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Tremendous Neg

If your girl is sick (the Chateau has doubled as an infirmary this week), you have at your disposal a neg so sublime, so devastating, that you would be remiss not to use it.

GIRL: Hey baby, I’m starting to feel better. Give me a kiss.

YOU: Mmm, ooookaaaay, not sure about this…

[You hug her tight and lovingly and give her a kiss with your lips so pursed you couldn’t squeeze a sheet of paper between them. After a second of this red hot passion, lean back, smile warmly, then wipe your mouth on your sleeve and make little spitting noises away from her,… ptui ptui ptui…, like you’re spitting out girl germs.]

GIRL: Really?

YOU: Better safe than sorry. Here, I got you an orange. You need vitamin C.

Another version is to grab her chin with your hand and gently push her mouth away when she goes in for the kiss, then plant your lips all over her cheeks, ears and neck, assiduously avoiding her lips. Afterwards, step back and loudly proclaim “God you are SO kissable.” Say this sincerely. Sarcasm will ruin the effect.


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