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Reproduction is a biological arms race. Did you think women would just lie down as more and more players plunder their goods? Well, yes, they would, but they will also respond with anti-player counterinsurgency tactics, because it is the subconscious algorithm of women to make it as difficult as possible for men to get up their skirts. Reader “Dr Love” pointed me to a couple of Huffington Post articles by “dating and relationship coach” Jag Carrao (only in a nation wheezing its last breaths could a person find a successful career as a dating and relationship coach) where she offers rules for women on how to successfully thwart any game that men run on them.
Since we will be seeing more of this sort of thing in the coming years from self-styled “Rules Girls”, and because I am a man of tremendous magnanimity and nobleness of spirit, I’ve decided to get a jump start and give you the tools you’ll need to fend off women’s counterinsurgencies to your game. Call it anti-anti-player game.
In her first article, Jag Carrao suggests ways for women to avoid common female dating mistakes that keep them going back again and again into the arms of badboys and assholes. (In womanspeak, “dating mistake” means anything that helps the man get the bang).
Dating Mistake #1: Approaching Him First.
Quick Fix: If you talked to him first or even asked him out, you can try to restore some of the feminine mystique you forfeited as the initiator by being a bit more elusive – a little less available, a little more mysterious.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: Double down. When she waits a day to return your call, you wait two days to return hers. When she cancels a date, you cancel two. Or you cancel an even bigger, better date that she was looking forward to. A player understands that women like to maintain an air of mystery and coyness, but he also understands that the world is full of women. His abundance mentality ensures that no woman remains elusive with him for long.
Dating Mistake #2: Acting overly chummy.
Quick Fix: Recognize that the more you talk about yourself, the less you’ll be listening and observing whether he is right for you. Identify why you feel the need to yammer on — nervousness, low tolerance for awkward silences, desire to impress with witty banter and accomplishments – and remember that you are not there to audition, but to relax and have a good time.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: As any reader of my blog knows by now, seduction is in large part a simple flipping of the male-female mating script. You *want* women to feel like they have to audition for your favor. If she clams up in order to get you to reveal more about yourself, continue framing the conversation in such a way that she is coaxed into dropping important details about herself. This is when the art of qualifying is put to best use.
Dating Mistake #3: Accepting last minute dates.
Quick Fix: To make sure you’re his “Plan A” girl (not the “Plan B” girl he calls after his first choice turns him down), I recommend setting a firm cut-off limit after which you’re “busy” – period.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: The seasoned player avoids any issues associated with the timing of scheduling dates by taking the girl home the night they meet. Not everyone is a seasoned player, though, so calls and arrangements will have to be made. I don’t have a problem with calling girls a few days ahead to schedule a date, as long as you don’t leave the impression that your schedule is wide open. For example, if it’s a Monday when you call her, and you schedule a date for Thursday, don’t offer another day that same week if she can’t make it happen on Thursday. Just tell her you’ll be in touch and see if you two can get together some other time, then. Ambivalence makes the heart grow fonder.
Dating Mistake #4: Jumping into a “whirlwind romance.”
Quick Fix: You need to start pacing the relationship. Don’t see him more than once or twice a week, don’t talk more than ten minutes on the phone, don’t open up too fast, or introduce him to your friends before he introduces you to his. If he absolutely must see you every day, 24-hours-a-day, there’s this arrangement called marriage…..let him figure it out!
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: This one is simple. Three date rule. If she isn’t putting out — or giving clear indications that she’s well on the way to putting out — by the third date, her attraction for you isn’t strong enough for you to invest much more energy or time in her. Or she’s a repressed prude. Either way, the last thing a player wants is a woman who controls the pace of dispensing her sexual favors. If you sense she’s dragging her feet by date three, the best countertactic is to cancel date four. Any plausible excuse will work. Instill the fear of loss into her and watch as her practiced restraint melts away.
Also, any man who wants to see a girl every day, 24 hours a day, is not likely to get into any whirlwind romance because women aren’t attracted to clingy betas.
Dating Mistake #5: Wasting Time.
Quick Fix: Know what you want – and believe you deserve it. If you want to get married but the guy you’ve been dating for over a year still isn’t sure, set a time limit of how long you’re willing to wait then stick to it. Once D-Day (decision day) arrives, and he’s still waffling, then move on and do not look back (if he’s ever going to know and man up to a proposal, this will be your best – and his last – chance).
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: This is good advice for women (after all, women’s dating market value is much shorter lived than men’s) but it has almost zero chance of being heeded, so the player need not worry too much about neutralizing the marriage ultimatum. When a woman loves you, and you don’t give her blatant reasons to bolt, the hardest thing in the world for her to do is to walk away from you on account of an abstract principle such as years remaining to sexual expiration. But in the rare case it does happen, remember: Marriage is no insurance against her leaving you; all it does is buy you a few extra years of arid emotional investment from a woman who is calculatingly capable of issuing, and abiding, relationship ultimatums. What *is* an insurance policy against her leaving you? Her love.
In Jag Carrao’s second article, she continues the theme of rules for women to avoid becoming a player’s next lover. Leave it to a “dating and relationship coach” to counsel the virtues of anti-pleasure.
1) The “play to lay” game. This is where he pretends to care about you more than he actually does at the beginning in order to get you into bed.
