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My source deep in the dainty underbelly of the flourishing dandy/fop subculture sent me pics of the kinds of girls that swoon for feminized Western white males. She wanted to inform me — sarcastically — of the caliber of pussy these guys are scoring.

From my vantage point (my crotch), these girls are cute. Totally do-able, maybe even date-able. Which just proves that as long as a chick has an attractive facial bone structure and a slender figure and isn’t too old, it won’t matter how badly she tries to hide her assets under hideous clothes, hair styles and nose-picking — guys will still want to bang her. The blonde’s ponytail is the perfect length for using as reins during rough doggy style lovemaking. Whoa whore-sy!

That my female undercover agent thought these girls were low value is telling of the psychosocial differences between men and women. Men discern beauty with the keen eye of an electron microscope. A millimeter here, a geometric disturbance there, can mean the difference between beautiful and so-so. After all, men have been honed by millions of years of evolution to avoid getting duped by women who don’t possess the genuine goods. Bad consignment shop hats and dark eyeliner are minor obstacles in the way of our ability to suss out a genetically hot face worthy of our jizzbombs. (Cue: Kick a Bitch).

Women discern female beauty in context with everything else and through the lens of their own sexual market value. They see horrendous fashion sense and they downgrade the girl’s hotness rank. They see a chick picking her nose and she loses beauty points. Because for a woman, beauty is the sum total of a person. That is why men not blessed with good looks can boost their attractiveness to women by other means. It’s not the distance between his eyes or the shape of his cheekbones but the nebulous interaction between his face, clothes, body language and the words coming out of his mouth.

It is a persistent human failing to project our own psychological profile onto the other sex (and other race). Who among us can truly put themselves in another person’s shoes? Women may be the more empathetic sex, but their blindspots with regard to male attractiveness standards are as glaring as men’s blindspots to the things that turn on women.


My undercover female source who brought me these pics informed me that she was *not* being sarcastic in pointing up the caliber of pussy that hipster dandies score. In her words:

just reading now…i think they are highly attractive and i envy them (and their careers as artists ie private school girl roots) disgustingly! […] i found the girl picking her nose whilst in pearls…cute, in a subversive kind of way. i dream of such clean dark eyeliner application skills, and the gall to don raccoon ear flaps like you’re tina turner in mad max when it’s actually the annex, toronto. of course i think they’re self-indulgent idiots, but i would be too, given the chance.

So to clear the air, she is not deducting points for nose-picking or hideous fashion. Which makes her quite unique among women as a judge of female beauty. But then, the kind of people in my orbit are unique. That’s how I roll.


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