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I was discussing the potential of iPhone game recently with a couple of buddies. One of my friends had gotten the new iPhone and was giddily sampling all the apps like a kid at Christmas, when we stumbled across some novel uses for the phone as a tool to satisfy men’s insatiable sexual demands.

There is an app that acts like a lie detector. You speak to the phone (using its voice recognition capabilities) and the app calculates the truth content of your statement. Obviously, it’s not truth serum, but it makes for excellent opener material.

You sidle up to a chick, tossing your monstrous cock over your shoulder and out of the way. “Hey, check this out.”

Chick: “What?”

“Say something about yourself to the phone. It’ll tell you how truthful you are. Here, like this: ‘The girl I’m talking to feels dizzy in my presence’.” You press the analyze button. “Hm, 99% truthful. Do you need to sit down for a minute?”

You can go in all sorts of directions with this basic iPhone game template. For instance, walk up to a set and tell the girls you found a new app that guesses their ages. Then hold the phone up, wave it over them, and put it back down with a worried look on your face. “Hm, must be miscalibrated. Nevermind. I don’t think you guys are cougars, yet.”

Another opener: “I’ve got a new app that tells me which girls like me.” Hold phone up to group. “OK, you guys are gonna have to decide who gets the first crack. I’m a one woman kind of man.”

For the truly advanced womanizer, there is a free app for the iphone from the website Loopt.com described as a “social compass” which allows you to GPS track anyone within the loopt network. Now you can turn all your number closes into coordinates on a map for convenient stalking. You can “happen” to “run into” twenty girls a day for followup game. The sky’s the limit.

The world is moving toward a pickup nirvana, connecting alphas with the hot chicks who would love them. The job, house, marriage and kids never seemed more anachronistic.


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