturally, you will want to work at honing your JSS method so that what you do say is maximized toward piquing her interest. But if you’re tongue-tied, mentally masturbating about the cleverness quotient of the opener you are mulling in your head is worse than staying silent. If the choice is between sullen silence and blurting out whatever nonsensical crap comes to you, always go with the nonsensical crap.

In that spirit, here are some JSS openers you can use in various scenarios. Some of these are cheesy, and that’s the point. The goal is to get you talking in a natural, unforced way to a girl without dwelling too heavily on proper game technique.

I know many of you men have stood in that Trader Joe’s line in front of the cute girl with your mouths glued shut, hoping for a flash of inspiration which never came. Read these, and be inspired to pull out your iPod earplugs. These are your first step to defeating the silence.

Supermarket:

“I hear frozen blueberries are in season this year.”

“That’s an excellent ice cream choice.”

“I’m going to read this tabloid and be proud of it.”

“I sometimes judge people by their food purchases. Don’t say you’ve never done that.”

Liquor store:

“Do you think it’s possible to buy single cans of beer? I like to pretend I’m not a lush.”

“That’s a good selection of bottom shelf liquor you got there.”

“Where’s the beer funnel?”

Book store:

“Do you know where the pop-up/color by numbers book section is?”

“I can’t believe this place doesn’t serve pizza.”

Mall clothing store:

“You ever notice how you always get more tired standing in a mall store than anywhere else?”

“Is purple the new black?”

“You look like the kind of girl who knows a lot about cufflinks.”

Farmer’s market:

“An apple always tastes better outdoors.”

“I think my transformation to yuppie is complete.”

“Did you try the fig butter? No? Count your blessings.”

“The world would be a better place if we were all grass-fed.”

Pool hall:

“Don’t worry. That was just the stick.”

“I drink until I see twelve holes. That’s how my game gets better.”

Sidewalk, waiting for crosswalk signal:

Give her the stink-eye. “You look like the jay-walking type.”

“Hi, sidewalk stranger.”

Porta-potty line:

“Too late. I loaded my diapers.”

Just kidding on that last one.

[crypto-donation-box]

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