Girl’s Game Changer: In order the separate the man who actually DOES fall in love with you at first sight and CAN go the distance from the players, a woman must pace the relationship. Rules authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider recommend: Don’t see him more than once or twice a week for the first month or two. Don’t invite him back to your place for the first few dates, and try to hold off on sex until you’re confident he’ll stick around. Sure, a guy who’s just looking to get laid won’t put up with such “games from women.” In other words, you’ll weed out those who want only one thing.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: You can keep a woman playing hard-to-get firmly ensconced in your rotation of regulars by making sure you have other options. Never date only one woman at a time. Always keep at least two in the kitty. A woman will find her ability to control you by pacing how frequently she delivers the goods severely compromised when you remain unruffled by her pussy machinations. Again, by flipping the seduction script and playing hard-to-get yourself, you lure the woman into chasing you. The ultimate pleasure for the player is not sex gotten, but sex given. It is especially satisfying to game a woman so well that she chases you into bed, instead of you chasing her.
2) The “spontaneity” game. At worst, this is when men try to pass off “booty calls” as spontaneous gestures of missing you and needing you. At best, it’s just laziness, lack of organization, or taking a woman’s time and schedule for granted. Either way, it doesn’t really make a gal feel special or respected when a man calls right before he wants to see her.
Girl’s Game Changer: Ladies, if you would prefer that the men in your lives gave you more advance notice when asking you out, then STOP accepting last minute invitations! Why not just tell him you prefer to be asked out in advance? You know, ‘cuz it’s all about communicating and being honest? BECAUSE IT WON’T WORK and it will only come across as nagging. As I said in my previous blog, I think the “three days in advance” (e.g., Wednesday for Saturday) as proposed in The Rules is reasonable.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: Reframe your booty calls by making her feel that something is wrong with her for not being spontaneous. “I hope you’re an adventurous girl and not lame, because there’s this great sunset right now over the river that you can’t miss. Come join me, I’ve got champagne.” In general, you should refrain from booty calling all the time. She’ll quickly grow weary of them if that’s all she gets from you. Mix it up. A few scheduled dates, a few booty calls. Women love unpredictability.
3) The “good enough for now” game. This is the fun little merry-go-round in which a man creates the impression that the two of you are in a serious relationship when he’s actually stringing you along, enjoying your sexual favors and home-cooked meals, while actively looking for something better.
Girl’s Game Changer: If you’re seeing him once or twice a week, then make sure one of those dates is international date night: Saturday. Unless one/both of you are working or have family commitments on Saturdays, that’s when he gets to see you. How to get him to ask you out for Saturday? Say no to Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday…you get the idea. Once again, a man who is just marking time with you won’t “put up with such games” from women – which is precisely what we want! Men with lukewarm interest won’t pursue a woman who is even the slightest challenge – but not even teams of wild horses (much less a few pesky Rules) can deter the man who really, really loves you.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: The problem with this advice is that the men women want most — alphas, cads, and assholes — are the least likely to “put up with such games” from women. So the woman who follows this “Girl’s Game Changer” rule will soon find herself missing out on the company of desirable men. Only the very hottest of women can get away with saying no to dates on any night other than Saturday night. And the man who DOES agree to a Saturday night date will, ironically, because of the perception that he had nothing better going on, become LESS attractive to the woman who adheres to such a draconian rule!
And that strikes at the inherent disconnect with a lot of these “Rules Girls” rules — the more successful women are at getting men to play by these rules, the less attractive those men become to them. So it is not only in men’s interest, but in women’s interest as well, for men to refuse to play by women’s rules.
As for the specific rule offered here, a way around it is to train your woman to have low expectations for seeing you on prime pussy hunting nights. Don’t schedule Saturday dates until at least a month has passed, and then only schedule them once or twice a month. When your woman has low expectations, it becomes a challenge to disappoint her.
4) The “break up to make up” game. Two can certainly play at this game, but when the on-again-off-again routine starts stretching into years, vs. months, it’s women who have the most to lose, as time is our most precious, non-renewable resource.
Girl’s Game Changer: This one is so hard. As Greg Behrendt put it in He’s Just Not That Into You:
“What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore, his sad, wistful, ‘I miss you so much’ voice on the other end of the phone? It’s validating. It’s exciting. It’s irresistible. But resist you must.”
Usually, when he breaks it off, it’s broken forever. But not always. Sometimes you’ve crowded and scared a guy, and the break up is his way of reasserting his space. So GIVE HIM SPACE. Don’t call him, don’t e-mail him. If he does call and ask to get back together, proceed with caution. He’s proven he can walk away from you once. The defensive dating techniques I recommend can protect your already bruised heart from getting brutalized once more.
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: None needed. This “rule” works to the benefit of the player. Half-assed breakups initiated by the man are a great way to spice up a sex life. You will never plunge into a wetter, wider pussy than the week after you’ve quasi-broken up with a girl and called her out of the blue to get together for drinks. It’s mean, but oh sweet jesus is it effective.
There is another common game men play – it’s actually a word game, where they pretend they have never heard of and certainly cannot pronounce such words as “marriage,” “commitment” and “children.” Deftly winning this game requires delicate skill, and deserves an entire blog on the subject. So tune in next time for “Engaged by Christmas.”
Anti-Anti-Player Solution: This is because after marriage, women have a hard time pronouncing such words as “blowjob”, “ass to mouth”, and “train station bathroom tug job”.