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Cousin Banging

Reader “Billy Ray Cyrus” emailed me:

I want to bang my cousin. Why? Same reason mounteneers [sic] want to climb Everest. Fortunately, she’s about my age (21) and on the loose side. Would I game her the same way as any other girl?



I’ve never been sexually attracted to any of my female cousins, though a girl I am dating does kind of look like one of my cousins, which disturbs me greatly. And there was that one time I caught myself platonically admiring a cousin’s ample ta tas.

Fortunately for you, sir, banging a cousin means half your work is already done. Rapport has been built over many years, so you can dispense with that part of gaming her. What you need to do is similar to what a beta orbiter who’s been perpetually LJBF’ed by the pedestal of his dreams needs to do — namely, you’ve got to get your cousin to begin visualizing you as a monster cock penetrating her genetically related hole instead of as a relative to confide in nonsexually. For starters, I’d blow her off a few times, just to get her wondering if your mood about her is changing.

Then, when a month or two of noncommunication has passed, call her at midnight and invite her to stargaze on a Morgantown hilltop. When she’s there, tell her you’ve got a gym bag full of Ketel One airplane bottles to finish off. Once drinking, she’s going to talk about the usual shit; you’ll want to be on guard for any asexual movement in the conversation, and cut it off before the moment is destroyed. Continually hint at sexual themes, but frame it so that you are discussing sexy topics brought up by third parties, or having to do with you and “some girl I like”. Watch her eyes; if she looks away from you to the side a lot, she’s uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. If her eyes glow with the fires of a thousand burning loins, that’s your cue to brush your hands lightly across her various erogenous zones. Let a finger linger just above her thong line.

Your game should be strictly A2-A3 and S1-S3 (see: Mystery Method). You can skip A1 (she’s already attracted to you on a subconscious primal level, thanks to the genes you share), and C1-C3 (you already know her values and she knows yours). In A2, you’ll want to amp the cocky&funny and the push-pull.  After you touch a sensitive part of her body, push her away and make some distance between yourselves on the damp grass. Then scoot back over to her. Do this over and over, until her emotions are an out of control roller coaster plummeting up and down the lubechute of her quivering vagina.

In A3, you’ll want to heavily qualify her. She needs to earn your consanguinous seed. Examples of good qualifying lines to use on a cousin include:

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
“Have you ever broken a taboo and been glad you did?”
“What’s your dirtiest, most secret fantasy you would never tell anyone except someone you really trusted?”
“The fact that we know each other means nothing to me. What else do you have?”
“Prove to me you’re not like all those boring girls I know.”

In general, you want to favor making statements with women instead of asking questions. But since she is your cousin who knows you well and not some random chick you just met who crashed the family greased pig chase, you can ask lots of qualifying questions without DLVing yourself.

Good luck!


Reader Mark emailed:


How does a guy shake a girl who is using one word game, but still replying in like 2 seconds.  I’m spacing my texts appropriately.

Damn, I feel your confusion. A woman’s best game tactic is stealing a page from the men’s playbook. They re-flip the script. Usually, when a girl is dropping one word game on a man it means she is either not very interested and just using the tepid banter for quick n’ dirty validation, or she’s interested but only knows how to game back. Girls who vigorously game men are often sluts who have been burned (sometimes literally in the nether region by assorted virii) by alphas in their pasts. Do you really want to cavort with such cheap strumpets? Of course you do.

Recall Poon Commandment V:

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

This means that for every one word text she sends you, you return one half of a text. So, for example, if she sends you this text:


you reply:


Other examples:

HER: “Okay!”
YOU: “Coo”

HER: “Nice”
YOU: “Meh”

HER: “:)”
YOU: “:”

HER: “Cya!”
YOU: “*” (This is the international text symbol for anal sex.)

If you’re unsure how to reply, your best bet is radio silence. Let her one word text dangle in the electric ether, like a has-been attention whore forever in search of a “YEAH BABY!” from a drunk frat boy. A lot of girls will game you with tactics such as the one word text for the sole purpose of eliciting a cunthungry reaction from you. It’s what I call “beta bait”. You chomp down, and you’ve revealed your beta bona fides. You should get into the habit of punishing girls who run one word game on you by running one stroke sex on them.


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